Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 So I've been harassing this new girl what i want to bone but it's become apparent that she wants me to take her on an Actual Date before she lets me bone her! Seems dreadfully old fashioned like something out of a movie or whatever! I don't like the idea of it! I always thought dates was gay and i ain't been on what you'd call an Actual Date since i was like 14 and we went to the cinema and watched Harry Potter and then we went to MacDonald's and then she tugged me off at the train station. That was a pretty sweet date! thinking back, but i've got a feeling that it wouldn't really work with this chick. Besides, I've seen all the Harry Potter films now. What would be good ideas? I see in films they often go to restaurants but that seems boring if there's just like the two of us - we'd have to find things to talk about and stuff and I only really like talking about bonings and footballs and she don't like footballs, and i've learned that telling new girls about old girls you boned ain't the best situation for getting them to bone. Also I don't like the idea of spending all that money up front if she could then turn round and be like "no I'm going home now". She would have one up on me big-time! In the battle of sexes I would be Big Losers! I'm open for suggestions for dates what a) aren't gay, b) aren't borings, and c) guarantee bonings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Take her up the itching first prem game. It's 'the pictures' not cinema btw, hth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 That's like 3 months away d!ckwad! My balls will be swelled up like water melons! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 That was my 1000th post! Can't believe I wasted it calling Hamster a d!ckwad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Interesting way of asking for a slap bear breath. And you are right about not waiting 3 months, I'll find you before then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Oh i was only kidding Hamster i don't really think you is a d!ckwad! I just heard it on tv and was looking for an excuse to use it in everyday conversations! But that said if it's on it's ON. Bears beat Hamsters every time! No-one ever stuck a bear up their ass, at least not for pleasures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 That took a while to answer, why the big pause? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Tell me Hamster, you've been on dates right? Where did you go? Did you get bonings guaranteed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 I have no complaints balou. Incidentally, I did once take a young lady to the theatre and never actually made it to the theatre, if you get my drift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Tell her to come round yours and you'll cook, then tell her she's not allowed to eat until she bones you. If she's fat, you're in luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 My mate always used to take first dates to our local pub. It was called the Cock Inn. If they didn't get the hint there was no second date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry the Badger Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Surely if she's fat she wouldn't be demanding a date in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 I have no complaints balou. Incidentally, I did once take a young lady to the theatre and never actually made it to the theatre, if you get my drift. Oh yeah same thing happened to me one time! There was a gang of us going but i was busys so i said I'll meet you there. I'd only been to gigs before so though the ticket said like 7:30pm i figured they'd have the support acts and what not and then the main event would kick off like 9-9:30, so i turned up then and they wouldn't even let me in! Dude said it was nearly finished! Guess same thing happened to you. They should really make it more clear on the tickets! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terrypward Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Take her to the Common for a romantic in-car date Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 8 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Tell her to come round yours and you'll cook, then tell her she's not allowed to eat until she bones you. If she's fat, you're in luck. I offered to go round hers and eat what she cooks but apparently dat ain't allowed. I did see this tv show where the guy said he was taking her to restaurant but when they got there Oh No! The restaurant is closed! So they had to go back to his place and eat pizza and bone. Does anyone know any restaurants what are closed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 Take her to one circa 11pm on a Tuesday night. That should ensure pizza and boning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 8 May, 2012 Share Posted 8 May, 2012 "I'm open for suggestions for dates what a) aren't gay, b) aren't borings, and c) guarantee bonings!" Simply hire a female prostitute, take her wherever you feel like going, then have sex with her. Thats all the boxes checked, I think.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Try taking her to the casino & give her a little spending money to gamble with, that way she'll think she has to pay you back without feeling like a prozzy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orange Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Try taking her to the casino & give her a little spending money to gamble with, that way she'll think she has to pay you back without feeling like a prozzy. Fair shout. Ten pin bowling could break the ice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Get her to play Roofie Roulette. Not boring (i guess) and guaranteed to either get a **** or get ****ed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 9 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Clarifications! I see readings back there is a certain air of misogyny in my original postings which is probably whe peoples think i'd be interested in raping and prostitutes... but i'm really not that kind of bear! Ten pin bowling is also out cos it's gay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Ten pin bowling is also out cos it's gay! plus you presumably have claws instead of fingers. You'd be useless at it. ps- !