Women's English (meh, NSFW again)

[dubai_phil]

Women's English

 

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

 

40-ish = 49

 

Adventurous = Slept with everyone

 

Athletic = No tits

 

Average looking = Ugly

 

Beautiful = Pathological liar

 

Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills

 

Emotionally secure = On medication

 

Feminist = Fat

 

Free spirit = Junkie

 

Friendship first = Former very *friendly*

 

Fun Person = Annoying

 

New Age = Body hair in the wrong places

 

Open-minded = Desperate

 

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing

 

Passionate = Sloppy drunk

 

Professional = *****

 

Voluptuous = Very Fat

 

Large frame = Hugely Fat

 

Wants Soul mate = Stalker

 

 

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

 

 

 

1. Yes = No

 

2. No = Yes

 

3. Maybe = No

 

4. We need = I want

 

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

 

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

 

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

 

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

 

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

 

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

 

 

 

MEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

 

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

 

3. I am tired = I am tired

 

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

 

5. I love you = let's have sex now

 

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

 

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

 

 

 

 

And finally.....

 

 

 

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces

 

attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For

 

example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged,

 

masculine features.

 

 

 

However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man

 

doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a

 

cricket stump shoved up his backside.

[Master Bates]

Did anyone ever see that pic about a hoover called something signing for a football club in London?

[Crouchie's Lawyer]

Dyson signed for Arsenal?

[Pancake]

TBF, thats pretty work safe.

 

Now, you have 2 options, make it properly NSFW or I'll take off the redundant acronyms in the title.

[bridge too far]

Men's mathematics:

 

9 inches = barely visible

[dubai_phil]

TBF, thats pretty work safe.

 

Now, you have 2 options, make it properly NSFW or I'll take off the redundant acronyms in the title.

 

well I would do but the damned innernet censors down here with the proxy server keep deleting all the attached cartoons that went with it...

 

delete away:-)

[Master Bates]

Done

 

[dubai_phil]

Now, how do I post a pps file.....