Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Just before I log off tonight to go wash up, I thought I would open this gem up to all and sundry. On the train back from London today, I got a text from my Mrs saying I had to come up with an a to z of sexually related things to do in bed which we would do have to do. I came up with a few, but thought I would open it up to the world of TMS. So... there are obvious ones like: Anal Blow jobs blah blah blah, but feel free to come up with ideas. If they are good, I may even use them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ponty Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Auto-erotic asphyxiation. That's A to Zzzzzzzzzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jawillwill Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Will you be giving or taking the anal and blow jobs? I don't think you've really been clear enough... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge too far Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 C = cunnilingus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ponty Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiltshire Saint Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Auto-erotic asphyxiation. That's A to Zzzzzzzzzz Brilliant (and I mean that, not in the way you use the word). A - Angry ****ing B - beat the **** out of her C - Cheese grater on the testicles D - Doorknob up the arse E - Empty your bowels over her face F - Fist of fury G - Grope her mum H - Hang each other I - Injury table sex - sex on a table after smashing her head in J - Jewish sex K - Kippers up the arse L - Lego up the arse M - Monkey **** N - Nutella up the arse O - Oil up the arse P - Penis up the arse (hers for a change) Q - Quentin Crisp up the arse R - Roll on deoderant up the arse S - Strawberry jam smeared all over your micro penis and you spastic cat to lick it off T - Train set up the arse U - Under the bed V - violent and brutal buggery W - ****athon X - X-box up the arse Y - Y fronts stuffed in your mouth while she cuts strips off you tiny liitle **** Z - can't think of any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ludwig Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 homoeroticism.......I MEAN BOOBS HONESTLY, I'M NOT GAY AT ALL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mack rill Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Wiltshire, theres a lot of Anal in your post,,,,,,Little Bummer me thinks;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ponty Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 P - Penis up the arse (hers for a change) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robsk II Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Y - Y fronts stuffed in your mouth while she cuts strips off you tiny liitle **** Lols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 What is Jewish sex? That thing with the hole in the sheet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thedelldays Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 I = Inter racial F***ing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge too far Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 What is Jewish sex? That thing with the hole in the sheet? I thought it was where you had to bang your head against the wall, whilst chanting :smt102 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scudamore Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 S - Strawberry jam smeared all over your micro penis and you spastic cat to lick it off I'm looking forward to an angry and yet utterly lame response to this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 I thought it was where you had to bang your head against the wall, whilst chanting :smt102 Shame you're not allowed a helmet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rory Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 Auto-erotic asphyxiation. That's A to Zzzzzzzzzz Very funny/clever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 A- anal B-blow job/bondage C-cuddling/carressing........aahhhhh D-doggy style/domination E- F-fantasy and/or frigging 8-[ thank fook my mum doesn't read this!! G- a gag (in the mouth) H- handcuffs I-insert household object/foodstuffs :shock: J- jump on the bed (ok, it's not sexual but is good fun none-the-less!!) K-kiss (obviously) L-lick (wherever ya like) M-massage / missionary N- nipple clamps O- outfit (role-play) P- pouring stuff (candlewax/chocolate etc) Q- R- rodeo/reverse rodeo S- spoons and SIXTY NINE DUDE!!! T- tantric sex U- under the duvet (hot n sweaty) V- voyeurism (sp) W- wheelbarrow , **** X- :smt102 Y- Z- zzzzz (what every man does 2 minutes after sex!) sorry, i tried my best to get all 26, but my brain is tired now, and i'm getting more depressed listing all the things i HAVEN'T done for months!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 A- anal frigging 8-[ thank fook my mum doesn't read this!! G- a gag (in the mouth) H- handcuffs N- nipple clamps P- pouring stuff (candlewax/ W- wheelbarrow , **** sorry, i tried my best to get all 26, but my brain is tired now, and i'm getting more depressed listing all the things i HAVEN'T done for months!! The long winter nights must have flown :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 The long winter nights must have flown :shock: erm, yeh!!!.......maybe i should edit that to read SOME of the things i haven't done for months,eh!!! LOL :smt042 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 erm, yeh!!!.......maybe i should edit that to read SOME of the things i haven't done for months,eh!!! LOL :smt042 So, some of them you've done recently :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted 4 November, 2008 Share Posted 4 November, 2008 C = cunnilingus? First we give you the vote now this, when will the madness end? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 So, some of them you've done recently :shock: :smt042 sadly, only 2 of them........and one of the 2 is J !! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 5 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 5 November, 2008 Very good peep's, Mackrill I think you're right. Wiltshire does have an obsession with bumming. I think he is trying to say something... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 C = cunnilingus? Or if you don't fancy that, then cu nt licking instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junction 9 Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 :smt042 sadly, only 2 of them........and one of the 2 is J !! lol Is the other one I ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 Is the other one I ? nope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 F should obviously be "*****ing" by the way. Get a long bendy straw and some vaseline. That'll learn her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 I'm impressed that's on the rude-filter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 A = Answerphone message her Grandad, surely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiltshire Saint Posted 5 November, 2008 Share Posted 5 November, 2008 Very good peep's, Mackrill I think you're right. Wiltshire does have an obsession with bumming. I think he is trying to say something... Yes, I'm trying to say you're a massive gaylord and all this stuff about having a girlfriend is ********. I am certain you are a homosexual, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I don't understand why you are so ashamed about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 6 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 6 November, 2008 Yes, I'm trying to say you're a massive gaylord and all this stuff about having a girlfriend is ********. I am certain you are a homosexual, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I don't understand why you are so ashamed about it. Yes I am a raging homo and I only talk about my Mrs to make me feel more secure :biggayrolleyeyedthingy: If I were teh gay, Id be one of the propper gays, not ones which hide in the closet pretending not to be gay, Id be a non-camp propper gay. But unfortunately for you Crouchie I am sadly not. I am happy with my Mrs and should you require any proof of my sexual preferences, give me your mothers address and I shall gladly service her to prove it. You're more than welcome to watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillyanne Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 Yes I am a raging homo and I only talk about my Mrs to make me feel more secure :biggayrolleyeyedthingy: If I were teh gay, Id be one of the propper gays, not ones which hide in the closet pretending not to be gay, Id be a non-camp propper gay. But unfortunately for you Crouchie I am sadly not. I am happy with my Mrs and should you require any proof of my sexual preferences, give me your mothers address and I shall gladly service her to prove it. You're more than welcome to watch. His mum might be 80 years old though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 6 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 6 November, 2008 His mum might be 80 years old though. Meh, Im fine with that. Whatever a man has to do to and all that. Something to do before Im 30 too. Bang a lady over 50 years older than me. Think of the experience! She would be filth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyLass Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 His mum might be 80 years old though. It wouldn't put INS off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 6 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 6 November, 2008 It wouldn't put INS off. :smt058 Commitment to the cause and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyLass Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 :smt058 Commitment to the cause and all that No, just plain wrong, not to mention sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 6 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 6 November, 2008 No, just plain wrong, not to mention sick. She's sick too? God, its getting worse. Its nothing contagious is it? Not an STI? Ill just have to do the old Irish trick. To be sure, to be sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyLass Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 She's sick too? God, its getting worse. Its nothing contagious is it? Not an STI? Ill just have to do the old Irish trick. To be sure, to be sure Make sure you double bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 6 November, 2008 Author Share Posted 6 November, 2008 Ill just have to do the old Irish trick. To be sure, to be sure Make sure you double bag. Which is what I mean by the 'Irish trick' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyLass Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 Which is what I mean by the 'Irish trick' Ah, sorry, I'm being a bit slow, today is not a good day for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmel Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 Just before I log off tonight to go wash up, I thought I would open this gem up to all and sundry. On the train back from London today, I got a text from my Mrs saying I had to come up with an a to z of sexually related things to do in bed which we would do have to do. I came up with a few, but thought I would open it up to the world of TMS. So... there are obvious ones like: Anal Blow jobs blah blah blah, but feel free to come up with ideas. If they are good, I may even use them! Did this girl that sent you the text ever had a python, that starved itself for two weeks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barfy Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 If you have to try them (her rules), then T for Threesome? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 6 November, 2008 Share Posted 6 November, 2008 A = Arse B = Bagpiping/Bukake C = Cunnilingus D = Donkeypunch E = Ear F = *****ing G = Gooching H = Handjob I = J = K = L = M = Monkeyface N = O = P = Q = R = Reacharound S = Spiderman T = Tower Bridge/Tromboning U = V = W = Watersports X = Y = Z = Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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