Advices please!

[Bearsy]

 

Is this "her" ?

 

You know, even without the visible boner I'd of said it was a dude! Look at them shoulders! Also no arse, no arse at all.

 

Anyone got any fresh ideas? She needs to be gone over easter, I can't trust her not to eat my easter eggs while I'm at work. I'm willing to pay cash money to get shot - is anyone looking for a lodger???

[CB Saint]

Go Goth - go get 5 litres of matt black paint and get it on the walls. Make you flat a more miserable and depressing place than her last gaff and presto she will move on.

[Bearsy]

I could maybe smack her round a bit. That's what the last patsy did.

[Window Cleaner]

I could maybe smack her round a bit. That's what the last patsy did.

 

But that would be ignoble.You can have a "disgraceful attitutde towards women" without hitting them.

Told you how to do it, it's the ultimate risk end game but it never ever fails to work because you are the ultimate jerk..but only for a while,makes you more fanciable with some women cos they like to be badly treated but not brutalised.

 

If you want some more tips watch Charlie in the early episodes of 2 and a half Men,the ultimate hero and male chauvinist pig.

If you've got a Rose though watch out.

[Bearsy]

Yeah I wouldn't really windows, that's not how bearsy roles. I like to row with them but that's mostly cos i like the angry sex you get at the end when they're still a bit p!ssed off with you.

 

I think I'll keep your Propose suggestion on the back burner tho. There must be an easier way. The one thing it's got going for it is her dad is a bit of d!ck and i like the idea of him getting stuck with wedding bills when i do a bunk.

 

How close did you cut it - was she standing at the altar?

[Window Cleaner]

Yeah I wouldn't really windows, that's not how bearsy roles. I like to row with them but that's mostly cos i like the angry sex you get at the end when they're still a bit p!ssed off with you.

 

I think I'll keep your Propose suggestion on the back burner tho. There must be an easier way. The one thing it's got going for it is her dad is a bit of d!ck and i like the idea of him getting stuck with wedding bills when i do a bunk.

 

 

How close did you cut it - was she standing at the altar?

 

No,nothing as ignominous as that, couple of months I think,December for February something like that;But you need planning time cos you've got to build up your reasons to hike it,I accepted a temporary post at Tulasne University,got ever more distant and then rang to tell her it was all off.When I got back she was gone and I was the ultimate a/h for a month or 2...even with my Mum.On the upside I got sole occupancy of my house back..probabvly lasted a whole month, just can't pass on the feeble sex you see.

Edited 5 April, 2012 by Window Cleaner

[Bearsy]

I had to google Tulasne - that's in bleediing America! I've got to emigrate as well now FFS!

 

I've got to admire your commitment tho - that's like the most ridiculously convulated plan ever just to shake off a chick! But, ultimately, I don't want to be mean to her. She's kind of fragile. If I was willing to screw her over as bad as ur suggesting I may as well tell her to **** off now. The whole point is that I want her to move out on her own accord while still retaining the rights to bone her! I need something more subtle!

[Window Cleaner]

The whole point is that I want her to move out on her own accord while still retaining the rights to bone her! I need something more subtle!

 

Mission Impossible once they're in they're in.I give up then, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Gotta choose, be Mr Nice Guy or have sole occupancy of your flat.

 

A bit of serious advice...providing it's a real situation that is...don't let it go too far downhill, you might regret that.

Edited 5 April, 2012 by Window Cleaner

[Raging Bull]

Make sure you always cover mr lover Bearsy, drunk humping whilst riding bare back could easily lead to 18 or more years of not shaking her off!

[mcjwills]

Try the old have a few drinks and get up in the night and urinate in her shoes trick and claim oh I always do that after a few beers. Follow it up with once when I was drunk at a girlfriends house after a few, I got into bed with her mum and tried to sh*g her, did not go down well with the gf or her father. If that does not get rid of her your in big trouble.

[Channon's Sideburns]

How about a photo of her so we can pass full judgement?

 

Difficult to advise correctly using the right formulae without that particular piece of evidence....

 

Lived with a girl in Lordshill once (yeah I know) - rough as a badger's arse but a body and sex drive like you wouldn't believe.

