Dilema

[Colinjb]

In a quest to gain extra perspective I am going to share I dilema I currently face with you all. May be foolish but I am quite torn.

 

Currently: I live in Coventry and 2 hours away from home. I have friends here and back in 'ampshire as well as a truly wonderful girlfriend in Herefordshire. My job is excellent for my age (26) doing Sales work and technical support in the West Midland, East Anglia and occasionally in the south. I own a home here. I am not too keen on spending the rest of my life in Cov but it's certainly an excellent situation I find myself in currently.

 

Now, the dilema. Work have offered me a new position. It's the area manager's job for Scotland. It's an incredible opportunity and a real chance to push forward in my career. I have been informed that if I turn it down I can stay as I am, there would be no negatives, yet obviously the opportunity would disappear and I would have to wait possibly a fair while until something similar comes up again.

 

So, stay as I am or go?

 

Stay and I would develop slower professionally but I could continue comfortably with little strain on me and the other half... although somewhere I wouldn't wish to spend that much longer.

 

Go, risk the end of me and Mrs 'Colinjb' which would really upset me.... to say the least. But it's a new start, chance to relocate to somewhere much nicer for the same kind of money but be a 6.5 hour drive or a flight from home.

 

And the next catch..... I would need to start in the position on the 1st January.

 

That's where I am. I look forward to constructive feedback.

 

Cheers.

Edited 5 November, 2010 by Colinjb

[doubleonothing]

What does the Mrs think? Has she got a job which she could do in Scotland/Could she also get a transfer? Distance relationships can be difficult so something to think about there.

 

One thing I have all ways been told is never turn down a promotion!

 

Downside is that it's Scotland (but at least its not Wales!)

 

OOO

[Colinjb]

What does the Mrs think? Has she got a job which she could do in Scotland/Could she also get a transfer? Distance relationships can be difficult so something to think about there.

 

No, she is tied to Hereford by family... she doesn't really work (the joy of living in a pre-paid family owned property) is a part time shop assistant in order to pay for her little girl but is a part time career for her grandmother. I've mentioned the idea to her.... but she is resistant to the idea of going. She understands it's an amazing opportunity but doesn't want me to leave.

[Ponty]

Go.

 

Regret only the things you don't do, not the things you do.

[dune]

chance to relocate to somewhere much nicer.

 

I thought you said Scotland.

 

It's a backwater.

 

Stay where you are would be my advice and **** the money.

[doubleonothing]

Tough one. She may come round to it given time. If she only works part time you've always got the option of her going up to Scotland for long weekends etc and of course you can always head down south yourself.

 

My Mrs always complains about me going away to work but we always seem to cope (at the moment). Phones and skype etc are of great help - and you're on the same timezone!

 

If it doesn't work out can you head back down south?

 

I'd say go for it!!

[View From The Top]

Many moons ago I was given an amazing opportunity in New Zealand. Would have set me up for life etc.

 

My Doris at the time, who I loved and had a house with wouldn't entertain it as it was so far from kith and kin.

 

18months later we had broken up and 6 months after that she was living in Oz.

 

My life has turned out fine. Great wife, three great kids and a professional career but not taking the opportunity that was given to me all those years ago is my biggest regret.

[scotty]

I'm with the above that say "go for it". Dont worry about the mrs, if she's not prepared to put herself out for you then it isnt likely to last anyway, and its a very small world nowadays; email, messenger, 24 hour availability at the end of a mobile phone, quick transport for weekends etc etc. Like Ponty said you'll regret it if you dont.

[Jonnyboy]

do you like the scottish accent on birds...

[L1Minus10]

Where in Scotland are you going potentially? There's a world of difference between Glasgow/Edinburgh (easy travel to anywhere) and somewhere up in the Highlands.

 

I've just spent 3 years communting to Dublin every week and it was fine - I've been married 11 years mind so the missus wanted me to go !!!

