Dog Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right"
thefunkygibbons Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 The mother in law occasionally says, "there will be no coal held at my arse for xxx's sins" Meaning, when she gets to hell, she won't be blamed for someone else's misbehaviour
tpbury Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 "Life's sh i t" and then you die - always makes me chuckle.
dubai_phil Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 Life is a sh1t Sandwich. How good it is depends on the thickness of the bread.
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 "Up yours, Phil" (Picture optional)
Jonnyboy Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right" I don't get it
RonManager Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 There are two types of people in this world. There's them as can, and there's them as can't. And you're a cant
JonnyLove Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 I like. How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck, if a wood chuck, could chuck wood. Not really very life affirming but a saying I love none the less
Chin Strain Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 There's no 'I' in 'Team', but there's a 'U' in 'C@nt'
saint lard Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 Women,can't live with 'em..........................can't live with 'em.
Saint-scooby Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 You will have a sore arse and a long walk home........ I used to say that to some of my employees, when out and about
Big John Posted 18 July, 2011 Posted 18 July, 2011 I was talking to a black man at the weekend, he was from the deep south of America and he was very black with a slow drone to his voice, he came up with this classic......... "Life's like a Ni99a's left leg..................................... It aint fair and it aint right" I think you've invented this situation in order to justify your use of the n-word.
bridge too far Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 'It's a self-fulfilling prophecy' is a regular of mine, together with 'he has wooden leg syndrome'.
Saint in Paradise Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 "Time is a great healer" never ever feels like it at the time but eventually time does ease a lot pain but never all of it.
Special K Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 He won't achieve that as long a he's got a hole in his arse. As cold as a Witch's tit. As busy as a one-armed taxi driver with crabs. As happy as a dog with two dicks / a pig in ****. Mine's a pint, my throat's as dry as a dead dingo's donger / Nun's **** I'm ****ing like a racehorse. As popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip / pork chop at a Bar Mitzvah. A face like a bag of spanners / blind cobblers thumb. (of a lady) Bangs like a sh!tehouse door in a storm. As dark as a dollar up a Sweep's arse.
Sheaf Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 There's plenty more fish in the sea, but make sure you avoid the crabs.
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 " I can't find my keys" Where were you when you last had them?.......................................
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 If things don't change they'll stay exactly as they are
Glasgow_Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 "Robbing Peter to pay Paul" I like this as my name is Paul!
Dibden Purlieu Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 It's not rape, it's surprise sex, and everyone loves a surprise.
Lets B Avenue Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 "I wouldn't trust him to sit the right way on a lavatory seat."
Teddy Nutkins Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 "Don't come running to me if you break your leg".
Block 18 Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 Im sweating like a peado in a playgroup Of course I love you, F**ks you dont I All of my life I give you nothing and still you want more I laughed so much the juice ran down my leg
Gigersaint Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 So unlucky he could fall in a bucket of tits and come out sucking his thumb!
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 F*ck you and f*ck this f*cking board.
lettuce Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 Give a man a fish and he can feed his family for a day... teach him how to fish and his family won't see him all weekend! It's so cold, I've got nips like pigmies' d1cks!
Redbul Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 "Come the f*** in or f*** the f*** off...." And more for Lettuce: It's so cold, I've got nips like chapel coat pegs; It's so cold, I've got nips like Scammel truck wheel nuts; It's so cold, I've got nips like a fighter pilot's thumbs; Etc. etc..... The worst day's golf is better that the best day's work.
hamster Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 ..like a plasterer's radio It's a small world................. but I wouldn't want to paint it. Officer to me after crashing into lamp-post: Are you ****ed Sir? Me: No occifer, Im a ****ing stunt driver.
Smirking_Saint Posted 19 July, 2011 Posted 19 July, 2011 She has a face like a kicked in pasty I'd rather cut of my c*ck with a rusty breadknife Your a c*nt
Smirking_Saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 At the end of the day........... ......it gets dark
Teddy Nutkins Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 The early bird gets the worm......but the second mouse gets the cheese.
ericofarabia Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 It ain't what you've got - it's what you do with it ...........
ericofarabia Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 Beauty is in the hand of the beer-holder. .... or ......... .
latter day saint Posted 20 July, 2011 Posted 20 July, 2011 rough as a badgers arse ! tighter than a nun's chuff
Secret Site Agent Posted 25 July, 2011 Posted 25 July, 2011 Like chucking a sausage up Shirley High Street And a better one to this, that a young engineer told me when he spent a night with a slightly older more experienced woman. 'It was like opening a window and ****ing the night.'
wadesmith Posted 25 July, 2011 Posted 25 July, 2011 It's a dog-eat-dog world....and I'm wearing Pedigree Chum flavoured underpants.
Albert Tatlock Posted 26 July, 2011 Posted 26 July, 2011 No matter how much make up you paint on a pig.It will always be a pig!
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