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To all women drivers who found where the fog light switch was today...

trousers

By trousers
in The Muppet Show

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scotty

scotty

Posted
Posted
...you can switch them off now love, it's not foggy anymore.

 

FFS

 

lofl!!

 

"while youre turning the lights off, why dont you turn off the heater...."

 

(copyright Bob Newhart)

Lighthouse

Lighthouse

Posted
Posted
is it just me or are lights much brighter these days

 

i always seem to be accusing passing cars of having full beam on

 

Actually the world is getting darker. Global warming and all that.

Chin Strain

Chin Strain

Posted
Posted
Pass this message on to 'macho' :rolleyes: BMW / Audi drivers too, will you please?

That's a bit carist.

 

Anyway, it's simple really....can you see the car 100yds in front of you? Yes. Well you don't need your effing fog lights then you dumb arse.:spaz:

hamster

hamster

Posted
Posted
is it just me or are lights much brighter these days

 

i always seem to be accusing passing cars of having full beam on

 

 

You're just shrinking, I get this problem all the time.

Dimond Geezer

Dimond Geezer

Posted
Posted
is it just me or are lights much brighter these days

 

i always seem to be accusing passing cars of having full beam on

 

You're just shrinking, I get this problem all the time.

 

Me three.

I assumed it was either my eyes deteriorating, or I am getting less tolerant in my middle-age. :scared:

Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted
is it just me or are lights much brighter these days

 

i always seem to be accusing passing cars of having full beam on

 

HID systems with Xenon bulbs I expect. Not sure if they're still illegal as an after-installation because when they're fitted to cars

in the first place they have to be equipped with an automatic levelling system and headlight wipers.Doesn't stop people doing it though.

Doctoroncall

Doctoroncall

Posted
Posted

The law, as presented by The Highway Code, states that front and rear fog lights must not be used unless visibility is seriously reduced - which generally means when you cannot see further than 100 metres (328 feet) - and that they must be switched off once the visibility improves.

 

Using rear fog lights when visibility is greater than 100 metres can mask the brake lights and dazzle those drivers following, thus increasing the risk of a rear-end collision rather than reducing it.

 

Front fog lights should only be used where visibility is seriously reduced and should be adjusted so as not to cause undue dazzle or discomfort to other road users. The inappropriate use is dangerous as it can affect the oncoming driver's ability to see cyclists, pedestrians, and also the road.

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted

Yeah! Bloomin women!

 

Here's one for you:

 

Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?

A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"

 

LOL!!!

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted

You know what.....nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.

 

Hahahahaha! This is great isn't it? All us lads having some good jokes together! Great times.

dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted
Yeah! Bloomin women!

 

Here's one for you:

 

Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?

A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"

 

LOL!!!

 

Why do women get married in White?

 

Because all kitchen Appliances are white

benjii

benjii

Posted
Posted

A family are driving behind a rubbish truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against their windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her son's innocence, the mother turns round and says, "oh, don't worry it was just an insect". To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".

 

Women drivers, eh?!

Liquidshokk

Liquidshokk

Posted
Posted
is it just me or are lights much brighter these days

 

i always seem to be accusing passing cars of having full beam on

 

My bloody Octavia VRS is quite the opposite. You'd think my lights were off despite being on main beam. Not sure if it's a fault as the lights are on, just not very bright. Odd.

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted
My bloody Octavia VRS is quite the opposite. You'd think my lights were off despite being on main beam. Not sure if it's a fault as the lights are on, just not very bright. Odd.

 

Why are your cars headlights like a woman? Because they're not very bright!

 

Brilliant! This car based humour is really helping us men bond.

 

You know what I really hate? It's when women don't indicate! What's that all about?!

Liquidshokk

Liquidshokk

Posted
Posted
Why are your cars headlights like a woman? Because they're not very bright!

 

Brilliant! This car based humour is really helping us men bond.

 

You know what I really hate? It's when women don't indicate! What's that all about?!

 

Dont get me started on people who dont indicate......... I was following behind someone this morning for a couple of miles and not once did they indicate at any of the turnings!!! Not sure if it was a female but it was someone in one of those dodge mini 4x4 things....

 

worse than people who dont indicate are people who on the motorway think that just because they have indicated they can move straight over!!!! Pr!cks!!!!!!!! I need a coffee and to calm down..... Nothing makes me angry like sh!t drivers do.

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted
The wife threw a bit of cheddar at me this morning.

 

I thought 'that was mature'.

 

She sounds like a *****. You should have hit her. LOL!

dune

dune

Posted
Posted

Why is it that women drivers don't put their lights/side lights on at dusk?

 

I'm sure they just think lights are to see with, and haven't got the brains to realise they are also there so you can be seen.

Tractor_Saint

Tractor_Saint

Posted
Posted (edited)
Front fog lights should only be used where visibility is seriously reduced and should be adjusted so as not to cause undue dazzle or discomfort to other road users. The inappropriate use is dangerous as it can affect the oncoming driver's ability to see cyclists, pedestrians, and also the road.

