Midlife Crisis

[hypochondriac]

That's pretty sad. Hardly 'heat of the moment' stuff if it happened over 2 years. In my opinion, after the first time(assuming it wasn't 'planned' as such) was the time to speak up.

 

The man in question has always been very selfish but no one suspected anything until he got drunk and she found texts on his phone. Even his business partner didn't know. I have never seen my dad so upset. He has been very good friends with both of them since they were kids and now he can't really see one of his best mates as he doesn't condone what he did and feels loyalty and sympathy for his wife. He hates the actions but it's still his best mate which makes it very difficult.

 

The man wanted to keep her in his life and thought he could pop in to see her or take her on holiday still, it's a very odd mindset and his children are as confused as anyway about it (though luckily they are grown up so aren't as badly affected as they could be.) I look at my parents and I know with 100 percent certainty that my dad would not leave my mum (certainly not now they are too old!) it just surprised me the amount who have been together for so many years and then throw it all away for another life.

[Dibden Purlieu Saint]

Reading this leaves me thoroughly depressed. Is there no one who has just remained faithful to who they have and stayed with their children in a loving and stable long term relationship? Or is that too much to ask in this day and age?

 

I don't do this often but I agree with Hypo. What is it with cheating? Why are people so morally corrupt?

[pap]

I don't do this often but I agree with Hypo. What is it with cheating? Why are people so morally corrupt?

 

Difficult question to answer, as morals are pretty relative.

 

Your biological purpose is actually pretty simple. Live long enough to procreate and produce offspring.

 

Personally, I'm not sure if we are supposed to be monogamous as a species. It's pretty rare in the animal kingdom for a species to mate for life, and its evidently getting rarer amongst humans.

 

It's essentially a clash between an invented bundle of various strands of human morality versus biological imperative. Or more simply, your mind tells you to do one thing while your body tells you to do another.

 

Reminds me of a joke:-

 

"Why do men always think with their dicks? Because they haven't got enough blood to service brain and boner at the same time".

[Window Cleaner]

Difficult question to answer, as morals are pretty relative.

 

Your biological purpose is actually pretty simple. Live long enough to procreate and produce offspring.

 

Personally, I'm not sure if we are supposed to be monogamous as a species. It's pretty rare in the animal kingdom for a species to mate for life, and its evidently getting rarer amongst humans.

 

It's essentially a clash between an invented bundle of various strands of human morality versus biological imperative. Or more simply, your mind tells you to do one thing while your body tells you to do another.

 

Reminds me of a joke:-

 

"Why do men always think with their dicks? Because they haven't got enough blood to service brain and boner at the same time".

 

Trouble is plenty of young people get into what they call 'stable relationships' at a far too early age.By the time they're 40 they've had enough of it,haven't lived, haven't travelled much, only nailed about 2 or 3 partners,kids are draining all their money etc etc.In my view there's a lot to be said for having a good look at the market until you're about 30 or so and then trying the old long term relationship thing.It what we did,worked for us. Up until then I must have nailed about 110/120 women, can't even remember all of their names now, as for the Mrs, I've never asked and don't really need to know.

 

Perhaps settling down early at 18/21 was relevant when the average life span was about 45/50 but when you're likely to live until 75/80 it's less relevant.

Edited 6 March, 2012 by Window Cleaner

[pap]

Trouble is plenty of young people get into what they call 'stable relationships' at a far too early age.By the time they're 40 they've had enough of it,haven't lived, haven't travelled much, only nailed about 2 or 3 partners,kids are draining all their money etc etc.In my view there's a lot to be said for having a good look at the market until you're about 30 or so and then trying the old long term relationship thing.It what we did,worked for us. Up until then I must have nailed about 110/120 women, can't even remember all of their names now, as for the Mrs, I've never asked and don't really need to know.

 

Perhaps settling down early at 18/21 was relevant when the average life span was about 45/50 but when you're likely to live until 75/80 it's less relevant.

