Telling young children about a lost loved one...

[saintscottofthenortham]

What to do? Where to start?

[SuperMikey]

First of all, i'm sorry for your loss. Hope your family are bearing up mate.

 

How young are the children? I remember my Mum telling me and my younger Brother when I was about 6 and he was 4, that my Gran's partner (who we idolised as our Grandfather died long before we were born) was seriously ill in hospital and we just didn't understand at all. He died a few days later, and then when we went to visit my Gran as a family for christmas, my brother and I kept asking where he was. It's a difficult thing to explain the loss of a loved one like that. Putting it in simple terms with few details is probably the best option, but I think the most important thing from your end is don't expect the children to fully understand at first. I don't know if your family is religious or not, but heaven is a good thing to talk about I think. Hope the advice helps mate.

[doubleonothing]

Sorry for your loss mate.

 

Have they ever had a pet that has died? Mate of mine found it so much easier to explain to his youngest about the death of a family member after a pet had died than he had to his eldest previously. Random as it sounds he also used a sesame street video a teacher friend lent him which dealt with death quite well. You can probably find it on YouTube.

 

Hope this is of some use,

[saintscottofthenortham]

Thanks chaps. Very difficult time indeed. Mikey, it's very similar to yours as kid. My missus step dad passed away, but he has been there since her 1st birthday and he was the rock of the family. My daughters are 16 months and 3 & a half years so whilst the youngest is too young to have any idea bless her, my eldest is asking when she can see him. He had been in hospital for 10 days so we had explained that he had a very poorly head and the doctors were trying to make him better.

 

Have sat down with her and explained. Have never had to explain death before. Nobody close to her has ever died, no pets or anything. Thing is, just as we were waiting for my mum to get over last night so we could get up the hospital (as he'd took a sudden turn), my eldest turned to her auntie and said "Badad (grandad) has died, but he isn't in the sky yet." We have never even explained that humans die, we hadnt spoken about it in front of the kids and as everyone was upset we specifically didnt mention "Badad" as she would have twigged. I have no idea where that come from.

 

Explaining to her this morning was the hardest thing I have ever done, but she doesn't fully understand. I told her that he has gone to live in the sky and be a star, the brightest one. When we want to say hello, we have to look to the sky. She then come out with something about clouds and they will go away when he wants to say hello. Incredible.

 

Thanks again.

[Essruu]

 

Have they ever had a pet that has died? Mate of mine found it so much easier to explain to his youngest about the death of a family member after a pet had died than he had to his eldest previously.

 

I don't see how telling a small child that a fully grown adult has been flushed down the loo like a goldfish, or put in a wheelie bin like a gerbil is going to help.

[Chorlton]

I don't see how telling a small child that a fully grown adult has been flushed down the loo like a goldfish, or put in a wheelie bin like a gerbil is going to help.

Wrong time I knoiw, but that did make me chuckle.

 

Anyway, when we lost our middle son, we explained it in many different ways to our eldest, but we were also given books to read to him that explained what had happened in 'nice' ways.

[sussexsaint]

Sorry to hear about this mate. We lost my wifes Mum last year to cancer. The kids at that time were 6 and 8 , we told them and explained what was happening and they just took it all on board , no tears, just a bit sad and low - more upset seeing their Mum cry. I think real deep grief comes with age you may be surprised.

[saintscottofthenortham]

I don't see how telling a small child that a fully grown adult has been flushed down the loo like a goldfish, or put in a wheelie bin like a gerbil is going to help.

 

Did make me smile.

 

Thanks again guys, it's the shock more than anything at the moment. So sudden and so young. Life is cruel at times.

[Dimond Geezer]

Sorry for your loss, my condolences to you & your family.

 

When my gran, passed away, she was very close to my kids. My kids were about 9 & 5, my eldest was very close to her, (as she used to mind him for a few hours each week until he started school), & we used the "gone to heaven" line. My youngest couldn't say it very well and said she'd gone to Devon. Should you not want to put a religious slant on it, you could always say grandad has become a star in the sky, go outside on a starry night, and pick a star that will become grandad for evermore.

 

Don't worry about the kids though, they're more resillient than you may give them credit. There will be tears, no doubt, but after a very short time they will move on. They won't forget, but it won't bother them either.