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibden Purlieu Saint Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 I have no complaints balou. Incidentally, I did once take a young lady to the theatre and never actually made it to the theatre, if you get my drift. I get your drift. You picked her up, raped her, slit her throat and then dumped her body. Very cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Fair shout. Ten pin bowling could break the ice? Ten pin bowling will also give your fingers a nice little warm up what with the holes n all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Ten pin bowling will also give your fingers a nice little warm up what with the holes n all. It'll also give him the chance to get inside a warm pre-used sweaty slipper type thing that maybe too big, maybe too small, but may fit just right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Just go for drinks. Food will absorb the alcohol meaning she won't get as drunk and therefore less likely to bone you. Once she's had a few glasses of wine, challenge her to a couple of Tequila Slammers, she'll initially decline. This is when you make a few jokes at her expense about it, she'll then giggle away and agree to the Tequila. Then let nature take it's course... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 I'm assuming you got rid of your house mate then or are you hoping for a proper threesome? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hutch Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 I'm assuming you got rid of your house mate then or are you hoping for a proper threesome? Wow! 3 threads in 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 9 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Yeah he had a legit 3some with dat post! If he could have linked in my bumhole it would have been a genuine Bearsy 4-way! I evicted my unwanted guest like weeks ago. It's so sweet having my places to myself again! Like now if i'm watching tv and the bird on tv gives me boner i can extract my jumbo and pleasure myself without risk of her coming over all do you mind and telling peoples and stuff! Also there is lot more room in the bathroom cabinet to put my bum creams and medicines! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 Yeah he had a legit 3some with dat post! If he could have linked in my bumhole it would have been a genuine Bearsy 4-way! I evicted my unwanted guest like weeks ago. It's so sweet having my places to myself again! Like now if i'm watching tv and the bloke on tv gives me boner i can extract my wiener and pleasure myself without risk of her coming over all do you mind and telling peoples and stuff! Also there is lot more room in the bathroom cabinet to put my bum creams and medicines! edit. Keep it real, bearsy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 9 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 9 May, 2012 yeah ok split the difference, we'll go with chipolata! i don't want to get bogged down in the whole how big is Bearsy's chipolata situations - that debate is for another day. There is another dude sniffing round my boner - dat ain't right what's the word for the person what is the recipient of ur boner? - anyway there is nother dude sniffing round so i have to stake my claim asap. To be honest, reading back, there ain't a lot of good suggestions to be working with. I'm pretty sure she'll be expecting to get fed at nice restaurant so i might have to bite the bullet and arange dat in the absence of a more elligible plannings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 have you considered the 'does this drink taste funny to you?' approach ? and i will add that being gay can attract women who do not see you as a predator, but you sound like a predator so i'd give that a miss. i heard a horrible chat up line which went something l;ike. 'ive got a gun, lets not turn a sexual assault into a murder', you hetros are quite horrible at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 9 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 9 May, 2012 (edited) "Thanks for that BJ!" Dat's what I'm saying to Big John for his contribution above, and it's also what I'll be saying to dis girl Sat night after my Actual Date at a Real Life Restaurant! Hopefully anyways, there's still chance dat she won't put out afterwards. I was thinking of getting her to sign something but I'm not sure it would actually be legals? have you considered the 'does this drink taste funny to you?' approach ? and i will add that being gay can attract women who do not see you as a predator, but you sound like a predator so i'd give that a miss. i heard a horrible chat up line which went something l;ike. 'ive got a gun, lets not turn a sexual assault into a murder', you hetros are quite horrible at times. I always wished i was a gay, i imagine with gays casual sex is never off the table. If I was gay then I wouldn't have to go to a ****ing restaurant Sat night we could just cut straight to the bonings! Is that how it is tho, or am i victims of watching too much tv and picking up Stereotypes? Also BJ (is it cool to call you dat, i assume u picked the name for purposes?) I see I've been using gay as a adjective in this thread like it means "bad". I don't mean offences but does it cause any? I'll try to quit it if so! Which part of the stadiums do you sit in? Someone told me the Gay Saints "sit in the kingy" but I weren't sure if dat was euphamisms! Edited 9 May, 2012 by Bearsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 9 May, 2012 Share Posted 9 May, 2012 I have been mistaken for a gay man on a few occasions. I find it flattering Birds love it. Sometimes wander what it's like. Anyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 10 May, 2012 Share Posted 10 May, 2012 Was that you dressed as a woman on the last day of the season hamster? Don't live in denial old boy we're all open minded here, the closets a lonely place for men