 

Definitely some good points there about the perils of settling down young. It is tough, and the one thing I want for my girls is that they get to live a good portion of their life without being weighed down with the commitments that I had at that age.

 

Life gets turned upside down and you lose a lot of mobility across many areas of life. The kids weigh into every decision, as they should - but I've had to turn down life-changing opportunities to serve the best interests of the girls.

 

There are a couple of advantages - energy levels for one thing; I had no problem with the sleepless nights when I was in my early twenties. Starting to see some positives now. As the eldest is now sixteen, Ms pap and I do have a freer hand in how we spend our evenings. We came to the startling realisation that we could go down the pub any night we liked the other day. That's a magical moment. Plus we'll both be in our very early forties when Juvenile Unit #2 zooms off to Uni.

 

The weird thing is, I'm not sure that Ms pap and I know what the hell we're going to do when that happens. Raising kids has been a central and almost constant part of our relationship. It is going to be very weird when both have flown the nest.

[Window Cleaner]

D

 

Plus we'll both be in our very early forties when Juvenile Unit #2 zooms off to Uni.

 

The weird thing is, I'm not sure that Ms pap and I know what the hell we're going to do when that happens. Raising kids has been a central and almost constant part of our relationship. It is going to be very weird when both have flown the nest.

 

 

For us not much changed for the first couple of years except that you're tackling their problems from afar and there are usually costs involved.Lost books become lost credit cards,a flat bike tyre becomes a fallen off exhaust pipe.Then you just get used to it,

we have one in England at Cranfeld finishing his PhD, the other is just starting out on her Masters in Marine Biology at Louisiana Lafayette,we don't see them very often but they're still very much a part of most things we do as yet.

[Jonnyboy]

Trouble is plenty of young people get into what they call 'stable relationships' at a far too early age.By the time they're 40 they've had enough of it,haven't lived, haven't travelled much, only nailed about 2 or 3 partners,kids are draining all their money etc etc.In my view there's a lot to be said for having a good look at the market until you're about 30 or so and then trying the old long term relationship thing.It what we did,worked for us. Up until then I must have nailed about 110/120 women, can't even remember all of their names now, as for the Mrs, I've never asked and don't really need to know.

Perhaps settling down early at 18/21 was relevant when the average life span was about 45/50 but when you're likely to live until 75/80 it's less relevant.

 

You've never asked your Mrs what her name is? Do you just call her "No. 1-2-0?"

[The9]

I think (at 39) I've probably pre-empted any mid-life crises by lurching from one situation to another for the best part of the previous 13 years already. So I'm well aware the grass isn't greener, have already done the "dating a teenager" thing (mid 00s but it wasn't a deliberate plan), done the "not committing" thing and sodded a few people about, and only properly settled down a couple of years ago.

 

Before that it was two engagements and moving to Southampton to live with someone I quite quickly started to dislike (and the feeling was mutual). Mid-30s I was looking to settle down - wrong person. Still didn't lose it though. Not quite.

 

So I'm good now, with my house and wife, working on the 2.4 children, safe in the knowledge that I'm not interested in anything else other than new football kits.

[Hatch]

Well, when I married my now ex-wife after 12 years together and 3 kids I thought that was it and we would be together forever.

 

About 3 years later we were hardly talking, carried on for another 2 hoping things would get back to where they were ...but no luck. We split.

 

Circumstances change, can't explain it, they just do.

 

 

I even predicted the final split ( and how it all panned out ) on this very forum, on one of the old 'what are you doing this weekend' threads

[Jones91]

I've come to the conclusion, that most of these crisis's that happened 'a few years ago' were all really down to saints being relegated from the top flight...

[Colinjb]

Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 30 when you haven't even done anything yet??

 

Surely that could be cause for the crisis......

[buctootim]

Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 30 when you haven't even done anything yet??

 

Thats a late youth crisis - "**** I haven't got it together yet, everyone else is so sorted, I need to find a direction but I dont know what". That comes before the "****, I shouldn't have rushed into doing that and now Im stuck forever and my life is going down the toilet" midlife crisis.