[stu0x]

The problem is, you need a speedy resolution, but bad behaviour is all forgivable. The more she likes you (and/or the more needy she is), the more she is likely to forgive, and you have no real way of gauging her cut off point. So you might end up banging someone else only for her to 'forgive you'. And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets, until you're 18 months down the line and you're choosing your wedding rings. At which point your only way out is to cut her head off and dump her in a wheelie bin. Not ideal.

 

The only solution is to man up and just tell her. If you're too ugly to then find something else to put your nob in, you'll have to deal with that separately.

[saintbletch]

Well I thought it was obvious how to get rid of her Bearsy - at least for an initial 28 days. But if I have to spell it out, here's the plan.

 

You'll need your driving licence, a philips screwdriver, several compliant neighbours, 79 Yorkie easter eggs, a chainsaw, one very compliant neighbour, a Kermit the Frog mask, several bunches of flowers, a manikin, several cases of strong lager, a selection of pig offal, a gullible police officer, a number of cartons of 200 cigarettes, a body bag, two litres of washing up liquid, a black wig, a ticket to see La Boheme at the Royal Opera House (and associated rail fare), 43 bottles of good Scotch, 3 hours 20 minutes of free time (where the girl isn't there), 53 high-quality Cuban cigars, a half-side of a pig, a jar of cochineal food colouring, a green dress, the services of a mediocre film director and the phone number of the local mental health team.

 

It goes like this.

 

Firstly, in order to make this feel real I'm going to give the girl in this drama a name - let's call her Sharon. And let's pretend that you live at number 23 in the block of flats. Anyway, back to the plan. Using your free time away from the girl, you draft a letter something like this - to be sent to all the residents in your block of flats (I've tried to write it "Bearsy styles"):

 

Dear neighbour dudes and stuff,

 

I'm dat neighbour of yours from flat 23 and I need a huge favours. Please take a looks at dis discussion:

 

http://www.saintsweb.co.uk/showthread.php?36825-Advices-please!

 

So as you can see dudes, I needs to git rid of dat girl and I got a plan to get her out of my flat but I needs all your helps.

 

Der girl is called Sharon and she's really needy and dull and what I needs is for her to be made really confused and emotionals when she gets home from work next Friday night from 6pm. This is how.

 

I needs you all to turn blind eyes to the events in the block of flats for about 3 hours and 20 minutes on that Friday night. I also needs you to let me to change all the door numbers around on all our flats. So if you lives at 26, dis will now be number 17 and so on so dat nobodies has the right number anymores.

 

When Sharon gets home from works, she's actually so needy and dull and stuff dat she won't go to where my flat actually is, but insteads she's gonna look for it by number! So you'll probably get a knocks at your doors from a real needy and dull girl who's trying to find the Bear! She's a bit fragiles and she'll get more and more upsets and confused as she goes from door to doors with all the wrong numbers on. She's had boyfriend issues and hasn't been fully sexually satisfied since moving in with me. Lolz. Anyway, just tells Sharon that you don't know me and dat you've always lived at your new number in the block. This will make her really confused and emotional and needy and dull. This will help me lots in my plans to be rid of dat girl.

 

"What's in it for me?" you ask. Well the answer to dat, neighbour, is your own choices of scotch, cigarettes, lager, cigars, chocolate or flowers. Just pop in to my flat number 23 (don't get yourselfs all confused by the changes in der door numbers!) the day after and take what you want.

(terms and conditions may apply: drink responsibly, smoking seriously damages your health, investments can go down as well as up).

That's it. Well except for you Tony in flat 27. I'm gunna swap your door number with mines - so your flat will be my number 23 and mine will your number 27. Once needy and dull Sharon finds my flat number, although not my actual flat!!, she will bang on your door and will want to come in and make loves to me - she can't resist the bear. When you tells her that she's in the wrong flat, she will become more and more distressed, and even more needy and dull to the point where she may start to be crying! Lolz. At this point tell her dat if she wants to see the Bear, she needs to go to flat 27 (this is really my flat! LOL). And then when she heads towards my flat, give me a calls on my mobiles to let me know dude - (07xxx xxxxxx).