 

When I was living in Droitwich many years ago and about to leave for work I had a call from a friend to tell me the traffic wasn't looking good on the M5 north bound and with the fog suggesting I left it a little later. That was the day there was a 100 car pile up on the M5/M42 which IIRC was in part down to the fact that people piling in the back couldn't tell whether it was brake lights or fog lights. Had that friend not called ....

 

Blimey - was it really in 1997 - erk Article on the pile up

Edited by Tractor_Saint
dune

dune

Posted
Posted
When I was living in Droitwich many years ago and about to leave for work I had a call from a friend to tell me the traffic wasn't looking good on the M5 north bound and with the fog suggesting I left it a little later. That was the day there was a 100 car pile up on the M5/M42 which IIRC was in part down to the fact that people piling in the back couldn't tell whether it was brake lights or fog lights. Had that friend not called ....

 

It stands to reason that if on a busy motorway/dual carriageway you don't need your rear fogs on. I only ever put my rear fog lighst on if i can't see a car in my mirrors and as soon as I see a car behind me I turn them off. It's called being a good driver. I don't think women drivers get the concept of being courteous on the road because there's too many other more important things buzzing round their heads like what to cook for dinner, or did I leave the imersion heater on etc.

Big John

Big John

Posted
Posted

many years ago I tried to teach my sister to drive, she kept opening the door before pulling away...apparently it was my fault as I had told her to let the clutch out!!

 

when she eventually passsed her test she used to carry a bucket of water in the passenger seat...apparently it was for dipping the headlights..

Deano6

Deano6

Posted
Posted
Why is it that women drivers don't put their lights/side lights on at dusk?

 

I'm sure they just think lights are to see with, and haven't got the brains to realise they are also there so you can be seen.

 

:lol:

 

Classic punchline!!

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted

This is definitely shaping up to be a contender for a "Golden Thread"! Some quality stuff here, I've spit my coffee all over my laptop afew times already!

 

Anyway, on a sadder note, my wife had a nasty accident with the car this morning.

 

She backed it out of the garage, completely forgetting that the night before, she had backed it in.

 

 

Hello Golden thread forum!!

saint francis

saint francis

Posted
Posted

I got on a bus the other day and was shocked to discover a woman sat in the driving seat, bold as brass. As she moved off I took it upon myself to stand next to her, advising her on correct road positioning, best gear selection, opportunities to make progress, safe distances etc and offered a little praise when she got it right. "Good girl, good girl." Now this is all very well but I can't be expected to be there every day. I don't currently own a drivers license, but it's the fares you see.

Liquidshokk

Liquidshokk

Posted
Posted
This is definitely shaping up to be a contender for a "Golden Thread"! Some quality stuff here, I've spit my coffee all over my laptop afew times already!

 

Anyway, on a sadder note, my wife had a nasty accident with the car this morning.

 

She backed it out of the garage, completely forgetting that the night before, she had backed it in.

 

 

Hello Golden thread forum!!

 

Hahaha... Love it.

Deppo

Deppo

Posted
Posted

Coffee. Screen. I. Spit. All. Over. My. The. After. Post. That. Reading.

 

Re-arrange these words and you'll know what just happened to me!

 

I just had another massive LOL when I read my post about this thread heading staright to the Golden Threads forum - it's called the Golden Posts forum! There isn't a Golden Threads forum! That's the kind of thing a blonde would do! Blondes, eh?

Liquidshokk

Liquidshokk

Posted
Posted
I got on a bus the other day and was shocked to discover a woman sat in the driving seat, bold as brass. As she moved off I took it upon myself to stand next to her, advising her on correct road positioning, best gear selection, opportunities to make progress, safe distances etc and offered a little praise when she got it right. "Good girl, good girl." Now this is all very well but I can't be expected to be there every day. I don't currently own a drivers license, but it's the fares you see.

 

We as gentlemen of this world should each take turns to carry out such task should this bizzare mistake ever happen again...

Bath Saint

Bath Saint

Posted
Posted

I can't believe I've only just stumbled across the thread. It's absolutely hilarious. My sides have been splitting. My wife asked me what I was laughing at and even she found it rib tickling. But, I think she's taken the underlying message on board as she said she'd get the train to work from now on. She admits herself that putting on make up while driving at 50 in the fast lane on the motorway while chatting about shopping on her mobile phone was a little dangerous. Women, eh?

 

Special mention goes to Dune for his brilliant observations and fantastically funny videos. Please, Dune, stop, or I'll be crying with laughter.

suewhistle

suewhistle

Posted
Posted
Dont get me started on people who dont indicate......... I was following behind someone this morning for a couple of miles and not once did they indicate at any of the turnings!!! Not sure if it was a female [snip]

 

Probably an Italian man, from my experience living here..

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