Popping the question

[Thedelldays]

where did you do it...

did you do it in public...did you do it in private...or did you just check a box at her with a ring in it...?

 

 

did she say no..? anyone got any stories where they no of someone getting humiliated ?

[Turkish]

a guy i used to work with asked his missus 5 times before she said yes, the reason she said no 4 times was because she wasn't sure she could stay faithful to him, she told him this as well. An utter mug.

[Thedelldays]

a guy i used to work with asked his missus 5 times before she said yes, the reason she said no 4 times was because she wasn't sure she could stay faithful to him, she told him this as well. An utter mug.

if I ever ask a bird and she says no. that will be that

but to be told no 4 times..an for those reasons..he deserves to walk in on her getting smashed by his best mate

[sotonjoe]

where did you do it...

did you do it in public...did you do it in private...or did you just check a box at her with a ring in it...?

 

 

did she say no..? anyone got any stories where they no of someone getting humiliated ?

 

Could you marry your boyfriend on board the submarine you both serve on? That would be romantic.

[Thedelldays]

Could you marry your boyfriend on board the submarine you both serve on? That would be romantic.

and illegal

[dubai_phil]

It should be done properly.

 

Ask the father for his daughter's hand first. But tell them to keep it a secret.

 

Then (for perfection) try and engineer it somewhere Romantic (obviously) or Memorable/Unusual (difficult but fro eg On top of The Burj Khalifa here - future Son in Law's choice)

 

For the utmost in wow factor for the future, also try and engineer all of that in front of her closest friend(s) (who also must NOT know)

 

Trust me, that works a treat.

[bridge too far]

I would say it's a very private occasion and doesn't need to be a 'production' (lots of cringeworthy stuff on BBC news this morning). Then, if s/he says no, no-one else will be any the wiser.

 

But, these days, everyone seems to want it to be shared by the world. Why?

 

My SiL (w.e.f. next Friday) quietly proposed on Boxing Day, she said yes, and they shared the news with the family who were there for lunch. 'Twas lovely

[dubai_phil]

I would say it's a very private occasion and doesn't need to be a 'production' (lots of cringeworthy stuff on BBC news this morning). Then, if s/he says no, no-one else will be any the wiser.

 

But, these days, everyone seems to want it to be shared by the world. Why?

 

My SiL (w.e.f. next Friday) quietly proposed on Boxing Day, she said yes, and they shared the news with the family who were there for lunch. 'Twas lovely

 

Ah but that indicates a situation where you may not be certain about the outcome of asking the question.

 

In which case I'd opine that if you don't know what the answer ids before you ask, then something ain't quite right yet in the relationship.

 

Agree that it should NOT be a big production, wasn't advocating that, it just has to be the RIGHT production. Again, if you don't know what would make it extra special for her then why the hell are you still together?

[bridge too far]

Ah but that indicates a situation where you may not be certain about the outcome of asking the question.

 

In which case I'd opine that if you don't know what the answer ids before you ask, then something ain't quite right yet in the relationship.

 

Agree that it should NOT be a big production, wasn't advocating that, it just has to be the RIGHT production. Again, if you don't know what would make it extra special for her then why the hell are you still together?

 

It WAS the right production for them. My daughter and SiL to be are not the sort of people who need to make a fuss about anything. They're quiet people who focus on their relationship and don't feel the need to make statements. Their wedding will be quiet (no themes, no colour co-ordination stuff), no real formality apart from the church service (and they're regular church goers, and not just sudden 'converts' lol). It was, and will be, special to both of them and that's all that matters.

 

But each to their own eh?

[Turkish]

I would say it's a very private occasion and doesn't need to be a 'production' (lots of cringeworthy stuff on BBC news this morning). Then, if s/he says no, no-one else will be any the wiser.

 

But, these days, everyone seems to want it to be shared by the world. Why?

 

My SiL (w.e.f. next Friday) quietly proposed on Boxing Day, she said yes, and they shared the news with the family who were there for lunch. 'Twas lovely

 

 

Oh come on BTF we all know when Dubai Phil does ANYTHING the whole world needs to know about it.

