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Bearsy Investigates: Gay Cultures


Bearsy
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As one of the intellectual heavyweights of Muppet Show forums the mods have asked me to try and introduce more high-brow and serious postings and thought provoking debatings!

 

For my first time i have decided to investigate about gays! I have big interest in being gay but cos i don't have any close gay friends i haven't been able to investigate the situation to date - when i meets a gay person it seems a bit rude to start off asking them all personal questions and stuff. Anyways i met Big John (BJ for his friends!) on here yesterday and he said he was gays so i'm hoping that he will help with my investigations and then the wider Muppet Show community in general can gain great understandings of gay situations and also for the benefit of mankind! Also there is probably lots of other gays on here and they can help too! If they is closet they can just post saying "my friend said" or something.

 

I was gonna start off with gentle matters like which of the players is most hottest to gays, but there is an elephant in the room and to draw in bigger audiences and increase web hits we is gonna start with anal sex!

This is the first investigations: When you is a gay and you has a boyfriend, how does it work on who is the front and who is the back? I mean does you take it in turns, or is it like there is some gays what only like to give and some gays what only like to receives?

 

Disclaimers: This is serious threads and not for abuses. If you is homphobe you is not allowed to post and you must just read cos through educations comes amendments!

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I was gonna start off with gentle matters like which of the players is most hottest to gays, but there is an elephant in the room and to draw in bigger audiences and increase web hits we is gonna start with anal sex!

This is the first investigations: When you is a gay and you has a boyfriend, how does it work on who is the front and who is the back? I mean does you take it in turns, or is it like there is some gays what only like to give and some gays what only like to receives?

 

Disclaimers: This is serious threads and not for abuses. If you is homphobe you is not allowed to post and you must just read cos through educations comes amendments!

 

I think this point is best answered in a Ph D thesis attributed to the well known Caledonian pair of the gender challenged, Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.If that doesn't suffice for your study then there is an excellent passage on the subject in Hubert Selby Jnr's work "Last Exit to Brooklyn" where many myths are dispelled...or not.

Edited by Window Cleaner
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Dat is interesting Hatch! So does u have to find boyfriends who are quite happy to receive and not bothered if they never get to be the back end? Does you still have to give them hands or orals, or is it while u is giving them from behinds they is tugging themselves off?

 

Perhaps on this thread we might be able to find you boyfriends! It can be also like dating threads!

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I think this point is best answered in a Ph D thesis attributed to the well known Caledonian pair of the gender challenged, Ben Doon and Phil McCavity.If that doesn't suffice for your study then there is an excellent passage on the subject in Hubert Selby Jnr's work "Last Exit to Brooklyn" where many myths are dispelled...or not.

 

I don't want to have to read an actual book Windows! Can you give me a blow-by-blow please!

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I don't want to have to read an actual book Windows! Can you give me a blow-by-blow please!

 

Oh come on Bearsy are you trying to tell me that you were the only adolescent who didn't read the dog eared copy of LETB

that got passed around in the school bike sheds and on the school bus.Even our little ginger haired neighbour girl with a posh mum

read it.

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No we had internets! Is it hot i might check it out! Also the little ginger haired neighbour is she hot? Also the mum!

 

In the order then

 

Certainly is, disgusting,violent and an absolute must to read.It's where most of us found out about homosexual behaviour,gang bangs and the slums of New York.

 

Yes she was,that book certainly broadened her horizons aged 14 and gave her a whole new repertoire in the garden shed.

NB: remembered her name and looked her up,quite famous actually,might Facebook her..see if her hand jobs are still as good.

Thanks Bearsy :D:D:D:D

 

A real MILF.

Edited by Window Cleaner
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no but there's a scene between the woman with the White Swan image and the other one who you'd imagine was more of a Black Swan type (of course in the Ballet they're both danced by the same ballerina as a rule)

 

Did the black swan type have a strap on or use any other tools that do the same job ?

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As one of the intellectual heavyweights of Muppet Show forums the mods have asked me to try and introduce more high-brow and serious postings and thought provoking debatings!

 

For my first time i have decided to investigate about gays! I have big interest in being gay but cos i don't have any close gay friends i haven't been able to investigate the situation to date - when i meets a gay person it seems a bit rude to start off asking them all personal questions and stuff. Anyways i met Big John (BJ for his friends!) on here yesterday and he said he was gays so i'm hoping that he will help with my investigations and then the wider Muppet Show community in general can gain great understandings of gay situations and also for the benefit of mankind! Also there is probably lots of other gays on here and they can help too! If they is closet they can just post saying "my friend said" or something.