 

That's all you need to do! "What's in it for me?" I hear you ask. Well for you Tony, you'll be going on the trips of a lifetimes - an all (travel) expenses paid trip to London and that to see La Boheme at the ROH. See me for the tickets dude!

(terms and conditions may apply: tickets must be used within 18 days of acceptance, rail travel is for a single adult in a first class coach but does not include a reserved seat, travel insurance is not included).

Thank you one and all for your helps with dis matter. Your saving the lifes of a bear here! All I ask is that whatever noises you hears in the block later on that night, you ignore dem. If I can ever return the favours some days just ask the Bear!

 

Yours,

 

 

Bearsy from the Block, Bearsy at flat 23

 

So I think the plan has been suitably explained in the letter above, up until when you get the call from Tony. At this point you should call the mental health services and tell them to come to Flat 27 where a needy, dull and sexually unsatisfied female needs to be sectioned.

 

From here on in things might get a little bit messy. When Sharon rings your bell she will be emotional, but she's likely to get more emotional. When you hear the bell that is your cue to start the chainsaw.

 

You should be wearing the Kermit mask, a long black wig and a long, see-through green dress. You should have made up 2 litres of stage blood using the cochineal/washing up liquid mixture and your hands and the dress should be covered liberally with it.

 

Open the door to Sharon with your free hand, whilst the other hand will be holding the chainsaw (on tick-over) and don't say a word. Not a word.

 

Simply cant your bemasked Kermit head over to the right at an angle of about 50-55 degrees. Don't speak (this is crucial). Just stare at her. After 6-10 long seconds of silence has been shared between you, make a "ribbet" frog noise and (immediately) cant your head at a similar angle but this time to the left. Don't speak.

 

Over your shoulder Sharon will see a scene lifted straight from Hades itself. I'll leave the finer details to you but stage blood should be covering the walls and floor. The body bag should be in plain sight and the torso of the manikin (again covered in blood) should be clearly visible inside the bag. On top of the torso you should arrange the ribs of the pig as if the chainsaw has torn them open. Inside pig offal (try to get heart, kidney and liver - plenty of liver!) will be visible making it look like a murder scene.

 

Blood-covered manikin body parts should be scattered around the the room (use your creativity here) so that they are visible but not easily identified as being plastic. Finally, the coup de gras. Still without speaking, you slowly hand Sharon your blood spattered driving licence and as she screams and looks into your frog-eyes one more time - cant your head again to the right and stare at her.

 

At this point, having made the link between the scene of carnage and the driving licence, Sharon will collapse onto the floor outside your flat thinking you've been brutally murdered. She'll likely assume the foetal position, suck her thumb and rock slowly back and forth in an attempt to take herself to a safe place, finding comfort though familiar sensation.

 

Now you just wait for the emergency services. The mental health team should be straightforward and their arrival signifies at least 28 days of freedom from Sharon. All good. They will obviously question your appearance and the state of your flat, as will the police officer on his arrival, but this is when Otto the director of mediocre, art-house, horror-porn films introduces himself; waving a mocked up cover of his next film - "Kermit. No more Mrs. nice guy".

 

All done. And if after the initial 4 week holiday, Sharon believes you to be dead at the 'hands' of a 5'10", broad-shouldered, green dress-wearing amphibian with a passion for chainsaws, then you may never see her again.

 

It really is that simple. Don't thank me Bearsy, you'd have come up with the same plan yourself soon enough.

[Jonnyboy]

'kin 'ell

[Monk]

Is there any chance you are actually Sharon as well?

[scotty]

Well I thought it was obvious how to get rid of her Bearsy - at least for an initial 28 days. But if I have to spell it out, here's the plan.

 

You'll need your driving licence, a philips screwdriver, several compliant neighbours, 79 Yorkie easter eggs, a chainsaw, one very compliant neighbour, a Kermit the Frog mask, several bunches of flowers, a manikin, several cases of strong lager, a selection of pig offal, a gullible police officer, a number of cartons of 200 cigarettes, a body bag, two litres of washing up liquid, a black wig, a ticket to see La Boheme at the Royal Opera House (and associated rail fare), 43 bottles of good Scotch, 3 hours 20 minutes of free time (where the girl isn't there), 53 high-quality Cuban cigars, a half-side of a pig, a jar of cochineal food colouring, a green dress, the services of a mediocre film director and the phone number of the local mental health team.