[dubai_phil]

Oh come on BTF we all know when Dubai Phil does ANYTHING the whole world needs to know about it.

 

Was referring to my daughter's one actually old chap.

 

But it should still be done properly - Ask Dad first, That is just etiquette. FSiL did it all the right way, chose somewhere special while they were here on holiday here. Could have picked anywhere but as he said "With our jobs we're always going to posh restaurants and just needed to find something that wasn't associated with our normal day to day work lives that she would not see coming

 

Mine was well quiet and monster romantic

[bridge too far]

I'm not sure I understand the 'ask the Dad' bit TBH. When your daughters are adults and probably earning more than their fathers, it seems a bit insulting to ask a dad for permission to propose. Especially when the couple have been living together for an age. To me, it implies that the father 'owns' the daughter. Somewhat Victorian I'd venture to suggest.

[Turkish]

I'm not sure I understand the 'ask the Dad' bit TBH. When your daughters are adults and probably earning more than their fathers, it seems a bit insulting to ask a dad for permission to propose. Especially when the couple have been living together for an age. To me, it implies that the father 'owns' the daughter. Somewhat Victorian I'd venture to suggestB].

 

Utter rubbish. It's tradition and its politeness, courtesy and respect for the family. I fully agree with this and think it is correct.

[bridge too far]

Utter rubbish. It's tradition and its politeness, courtesy and respect for the family. I fully agree with this and think it is correct.

 

Bollix to tradition and as for politeness, courtesy and respect presumably a bloke should ask his own father if it's OK to get married and a girl should ask her future father-in-law if she can marry his son?

 

Utter tosh - reduces females to chattels. No-one is anyone's possession to 'give away' FFS

[dubai_phil]

Utter rubbish. It's tradition and its politeness, courtesy and respect for the family. I fully agree with this and think it is correct.

 

Totally. Not only that but you have to think of your entire future together. Everyone needs to be on the same side, it's FAMILY FFS.

 

Dad is supposed to pay the bill and according to the actual Wedding Service IS SUPPOSED TO GIVE HIS DAUGHTER AWAY.

 

It's one of the most momentous days in a Dad's life and that's "Victorian"

 

Jesus H, speechless

[Thedelldays]

Bollix to tradition and as for politeness, courtesy and respect presumably a bloke should ask his own father if it's OK to get married and a girl should ask her future father-in-law if she can marry his son?

 

Utter tosh - reduces females to chattels. No-one is anyone's possession to 'give away' FFS

girl power

[Turkish]

Bollix to tradition and as for politeness, courtesy and respect presumably a bloke should ask his own father if it's OK to get married and a girl should ask her future father-in-law if she can marry his son?

 

Utter tosh - reduces females to chattels. No-one is anyone's possession to 'give away' FFS

 

"Bollix to tradition" brilliant!! Forget Politeness and courtesy! Youre hilarious!! Presumably your daughter didn't have anyone give her away on her wedding day? That would be too victorian wouldn't it! Its not a case of giving a way a possession, it's asking her fathers approval for the wedding and to marry his daughter, to be welcome into the family.

 

You really do try be hard to be a cool, modern parent and gran don't you bless you.

[bridge too far]

girl power

 

Hmm not exactly girl power. More like respecting each party to the marriage as equal individuals, I'd say.

[Lighthouse]

Bollix to tradition and as for politeness, courtesy and respect presumably a bloke should ask his own father if it's OK to get married and a girl should ask her future father-in-law if she can marry his son?

 

Utter tosh - reduces females to chattels. No-one is anyone's possession to 'give away' FFS

 

Isn't the entire wedding ceremony just riddled with unnescessary tradition, pomp and hypocrisy anyway?

 

A great big church service - For people who most likely don't believe in God or religion anyway.

A big white dress - For a woman who is almost certainly not a virgin.

 

If it was just about being married, the two of you would just turn up and a registry office and sign a couple of forms.

[bridge too far]

"Bollix to tradition" brilliant!! Forget Politeness and courtesy! Youre hilarious!! Presumably your daughter didn't have anyone give her away on her wedding day? That would be too victorian wouldn't it! Its not a case of giving a way a possession, it's asking her fathers approval for the wedding and to marry his daughter, to be welcome into the family.