 

I was gonna start off with gentle matters like which of the players is most hottest to gays, but there is an elephant in the room and to draw in bigger audiences and increase web hits we is gonna start with anal sex!

This is the first investigations: When you is a gay and you has a boyfriend, how does it work on who is the front and who is the back? I mean does you take it in turns, or is it like there is some gays what only like to give and some gays what only like to receives?

 

Disclaimers: This is serious threads and not for abuses. If you is homphobe you is not allowed to post and you must just read cos through educations comes amendments!

 

faceplam.

 

where to begin.....

 

i don't think i have ever said that i am an actual practising homosexual mr grissly.

 

as in your world there are many terms for the sex act and i would assume that the gay scene is no different as there are lots of euphamisms for the participants, the positions and the act of doing it, you know what.

 

i'm a bit long in the tooth to know what the current trends are but i can tell you that many years ago i had 'a friend' (is that how you like it?) who told me that when going on the tube he would travel in the last carriage and display either a brown or a red hankerchief from his shirt or jacket pocket depending on what persuasion partner he was trying to attract on that particular day. i believe that in those days as it is today just wanting sex did not mean that tou would do it with just anyone, people have standards and it is the media that used to present homosexuals as dirty. lesbians have always had it easier on that front.

 

please don't call me bj aswell, its not really funny, big or clever now is it.

 

in a long term relationship i would imagine that over the years the physical side lessens whichever gender or persuasion someone is, this is accompanied by lovemaking becoming something very special and tender. i am sorry that at you young age you are not satisfied with your lot as you will probably carry this angst into your older years and it is not unknown for people in similar circumstances to grow into a sexual deviant, this is my understanding and not a fact.

 

have you considered that you might be trying too hard? stand in any bar or meeting place bearsy and you can observe the people trying too hard and they attract ridicule from strangers and their friends, do you ever turn round to find your friends laughing and they won't share the joke with you?

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Sorry john i wasn't trying to cause offences! I can be a bit irreverent in my postings though i know - it's nice of you to give serious answers and advices though!

 

I thought you was gay cos you refered to me as "you heteros"! I do get mixed up sometimes tho. I wonder what they do with the hankerchiefs nowadays - seems to me carrying a hankerchief of any colour would be a good signal now cos you just don't see them no more!

 

I get what ur saying about sex is not just sporting, i guess that's just partly generation gap and partly my sex postings have some bravado - I do sometimes have real feelings and stuff - jury's still out whether I'm gonna be sexual deviant though!

 

I like to think the peoples is laughing with me rather than at me!

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I have big interest in being gay but cos i don't have any close gay friends i haven't been able to investigate the situation to date

 

You just need to get to know your friends better. Ever wondered why they want you as their friend? ;)

 

First post in muppet show for a few years I think!

Edited by Ohio Saint
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First post in muppet show for a few years I think!

 

It is interesting I've done loads of threads about straight sex and no Ohio Saints to be seen, then I done one on Gay sex and straight aways Hamster sent me a pm saying "you know who's going to be all over this thread about gays Bearsy, it'll be that Ohio Saint character. Mark my words," Hamster said and by gosh he was right!

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I think the colour of the hankie had a significance but never got to the bottom of it.

 

Is clever when you think about it, cos afters they can use the hankys for mopping up. It's practical.

 

I'm going to do the same if i ever have blind dates i is going to suggest we is both got condoms and lube pinned to our lapels. They can serve dual purposes of identifying us to each other and then for actual uses in the bonings. Except the condoms be no use if I've pinned it to my lapels. I didn't think this through!

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I think this thread has been very successful! I am very impressed with the level of debates and informed opinions that have come forward and a lot of the content of this thread would not be out of place on Newsnight with Jeremy Paxton or Prime Ministers Question Time. I think it's safe to say we've all learned a little bit about Gay Cultures, and the world will be petter places because of it!

 

Now it is time to open the debate up a bit! Some of you may be surprised to learn that there is more to being gay than having anal sex with men. Truly there is! One thing that gets my goat big style is all the myths and supposed sciencetific facts that surround Gay Cultures.

 

Investigations #2: Busting the myth that "Every tenth person is a gay"

 

You are probably all familiar with this supposed sciencetific fact, but i consider it a very dangerous generalisation. For example, I have checked the Saints squad list and the found that the tenth person is Guly. Consequently many people assume he is gay. This is why he gets so much abuses at St. Mary's from homophobes.

 

BUT IS IT TRUE????

 

I don't know frankly, but we will find out through application of sciences! Has anyone here ever had anal sex with Gulys? Or straight sex with Guly. This will be our first indicator if so please post evidences below. Because we is being sciencetific we will probably need photos or videos evidences.