 

It goes like this.

 

Firstly, in order to make this feel real I'm going to give the girl in this drama a name - let's call her Sharon. And let's pretend that you live at number 23 in the block of flats. Anyway, back to the plan. Using your free time away from the girl, you draft a letter something like this - to be sent to all the residents in your block of flats (I've tried to write it "Bearsy styles"):

 

 

 

So I think the plan has been suitably explained in the letter above, up until when you get the call from Tony. At this point you should call the mental health services and tell them to come to Flat 27 where a needy, dull and sexually unsatisfied female needs to be sectioned.

 

From here on in things might get a little bit messy. When Sharon rings your bell she will be emotional, but she's likely to get more emotional. When you hear the bell that is your cue to start the chainsaw.

 

You should be wearing the Kermit mask, a long black wig and a long, see-through green dress. You should have made up 2 litres of stage blood using the cochineal/washing up liquid mixture and your hands and the dress should be covered liberally with it.

 

Open the door to Sharon with your free hand, whilst the other hand will be holding the chainsaw (on tick-over) and don't say a word. Not a word.

 

Simply cant your bemasked Kermit head over to the right at an angle of about 50-55 degrees. Don't speak (this is crucial). Just stare at her. After 6-10 long seconds of silence has been shared between you, make a "ribbet" frog noise and (immediately) cant your head at a similar angle but this time to the left. Don't speak.

 

Over your shoulder Sharon will see a scene lifted straight from Hades itself. I'll leave the finer details to you but stage blood should be covering the walls and floor. The body bag should be in plain sight and the torso of the manikin (again covered in blood) should be clearly visible inside the bag. On top of the torso you should arrange the ribs of the pig as if the chainsaw has torn them open. Inside pig offal (try to get heart, kidney and liver - plenty of liver!) will be visible making it look like a murder scene.

 

Blood-covered manikin body parts should be scattered around the the room (use your creativity here) so that they are visible but not easily identified as being plastic. Finally, the coup de gras. Still without speaking, you slowly hand Sharon your blood spattered driving licence and as she screams and looks into your frog-eyes one more time - cant your head again to the right and stare at her.

 

At this point, having made the link between the scene of carnage and the driving licence, Sharon will collapse onto the floor outside your flat thinking you've been brutally murdered. She'll likely assume the foetal position, suck her thumb and rock slowly back and forth in an attempt to take herself to a safe place, finding comfort though familiar sensation.

 

Now you just wait for the emergency services. The mental health team should be straightforward and their arrival signifies at least 28 days of freedom from Sharon. All good. They will obviously question your appearance and the state of your flat, as will the police officer on his arrival, but this is when Otto the director of mediocre, art-house, horror-porn films introduces himself; waving a mocked up cover of his next film - "Kermit. No more Mrs. nice guy".

 

All done. And if after the initial 4 week holiday, Sharon believes you to be dead at the 'hands' of a 5'10", broad-shouldered, green dress-wearing amphibian with a passion for chainsaws, then you may never see her again.

 

It really is that simple. Don't thank me Bearsy, you'd have come up with the same plan yourself soon enough.

 

...and thats all you have to say bletchy? ffs, put some effort in man!!

 

 

 

 

lofl, btw

[Window Cleaner]

How about a photo of her so we can pass full judgement?

 

 

What ?? and get about 40 "been there,done that" posts

[saintbletch]

...and thats all you have to say bletchy? ffs, put some effort in man!!

 

 

 

 

lofl, btw

 

Well I just documented what I've done countless times myself scotty. It's the oldest trick in the book - we've all done it.

 

To be honest I don't remember writing it. It was either automatic writing and I had been channelling a spirit from beyond the grave or it was the effects of the previous night's cider and scotch.

[Bearsy]

hahaha bletch u evil genius! I love every part of that plan and I can't see even the smallest flaw in it! It was also impressive how u could be bearsy so convincingly in that letter to my neighbours! Do u want to swap logins for a week? U can be all bearsy and i can be all bletchy! it'll be chaos on saintsweb!

 

I'm glad to say it's all academic nows tho!