 

You really do try be hard to be a cool, modern parent and gran don't you bless you.

 

Both daughters had fathers present at their weddings. My youngest daughter's father was too ill to cope with the 'giving away' bit but they didn't want that anyway. My eldest daughter will walk up the aisle with her father but that's it.

 

Nothing to do with ME wanting to be cool etc. It's her wedding and she and her husband-to-be made this decision themselves - nothing to do with me. Oh and I am funding the wedding to the same degree as her father. Maybe I should 'give her away'?

[Thedelldays]

BTF... did your kids even have a wedding......most of that day is just tradition

did you ask your hubby or did you wait for him to ask you..?...again, tradition

[dubai_phil]

Both daughters had fathers present at their weddings. My youngest daughter's father was too ill to cope with the 'giving away' bit but they didn't want that anyway. My eldest daughter will walk up the aisle with her father but that's it.

 

Nothing to do with ME wanting to be cool etc. It's her wedding and she and her husband-to-be made this decision themselves - nothing to do with me. Oh and I am funding the wedding to the same degree as her father. Maybe I should 'give her away'?

 

Utter hypocrisy

 

A wedding is a TRADITIONAL ceremony. You advocate destroying Tradition in one post then say you all went to the Wedding - What utter rubbish - how can you support a system that dates back thousands of years when you say on the same page "That is so Victorian"...

 

So, according to your hatred of all such matters Traditional, we can assume everyone in the congregation wore Jeans and Hoodies.

[Whitey Grandad]

We were both 16 when we met and married 4 years later whilst still at university. No formal proposal, it was just sort of taken for granted, a bit like I have been ever since.

[bridge too far]

I actually think marriage is a traditional hypocrisy but I understand that many don't and I respect their right to hold that view. Two of my children have chosen to get married already but chose not to have church weddings as they don't subscribe to any religion. So they had civil weddings with a registrar present. People dressed according to how they felt. Some people like dressing up - others don't. I don't recall any hoodies but that would be because those guests chose not to wear them (in both cases it was a blisteringly hot day so hoodies wouldn't have been a good idea anyway).

 

This forthcoming wedding IS in a church because they're both committed Christians. Apart from singing with a rock band, they regularly play in a band at church services and my SiL teaches guitar to younger members of the church. It matters to them to get married in church and, again, given that they're free thinking adults, I respect their right to make that choice and support them accordingly.

 

All my children chose to live with their respective partners before they got married. I respected their right (as adults) to do that. They chose to get married. I respected their right to do so and I wouldn't have dreamed of upsetting them by not attending their weddings.

 

But if they'd decided not to get married, I would have gone along with that too. After all, I've been living with my partner for 13 years now. He's single, I'm divorced but neither of us feel any need to get married - we're happy as we are.

 

But it's true to say that, generally, I don't believe in tradition. We evolve.

[Turkish]

Both daughters had fathers present at their weddings. My youngest daughter's father was too ill to cope with the 'giving away' bit but they didn't want that anyway. My eldest daughter will walk up the aisle with her father but that's it.

 

Nothing to do with ME wanting to be cool etc. It's her wedding and she and her husband-to-be made this decision themselves - nothing to do with me. Oh and I am funding the wedding to the same degree as her father. Maybe I should 'give her away'?

 

Why is she walking up the aisle with him? Will there be speeches and toasts? Presents and confetti? I hope Not bollix to tradition and all that......

[bridge too far]

Why is she walking up the aisle with him? Will there be speeches and toasts? Presents and confetti? I hope

Not bollix to tradition and all that......

 

Because he wanted to do that. She'll also be holding her 3 year old daughter's hand - not very traditional really.

 

No speeches and there's nothing inherently traditional about toasting people if that's what they've decided to do. No presents because they've been living together for 10 years so they've got what they need. I don't know if anyone will turn up with confetti - a lot of churches don't allow it these days anyway.

 

It will be all about celebrating the happiness of a couple who have chosen to get married, having overcome huge difficulties that I don't propose to share on here. For that, and that alone, we'll all be delighted to join in their happiness.

