One for the ladies

[dubai_phil]

look lads I know already ok, but it was sent to me by a chick and from that perspective it is 1) a useful insight into how their minds work and 2) some are actually funneh

So without further ado, hope it comes out as a copy paste from an email!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

All those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ....Laxatives .... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ......... You can't believe a word they say.

7.. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like .......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[bridge too far]

Well I lolled

 

And here's another one - old but true:

 

Men are like clay - and women make mugs out of them.

 

But I love you all really

[Saint Martini]

My gf appreciated it.

[Junction 9]

I thought Dubai Phil was a man.

[Pip87]

Nine words women use...

 

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are

right and you need to shut up.

 

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more

minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,

and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing

usually end in fine.

 

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement

often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an

idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing

with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a w omen

can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard

before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say

you're welcome.

 

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F..... YOU!

 

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning

this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but

is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's

wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

[dubai_phil]

I thought Dubai Phil was a man.

 

 

Of course.

 

However in the unending war of the sexes, I felt that this was probably some of the most useful "undercover" information gleaned to help us to emerge victorious!

[Pip87]

Just thought i'd post this link as it came up this morning:

 

http://style.uk.msn.com/fashionandbeauty/whatshot/article.aspx?cp-documentid=10938179

[Crouchie's Lawyer]

Just thought i'd post this link as it came up this morning:

 

http://style.uk.msn.com/fashionandbeauty/whatshot/article.aspx?cp-documentid=10938179

 

Why are women so bloody complicated and different?

 

Im pretty sure you would struggle to get a list of 3 things to not say to a bloke and even then those three would be met with 'meh' by most of us!

[Pip87]

Why are women so bloody complicated and different?

 

Im pretty sure you would struggle to get a list of 3 things to not say to a bloke and even then those three would be met with 'meh' by most of us!

 

You say that publically but in private you're all totally different! :smt042

[JohnnyFartPants]

Nine words women use...

 

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are

right and you need to shut up.

 

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more

minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,

and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing

usually end in fine.

 

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement

often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an

idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing

with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a w omen

can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard

before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say

you're welcome.

 

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F..... YOU!

 

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning

this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but

is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's

wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

 

Sadly, the two highlighted words speak volumes, the poor deluded fools.