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I think this thread has been very successful! I am very impressed with the level of debates and informed opinions that have come forward and a lot of the content of this thread would not be out of place on Newsnight with Jeremy Paxton or Prime Ministers Question Time. I think it's safe to say we've all learned a little bit about Gay Cultures, and the world will be petter places because of it!

 

Now it is time to open the debate up a bit! Some of you may be surprised to learn that there is more to being gay than having anal sex with men. Truly there is! One thing that gets my goat big style is all the myths and supposed sciencetific facts that surround Gay Cultures.

 

Investigations #2: Busting the myth that "Every tenth person is a gay"

 

You are probably all familiar with this supposed sciencetific fact, but i consider it a very dangerous generalisation. For example, I have checked the Saints squad list and the found that the tenth person is Guly. Consequently many people assume he is gay. This is why he gets so much abuses at St. Mary's from homophobes.

 

BUT IS IT TRUE????

 

I don't know frankly, but we will find out through application of sciences! Has anyone here ever had anal sex with Gulys? Or straight sex with Guly. This will be our first indicator if so please post evidences below. Because we is being sciencetific we will probably need photos or videos evidences.

 

Guly is number 10 but as there is no number 5 that kinda makes him 9th on the list. 10th surely falls on Billy Sharp.

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Hmmm so what happens if we sign a centre back? Guly has to give his wife back to Billy or something and thern turn gays himself?

 

That doesn't sound right. Is anyone here scientists and can explain?

 

Human beings are very adaptable and sexuality is a 'fluid' concept in this modern day and age. I'm sure the wife/lover swap would work with a minimum of dressing room fuss.

 

P.S. As a holder of an A level in an 'Ology' I am more qualified to talk then 3.45% of all board members.

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It is interesting I've done loads of threads about straight sex and no Ohio Saints to be seen, then I done one on Gay sex and straight aways Hamster sent me a pm saying "you know who's going to be all over this thread about gays Bearsy, it'll be that Ohio Saint character. Mark my words," Hamster said and by gosh he was right!

 

It's like I said, If I were gay i would be fabulous!! I guess I just like causes. :)

 

Actually, it's the first time I've even LOOKED at the muppet show for a few years. That would be the better explanation. :)

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It's like I said, If I were gay i would be fabulous!! I guess I just like causes. :)

 

Actually, it's the first time I've even LOOKED at the muppet show for a few years. That would be the better explanation. :)[/quote

 

apparently Obama now favours gay marriages.He'll do and say anything to get an extra vote or two,wouldn't be surprised if he made being gay obligatory if he's trailing in the opinion polls

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It's like I said, If I were gay i would be fabulous!! I guess I just like causes. :)

 

Actually, it's the first time I've even LOOKED at the muppet show for a few years. That would be the better explanation. :)[/quote

 

apparently Obama now favours gay marriages.He'll do and say anything to get an extra vote or two,wouldn't be surprised if he made being gay obligatory if he's trailing in the opinion polls

 

A bold step if that would only carry favour with 1 in 10....

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wouldn't be surprised if he made being gay obligatory if he's trailing in the opinion polls

 

i did read that in olden days doing gay sex was illegal whereas doing straight sex was cool except for in one country, i can't remember which, they had it the other way round and it was only legal to be gays. I'm not sure how i would feel if they brought that law back over here. If it was only legal to be gays would you all just be gays no problem, or would you just carry on being straights and get sent to jails and put on Sex Offenders Register and stuff?

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A bold step if that would only carry favour with 1 in 10....

 

1 in 10 might be the barometer for the rest of the world but stateside,well you've gotta be looking at 1 in 3 or 4 haven't you.

Then you have to consider their electoral college system, win New york and California and you're in,so that's about 50% gays innit.

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i did read that in olden days doing gay sex was illegal whereas doing straight sex was cool except for in one country, i can't remember which, they had it the other way round and it was only legal to be gays. I'm not sure how i would feel if they brought that law back over here. If it was only legal to be gays would you all just be gays no problem, or would you just carry on being straights and get sent to jails and put on Sex Offenders Register and stuff?

 

You only have to read some of the early 20th century authors,all in Morocco or Algeria when they got bunged out of blighty for their sexual leanings.Tangier was the place,didn't belong to anyone and apparently is was a free for all do what you please and no-one will give a toss centre of the world.Replaced by Portsmouth in 1945 when Tangier returned to Morroccan rule.

Edited by Window Cleaner
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Actually, it's the first time I've even LOOKED at the muppet show for a few years.

 

In that case can you have a look back a couple of pages there's a thread called "My Bumhole Is All Itchy". I'm having a bit of a relapse situation and I'm thinking a bit of main board perspective might be useful additions!