 

But if they'd decided to just carry on living together, well we'd all be equally happy to celebrate that too.

 

Happiness outshines posh frocks, colour co-ordinated flowers and napkins and corny speeches any day of the week IMO

[Turkish]

So yet another decent thread ends in on of our forum superstars departately trying to convince everyone how cool and open minded they are.

[scotty]

Just ask her wherever you reckon is appropriate jamie, maybe on the anniversary of your first date or something like that. I popped the question on my mrs's birthday and put the ring onto a gold necklace I had got her, that seemed to go down well. As for the "ask the father" thing, tbh I clean forgot that. Didnt seem to be an issue afterwards.

[bridge too far]

So yet another decent thread ends in on of our forum superstars departately trying to convince everyone how cool and open minded they are.

 

Check your backside will you?

 

If any of my children had wanted a very traditional wedding and wanted to spend loads of money lining the pockets of florists, dressmakers, etc. etc. I would have helped them out. Inwardly I would have been a tad disappointed, but loving mother that I am, I would have gone along with their wishes for their day. My feelings about such things are immaterial.

 

It's got nothing to do with how I feel at all. I've never foisted my opinions on them or, indeed, on anyone here. "But each to their own eh? " = me a few posts ago.

 

And I haven't 'hijacked' the thread. I debated, initially with Phil, about the pros and cons of proposing. You, mainly, chose to expand the debate, you troll.

[Turkish]

/\ you do have a very high opinion of yourself though don't you.

[bridge too far]

/\ you do have a very high opinion of yourself though don't you.

 

Yes - don't we all? It would be very sad if we didn't believe in what we spouted though. I expect you do - it would be hypocritical not too, wouldn't it.

[Turkish]

Yes - don't we all? It would be very sad if we didn't believe in what we spouted though. I expect you do - it would be hypocritical not too, wouldn't it.

 

The thing is, you don't see to believe in anything. Apart from your views are superior to everyone else's.

[bridge too far]

The thing is, you don't see to believe in anything. Apart from your views are superior to everyone else's.

 

I don't have any conventional 'faith', that's true. I don't think I'm superior to anyone else at all but I am confident in my views on things. Most people are, else how could anyone argue their point of view?

 

But one thing I do hold a view on is the right of anyone to hold an alternative point of view. That doesn't mean I respect their point of view, merely their right to hold such a point of view. I'm always happy to be persuaded that I'm wrong and often I am.

 

And, in the case of family weddings, funerals etc. I happen to think that the wishes of main players are to be supported over and above my own wishes, even if I don't actually believe those things myself. But that's because I love those people.

[Jonnyboy]

So what if Daddy says "no you can't get married, I think you're a c*ck?"

 

You'd just give up and walk away obviously as you have to respect tradition.

 

Obviously you wouldn't have had sex yet as that's not traditional, so the breakup shouldnt be too hard.

[dubai_phil]

So what if Daddy says "no you can't get married, I think you're a c*ck?"

 

You'd just give up and walk away obviously as you have to respect tradition.

 

Obviously you wouldn't have had sex yet as that's not traditional, so the breakup shouldnt be too hard.

 

No, of course you would not, AND if you were stupid enough NOT to know what the answer to that question would be before you even asked it then you must be one blinkered SoB. In those Circumstances you would have to realise what the Impact COULD be. Maybe they don't give a damn as they have no feelings for their Daughter anyway. Maybe they will cut her off from all contact with the family. THOSE circumstances HAVE to be taken into account.

 

Different situation.

 

What infuriated me about BTF was how the hell she could EVER consider that any human would view their Daughter as a Chattel. I was just totally gobsmacked that in this world ANY human could even think to use those words ESPECIALLY when mentioning her own Child and then tried to imply that Tradition and the coming together of two families should be discarded. They are not some Chattel they are 1) a HUMAN being and 2) HOPEFULLY someone you have loved and supported and nurtured and guided into Adult life. Just the use of that word is shocking

 

It has SOD all to do with what the Father wishes, it is everything to do with the relationship between the two people getting married. IF they have an issue with a parent or the Father was to get his Shotgun out then SURELY even with the miserable excuse for an Education system these days, those two people MUST be able to work out how to do their own thing, maybe even move away and say sod the family. Sure that happens in plenty of London Estates with absent parents and of course with moronic or abusive parents.