 

[saintbletch]

hahaha bletch u evil genius! I love every part of that plan and I can't see even the smallest flaw in it! It was also impressive how u could be bearsy so convincingly in that letter to my neighbours! Do u want to swap logins for a week? U can be all bearsy and i can be all bletchy! it'll be chaos on saintsweb!

 

I'm glad to say it's all academic nows tho!

 

 

I knew the plan would work Bearsy. I bet that blood took a while to shift, and did you use all the scotch and chocolate? If not, I might have some off you. PM me.

 

I'm glad you got rid of her, 28 days or gone for good?

 

As for swapping logins; there's no way you could match my pretentiousness, morals, sexual repression and anality. (is that a word?)

 

Writing like bearsy is easys. u just fails to capitalise the odd word, pluralise the odd singular nouns and occasionally add a dis and a dat. But oddly enough you have to make sure that you use the apostrophe to perfection. Enigmatic.

 

But I would struggle to create the surreal happenings that befall the bear. I'd have to resort to rehashing old Bearsy threads - like...

 

I've just had a foursomes but I'm not sure if it qualifies as they formed an orderly queue and two of them are still living in my flat, Dudes.

See?

 

Anyway, logging in to the forum and pretending to be someone you're not is against the rules I'm sure.

 

So tell us Bearsy, how did you get rid of the Wicked Witch of the North?

[Window Cleaner]

 

 

 

So tell us Bearsy, how did you get rid of the Wicked Witch of the North?

 

 

Asked her to rub ointment on his itchy arse whilst he was engaged in a three way with 2 scrubbers apparently.

 

at least that's what she told me.

[saintbletch]

Asked her to rub ointment on his itchy arse whilst he was engaged in a three way with 2 scrubbers apparently.

 

at least that's what she told me.

 

Ah yes the itchy arse thread. I forgot that one. A classic.

 

But I think your scenario is how she ended up IN the flat, not OUT of it Window Cleaner.

 

And for the record I think we had an adjudication that as the 2 scrubbers were never 'scrubbing' at the same time, it wasn't strictly a three-way.

[Window Cleaner]

 

That was just a practice run, maybe he got an upgrade.

[ZepSaint]

Now, I'm a lurker ...................an official can't be arsed to reply lurker normally ......................but I have to know the answer ...................

 

How the hell did you get rid of the 'problem' Mr Bear .......................in the woods like normal bears do or did you go the full chain wielding Kermit route ?

[scotty]

Now, I'm a lurker ...................an official can't be arsed to reply lurker normally ......................but I have to know the answer ...................

 

How the hell did you get rid of the 'problem' Mr Bear .......................in the woods like normal bears do or did you go the full chain wielding Kermit route ?

 

Bearsy is currently unavailables for comments.

 

He was last seen in Paris, holding hands with a suspiciously young girl called Megans.

[Tokyo-Saint]

I have it on good grounds that bearsy got bummed by him/her and doesn't want to talk about it any more.

[Bearsy]

I didn't know bout all these lurkers silently reading through threads and not saying stuff bout it. That's a bit weird innit! I mean I know zep has clearly got his own unwanted houseguest and I'm usually happy to help or whatever, but I don't want to encourage this lurking behaviours. I'm forcing Zeps into the sunshines!

 

Zep, I am happy to learn you The Bearsy Method^TM but in order to qualify you have to:

• Post in the Muppet Shows every day for at least 1 week
  
• Tell me bout what your only other forum post was bout
  
• Tell me more bout the unwanted house guest what you want to get rid of using The Bearsy Method ™
  
• Make an amusing joke at Tokyos expense
  
• 
  

 

Looking forward to your future contributions!

 

Bearsy xx

[Tokyo-Saint]

I didn't know bout all these lurkers silently reading through threads and not saying stuff bout it. That's a bit weird innit! I mean I know zep has clearly got his own unwanted houseguest and I'm usually happy to help or whatever, but I don't want to encourage this lurking behaviours. I'm forcing Zeps into the sunshines!

 

Zep, I am happy to learn you The Bearsy Method^TM but in order to qualify you have to:

• Post in the Muppet Shows every day for at least 1 week
  
• Tell me bout what your only other forum post was bout
  
• Tell me more bout the unwanted house guest what you want to get rid of using The Bearsy Method ™
  
• Make an amusing joke at Tokyos expense
  
• 
  

 

Looking forward to your future contributions!