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Homophobias ok, as long as it's humorous, is that what this is about?

 

Ah there I just couldn't say, I have merely promoted Last Exit to Brooklyn,Black Swan,commented on the US presidential contest and given a potted history of Tangier between the wars.All very relevant subjects I might add.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

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Possibly the most disturbing job I ever had to do was for an elderly gentleman in Maurys Lane, West Wellow, refined type of fellow, a university lecturer. He showed me to the item I was doing some maintenance work on, which had three calendars on the wall above it. Hardcore gay calendars to be precise, showing graphic photos of young chaps with massive erections, and I dont mean buildings. He then complimented me on my looks and asked whether I was single.

 

 

Didnt take long, that job, for some reason I flew through it. And when he asked for the bill I said "I'll post an invoice sir" microseconds before legging it.

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Ah there I just couldn't say, I have merely promoted Last Exit to Brooklyn,Black Swan,commented on the US presidential contest and given a potted history of Tangier between the wars.All very relevant subjects I might add.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

As long as Tangier has hit the radar, could I add William Burroughs' fine tome "Queer" to the list of suggested reading? In fact, anything he wrote would do.

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Homophobias ok, as long as it's humorous, is that what this is about?

 

Whoah! Where is you getting homophobias from! No-one is hating on the gays! We love the gays!

 

The underlying point to this thread, if there is an underlying point, is dat i'm genuinely interested in how gay relationships is different from straight relationships. It seems to me they've got a pretty sweet deal! I'm thinking that dudes is generally more up for casual sexes than girls, and also dat dudes are generally more interesting and funny than girls. If you was dating dudes you would have lots of shared interests and could discuss any problems you was having with your bumholes without embarassments, and you could talk together about footballs and drinkings. On the face of it seems really sweet deal!

 

I wish i was gays!

 

Dat said, I might have to be more carefuls when i start my next investigations on Blacks!

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Possibly the most disturbing job I ever had to do was for an elderly gentleman in Maurys Lane, West Wellow, refined type of fellow, a university lecturer. He showed me to the item I was doing some maintenance work on, which had three calendars on the wall above it. Hardcore gay calendars to be precise, showing graphic photos of young chaps with massive erections, and I dont mean buildings. He then complimented me on my looks and asked whether I was single.

 

 

Didnt take long, that job, for some reason I flew through it. And when he asked for the bill I said "I'll post an invoice sir" microseconds before legging it.

 

I'm a sucker for the old folks. I feel bad for them. When I see an old crippled type of bloke in the street i put extra enthusiasm and spring in my step to cheer him up, then i thinks he might be thinking i'm mocking him so i pretend to trips and then smile at him ruefully.

 

If i was in situations with lonely old gay man i would of probably sympathised and wanted to help. I would probably let him blow me.

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I'm a sucker for the old folks. I feel bad for them. When I see an old crippled type of bloke in the street i put extra enthusiasm and spring in my step to cheer him up, then i thinks he might be thinking i'm mocking him so i pretend to trips and then smile at him ruefully.

 

If i was in situations with lonely old gay man i would of probably sympathised and wanted to help. I would probably let him blow me.

 

I know, I'm a right heartless bastard me.

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Possibly the most disturbing job I ever had to do was for an elderly gentleman in Maurys Lane, West Wellow, refined type of fellow, a university lecturer. He showed me to the item I was doing some maintenance work on, which had three calendars on the wall above it. Hardcore gay calendars to be precise, showing graphic photos of young chaps with massive erections, and I dont mean buildings. He then complimented me on my looks and asked whether I was single.

 

 

Didnt take long, that job, for some reason I flew through it. And when he asked for the bill I said "I'll post an invoice sir" microseconds before legging it.

 

Did you have a **** when you got home?

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Bearsy, I knew a chap (funeral director funnily enough) who left his wife and young daughter for his male lover. It was not a good time for any party. Anyway, a few weeks later the new couple were in a supermarket (I would say Sainsbury's but it may have been Bejams) walking along the frozen food aisle discussing what to have for their dinner, his ex (or soon to be ex) came bounding up from behind them and siad 'how about a ****ing chicken' hitting said ex over the head with a frozen bird. It was an amusing anecdote when they recounted it and is 100% true.

 

It happened in Sittingbourne circa 1988, shortly after the Euro '88 tournament in West Germany.

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Perhaps I need to start looking at the muppet show again. It's way too easy read that carp in the other freds and think that EVERYONE on this forum is a bunch of egotistical prats with no sense of humour and hell bent on being simple plain wotsits.

 

Yeah, I think I should do that....try to guage some perspective.

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