 

But such a Blanket - It is Wrong? Then WHY THE HELL DID THEY GET MARRIED? Tradition is Victorian - great so just live together - hell I keep reading it is better for you in Tax terms or whatever.

 

The ENTIRE point of a Wedding IS the Tradition. It SHOULD BE the greatest day in the life of ANY young woman (and sometimes the groom) Christ the planning takes up the Bride's entire life for the best part of a year.

 

IF the couple understand the meaning of FAMILY then they understand that the Marriage is about bringing the families together (Hell that's why Warrior Kings married Queens from other Tribes etc way back in Game of Thrones ages).

 

It is TRADITION, it is POLITE. It shows RESPECT for the OPINIONS OF OTHERS.

 

When you throw away respect for "The Institution of Marriage" then save the world a fortune and scrap the whole damned concept.

 

BTF defending her ludicrous position - Bullsh1t.

 

Not once does she consider the idea that perhaps an Anglican marrying a Catholic required "Some Tradition" Not once does she consider that a Jew marrying a Methodist may need some Tradition. Oh no, Tradition is all wrong.

 

Oh no it's all Victorian so it's rubbish. Christ on a Bike

Edited 14 April, 2012 by dubai_phil

[Turkish]

No, of course you would not, AND if you were stupid enough NOT to know what the answer to that question would be before you even asked it then you must be one blinkered SoB. In those Circumstances you would have to realise what the Impact COULD be. Maybe they don't give a damn as they have no feelings for their Daughter anyway. Maybe they will cut her off from all contact with the family. THOSE circumstances HAVE to be taken into account.

 

Different situation.

 

What infuriated me about BTF was how the hell she could EVER consider that any human would view their Daughter as a Chattel. I was just totally gobsmacked that in this world ANY human could even think to use those words ESPECIALLY when mentioning her own Child and then tried to imply that Tradition and the coming together of two families should be discarded. They are not some Chattel they are 1) a HUMAN being and 2) HOPEFULLY someone you have loved and supported and nurtured and guided into Adult life. Just the use of that word is shocking

 

It has SOD all to do with what the Father wishes, it is everything to do with the relationship between the two people getting married. IF they have an issue with a parent or the Father was to get his Shotgun out then SURELY even with the miserable excuse for an Education system these days, those two people MUST be able to work out how to do their own thing, maybe even move away and say sod the family. Sure that happens in plenty of London Estates with absent parents and of course with moronic or abusive parents.

 

But such a Blanket - It is Wrong? Then WHY THE HELL DID THEY GET MARRIED? Tradition is Victorian - great so just live together - hell I keep reading it is better for you in Tax terms or whatever.

 

The ENTIRE point of a Wedding IS the Tradition. It SHOULD BE the greatest day in the life of ANY young woman (and sometimes the groom) Christ the planning takes up the Bride's entire life for the best part of a year.

 

IF the couple understand the meaning of FAMILY then they understand that the Marriage is about bringing the families together (Hell that's why Warrior Kings married Queens from other Tribes etc way back in Game of Thrones ages).

 

It is TRADITION, it is POLITE. It shows RESPECT for the OPINIONS OF OTHERS.

 

When you throw away respect for "The Institution of Marriage" then save the world a fortune and scrap the whole damned concept.

 

BTF defending her ludicrous position - Bullsh1t.

 

Not once does she consider the idea that perhaps an Anglican marrying a Catholic required "Some Tradition" Not once does she consider that a Jew marrying a Methodist may need some Tradition. Oh no, Tradition is all wrong.

 

Oh no it's all Victorian so it's rubbish. Christ on a Bike

 

Agree 100% with everything you say sir.

[bridge too far]

Phil, I never said that any father these days would view his daughter as a chattel. But that's where the tradition arises from - from the days of arranged marriages and dowries. Just Google 'marriage' and you'll see for yourself where the traditions, customs and practices come from.