like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orange Posted 10 May, 2012 Share Posted 10 May, 2012 I have been mistaken for a gay man on a few occasions. I find it flattering Birds love it. Sometimes wander what it's like. Anyone else? You may be happy to have sleepovers whilst watching chick flicks, eating Ben and Jerry's, and having pillow fights. But Bearsy is looking to get his leg over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 12 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 12 May, 2012 im on actual dinner dates! she is gone for sh!t or something. she is seem to be thinking we is going for drinks after then dropping her homes! i dont think so! also she said about 3 date rule isdat as bad as it sounds? also im running out of polite dinner conversations is there anything happening in the world what i can talk about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MINIBARCELONASAINT Posted 12 May, 2012 Share Posted 12 May, 2012 im on actual dinner dates! she is gone for sh!t or something. she is seem to be thinking we is going for drinks after then dropping her homes! i dont think so! also she said about 3 date rule isdat as bad as it sounds? also im running out of polite dinner conversations is there anything happening in the world what i can talk about? Talk about what the greatest album of all time is! It is trending on The Twitter, so is probably hot gossip amongst the ladies. Good luck Bearsy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 12 May, 2012 Share Posted 12 May, 2012 Tell her what a great bgt final she missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 13 May, 2012 Share Posted 13 May, 2012 im on actual dinner dates! she is gone for sh!t or something. she is seem to be thinking we is going for drinks after then dropping her homes! i dont think so! also she said about 3 date rule isdat as bad as it sounds? also im running out of polite dinner conversations is there anything happening in the world what i can talk about? Remember, shouting 'surprise' beforehand is no excuse. Bon chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colehillsaint Posted 13 May, 2012 Share Posted 13 May, 2012 Nookie bear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suewhistle Posted 14 May, 2012 Share Posted 14 May, 2012 Crikey, what a thread, what a catch Bearsy must be or is he really Deppo back in disguise? That's like 3 months away d!ckwad! My balls will be swelled up like water melons! Oh for goodness sake, won't somebody go round and teach him how to ****? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 14 May, 2012 Hi Sue! Nice to have female perspectives though i'm investigating slight air of disapproval in your tones! My situations is that when i meet attractive girls the first thing i want to do is bone them! That is all i'm thinking about! I might pretend to be interested in the stuff what they're talking about and laughing at their dumb jokes but that's all Good Actings cos i can't really find myself genuinely liking them as persons when the entire core of my being is being all concentrated on bonings! I don't know if i'm faulty. I like to imagine that it's the same for all dudes. I'm not psychopath though once I've got the bonings out the way i'm sometimes interested in them as peoples and sometimes we are genuine friends and we like hang out and do other stuff than bonings. But i always need to do the bonings first. How is it for you? Do you mind speaking for womankind in general? When you first meet attractive man is you genuinely not thinking about bonings? Is you just thinking hmmm he might be quite sexually attractive but it's hard to tell before we've been on three dinner dates and once to the pictures? And is that real feelings or just what girls learn from watching too much tv? I took this girl on a date on Sat night but it was all just kiss and goodnight. She seems to think her 3 date rule is some moral imperative while i'm thinking it's just arbitary load of nonsense. I can't be bothered with it frankly. There's no way we're going out again. She keeps sending me text messages but at the moment she's getting the old blank hahaha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 14 May, 2012 Share Posted 14 May, 2012 Bearsy, go out on the pish in Cardiff (or anywhere in taffy land come to think of it), dem chicks just luuuuuvvvvv the cock!!!! Preferably where a wedding ring cos they know there wont be any long term commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 14 May, 2012 Talk about what the greatest album of all time is! It is trending on The Twitter, so is probably hot gossip amongst the ladies. Good luck Bearsy! Thanks for dat btw! Did come in handy! She was like all interested in talking bout dat and she was like going on about things like Usher and f**cking Plan B and I was like Oh yeah I think they is really good too but dat was all lies i think they is sh!t! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 14 May, 2012 Bearsy, go out on the pish in Cardiff (or anywhere in taffy land come to think of it), dem chicks just luuuuuvvvvv the cock!!!! Preferably where a wedding ring cos they know there wont be any long term commitment. you know dat's probably tru i've seen it on tv - but to be honest, hypocritical as it sounds - i don't like slags! I like it when they seems kind of respectable and not the sort of girl who'd usually do this kind of thing, and i like to pretend they is just making exceptions cos i is big studs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 15 May, 2012 Share Posted 15 May, 2012 Hearst, I scored today...twice mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 15 May, 2012 Share Posted 15 May, 2012 Masterbation doesn't count! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 15 May, 2012 Author Share Posted 15 May, 2012 Hearst, I scored today...twice mate. What's a hearst? Is dat like a spelling of a bearsy? I checked my keyboards and a h is near a b and a t is near a y. Is it cool if i call you Bamsted? Pleased to hear your good news though! Was it same bird both times? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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