1976_Child Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I have become aware that I need to take more care of how I spend my time. One place I tend to spend too much time is in the bog. On average I spend a good 15 minutes and I don't suffer from constipation. 15 minutes per day * 365 = almost 4 days a year sitting on the bog. This is appears to be a huge waste of time. Over the next 30 years that would mean a third of a year on the pan. Is my routine normal? How long do you take on the pan per day?
Thorpe-le-Saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I've never understood this; surely you just want to get in and get out as quickly as possible? Maximum of 5 mins for me.
1976_Child Posted 20 July, 2011 Author Posted 20 July, 2011 I've never understood this; surely you just want to get in and get out as quickly as possible? Maximum of 5 mins for me. I don't know. I just get comfy and once I finished depositing I keep procrastinating about the wiping bit. Eventually my feet go numb and I know it is time to leave.
pap Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Between 10 and 20 minutes, as soon as I get up in the morning. Normally take something into the bog with me, and have names for toilet-tech combinations. iPoo - a poo in the company of an iOS device. PSPoo - a poo with ye olde PSP in tow. Craptop - any poo using a portable personal computer. The Today Poogramme - The art of listening to John Humphries grill a politician while trying to crimp one out.
Colinjb Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Per day a mean average of 13 minutes and 38.4 seconds. With a mean variance of 2 minutes and 5.9 seconds. Further statistical analysis can be provided if required.
1976_Child Posted 20 July, 2011 Author Posted 20 July, 2011 Per day a mean average of 13 minutes and 38.4 seconds. With a mean variance of 2 minutes and 5.9 seconds. Further statistical analysis can be provided if required. std dev?
saintscottofthenortham Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I sit on the pooperhousen until my feet really really tingle. I know when they start to tingle, that my angry birds session is coming to an end but it's not until they feel like I have mice crawling on the inside of them do I actually think about the wiping. By which point, I can barely stand to wipe. I quite often talk to you guys whilst curling a log out.
Julian H. Cope Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Depends how good the article/book I'm reading. If I take the iPad I can be in there for at least 30mins, I like the solace it gives me.
timebomb Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 An SAS strike - max 5 minutes usually 1-2 minutes, not counting the paperwork!
Swansea_Saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I break my pooing time into two parts in the mornings, need the first part as soon as I wake up which takes 2 minutes at most, then about half an hour later I'll have my second wind, again about 2 minutes, efficient pooing!!
Gigersaint Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Apart from weekends my body clock usually means I always have to go at work, no matter how long I sit on the toilet for I know that I'm being paid for it. Over the course of the year and averaging around 15 minutes a time it adds up to 59 hours of pay, which is not too bad really for sitting on my ass
Dog Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Depends on What I've eaten. If I don't need to wipe then 5 mins max, if I've eaten liver or curry or hit the cider then 5 mins slide out time and 20 mins wiping until my arse bleeds or run out of paper then I go looking for a newspaper which isn't funny when your arse is dropping blobs.
Dog Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I sit on the pooperhousen until my feet really really tingle. I know when they start to tingle, that my angry birds session is coming to an end but it's not until they feel like I have mice crawling on the inside of them do I actually think about the wiping. By which point, I can barely stand to wipe. I quite often talk to you guys whilst curling a log out. Stand to wipe? I bet your Y fronts are minging.
hamster Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Until Mrs h brings me a cup of tea plus drinking time. OR, until my HTC needs charging. Someone needs to invent a 10 metre retractable HTC charger cable. I am convinced that I could live in my bathroom if only Mrs h was not so stubborn about bringing my meals to me in there.
Jonnyboy Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Does anyone else watch porn whilst having a dump???
pap Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Multi-tasking, eh? Imagine if you kicked the bucket during your vinegar strokes... Wouldn't look very good when your family finds you.
The Cat Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I often end up reading my son's Beano while on the crapper and then wipe my arse on a copy of the Daily Mail.
Saint-scooby Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 I have been enjoing myself on the loo recently, had some great poo's and been feeling really good after, but 5 mins is really long enough, unless I block it then it can take a while.
RedAndWhite91 Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Completed a Where's Wally book on the bog earlier.
