The poo rating thread

[Griffo]

Following on from a few poo related threads, I thought I'd tell you all of a delightful experience I just had.

 

After eating 3 packets of crisps and 5 sausage rolls, the poo was rather firm and needed little wiping. The turd itself was large in size, and therefore took a lot of time to emerge, meaning the experience was longer than usual and I could fully appreciate the environment around me. There was absolutely no splashback, which surprised me because as I mentioned, it was a large poo. Also, Sky Sports News was on next door so I could hear football transfer rumours and stories through the wall, further adding to the experience. The window was slightly open too, filling the room with sunlight. I could also hear birds singing which topped it all off. Overall, I'd give it an 8/10. Please feel free to share your pooing experiences on this thread, and please remember to give a rating.

[Hatch]

Just this week .

 

I had a bizarre two tone poo.

 

So astonished was I , that i wanted to take a photograph to share with the world, but alas I did not have my phone with me.

 

It was about 7 to 8 inches long and one side was dark brown, the other a more light tan colour. Perfectly split lengthwise down the middle.

 

edit : to add pic.

 

Obviously I can't google tow tone poos while at work, but I did find this pic, The two colours on this fine ladies jodhpurs perfectly illustrate the two colours that I have been trying to describe..

 

Edited 5 August, 2011 by Hatch

[saintscottofthenortham]

Just this week .

 

I had a bizarre two tone poo.

 

So astonished was I , that i wanted to take a photograph to share with the world, but alas I did not have my phone with me.

 

It was about 7 to 8 inches long and one side was dark brown, the other a more light tan colour. Perfectly split lengthwise down the middle.

 

edit : to add pic.

 

Obviously I can't google tow tone poos while at work, but I did find this pic, The two colours on this fine ladies jodhpurs perfectly illustrate the two colours that I have been trying to describe..

 

 

Talking of poo... I'd eat hers.

[Dimond Geezer]

It would be more helpful if you could rate them with this:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

 

For your delight & delectation, I'm generaly a Type 4, but due to a rather unfortunate, yet sometimes quite spectacular, bowel complaint I can occasionally get to a Type 6 at short notice. Before diagnosis I was doing a 7. You really don't want to be either in my way, or following me in to the thunder-box when I have a flare-up.

[scotty]

Christ almighty, this site is going down the pan. Any chance of an embargo of excrement-related threads, mods? Maybe a poll?

[saintscottofthenortham]

Christ almighty, this site is going down the pan. Any chance of an embargo of excrement-related threads, mods? Maybe a poll?

 

Great idea!!! A poll on where each of us stands on the Bristol Stool Scale. Mods, sort it out yeh?

[Hatch]

Christ almighty, this site is going down the pan. Any chance of an embargo of excrement-related threads, mods? Maybe a poll?

 

ha ha, good one!

[scotty]

ha ha, good one!

 

Freudian slip....

[Smirking_Saint]

Had a bit of a green poo the other day, no idea why

 

shouldn't have sucked off Kermit I suppose.

[Gigersaint]

Maybe this will help with the rating?...

 

TYPES OF POO

 

Ghost Poo:

You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the

toilet. Where is it?

 

Teflon Poo:

So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the

toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

 

Goo Poo:

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you

still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your

underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the

toilet.

 

Second Thoughts Poo:

You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise...

there's more to come.

 

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:

This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out

until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

 

Weight Watchers Poo:

You poo so much you lose several pounds.

 

Right Now Poo:

You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to

get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your

pants down.

 

King Kong Poo:

This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you

break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well.

This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

 

Cork Poo:

Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there,

floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

 

Wet Cheeks Poo:

This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the

launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

 

Wish Poo:

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

 

Cement Block Poo:

You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

 

Snake Poo:

This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least

three feet long.

 

Morning After Poo:

Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't

smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house

(normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside

to use the bathroom.

 

Mexican Food Poo:

Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum

stops burning.

 

Boo Hoo Poo:

Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the

stitches or go for the fuller figure