 

Bearsy xx

 

I am yet to hear 1 of these. Come on zeppy, give it a go. It seems bletch has got lost in the library or something, we need a replacement.

[Bearsy]

Zeppington needs help, he's only just learning to use keyboards.

 

It wants to be like this:

 

How Many Tokyos Does It Take To BLANK a BLANK?

 

BLANK - because he's BLANK

 

(you have to fill in the blanks, Zepmeister)

[pap]

Now, I'm a lurker ...................an official can't be arsed to reply lurker normally ......................but I have to know the answer ...................

 

How the hell did you get rid of the 'problem' Mr Bear .......................in the woods like normal bears do or did you go the full chain wielding Kermit route ?

 

And a good job that you're a lurker too, if this post is anything to go by!

 

What's with all the full-stops? Do you suffer from a specific form of narcolepsy that has you briefly napping on the full-stop key?

 

Mods, I'm outraged. I want my money back.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Easy Papi these lurkers are easily startled but they soon return and in greater numbers. We don't want the place flooded with them do we?

 

Swedish David does the same thing with all the full stops and he is a teacher. With this in mind, my latest investigation has the following finding - zappy was educated in Sweden.

[Bearsy]

I dunno................................................ I reckon it could catch on!

 

Ain't there been a lot of new peoples popping up lately? I mean not so much in here, no-one posts in Muppet shows, but on the main board in general and junk. I guess it's cos we're............................................. premier leagues now. I quite like it. I wish pap would stop mugging off these newcomers when I'm trying to enlist them to the muppet show massive tho, I'm trying to get them before they get stole away to the darks side of posting bout attendances on the main board.

[Smirking_Saint]

Easy Papi these lurkers are easily startled but they soon return and in greater numbers. We don't want the place flooded with them do we?

 

Swedish David does the same thing with all the full stops and he is a teacher. With this in mind, my latest investigation has the following finding - zappy was educated in Sweden.

 

Tbf......... Talking of swedish david zappy hasnt started....... the random

font changing ....... Thingy yet.......!?!?!?!?()&£@?!!;:/-

[pap]

I dunno................................................ I reckon it could catch on!

 

Ain't there been a lot of new peoples popping up lately? I mean not so much in here, no-one posts in Muppet shows, but on the main board in general and junk. I guess it's cos we're............................................. premier leagues now. I quite like it. I wish pap would stop mugging off these newcomers when I'm trying to enlist them to the muppet show massive tho, I'm trying to get them before they get stole away to the darks side of posting bout attendances on the main board.

 

I hope Zeppy wasn't too broken up by my vicious attack. It was meant only in jest, and you're right - we should be getting more people to post.

 

One thing though, how come it is okay for Zeppy to lurk on this forum and NOT OK for me to lurk outside the Selfridges changing rooms?

[Tokyo-Saint]

Because Zeppy doesn't leave a mess Pap!

[Bearsy]

He does a bit. He comes on here once every 5 years, drops his load on an old thread and then retreats to a safe distance while we all go mad speculating bout his ellype... eleps.... dots

[ZepSaint]

So, so sorry guys for not replying, bit difficult to do with your Boss looking over your shoulder ! Part of the problem me-thinks ...................(oops, sorry again for the dots Pap, will try and stop ...................) damn, there I go again.

 

Sheesh

 

Can't remember what the feck my other post was about, something to do with moaning old bed-wetting gits I should think.

 

Unwanted houseguest, do two rabbits I'd rather cook than feed count ? Can I use the The Bearsy Method^TM with rabbits ? Or do bears just use rabbits to wipe their arses with in the woods ?

 

Can't bring myself to make jokes at Tokyo's expense as a former lurker, let people take the rise out of me first then I can think of something to come back with (will probably be a looooong wait).

 

Would RANDOM font changes get me further through the The Bearsy Method^{TM quicker ?}

 

And Pap, surely its better to lurk in the changing room NEXT to another one when in Selfridges ? That way you'r in private and can amuse yourself to your schlongs content

 

Apparently

 

So a mate of mine said

 

Think thats enough for now, all crapped out from typing, not used to it see as a lurker, hands are used to doing something else entirely

[Gambol2K9]

Tried that already! I was like "are u up for a bit of Centre Parcs?" (I learned that one on here!)