 

I don't hold with tradition but I do hold with the idea of respecting the wishes of the two main players even if it means I bite my tongue on occasions. I don't respect the institution of marriage because it's archaic, especially since so many marriages end in divorce these days. But if my daughter chooses to get married, my love for her overrides any cynicism I have about the institution. I just keep my thoughts to myself.

 

It's an occasion and if the two people taking part want tradition then that's up to them. But no-one should feel obliged to celebrate their marriage in a particular way, because others say it's traditional. And it certainly should not be a competition to see who can put on the best display. It's a private matter, as is a proposal.

 

And my future SiL's family and my family won't be any closer because of a ceremony. We've already been very close over the years because of the difficulties they've endured in the past and I can't see that a ceremony would somehow intensify that relationship at all.

 

Apart from having to book the church and the reception venue, my daughter's spent hardly any time at all in arranging things. After all, they only got engaged at Christmas. They've got other (probably more important) things to think about such as their work, and their daughter. They'd rather also spend their time and money on doing up their house. And that's their choice - so we all respect that.

[Turkish]

Phil, I never said that any father these days would view his daughter as a chattel. But that's where the tradition arises from - from the days of arranged marriages and dowries. Just Google 'marriage' and you'll see for yourself where the traditions, customs and practices come from.

 

I don't hold with tradition but I do hold with the idea of respecting the wishes of the two main players even if it means I bite my tongue on occasions. I don't respect the institution of marriage because it's archaic, especially since so many marriages end in divorce these days. But if my daughter chooses to get married, my love for her overrides any cynicism I have about the institution. I just keep my thoughts to myself.

 

It's an occasion and if the two people taking part want tradition then that's up to them. But no-one should feel obliged to celebrate their marriage in a particular way, because others say it's traditional. And it certainly should not be a competition to see who can put on the best display. It's a private matter, as is a proposal.

 

And my future SiL's family and my family won't be any closer because of a ceremony. We've already been very close over the years because of the difficulties they've endured in the past and I can't see that a ceremony would somehow intensify that relationship at all.

 

Apart from having to book the church and the reception venue, my daughter's spent hardly any time at all in arranging things. After all, they only got engaged at Christmas. They've got other (probably more important) things to think about such as their work, and their daughter. They'd rather also spend their time and money on doing up their house. And that's their choice - so we all respect that.

 

So what do you think of the view that children are less likely to be little f*ckers if both parents are about and Strong families result in a decent up bring for a child. Or is that too Victorian for your cool, modern views?

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/5008047/A-strong-family-and-small-state-ought-to-go-hand-in-hand.html

[Raging Bull]

It should be done properly.

 

Ask the father for his daughter's hand first. But tell them to keep it a secret.

 

Then (for perfection) try and engineer it somewhere Romantic (obviously) or Memorable/Unusual (difficult but fro eg On top of The Burj Khalifa here - future Son in Law's choice)

 

For the utmost in wow factor for the future, also try and engineer all of that in front of her closest friend(s) (who also must NOT know)

 

Trust me, that works a treat.

 

I did this, felt right and could not be happier.

[alpine_saint]

Could you marry your boyfriend on board the submarine you both serve on? That would be romantic.

 

[Dr Who?]

Up the empire state building, down on one knee. It was blinking freezing! Perfect!

[Dr Who?]

I did this, felt right and could not be happier.

 

I did the same in December. It was boxing day. I proposed in Feb.

[hamster]

I asked mrs h's grandad, her old man having disappeared before she could walk.

 

Inabsolute 100% seriousness he told me that she'd do what she wanted anyway, so yes. He then let out a rip-roaring fart and started cleaning his fish tank. Fact.

 

First mrs h's old man gave me the 3rd degree and to this day I wish I'd capitulated.....the dirty old slag

[hamster]

I actually popped the questionshortly after we'd done the business. Obviously she had no option but to say yes. After all, I'd turned her down repeatedly for more thana year.

[bridge too far]

So what do you think of the view that children are less likely to be little f*ckers if both parents are about and Strong families result in a decent up bring for a child. Or is that too Victorian for your cool, modern views?

