Gooner Roast

[Cincy USA]

An American friend of mine - and a huge Ar$enal fan - is unaware that his missus is throwing him a surprise 40th birthday party later this month with hundreds of guests.

 

There are plans to roast him - not literally of course, I can't imagine any Gooner is palatable - and I have been asked to stand up at the podium and specifically crack jokes (mostly in the worst possible taste) about Ar$enal.

 

Given that football humour is - AFAIAC - the best humour, I'm wondering if anybody here has any sure-fire crackers I can slam him with?

 

Your contribution is much appreciated

[Colinjb]

As a suppliment to this we were going to gift your wife an Arsenal bra. A tribute to the immediate history of the team, it's a revolutionary design that features plenty of support but no cups.

[skintsaint]

I'd 8-2 be in your shoes standing at the podium cracking jokes.

[Yate Saint]

Arsene Wenger was coming tonight but he has decided to go to to a referee moaning convention in Geneva instead, so he sends his best wishes but hopes you haven't spent too much money on the party to ensure that it is mediocre at best.

[Glasgow_Saint]

Why do Arsenal men like smart women ??

Opposites attract.

 

Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?

So blind people could laugh at them too!

[scotty]

You could start the speech by saying "as soon as I was asked to do this I realised that I only speak English. So I'm safe from litigation by any of the Arsenal staff."

[Deano6]

I heard he regularly takes her up the Arse...nal.

[LVSaint]

I heard he regularly takes her up the Arse...nal.

 

As many guests as possible gather round his missus, chanting and pointing at her declaring "Does he take you up the arse?" until she starts crying. Mwarrr haha!

[Cincy USA]

Thanks for the gags - added/amended a couple of these for use this weekend. If there's any more out there, let's 'ave 'em

[SNSUN]

Surely there's a Southampton Academy joke in there somewhere...

[Cincy USA]

Oh yes, something along the lines of Arsenal being little more than "Southampton Lite"