Saint dyer Posted 15 August, 2011 Posted 15 August, 2011 http://twitter.com/#!/TheBig_Sam pure class. best parody account on twitter?? i think so
SuperMikey Posted 15 August, 2011 Posted 15 August, 2011 Another day, another staggering text message from Nigel Havers. "Question old bean - if you shove your plonker up your sleeping butler's ar*e as part of some ongoing hi-jinks, does it count as rape?" Then within five minutes he's texting again, asking me for the recipe to my famous peppermint slices. I think he's f*cking bi-polar.
Saint dyer Posted 15 August, 2011 Author Posted 15 August, 2011 TheBig_SamnotBigSam "Away at Doncaster tomorrow. Don't know much about the place so looked it up on Google Images. F ucking hell." "
saintbletch Posted 15 August, 2011 Posted 15 August, 2011 It's very good. Very creative. I feel like setting fire to this dressing room and watching these useless bastards squeal like terrified orphans. f***ing furious. Team tactics... "What are our tactics for Sunday, boss?" asked Matty T. "These are our tactics," I replied, thrusting my pulsating gentials into his face. I then got the entire squad to stare at my cock & balls for a full 11 mins. "Stare at it!", I roared. "Stare at it and feed off its power." By the end of the 11 mins, the lads are in some sort of voodoo trance. Jimmy Tompkins is levitating and Ruud Boffin is foaming at the mouth. Then we sang 'Debaser' by Pixies & went off for a relaxing Jacuzzi. I've never known lads to be so ready for a game. It's gonna be carnage.
Saint dyer Posted 15 August, 2011 Author Posted 15 August, 2011 It's very good. Very creative. I feel like setting fire to this dressing room and watching these useless bastards squeal like terrified orphans. f***ing furious. Team tactics... "What are our tactics for Sunday, boss?" asked Matty T. "These are our tactics," I replied, thrusting my pulsating gentials into his face. I then got the entire squad to stare at my cock & balls for a full 11 mins. "Stare at it!", I roared. "Stare at it and feed off its power." By the end of the 11 mins, the lads are in some sort of voodoo trance. Jimmy Tompkins is levitating and Ruud Boffin is foaming at the mouth. Then we sang 'Debaser' by Pixies & went off for a relaxing Jacuzzi. I've never known lads to be so ready for a game. It's gonna be carnage. lol!! cracks me up every time. genius
skintsaint Posted 16 August, 2011 Posted 16 August, 2011 I hate the way women get all offended when they find out you've been ****ing over their Facebook photos. It's a ****ing compliment.
keithd Posted 17 August, 2011 Posted 17 August, 2011 "away to Watford tonight. F**k me Im bored of this league already" "I wish I was on speaking terms with Elton John. i'd give the little bastard a right royal ribbing for spanking his boys tonight"
This Charming Man Posted 18 August, 2011 Posted 18 August, 2011 Certainly one of my favourites. The fake Cortese one makes me chuckle as well.
Golden Balls Posted 18 August, 2011 Posted 18 August, 2011 I hate the way women get all offended when they find out you've been ****ing over their Facebook photos. It's a ****ing compliment. Followed up with 'I'd be f ucking delighted if I thought there were women out the fudding themselves off to a picture of Big Sam. What an honour'
Smirking_Saint Posted 18 August, 2011 Posted 18 August, 2011 The bit about the Venkys blackburn advert is f*cking quality, from about july 28th
SuperMikey Posted 18 August, 2011 Posted 18 August, 2011 The bit about the Venkys blackburn advert is f*cking quality, from about july 28th This one? Just seen that Venky's chicken advert with the Blackburn lads. Wow. Just wow. Just when I think they couldn't possibly be any dumber, they go and do something like this, and totally redeem themselves. Loving Dunny's work in it. He's all "where'd my chicken go?!" And then he sees that Pederson & Roberts took it and he's like "you guyyyyys!" It's not entirely realistic, though. If anyone even glanced at Dunny's food he'd stab them in the ****ing eye. And the video evidence:
Crazy Diamond Posted 21 August, 2011 Posted 21 August, 2011 His pre-Cardiff tweets were brilliant. "I feel amazing today. Zen even. Zen as ****. To top it all off, Youssou N'Dour is popping round this aftertoon to chip my Nintendo Wii." "I am so ****ing psyched about the Cardiff game on Sunday. I just took a **** in a musical jewellery box and posted it to Katherine Jenkins" "Is she even from Cardiff? I don't ****ing care. That's how psyched I am."
Thedelldays Posted 21 August, 2011 Posted 21 August, 2011 lol Half time. A chance to run my tactical comb of innovation through the wavy hair of footballing perception.
skintsaint Posted 24 August, 2011 Posted 24 August, 2011 TheBig_Sam notBigSam Disgusted with the lads. Pushed them into the showers & made them watch Wally Downes **** himself off with a milk bottle. That'll learn 'em.
