Council Tenant Letters - Funny!

[miserableoldgit]

Not sure how genuine these are, but they are quite funny:-

SOME EXAMPLES OF LETTERS OF COMPLAINT TO BASSETLAW DISTRICT COUNCIL FROM TENANTS

 

> > 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

> >

> > 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my

> > knob off.

> >

> > 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he

> > put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

> >

> > 4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my

> > fence.

> >

> > 5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I

> > think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

> >

> > 6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

> >

> > 7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

> >

> > 8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped

> > and

> > fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

> >

> > 9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

> >

> > 10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are

> > just

> > plain filthy.

> >

> > 11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

> >

> > 12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is

> > cleared.

> >

> > 13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour

> > and

> > not fit to drink.

> >

> > 14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

> >

> > 15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at

> > 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

> >

> > 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is

> > unsightly and dangerous.

> >

> > 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a

> > third,

> > so please send someone round to do something about it.

> >

> > 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please

> > do

> > something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

> >

> > 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my

> > wife.

> >

> > 20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still

> > have no satisfaction.

> >

> > 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't

> > get

> > BBC2.

> >

> > 22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has

> > fungus growing in it.

> >

> > 23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't

> > take it any more