 

Backfired though. We're going to Centre Parcs next week.

 

Bring the lube!

[pap]

So, so sorry guys for not replying, bit difficult to do with your Boss looking over your shoulder ! Part of the problem me-thinks ...................(oops, sorry again for the dots Pap, will try and stop ...................) damn, there I go again.

 

Sheesh

 

Can't remember what the feck my other post was about, something to do with moaning old bed-wetting gits I should think.

 

Unwanted houseguest, do two rabbits I'd rather cook than feed count ? Can I use the The Bearsy Method^TM with rabbits ? Or do bears just use rabbits to wipe their arses with in the woods ?

 

Can't bring myself to make jokes at Tokyo's expense as a former lurker, let people take the rise out of me first then I can think of something to come back with (will probably be a looooong wait).

 

Would RANDOM font changes get me further through the The Bearsy Method^{TM quicker ?}

 

And Pap, surely its better to lurk in the changing room NEXT to another one when in Selfridges ? That way you'r in private and can amuse yourself to your schlongs content

 

Apparently

 

So a mate of mine said

 

Think thats enough for now, all crapped out from typing, not used to it see as a lurker, hands are used to doing something else entirely

 

The problem with the "hide in changing room" plan is that you have to get in there in the first place. The girls who work there are very bored. Counting three items all day can be very onerous, so they are bang on any attempts for a bloke to sneak in there. To do as you suggest, I'd almost need to go dressed as a girl. That has all sorts of complications. Adam's apple for a start. Is that how one goes about the hide in changing room thing?

[ZepSaint]

Just go get a nice slim black number (dress,not something that needs batteries to run), ask the girl outside if she has it in a smaller size (one that would fit HER for example, bit of flattery never hurts and might actually get you the chance to do a Bearsy on her whilst perving on the cubicle next door if you're lucky) and your off and running.

 

If she doesn't want to model it for you, you can pop into the changing room whilst she's gone anyway......

[scotty]

Just go get a nice slim black number (dress,not something that needs batteries to run), ask the girl outside if she has it in a smaller size (one that would fit HER for example, bit of flattery never hurts and might actually get you the chance to do a Bearsy on her whilst perving on the cubicle next door if you're lucky) and your off and running.

 

If she doesn't want to model it for you, you can pop into the changing room whilst she's gone anyway......

 

lol

[ZepSaint]

Anyway, whole point of me coming out of lurker mode was to find out how the hell Bearsy did a number on his 'lodger'

 

Personally I think got a final large scale boning (boneing ? boaning ? bowning ?) which proved to much for the frail guest and she's buried underneath the lifesize statue of Yogi thats in his garden

 

I've even had to flippin' subscribe with my hard earned fiver just to find out ! TELL ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[saintbletch]

Zeppington needs help, he's only just learning to use keyboards.

 

It wants to be like this:

 

How Many Tokyos Does It Take To BLANK a BLANK?

 

BLANK - because he's BLANK

 

(you have to fill in the blanks, Zepmeister)

 

How many Tokyos does it take to make an ursine penis disappear?

 

One - because he's Bearsy's forum b*tch.

 

No offence Tokyo-Saint...just checking that I've got the right idea of the exercise.

[ZepSaint]

Ah, I get the idea now

 

How many Tokyos does it take to be a pillow biter ?

 

One - unless Bearsy wants a threesome ?

 

That good enough, or does it make too many assumptions ? Lol

 

 

Again, no offence TS, still don't know whether to be scared of you or not !

[saintbletch]

So, so sorry guys for not replying, bit difficult to do with your Boss looking over your shoulder ! Part of the problem me-thinks ...................(oops, sorry again for the dots Pap, will try and stop ...................) damn, there I go again.

 

Sheesh

 

Can't remember what the feck my other post was about, something to do with moaning old bed-wetting gits I should think.

 

Unwanted houseguest, do two rabbits I'd rather cook than feed count ? Can I use the The Bearsy Method^TM with rabbits ? Or do bears just use rabbits to wipe their arses with in the woods ?