Lighthouse Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 My experience is extended slightly because my flush doesn't work, so I have to send a bucket of water down to chase all the Yule logs out the U bend. Problem is I've got some stuff in my flat I'd rather my landlord didn't know about, so I can't really phone him to get it fixed.
Truesaint Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 I do mine at work and take plenty of time with reading material or iphone etc. A good 15 mins. If that works out at 4 days over the course of the year, thats nearly an extra weeks paid leave! Not forgetting, not having to pay for the water or bog paper either. This makes a good time investment and i guess you could say paid at time and turd, bargain!
ecuk268 Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 I often end up reading my son's Beano while on the crapper and then wipe my arse on a copy of the Daily Mail. You sir, have style!!
TopGun Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 Between 10 and 20 minutes, as soon as I get up in the morning. Normally take something into the bog with me, and have names for toilet-tech combinations. iPoo - a poo in the company of an iOS device. PSPoo - a poo with ye olde PSP in tow. Craptop - any poo using a portable personal computer. The Today Poogramme - The art of listening to John Humphries grill a politician while trying to crimp one out. There's the benefit of a good education.
keithd Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 Stand to wipe? I bet your Y fronts are minging. thank you! i cant believe it took 6 posts before anybody mentioned this!! standing to wipe? odd behaviour
SNSUN Posted 21 July, 2011 Posted 21 July, 2011 Depends on the type of poo. If it's a big, tough old log, then I'd spend more time on the bog but less time wiping. If it's one of those poos where your bum explodes and it sprays everywhere, then pooing time is minimal but wiping time is increased. Also, if I'm at home, i'll generally have a shower after, which adds 15 minutes on top.
KK the 2nd Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 15 minutes on average. 15 ÷ 60minutes ÷ 24hours x 365days x 80years = 304 days of your life. If you spend 20 minutes its over a year of your life on the loo.
sambosa75 Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 I managed to get a full game of World Domination 20/20 Stick Cricket yesterday during a convenience break at work.
lettuce Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 thank you! i cant believe it took 6 posts before anybody mentioned this!! standing to wipe? odd behaviour No way! It wasn't until a couple of years ago when a mate in the pub asked the question "sit or stand to wipe" that I realised there was a choice! I've always been a "stander", as are 4 out of the 5 mates who answered the question (the only "sitter" was the mate who asked the question) How does "sitting to wipe" work?... Do you pop your hand between your legs or do you slide forward on the seat to allow access for the rear?
Petersfield Saint Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 Apart from weekends my body clock usually means I always have to go at work, no matter how long I sit on the toilet for I know that I'm being paid for it. Over the course of the year and averaging around 15 minutes a time it adds up to 59 hours of pay, which is not too bad really for sitting on my ass This, I do mine at work and take plenty of time with reading material or iphone etc. A good 15 mins. If that works out at 4 days over the course of the year, thats nearly an extra weeks paid leave! Not forgetting, not having to pay for the water or bog paper either. This makes a good time investment and i guess you could say paid at time and turd, bargain! This (I'm on time and a turd too, is that the "going" rate?), I sit on the pooperhousen until my feet really really tingle. I know when they start to tingle, that my angry birds session is coming to an end but it's not until they feel like I have mice crawling on the inside of them do I actually think about the wiping. By which point, I can barely stand to wipe. I quite often talk to you guys whilst curling a log out. ...and this - apart from the standing bit (hand between the legs, in reply to lettuce). Top thread BTW! Who says TSW is going downhill these days?!
keithd Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 No way! It wasn't until a couple of years ago when a mate in the pub asked the question "sit or stand to wipe" that I realised there was a choice! I've always been a "stander", as are 4 out of the 5 mates who answered the question (the only "sitter" was the mate who asked the question) How does "sitting to wipe" work?... Do you pop your hand between your legs or do you slide forward on the seat to allow access for the rear? side action tilt. the between the legs work is girlie style is it not? well i never did. would have thought the action of standing would close the cheeks thus denying decent access...
scotty Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 Multi-tasking, eh? Imagine if you kicked the bucket during your vinegar strokes... Wouldn't look very good when your family finds you. Tell that to the Milligans.