[norwaysaint]

have already done the "dating a teenager" thing (mid 00s but it wasn't a deliberate plan)

 

Sorry mate, that's younger than teenage and pretty sick imo.

[Chez]

Trouble is plenty of young people get into what they call 'stable relationships' at a far too early age.By the time they're 40 they've had enough of it,haven't lived, haven't travelled much, only nailed about 2 or 3 partners,kids are draining all their money etc etc.In my view there's a lot to be said for having a good look at the market until you're about 30 or so and then trying the old long term relationship thing.It what we did,worked for us. Up until then I must have nailed about 110/120 women, can't even remember all of their names now, as for the Mrs, I've never asked and don't really need to know.

 

Comic book guy moment (Simpsons) "Oh, I've wasted my life".

[The9]

Sorry mate, that's younger than teenage and pretty sick imo.

 

Lolz. Takes a certain kind of mind to even think of it like that.

 

She was 14... years younger than me.

[The9]

Well, when I married my now ex-wife after 12 years together and 3 kids I thought that was it and we would be together forever.

About 3 years later we were hardly talking, carried on for another 2 hoping things would get back to where they were ...but no luck. We split.

Circumstances change, can't explain it, they just do.

I even predicted the final split ( and how it all panned out ) on this very forum, on one of the old 'what are you doing this weekend' threads

 

I managed to go from "that holiday together was awesome, let's plan the wedding" with a fiancee I'd been really, really happy with for 2 years to "oh FFS, this is a nightmare" and both of us sitting next to each other on the sofa just glaring. That happened within 2 months with no single incident as a catalyst.

 

We glared on for another 3 months to see if we could get the way it was for the first 2 years back but it had just... gone. Couldn't explain it, it just stopped being enjoyable and we began resenting each other for wasting each other's time. Then spent another year or so sodding about whilst considering getting back together but never did, and I can't say I made the wrong decision overall.

 

That was still a bed of roses compared to the last break-up, the general disgust, being forced to live with her for another year and the hassle and cost of all of that from buying in a buoyant market and selling in a credit crunch after another year renting somewhere else and paying the mortgage too, then having to find a huge deposit to get back on the ladder, etc. At least I've never had kids messed about by it.

 

Like I said, I have nothing to gain from going through all that stuff again.

[Weston Saint]

Midlife crisis, not me. Married at 20, enjoyed being 30, 40, 50 and 60 comes up this year.

 

Lovely wife for 39 years. 2 great daughters and now a grand daughter.

 

Worked hard until 51 they got out with security for life

 

Travelled in this country and abroad. Off to Barbados in May for 10 days

 

Never had my head or heart turned.

 

Life has been good and continues to be good.

 

My late dad used to say "play the game straight and the game will play straight with you" Works for me.

[Give it to Ron]

Midlife crisis, not me. Married at 20, enjoyed being 30, 40, 50 and 60 comes up this year.

 

Lovely wife for 39 years. 2 great daughters and now a grand daughter.

 

Worked hard until 51 they got out with security for life

 

Travelled in this country and abroad. Off to Barbados in May for 10 days

 

Never had my head or heart turned.

 

Life has been good and continues to be good.

 

My late dad used to say "play the game straight and the game will play straight with you" Works for me.

 

Nice post...been married 29 years have 2 kids never cheated.....probably because I am visually challenged ;-)

[hypochondriac]

Nice post...been married 29 years have 2 kids never cheated.....probably because I am visually challenged ;-)

 

Nice to hear!

[scotty]

Nice to hear!

 

What, that he's half blind?

[sotonjoe]

Shouldnt have dumped Natsiedoodah then.

 

did he do her or something?

[Wade Garrett]

I've just shelled out a small fortune on a new TaylorMade driver. I am excited because it's given me more distance and a lower ball flight.

 

Is this the antithesis of a mid-life crisis? I love my mid-life!