sambosa75 Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Hi all, I am best man for my best mates wedding in July. Stag is all booked up, we fly in 3 weeks to the day. I've known him since play school and he's like a brother so I want to give him a quality speech. I've not got a problem with public speaking, I'm pretty confident and will know everyone at the wedding more or less. I've also got a few gags and anecdotes lined up but am looking for tips on structure. I want to try and keep the speech about 7-10 minutes long but need to know when I should be acknowledging the brides maids and all that. If anyone can help with any advice, it would be much appreciated. Cheers, Sam(bosa75) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crab Lungs Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 "And after THAT introduction, I can hardly wait to hear myself speak! ...Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been an emotional day - even the cake is in tiers" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toomer Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 I had to give a father of the bride speech last November, I went onto google and found some templates which gave the body of a good speech and just added personel bits in. My speech lasted about 15 mins and went down well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 From memory, i think you speak on behalf of the bridemaids, ushers, etc. I toasted the bridemaids firstly and then the bride and groom and parents before launching into a rip roaring speech which went down about as well as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint_stevo Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 I am best man next year to a long term family friend. Should be interesting, i say some weird messed up **** at the best of times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Yeah do the whole bridesmaids, ushers thing first. For some reason the groom's dad gave me a card he wanted read out even though he was at the wedding so I did that and then also read a couple from people who couldn't be there before doing my speech. It was bizarrely quite good and went down well even though I was convinced it would be terrible. If there's any chance then try and get the speeches out the way before the meal so you're not sat there worrying about it while trying to eat. Is the bloke a Saints fan? I got the whole squad to sign a card for them which I presented during the speech, and also got the bride a Saints top with her name and the year printed on the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LGTL Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 I'm also best man to my brother next year, my speech is what i'm looking forward to most! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sambosa75 Posted 27 May, 2011 Author Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Yeah do the whole bridesmaids, ushers thing first. For some reason the groom's dad gave me a card he wanted read out even though he was at the wedding so I did that and then also read a couple from people who couldn't be there before doing my speech. It was bizarrely quite good and went down well even though I was convinced it would be terrible. If there's any chance then try and get the speeches out the way before the meal so you're not sat there worrying about it while trying to eat. Is the bloke a Saints fan? I got the whole squad to sign a card for them which I presented during the speech, and also got the bride a Saints top with her name and the year printed on the back. A season ticket holder since he was 6. He's 26 now, so you could say he's a fan! How did you go about getting the card signed? I think it might be a little late for that now the season has finished but worth looking in to... To be fair, I'm not really concerned with nerves etc... I'm more concerned with not drinking until the speech is delivered so it isnt a slurred, drunken shambles! I was thinking brides maid's and all that jazz first too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dark Sotonic Mills Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 I have been best man a few times, and I found a really excellent book of one-liners for best man speeches. Adapt a few and it'll be great. Have a look on Amazon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Bazza Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Ive done the best man job twice (for my Brother and my best mate) and each time I found it easiest to do my stories about the groom in a rough date order - start with something from when he was young, and work your way up to the present day. I didnt say anthing about the bridesmaids, I think thats the groom's job when he gives them a present - just rememebr to say the bride looked lovely and toast the happy couple at the end of the speech. Whatever dont open with the line that my mother in law witnessed once which was "when Dave (i forget the grooms actual name) asked me to be his best man, I thought "you f**king c**t" That was a crowd pleaser so I'm told, especially for the toddlers in the room!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durleyfos Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 try www.hitched.co.uk/speeches they have all speeches on there and people vote how good they are (click on all the 4* ones and nick the good jokes!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheaf Saint Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 try www.hitched.co.uk/speeches they have all speeches on there and people vote how good they are (click on all the 4* ones and nick the good jokes!) This. That website was invaluable to me when I did best man duties for my mate about 5 years ago. The single biggest piece of advice I can give you is to pick your opening joke very carefully to ensure that you get everyone onside from the off. No matter how confident you are with public speaking you are bound to be a little bit nervous beforehand, but remember that everyone wants you to do well and a storming opening joke that gets a big laugh will break the ice and help you relax a bit. I joked that I was very nervous about doing my speech but obviously not as nervous as the groom because when I followed him into the toilet earlier on I found this (and held up a house-brick!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Mikey Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 try www.hitched.co.uk/speeches they have all speeches on there and people vote how good they are (click on all the 4* ones and nick the good jokes!) All fine and well, but I've been to a fair few weddings in the last 5 years and you can tell the stuff that's been nicked from the t'internet. I even heard the same (but adjusted) gags at different weddings. Come up with your own gags - racism and sexism are good places to start... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sambosa75 Posted 27 May, 2011 Author Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Come up with your own gags - racism and sexism are good places to start... To be fair, the groom would expect nothing less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 The perfect speech? "Most internet web sites give advice on how to make the perfect Best Man's speech. They have many ideas but one thing is critical for success. The speech should be short. I thankyou" And then you and sit down. And then you can say, PHEW, now the speech is over let me tell you some proper embarrassing stories about the groom...... after thanking and toasting the yadda yadda yadda Seen variants on it twice, it worked as they go into some sort of stunned silence and THEN you hit them with your joke and they add relief to the laughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjwills Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 It is rumoured at a wedding an associate was at the Best Man joke was " Marriage is like a piece of Chicken, you get a bit of Leg, a bit of breast and a whole lot of stuffing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sebastian firefly Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 (edited) be yourself everyone has also read the jokes from the net be saucy not offensive so no stories about fisting the brides mother camp is good crude makes people squirm generally people are on your side and will know if you try too hard so stay sober my young daughter was present so i told everyone she was up late worrying she said daddy when you make your speech i hope everyone will clap and clap and clap otherwise ill be so unhappy and cry and cry and cry no one even the most hard hearted can resist that level of blackmail even the vicar complimented me and used it in his next sermon!!!!!! remember its not about you the focus should always be on how lovely she is how lucky he is and they will be great together keep complimenting the bride its her big day Edited 27 May, 2011 by sebastian firefly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trousers Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Ed Milliband had the right idea today: no best man. I've always admired his judgement... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1976_Child Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 "The bride looks absolutely delightful. But then that's not saying much because [mate's name]'s last girl friend was a complete dog" "The average marriage last for only 4 years. So I'm going to keep this speech in a safe place for next time [mate's name] asks me to give it" turning to the bride.. "you are to be congratulated on obeying the golden rule of weddings. Never choose a bride's maid who is better looking than you. Well done. They are all dogs!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjwills Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 (edited) "The bride looks absolutely delightful. But then that's not saying much because [mate's name]'s last girl friend was a complete dog" "The average marriage last for only 4 years. So I'm going to keep this speech in a safe place for next time [mate's name] asks me to give it" turning to the bride.. "you are to be congratulated on obeying the golden rule of weddings. Never choose a bride's maid who is better looking than you. Well done. They are all dogs!" Or you can start with tradition dictates that the best man should not be better look than the groom you failed miserably at that one mate, and the brides beautiful because tradition also dictates that if you did a runner it was up to me to take your place. My best advice is just write buzz words on a card and wing it, on my wedding day I had 20 words wrote on a piece of paper to prompt me on what to say, practice for a few attempts in the mirror for confidence. Edited 27 May, 2011 by mcjwills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 6 or 7 minutes is fine. Keep it flowing. Unless you're very good at jokes you're better off with quick, almost throw-away lines. 'Man who sinks in woman's arms soon has arms in woman's sink' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 Oh here's one that really didn't work... You start your journey together today and so these coming days, weeks and months as you become the perfect couple can be so rudely interupted by the patter of tiny feet in the Bedroom at inoportune moments.. So to ensure that doesn't happen, I bought you a Mousetrap....... t'was in a book Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 How did you go about getting the card signed? Put a query up on Saints Forever, someone gave me the name of a bloke who worked at the club and he got it done for me. All very kind considering I'd never met them. I'd like to think they club would do it if you went to Reception with a card and left it there. As you say might not be that easy now all the players are on holiday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tony13579 Posted 27 May, 2011 Share Posted 27 May, 2011 I would avoid jokes about icelandic volcanos, Best wait for the dust to settle first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez Posted 28 May, 2011 Share Posted 28 May, 2011 Do not do gags unless you normally are the guy that tells all the gags down the pub. They almost always are terrible and look like they have been pulled right off an internet site. Stick to describing the groom using examples and where possible as many stories as possible. If he's done some shocking things you have the ammunition, but be careful, remember the bride's Dad doesn't want to hear every detail of the lads drink and drug past. Drop some hints and leave them guessing. Best of luck. Oh and practice. It is expected that you are absolutely faultless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stu0x Posted 28 May, 2011 Share Posted 28 May, 2011 I was best man last year, and groom last month, so I've been on both sides of the coin recently. I've also been to upwards of 15 weddings in the past 2 years, with another 6 to go this year. Firstly, thrash out with your groom who is going to do what. 'Tradition' says that as the best man you are speaking on behalf of the bridesmaids, but he may want to thank them himself (particularly if you don't know them very well), in which case leave him to it. If there are any Ushers, technically they are 'yours' as the best man, so traditionally you should thank them but again the groom may want to do it, especially if you're not one group of friends. It may be that your groom just gives you free reign and takes care of the procedural stuff (that is what I did). In which case your structure is fairly easy. Remember it will take between 2 and 3 times as long to deliver it as you expect. Don't just recycle internet jokes. Everyone has heard them a million times. 'Enjoy your honeymoon in Wales - well, he did say he was going to Bangor for a week' etc etc. Ho ho, and ho. If you're good friends with your groom, it shouldn't be difficult to dredge up some amusing stories to tell about them - use situational comedy rather than one liners. Plus it has the advantage of actually being relevant - there's nothing worse than a plagiarised speech where a completely fictitious 'story' is told purely to set up a hackneyed one-liner. Remember, everyone in the room *wants* you to be funny, so they're not looking for the second coming of Richard Pryor - just say something vaguely funny and they'll help you along. If you tell maybe three separate stories in a chronological order, and try to link them thematically, you should have the basis of a perfectly decent speech. Ex-girlfriends are always rich material, but it may depend on how well you know the bride and how she is going to react to it. Which brings me to the number one rule - *NEVER* make fun of her. It won't go down well, however hilarious you think it is in advance. Save the comedy and abuse for him - once you've finished with him, then bring it round to her. At this point feel free to use some fromage - spend 5 minutes telling everyone what a cretin your mate is, then give him some credit for somehow convincing his new wife to marry him. Finish up by toasting the couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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