lettuce Posted 22 July, 2011 Posted 22 July, 2011 side action tilt. the between the legs work is girlie style is it not? well i never did. would have thought the action of standing would close the cheeks thus denying decent access... That's exactly what I thought when I first discovered there were "sitters" out there! As for standing access, clasp the paper in one hand and a buttock in the other to provide adequate space to maouevre. For sitting, I would have thought either approach ("between the legs", "around the back" or even your suggestion of "in through the side") would obscure visibility of the "used paper" required to assess if the task is not yet complete? No such problems with the standing approach, which affords vivid, unobscured views of your handywork. Top thread BTW! Who says TSW is going downhill these days?! Certainly a candidate for "golden threads"
tpbury Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Do 'Standers' need to have a back, sack and crack job done? Just a short closing of the cheeks prior to wiping causes awful wing nuts in my case, so definitely a sitter. Like many others, my favourite place is the bog and I spend a number of hours per day there, according to The Valkyrie.
Draino76 Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Just leaving Mumbai. I love the water jet hose that was next to the pan. Really gives you a proper clean. After a couple of attempts, I was able to project the water in my ass into the bath which was over 2 meters away. So all in all, I would call this trip a success.
saint lard Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 During July /August my toileting habits change dramatically. Usually one dump a day,and like clockwork 7.30am,in and out quick. My clipper muscle does it's job to perfection. However July/August i have a continual supply of cherry tomatos from the greenhouse,i therefore am not wasteful so copius amounts are consumed. The problem this causes can influence greatly the amount of turtles i deposit along with the consistancy. Sporadic visits to the khazi are common place and with very little warning given. I really have to concentrate when i do a trouser cough,so not too touch cloth/draw mud.
scotty Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Can I make an impassioned plea to whatever mod is on duty to lock this f*cking thread? Theres way too much information on here already, and I havent had lunch yet.
saint lard Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Can I make an impassioned plea to whatever mod is on duty to lock this f*cking thread? Theres way too much information on here already, and I havent had lunch yet. Wait till you have eaten lunch,you may then have some info you would like to share, reference your stools.
scotty Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 FYI, I'm a 7:30 man myself. (As if thats of any interest, and I'd be disturbed if it was.)
lettuce Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Can I make an impassioned plea to whatever mod is on duty to lock this f*cking thread? Theres way too much information on here already, and I havent had lunch yet. Lock this thread??? It's one of the few threads on TSW that has remained broadly on topic, hasn't descended into personal insults, contains no trolling and in which people have given differing views of the topic without being shot down in flames... finally a subject which has encouraged civilised debate!
LGTL Posted 23 July, 2011 Posted 23 July, 2011 Lock this thread??? It's one of the few threads on TSW that has remained broadly on topic, hasn't descended into personal insults, contains no trolling and in which people have given differing views of the topic without being shot down in flames... finally a subject which has encouraged civilised debate! And it's still all a complete pile of sh*t.
tpbury Posted 24 July, 2011 Posted 24 July, 2011 Hear, hear lettuce. Scat-Chat will bring us all together! Seriously, I also never knew 'standers' existed, the mere concept of it has turned my world upside down, and all thanks to TSW. Needless to say, there is ample reference material in the Viz archive - which I keep in the bog of course.
Golden Balls Posted 26 July, 2011 Posted 26 July, 2011 Usually around 15 minutes. Can be longer depending on what game I'm playing
CB Saint Posted 26 July, 2011 Posted 26 July, 2011 Good book and peace from the missus (she only asked what I was doing in there once) - why wouldn't you spend more time in there?
Marsdinho Posted 27 July, 2011 Posted 27 July, 2011 I managed to get a full game of World Domination 20/20 Stick Cricket yesterday during a convenience break at work. There was me thinking i was the only one that did this. Have a best of 118 off 5 overs.
locksheathsaint101 Posted 27 July, 2011 Posted 27 July, 2011 There was me thinking i was the only one that did this. Have a best of 118 off 5 overs. 143. Suck it!
This Charming Man Posted 27 July, 2011 Posted 27 July, 2011 I reserve 30 minutes every morning for a good clear out. It's regular as clockwork. Alarm sounds at 7.15, I'm on the toilet by 7.20. Without fail. Only downside is my need for a poo doesn't allow me a lie in at the weekends.
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