Man United away by Narrowboat. By hamster

[hamster]

I am this week blogging my narrowboaters guide to attending the away supporters guide to watching your team play At Old Trafford.

 

This is based on a journey plan starting 7 days before a match. And is applicable to any other teams visit. For the purposes of clarification I am a Saints supporter and this a genuine guide.

 

We started our journey on Saturday - - Day 1

 

 

Picked up Morpheus aim the Trent and Mersey. Heart of The Potteries.

 

Busy little.city. Not seen any Stoke shirts. People Very nice. May stay here again for our game at The Britannia.

 

Dont laugh but a genuinely good Toby Carvey. If you've got kids or simply want a few jars of real ale and sod the washing up. Best view from a smoking area ever. Great if you also want to walk your dogs. Just nice for a romantic evening hand in hand stroll. Very photogenic for you photographers out there.

 

Bursting with history.

[hamster]

This is the recommended moorings. CCTV. Best to unload car here then move car to secure car park.

 

Black Prince Yard directly opposite pub. Park for free and enjoy worry free boating on a decent maintained boat. Recommended company.

 

http://www.tobycarvery.co.uk/festivalparkstokeontrent/

 

 

Get all your weeks supplies at the local shops. There a an excellent canal side butchers just 1/2mile away and get those cameras ready.

 

Make sure the batteries are charged.

Note: later in our journey we go crocodile hunting. I **** you not.

 

Anyway, enjoy a good nights kip and don't set the alarm. Lazy cruise tomorrow, a chance to get used to your boat and get used to living in a giant steel pencil case.

 

Dont rush and most importantly DO NOT TAKE ANY RISKS.

 

Appoint a captain. Seriously, someone needs to in charge. Have a laugh deciding, don't argue as this is a serious decision.

 

Nominate a map reader, this is not a job for a woman.

 

The captain is not necessarily the helmsman. A new helmsman should never be left on their own.

Edited 15 May, 2012 by hamster

[hamster]

As you can tell, I am the Captain on this Narrowboat. My crew are sleeping; they have fed and watered me and have kept me entertained.

 

Reward your crew. You do not want a mutiny. And keep the rum rations flowing as a drunken sailor is a happy sailor. Ask Pompey fans, they is not very happy sailors at the moment though. Poor things.

 

By the way, any Pompey fans reading this. You can follow this guide if you get Man Utr in a cup. I wish you and your club the best of luck in the future.

[hamster]

Day 2 started like this:

Woke up slowly at half seven. Made a cuppa for me and mrs hamster. Went back to bed.

Woken at 10 by mrs hamster carrying a sausage sandwich and another cuppa. Does life get any better than this?

 

Checked the boat over.

Kettle on.

Everyone been to the toilet.

Do you know the Boatmans Knot? Only one you'll need, learn it now , a very easy and omni use knot.

Untie ropes

Push the front end (bow) out gently

step on the back (stern) and we are away.

 

Wheres that tea for the Helmsman?

[hamster]

No beer whilst your moving. Applies to helmsman, captain and map reader. You three will have your flaggon of ale this evening.

First you must let this boat know who's boss. Bots are female, remember that guys. I will say no more on the subject apart from, if you have women onboard now would be a sensible time to tell them what time you want your lunchtime sandwich and what time to have dinner ready.

 

Oh and while we're at it, where's that cuppa?

[hamster]

After about 2 miles (1/2 hour) you'll come to the Harecastle Tunnel. There's a 1 in 1 out rule here, manged by BW staff. They explain everything and will answer any questions you have. I'd advise only 1 person on the stern in a tunnel and 1 person holding a torch (turned off) at the helmsmans feet. No cooking and expect a few bumps. Absolutely no rush. Wear a warm jacket or pully and a brimmed hat.

 

Come out the other end after half an hour (feels like forever) into to glorious shadowy tree lined cutting.

 

Let your eyes adjust and were off again.

 

Anyone for a cuppa?

[hamster]

Round a couple of bends and woaahhh. We're turning left onto the Macclesfield Canal. This is gonna be. A lovely day. Hard work from everyone and we take sharp right then another sharp right and.... Breathe. That's the toughest manoeuvre you'll have to make on this journey. Just approach it slowly and no wine will be spilt.

 

On the subject of drinks. "Girls"

[hamster]

A couple of hours Getting acquainted with the scenery, bear in mind that if something attracts your gaze for more than 1 second the boat will have changed course when you look ahead again. Try not to panic, just maintain forward motion adjusting the tiller (a bit like steering into a skid on ice but much slower) and as soon as the boat starts to correct itself ease the morse control (throttle) into reverse. You'll probably still hit the bank or whatever obstacle has jumped out in front of you but at least you'll bounce off in a more smooth line that hitting head on.

 

Eventually we reach a series of 12 locks, The Bosley Flight. All hands on deck, ensure you know how these contraptions work and get cracking. You should be able to do the flight in around 3 hours.

 

Note: do not be tempted to stop at Congleton en-route. Nothing to see here.

 

Once through put all the wind lasses away and gt a brew on. We have about 1 hour before we moor up for the night at bridge 49. Just before the swingbridge and across the road from the fantastic pub, Fools Nook.

 

 

Enjoy a good nights, well earned sleep.

[saintscottofthenortham]

Cool story bro.

[hamster]

Cheers Saintscott.

 

Now then, that first days cruise was a long one, you won't be cruising that many hours again. You will however have a long second days cruise if you encounter the dry pounds that we did the following day!

 

Set off after a hearty fry up. Worth pointing out that any veggies may succumb to the temptation of bacon as an alternative to tofu once they realise just how puny your muesli and quiche has made you. It's NOT natural to be a veggie as humans are designed to work, rest and play on a daily minimum meat intake or for people from poor areas like Portsmouth their allowance of meat derivative. Mars were barred from using that slogan due to a Mars bar not containing the pre-requisite animal flesh to constitute a normal persons daily ration. Bacon meets the minimum requirement btw so get that frying pan on the hob.

 

We attempted mooring at Macclesfield. Attempted being the operative word. Morpheus is a heavy boat due to size and mod cons; bath, washing machine, proper fridge ( and seperate freezer) and other home comforts. She has quite a large draft. No luck mooring so a joint decision to proceed to next pub/bridge. Attempted to get moving but lack of response from rudder pointed to a fouled prop. Spot on diagnosis, a 2 metre square of builders poly sheet wrapped tightly around requiring the help of my mate Stanley. After cutting it free, including a length of darned fishing line we head for Marple. I do actually like fishermen being one myself.

 

A note to Pomey supporters. This is a recommended away route to Macclesfield for when you play them. Just don't forget to moor up before you get there and walk the last bit. See, I do care about you.

 

Ill cover the arduous task of descending the Marple Flight later. Too many little 'events' to cover right now. There is a can of Guinness below deck with my name on it. Later ditch rats.

Edited 17 May, 2012 by hamster

[Torres]

Did hamster sink and drown?

[hamster]

Nope, forgot I'd left this unfished. Will make amends soon.

[suewhistle]

Are you going to change the destination to 'Citeh? That rain should have helped the dry pounds...

[Dog]

hamster, when are you docking at Fenny next? I want to come and molest your wife.

[LVSaint]

Great read Hamster. Am hoping for a couple of dry days (like fook) on my parents' boat in August.