Dog Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thefunkygibbons Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 The mother in law occasionally says, "there will be no coal held at my arse for xxx's sins" Meaning, when she gets to hell, she won't be blamed for someone else's misbehaviour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 "Life's sh i t" and then you die - always makes me chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 Life is a sh1t Sandwich. How good it is depends on the thickness of the bread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 "Up yours, Phil" (Picture optional) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right" I don't get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dune Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 I don't get it You've never been very bright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 There are two types of people in this world. There's them as can, and there's them as can't. And you're a cant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonnyLove Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 I like. How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck, if a wood chuck, could chuck wood. Not really very life affirming but a saying I love none the less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chin Strain Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 There's no 'I' in 'Team', but there's a 'U' in 'C@nt' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint lard Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 Women,can't live with 'em..........................can't live with 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 Wherever you go - There you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mao Cap Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 Sometimes even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint-scooby Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 You will have a sore arse and a long walk home........ I used to say that to some of my employees, when out and about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trousers Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 "Things can only get better" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted 18 July, 2011 Share Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right" I think you've invented this situation in order to justify your use of the n-word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge too far Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 'It's a self-fulfilling prophecy' is a regular of mine, together with 'he has wooden leg syndrome'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint in Paradise Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 "Time is a great healer" never ever feels like it at the time but eventually time does ease a lot pain but never all of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 He won't achieve that as long a he's got a hole in his arse. As cold as a Witch's tit. As busy as a one-armed taxi driver with crabs. As happy as a dog with two dicks / a pig in ****. Mine's a pint, my throat's as dry as a dead dingo's donger / Nun's **** I'm ****ing like a racehorse. As popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip / pork chop at a Bar Mitzvah. A face like a bag of spanners / blind cobblers thumb. (of a lady) Bangs like a sh!tehouse door in a storm. As dark as a dollar up a Sweep's arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheaf Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 There's plenty more fish in the sea, but make sure you avoid the crabs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 " I can't find my keys" Where were you when you last had them?....................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 If things don't change they'll stay exactly as they are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasgow_Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 "Robbing Peter to pay Paul" I like this as my name is Paul! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibden Purlieu Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 It's not rape, it's surprise sex, and everyone loves a surprise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 "I wouldn't trust him to sit the right way on a lavatory seat." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 "Don't come running to me if you break your leg". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Block 18 Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 Im sweating like a peado in a playgroup Of course I love you, F**ks you dont I All of my life I give you nothing and still you want more I laughed so much the juice ran down my leg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gigersaint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 So unlucky he could fall in a bucket of tits and come out sucking his thumb! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jones91 Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 What's that got to do with the price of fish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 Hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 F*ck you and f*ck this f*cking board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lettuce Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 Give a man a fish and he can feed his family for a day... teach him how to fish and his family won't see him all weekend! It's so cold, I've got nips like pigmies' d1cks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorpe-le-Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 You ****ing tw*t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbul Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 "Come the f*** in or f*** the f*** off...." And more for Lettuce: It's so cold, I've got nips like chapel coat pegs; It's so cold, I've got nips like Scammel truck wheel nuts; It's so cold, I've got nips like a fighter pilot's thumbs; Etc. etc..... The worst day's golf is better that the best day's work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 ..like a plasterer's radio It's a small world................. but I wouldn't want to paint it. Officer to me after crashing into lamp-post: Are you ****ed Sir? Me: No occifer, Im a ****ing stunt driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Share Posted 19 July, 2011 She has a face like a kicked in pasty I'd rather cut of my c*ck with a rusty breadknife Your a c*nt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 At the end of the day........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 At the end of the day........... ......it gets dark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 The early bird gets the worm......but the second mouse gets the cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericofarabia Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 Size isn't everything ...... :blush: :blush: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericofarabia Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 It ain't what you've got - it's what you do with it ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Nutkins Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 Beauty is in the hand of the beer-holder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericofarabia Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 Beauty is in the hand of the beer-holder. .... or ......... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
latter day saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 rough as a badgers arse ! tighter than a nun's chuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1976_Child Posted 20 July, 2011 Share Posted 20 July, 2011 As useful as a bra on a kipper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Block 18 Posted 21 July, 2011 Share Posted 21 July, 2011 Out of his depth in a car park puddle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat Posted 21 July, 2011 Share Posted 21 July, 2011 Like chucking a sausage up Shirley High Street Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret Site Agent Posted 25 July, 2011 Share Posted 25 July, 2011 Like chucking a sausage up Shirley High Street And a better one to this, that a young engineer told me when he spent a night with a slightly older more experienced woman. 'It was like opening a window and ****ing the night.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wadesmith Posted 25 July, 2011 Share Posted 25 July, 2011 It's a dog-eat-dog world....and I'm wearing Pedigree Chum flavoured underpants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert Tatlock Posted 26 July, 2011 Share Posted 26 July, 2011 No matter how much make up you paint on a pig.It will always be a pig! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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