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/5008047/A-strong-family-and-small-state-ought-to-go-hand-in-hand.html

 

What's that got to do with marriage? And what about widowed parents - are their children going to turn into littl f*ckers?

[Kingsbridge Saint]

Get a photographer there, incognito, in the background. If she says yes it'll be a masterstroke. If she says no, you'll have a photographer to drown your sorrows with, for the cost of a few quid.

[stu0x]

I don't hold with tradition but I do hold with the idea of respecting the wishes of the two main players even if it means I bite my tongue on occasions.

Well, I respect your right to have an opinion, however illogical it may be. You have expressed and argued it. But I dont agree with it. And it seems nor does anyone else on this thread. I don't see you 'converting' anyone here any time soon. So perhaps now might be one of those occasions?

 

Back on topic... I proposed in a public place, but with no one else around. I took her away as a surprise to the place we had spent our first weekend away together. She spent most of dinner playfully badgering me about why I hadn't proposed yet, while the ring was burning a hole in my pocket.

 

I don't agree with phil's assertion that you should arrange it for when her friends are there. I can see how that might work for some people but for me/us it was a very personal and private moment that we didn't really want to share. Of course within minutes you're (she's) on the phone to parents to tell them, but the moment itself was for just her and I.

 

And obviously I asked my father in law's permission first, although I left it until about 48 hours before as I knew he couldn't keep a secret any longer! Although it was a no-brainer that I would do it, I think he was still very happy and proud that I did.

[stu0x]

Get a photographer there, incognito, in the background. If she says yes it'll be a masterstroke. If she says no, you'll have a photographer to drown your sorrows with, for the cost of a few quid.

I know someone who did that. My initial reaction was that it was cheese, but having seen the photo it is absolutely brilliant

[Whitey Grandad]

I know someone who did that. My initial reaction was that it was cheese, but having seen the photo it is absolutely brilliant

 

Is that cheese for the smile or cheese for the cheesiness?

[dubai_phil]

Well, I respect your right to have an opinion, however illogical it may be. You have expressed and argued it. But I dont agree with it. And it seems nor does anyone else on this thread. I don't see you 'converting' anyone here any time soon. So perhaps now might be one of those occasions?

 

Back on topic... I proposed in a public place, but with no one else around. I took her away as a surprise to the place we had spent our first weekend away together. She spent most of dinner playfully badgering me about why I hadn't proposed yet, while the ring was burning a hole in my pocket.

 

I don't agree with phil's assertion that you should arrange it for when her friends are there. I can see how that might work for some people but for me/us it was a very personal and private moment that we didn't really want to share. Of course within minutes you're (she's) on the phone to parents to tell them, but the moment itself was for just her and I.

 

And obviously I asked my father in law's permission first, although I left it until about 48 hours before as I knew he couldn't keep a secret any longer! Although it was a no-brainer that I would do it, I think he was still very happy and proud that I did.

I've done it twice. 1st time was the over a quiet dinner at (in those days) a Berni Inn (honest they used to be the best you could get!)

 

Second time with her best friend and my Mum in close proximity.

 

Each situation and choice depends on the circumstances. With the 2nd one although we had been together 3 years I was struggling to get a business off the ground and had no idea whether it would work or if I would run home with my tail between my legs, so ANY hints from her side had been met with a brick wall of "Simply cannot make a commitment that could see you stuck in a B&B in UK with no future.Once things had settled and before she had a chance THEN I sprung it as a surprise.

 

Point is - I had other stakeholders to consider - her family accepting me (Ancient mad foreigner), but also had the issue on my Kids accepting and being involved in the whole wedding process. All I know is what I did was in Public, but at that moment we were the only two people in the Universe - Pal had been "conned" to take a photo of us and she worked out what was happening faster than my GF and fortunately stood their clicking and crying and saying OMG OMG OMG. So we had the best of all worlds - the quiet together moment - the pictures for the memories and my kids (& her pals) all saying it was the most amazing & romantic thing they had ever seen/heard about.

At the end of the day it's about Communication and understanding that it affects the lives or more than just the two of you.

 

All I know is that I get reminded almost every day that I chose the right option