Saint dyer Posted 24 August, 2011 Author Posted 24 August, 2011 Maybe it's me," I muttered to myself. "Maybe Big Sam just isn't good enough." Then I saw Callum McNaughton taking a **** and thought, "Nah, it's that c unt's fault I launched at McNaughton like a mardy mountain cat, scratching at the back of his big ginger head and enveloping him in terror. I wanted to hurt him. I grabbed his cock and yanked it with all my might. "Get off my di ck, boss!" he squealed. "Fu ck off!," I roared back.
saintscottofthenortham Posted 24 August, 2011 Posted 24 August, 2011 Maybe it's me," I muttered to myself. "Maybe Big Sam just isn't good enough." Then I saw Callum McNaughton taking a **** and thought, "Nah, it's that c unt's fault I launched at McNaughton like a mardy mountain cat, scratching at the back of his big ginger head and enveloping him in terror. I wanted to hurt him. I grabbed his cock and yanked it with all my might. "Get off my di ck, boss!" he squealed. "Fu ck off!," I roared back. Start from the bottom.................................. TheBig_Sam notBigSam Promised the wife i'd shoot one up her Bisto pipe tonight but I'm not in the mood now. Might just put on some Boards of Canada & drift away. 9 minutes ago » TheBig_Sam notBigSam I won't hold grudges, though. I'll bring him in some of my lemon torte tomorrow, cuddle him and make him feel ten foot tall. Psychology. 17 minutes ago » TheBig_Sam notBigSam I left him weeping in the urinal, crushed and battered. He's just a boy but he needs to learn that Big Sam is whirling windmill of terror. 20 minutes ago » TheBig_Sam notBigSam "You have the right to pain!" retorted a magnificent Big Sam, as I dropped his dreadful cock & ripped off a clutch of pathetic ginger pubes. 33 minutes ago » TheBig_Sam notBigSam "This is totally inappropriate!" he whimpered. tears forming in his panicked, bewildered eyes. "I have rights!" 34 minutes ago » TheBig_Sam notBigSam I wanted to hurt him. I grabbed his cock and yanked it with all my might. "Get off my ****, boss!" he squealed. "**** off!," I roared back.
Lets B Avenue Posted 1 September, 2011 Posted 1 September, 2011 "I desperately tried to get Yakubu to the club but once he saw that Venkys Chicken advert his mind was made up." "Apparently he turned up at Blackburn wearing a bib and holding a knife and fork. Like a cartoon wolf. He's made his bed now." Comedy gold.
sambosa75 Posted 1 September, 2011 Posted 1 September, 2011 Some of the stuff is very similar to the Kris Akabusi stories. It's either him or someone who has been heavily influenced.
Thedelldays Posted 11 October, 2011 Posted 11 October, 2011 Read his latest talking about Karen Brady LoL
Nexstar Posted 11 October, 2011 Posted 11 October, 2011 "However, if someone wants to sort out Big Sam with a free iPad, I'll pen an obituary of such poignancy, you'll cry your fanny off." "Oh, and I obviously mean an iPad 2. If you send me the first one, I'll post you back a bag of my own ****. I'm not a ****ing charity case." "Gemma Arterton was just on. I'd pour boiling water over my own face to get close to her, the sexy little rascal."
Thedelldays Posted 12 October, 2011 Posted 12 October, 2011 Had a meeting with Karren Brady today. She kept shuffling around in her seat. Eventually she said: "Ever had a big thumb up your arse?" "Does my sexuality make you uncomfortable, Big Sam?" she purred, before plunging a big dildo into a sachet of 'Dip Dab' and sucking it off. Big Sam is a confident and aggressive sexual combatant, but I won't lie - this woman ****ing terrifies me. I've passed her office three times now and seen her sucking her own tits. I've never known such a voracious appetite for self-gratification. lol
Saint_clark Posted 28 October, 2011 Posted 28 October, 2011 The Cortese one is sh*t, just lots of "bladdys" and trying to get naked pictures of underage girls. TheBig_Sam however is absolute comedy gold.
saint_stevo Posted 30 October, 2011 Posted 30 October, 2011 Fabio_capello_ is worth a read https://twitter.com/#!/search/Fabio_Capello_
Saint_clark Posted 2 November, 2011 Posted 2 November, 2011 Some f*cking cracking posts on there tonight. "Bristol Cities - Big Fat Titties". I wrote that little poem at half-time tonight. Short, hilarious, provocative and sublime. Unfortunately, it proved to be the single glittering highlight of an otherwise spunk-drenched, ****-rag of a game. Was there any late goals? I stopped paying attention by the 75th minute. I was too busy seeing if I could eek out a secret flaccid ****. By the way, I thoroughly recommend flaccid ****s. I patented the idea in January 1997 and I've never looked back. They are extraordinary. Granted, it takes Big Sam-levels of mind control to achieve orgasm during a flaccid ****, but what is a man if he dare not dream? **** all. Just imagine squeezing a big wallop of toothpaste out of its tube really slowly. But with the sure-footed assurance of a mountain lion. Now imagine the tube is attached to your balls and as the last dollop of paste plops onto the floor, your body is quivering with ecstasy. That, my friends, is the unending, endorphin-spanking magnificence of the Big Sam Flaccid ****.
RonManager Posted 15 January, 2012 Posted 15 January, 2012 Play up Pompey? Oh, I did. Right up their sh ite-flute. Hammer time.
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