 

Can't bring myself to make jokes at Tokyo's expense as a former lurker, let people take the rise out of me first then I can think of something to come back with (will probably be a looooong wait).

 

Would RANDOM font changes get me further through the The Bearsy Method^{TM quicker ?}

 

And Pap, surely its better to lurk in the changing room NEXT to another one when in Selfridges ? That way you'r in private and can amuse yourself to your schlongs content

 

Apparently

 

So a mate of mine said

 

Think thats enough for now, all crapped out from typing, not used to it see as a lurker, hands are used to doing something else entirely

 

Welcome to The Muppet Show ZepSaint.

 

Ignore the older boys that post on here, they can be a bit rough on new boys especially if the new boy is a little, well, eccentric.

 

The Muppet Show is very much like a public boarding school - equal measures of intelligence, boredom and inbreeding. But you must learn that there is a food chain here. Tokyo-Saint and Bearsy are the senior boys, Tokyo-Saint is Bearsy's 'head boy' and I expect Tokyo-Saint will try to make you his fag - he does it to all the new boys. But if he tells you that he'd like to help you to 'fit in' - I'd suggest you decline his offer.

 

Stay on the right side of pap - he's teaches two subjects - Politics and Physics (specialising in warp drives and other interstellar transport mechanisms) and scotty - he's the Philosophy master and his lectures can usually be found in The Crap Joke Refectory.

 

Anyway, make yourself at home.

 

P.S. Do me a favour would you ZepSaint. Go into your forum control panel and in the Statistics section where it says posts per day - tell me what it says. Ta.

[ZepSaint]

So, Bearsy gets head from Tokyo.

 

Tokyo wants to smoke new boys (I presume thats what you mean ) whilst at the same time getting me used to his 'personal requirements' ?

 

And Pap likes getting physical with Cameron.

 

Have I got that right ?

 

Embarrassed to say that this is only my 7th ever post, making a grand total of 0.00 per day. Now I'm not the best at maths, but how can it be 0.00 per day ? Lol

[saintbletch]

So, Bearsy gets head from Tokyo.

 

Tokyo wants to smoke new boys (I presume thats what you mean ) whilst at the same time getting me used to his 'personal requirements' ?

 

And Pap likes getting physical with Cameron.

 

Have I got that right ?

 

Embarrassed to say that this is only my 7th ever post, making a grand total of 0.00 per day. Now I'm not the best at maths, but how can it be 0.00 per day ? Lol

 

Tokyo-Saint wants to smoke new boys in the same sense that some people want to fellate cigarettes.

 

But, I'm concerned about your posts per day though ZepSaint.

 

This is very much like the X-Files because officially you don't exist. We'll have another investigation going before you know it - wait for Mulder and Scully to come down from their shared dorm.

 

You've never posted on here, I've never read your posts, and I'm currently responding to a figment of my own imagination. You don't exist.

 

The truth is out there.

[ZepSaint]

Are Mulder and Scully the pet names that Tokyo and Bearsy have for each other when they get intimate ?

 

Out of those two, who's the ginger bint and who takes the role of the silent and repressed senior member ?

 

How do you get to have a senior member ? Is it like having a schlong with Alzheimers ? or Parkinson's ? At least that would be useful what with all the shaking going on ..................

Edited 28 September, 2012 by ZepSaint
Crap Spelling And Typing

[Saint in Paradise]

ZepSaint, you didn't really believe Bearsy about his having a female lodger ?

[Tokyo-Saint]

I leave the forum for a couple of hours and when I come back I am being mugged off by someone with the grand total of 0 posts per day. That is the equivalent of being a registered user, in fact why are you are full member if up until yesterday you only had one post to your name zeppy? This is what we will be investigating first if we take the case. Is this sudden flurry of posts something you have been planning since 2007 or worse are you one of dune's many cover logins? Are you here to promote Gibraltar and spread racial hatred? Well are you?

 

In other news, bletchy is back! Where have you been bltcher? Get really into Dostoevsky? Did you keep thinking, one more chapter, just one more, then I will go check on Bear and Tokyo? Sounds selfish bletch but we forgive you. Welcome back anyway.