CabbageFace Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 (edited) A certain crime is punishable if attempted but not punishable if committed. What is it? Suicide - Pancack What goes around the world but stays in a corner? A stamp - Jfp What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries? A towell - Pancack I’m the part of the bird that’s not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I? Edited 14 November, 2008 by CabbageFace
Colinjb Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 1) Suicide 3) A Towell Damn you Pancake!!!!!!
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball. What am I?
Master Bates Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball. What am I? Tomorrow?
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many pears in a barrel of apples?
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many pears in a barrel of apples? Apples? Got to be pi(e)
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I?
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?
Jillyanne Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I? A Gremlin.
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A man lives in a house with four walls. Each wall has a window. Each window has a southern exposure. A bear walks by. What colour is the bear?
CabbageFace Posted 14 November, 2008 Author Posted 14 November, 2008 The Pope has it but he does not use it. Your father has it but your mother uses it. Nuns do not need it. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox’s is quite small. What is it? A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender reaches under the bar and brings out a gun and aims it at the man. The man says thank you and leaves. What happened?
Poshie72 Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it? A coffin Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I? Fire
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A man lives in a house with four walls. Each wall has a window. Each window has a southern exposure. A bear walks by. What colour is the bear? White, polar bear.
Poshie72 Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender reaches under the bar and brings out a gun and aims it at the man. The man says thank you and leaves. What happened? The man had the hiccups and wanted a glass of water to help get rid of them. The bartender could hear the hiccups when the man spoke, so he brought the gun out to scare the hiccups away. It worked and the man thanked him and left, no longer needing the glass of water.
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender reaches under the bar and brings out a gun and aims it at the man. The man says thank you and leaves. What happened? he had the hiccoughs
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 White, polar bear. Yes, but explain!!
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Brothers and sisters have I none but this man's father is my fathers son. Who is it?
Jillyanne Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 The man had the hiccups and wanted a glass of water to help get rid of them. The bartender could hear the hiccups when the man spoke, so he brought the gun out to scare the hiccups away. It worked and the man thanked him and left, no longer needing the glass of water. Cheat - obvious cut & paste!
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Yes, but explain!! The house as at the (magnetic) North Pole.
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Brothers and sisters have I none but this man's father is my fathers son. Who is it? Jesus/God/Holy Spirit?
Hatch Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 The Pope has it but he does not use it. Your father has it but your mother uses it. Nuns do not need it. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox’s is quite small. What is it? ? surname
Jillyanne Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where? Dictionary.
Scummer Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Brothers and sisters have I none but this man's father is my fathers son. Who is it? You.
CabbageFace Posted 14 November, 2008 Author Posted 14 November, 2008 surname congrats You have two coins, they both add up too 11p, one of them is not a 1p, what coins do you have?
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Here is one. If you know it, please dont ruin it for those who dont... Mike, Tim, and Sam were caught stealing so the King sent them to the dungeon. But the king decided to give them a chance. He made them stand in a line and put hats on their heads. He told them that if they answer a riddle, they could go free. Here is the riddle: Each of you has a hat on your head. You do not know the color of the hat on your own head. If one of you can guess the color of the hat on your head, I will let you free. But before you answer, you must keep standing in this line. You cannot turn around. Here are my only hints: There are only black hats and white hats. At least one hat is black. At least one hat is white. Mike couldn’t see any hats. Tim could see Mike’s hat but not his own. Sam could see Mike’s hat and Tim’s hat but not his own. After one minute, nobody had solved the riddle. But then a short while later, one of them solved the riddle. Who was it and how did he know?
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 congrats You have two coins, they both add up too 11p, one of them is not a 1p, what coins do you have? A 10p and 1p, the 10p is the one coin that isnt a 1p
JohnnyFartPants Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 You. It is indeed, and also used in a very old but funny joke.
Pancake Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 Here is one. If you know it, please dont ruin it for those who dont... Mike, Tim, and Sam were caught stealing so the King sent them to the dungeon. But the king decided to give them a chance. He made them stand in a line and put hats on their heads. He told them that if they answer a riddle, they could go free. Here is the riddle: Each of you has a hat on your head. You do not know the color of the hat on your own head. If one of you can guess the color of the hat on your head, I will let you free. But before you answer, you must keep standing in this line. You cannot turn around. Here are my only hints: There are only black hats and white hats. At least one hat is black. At least one hat is white. Mike couldn’t see any hats. Tim could see Mike’s hat but not his own. Sam could see Mike’s hat and Tim’s hat but not his own. After one minute, nobody had solved the riddle. But then a short while later, one of them solved the riddle. Who was it and how did he know? After the wait, Tim assume that Sam was not sure as he Sam could see one of each colour, and as Tim could see Mikes Black hat, Tim knew he had a White one. He shouted White.
Poshie72 Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years?
Scummer Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years? The letter M?
Scummer Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A 10p and 1p, the 10p is the one coin that isnt a 1p Quality episode of scrubs.
Scudamore Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 A drunken Scudamore falls over in his room whilst trying to get undressed and cracks his head on the wall. But no one is there to see it. Is it still funny?
Poshie72 Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 The letter M? correct Joe bets Tony £100 that he can predict the score of the football game before it starts. Tony agrees, but loses the bet. Why did Tony lose the bet?
Scummer Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 correct Joe bets Tony £100 that he can predict the score of the football game before it starts. Tony agrees, but loses the bet. Why did Tony lose the bet? Because Joe predicted the right score?
EastleighSoulBoy Posted 14 November, 2008 Posted 14 November, 2008 I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball. What am I? Rupert Lowe . . . err . . SuomeDunce told me.
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