1976_Child Posted 15 October, 2011 Share Posted 15 October, 2011 I went to bed the other night, wearing my Red Sash shirt from last season. Before drifting off I had a tug and ended up with a puddle of ball-juice in the hollow between my thumb and forefinger. You know how it is; you have a tug, you cum, the endorphins wash through you and it takes a while before you have any energy to mop up. In the meantime your subconscious is diligently at work to maintain the wrist in a correct alignment so that the ball-juice doesn't overflow the thumb-forefinger hollow and cascade down onto the bed sheets. But eventually it dawns on you that you must mop up and get some kip. At this point, the other night, I am ashamed to say that I used my Saints shirt to mop up. In my defense I did put it in the wash first thing in the morning. But I am still ashamed. Toilet paper just sticks to your ****. Letting the juice flow onto the bed sheets is just wrong and attempting to pull a pillow-case off a pillow whilst cupping the juice is really, really difficult. Trust me. So, what should one use to clean up after masturbating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OttawaSaint Posted 15 October, 2011 Share Posted 15 October, 2011 LOL what a w4nker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timebomb Posted 15 October, 2011 Share Posted 15 October, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint_clark Posted 15 October, 2011 Share Posted 15 October, 2011 I shake my hand about in the fish tank. It didn't go down to well with the previous occupants, but it did mean that after a while I was able to keep salt water fish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1976_Child Posted 15 October, 2011 Author Share Posted 15 October, 2011 I shake my hand about in the fish tank. It didn't go down to well with the previous occupants, but it did mean that after a while I was able to keep salt water fish. LOL. I've actually just re-read my initial post. At tad embarrassed as it happens. Came in ****ed out of my head and what seamed like a good idea to share my personal habits with y'all in the cold sober light of day.... maybe not so. Oh well. I'm on the wagon for two weeks now. the liver starting to really hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skintsaint Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 http://fukung.net/v/2349/go_****_yourself.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 I shake my hand about in the fish tank. It didn't go down to well with the previous occupants, but it did mean that after a while I was able to keep salt water fish. Excellent, smithers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 ...oh, and if you lean on your hand til it goes numb, it will feel like someone else is cleaning it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pilsburydoughboy Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 Socks are a very useful item. Just dont put them on afterwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericofarabia Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 i think I know the answer to this one .... isn't this where we say ..."your mum's curtains" .... LOL at you posting whilst whankered Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 Spelling far to good to be properly drunk, hmmmm.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 Also, it's pretty much impossible to **** whilst being so ****ed that you feel obliged to share the experience. This seems to me to be a case of some imbibation folllowed by self-sullying, but with an exhibitionist bent. The defence may argue he cannot hold his drink, the prosecution will counter with 'he is able to hold his jizz'. The defendant is found guilty of ****ing, with supplementary exhibitionsism and self loathing (to run concurrently) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 Spelling far to good to be properly drunk, hmmmm.... agrees/w jonny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itchen_block4 Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 posh **** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 16 October, 2011 Share Posted 16 October, 2011 Your Mother. That was not nice, I am sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1976_Child Posted 17 October, 2011 Author Share Posted 17 October, 2011 Also, it's pretty much impossible to **** whilst being so ****ed that you feel obliged to share the experience. This seems to me to be a case of some imbibation folllowed by self-sullying, but with an exhibitionist bent. The defence may argue he cannot hold his drink, the prosecution will counter with 'he is able to hold his jizz'. The defendant is found guilty of ****ing, with supplementary exhibitionsism and self loathing (to run concurrently) the clue is in the first few words of my post. "I went to bed the other night.." And I have always been a better writer when drunk. Dunno why it works that way but it does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 17 October, 2011 Share Posted 17 October, 2011 My tongue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 17 October, 2011 Share Posted 17 October, 2011 My tongue. Sicko. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 17 October, 2011 Share Posted 17 October, 2011 the clue is in the first few words of my post. "I went to bed the other night.." And I have always been a better writer when drunk. Dunno why it works that way but it does. He's obviously not a proper man as he clearly suffers from brewers droop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 17 October, 2011 Share Posted 17 October, 2011 The wife's face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted 18 October, 2011 Share Posted 18 October, 2011 the clue is in the first few words of my post. "I went to bed the other night.." And I have always been a better writer when drunk. Dunno why it works that way but it does. You need to be a bettter w@nka so you don't soil your saints shirt. For heavens sake, monking all over the red and white, whatever next? And you need to get yourself a Doris, at least then you can dump it all on her side of the bed instead of messing yourself up with sticky-white love ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richie Posted 19 October, 2011 Share Posted 19 October, 2011 Always do it over the bathroom sink. Then mop up with bog roll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itchen_block4 Posted 19 October, 2011 Share Posted 19 October, 2011 The idea is to know how you are going to clean up before you start tugging. If you are stuck, maybe you could swallow it or rub it over your face as jizz supposedly has anti-aging properties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DECROMAX Posted 19 October, 2011 Share Posted 19 October, 2011 Bread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trousers Posted 19 October, 2011 Share Posted 19 October, 2011 The dilema could be worse. You could be a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martel Posted 22 October, 2011 Share Posted 22 October, 2011 I went to bed the other night, wearing my Red Sash shirt from last season. Before drifting off I had a tug and ended up with a puddle of ball-juice in the hollow between my thumb and forefinger. You know how it is; you have a tug, you cum, the endorphins wash through you and it takes a while before you have any energy to mop up. In the meantime your subconscious is diligently at work to maintain the wrist in a correct alignment so that the ball-juice doesn't overflow the thumb-forefinger hollow and cascade down onto the bed sheets. But eventually it dawns on you that you must mop up and get some kip. At this point, the other night, I am ashamed to say that I used my Saints shirt to mop up. In my defense I did put it in the wash first thing in the morning. But I am still ashamed. Toilet paper just sticks to your ****. Letting the juice flow onto the bed sheets is just wrong and attempting to pull a pillow-case off a pillow whilst cupping the juice is really, really difficult. Trust me. So, what should one use to clean up after masturbating? I just drink it down, no need to clean up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 24 October, 2011 Share Posted 24 October, 2011 The idea is to know how you are going to clean up before you start tugging. If you are stuck, maybe you could swallow it or rub it over your face as jizz supposedly has anti-aging properties. So that's what you tell the mrs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 25 October, 2011 Share Posted 25 October, 2011 I knock one out in the bath. It's just cleaner. It feels better too. A nice bit o' resistance. Sometimes the duck gets it, sometimes I just do it manually, but whatever the weather it's nice. You can't do it in a scalding hot bath though, it has to be a bit cooler, else you get a red bell end. It's quite arty too, watching the milky white goodness spew out and float around - like watching little sea monkeys. The worst bit though it when it begins to float back towards you - no matter how quick you try and get out of that bath, it just comes back quicker - and spunky dunk in the old pubes is a bugger to clean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 25 October, 2011 Share Posted 25 October, 2011 I knock one out in the bath. It's just cleaner. It feels better too. A nice bit o' resistance. Sometimes the duck gets it, sometimes I just do it manually, but whatever the weather it's nice. You can't do it in a scalding hot bath though, it has to be a bit cooler, else you get a red bell end. It's quite arty too, watching the milky white goodness spew out and float around - like watching little sea monkeys. The worst bit though it when it begins to float back towards you - no matter how quick you try and get out of that bath, it just comes back quicker - and spunky dunk in the old pubes is a bugger to clean. You're russell brand, arent you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 25 October, 2011 Share Posted 25 October, 2011 I tend to shoot my brandy sauce in mum's coffee mug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 25 October, 2011 Share Posted 25 October, 2011 I tend to shoot my brandy sauce in mum's coffee mug. Meh, youre doing her a favour. Its all protein isnt it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 25 October, 2011 Share Posted 25 October, 2011 It makes a nice sound if you splatter over a newspaper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 26 October, 2011 Share Posted 26 October, 2011 You're russell brand, arent you. If I were married to Katy Perry, there'd be no need for masturbation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 26 October, 2011 Share Posted 26 October, 2011 I knock one out in the bath. It's just cleaner. It feels better too. A nice bit o' resistance. Sometimes the duck gets it, sometimes I just do it manually, but whatever the weather it's nice. You can't do it in a scalding hot bath though, it has to be a bit cooler, else you get a red bell end. It's quite arty too, watching the milky white goodness spew out and float around - like watching little sea monkeys. The worst bit though it when it begins to float back towards you - no matter how quick you try and get out of that bath, it just comes back quicker - and spunky dunk in the old pubes is a bugger to clean. This I believe is known as 'Teenage crusty bath w@nk' syndrome. It calcifies like chewing gum and takes week to get off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 26 October, 2011 Share Posted 26 October, 2011 This I believe is known as 'Teenage crusty bath w@nk' syndrome. It calcifies like chewing gum and takes week to get off. ...or provides a handy salt lick for the cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat Posted 9 November, 2011 Share Posted 9 November, 2011 ...or provides a handy salt lick for the cat. Mmmmm. Nothing I like more than mopping up random love custard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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