 

On what I've heard so far.... unless it's up in the wilds - go for it and get yourself back to Cov at weekends - hedge your bets so to speak. Maybe after a while you'll be able to work one day in Cov and 4 in Scotland or do what I did, which was 5 days worth of hours in 4 long days and have 3 days off. I was in Dublin about 6 months and was pretty sure that they liked me before I laid it on a bit thick about the stress factor.

 

Good luck.

[Deppo]

In a quest to gain extra perspective I am going to share I dilema I currently face with you all. May be foolish but I am quite torn.

 

Currently: I live in Coventry and 2 hours away from home. I have friends here and back in 'ampshire as well as a truly wonderful girlfriend in Herefordshire. My job is excellent for my age (26) doing Sales work and technical support in the West Midland, East Anglia and occasionally in the south. I own a home here. I am not too keen on spending the rest of my life in Cov but it's certainly an excellent situation I find myself in currently.

 

Now, the dilema. Work have offered me a new position. It's the area manager's job for Scotland. It's an incredible opportunity and a real chance to push forward in my career. I have been informed that if I turn it down I can stay as I am, there would be no negatives, yet obviously the opportunity would disappear and I would have to wait possibly a fair while until something similar comes up again.

 

So, stay as I am or go?

 

Stay and I would develop slower professionally but I could continue comfortably with little strain on me and the other half... although somewhere I wouldn't wish to spend that much longer.

 

Go, risk the end of me and Mrs 'Colinjb' which would really upset me.... to say the least. But it's a new start, chance to relocate to somewhere much nicer for the same kind of money but be a 6.5 hour drive or a flight from home.

 

And the next catch..... I would need to start in the position on the 1st January.

 

That's where I am. I look forward to constructive feedback.

 

Cheers.

 

1. Coventry is a sh*thole and you should move away from there asap

2. I always had you pinned as a late 40's/early 50's type chap - not 26.

[Colinjb]

2. I always had you pinned as a late 40's/early 50's type chap - not 26.

 

Really!? Are you kidding me?

[SNSUN]

Stay put. You're 26, having a loving girlfriend in your life as it stands is far more important than furthering your career. You have 40 odd years to try furthering your career, other oportunities will come along.

 

I turned 30 recently, and while I've never made much of my life career-wise, I don't think I could've turned 30 without the love of a good woman. Mind you, that's just my opinion - I like being comfortable in a relationship.

 

Do what's in your heart, but I know I'd rather look back on my life knowing I gave up a good job opportunity than a good woman.

[dubai_phil]

There are two words in the English Language that you should NEVER EVER have to say.

 

They are "If Only".

 

You have a chance to be better. Stop asking for advice and tell them yes.

 

If you don't, then at some point in your future you will have those two words come back at you, They will eat you up.

 

Do it, take the chance to be more than you are

[Baj]

There are two words in the English Language that you should NEVER EVER have to say.

 

They are "If Only".

 

You have a chance to be better. Stop asking for advice and tell them yes.

 

If you don't, then at some point in your future you will have those two words come back at you, They will eat you up.

 

Do it, take the chance to be more than you are

 

If only I had stayed in England with the girl I loved without throwing it all away by moving to Scotland?

[hamster]

There are two words in the English Language that you should NEVER EVER have to say.

 

They are "If Only".

 

 

 

"If only I'd stopped in Cov and married that cute girl from Herfeord"? Sounds like you aren't 100% commited to either the job nor the girl. Ask her to marry you, ask her right now. If she declines then get your arse up there in time for hogmannay, just make sure that you can flybe it back regularly for matches.

 

Colin, how did you feel about leaving Margate? Do you ever regret it? Serious question, not a dig at Margate (for once).

[Colinjb]

"If only I'd stopped in Cov and married that cute girl from Herfeord"? Sounds like you aren't 100% commited to either the job nor the girl. Ask her to marry you, ask her right now. If she declines then get your arse up there in time for hogmannay, just make sure that you can flybe it back regularly for matches.

 

Colin, how did you feel about leaving Margate? Do you ever regret it? Serious question, not a dig at Margate (for once).

 

Being 10 at the time it is something I don't really remember too well. Wasn't happy but as a kid I got over it quite quickly.

[hamster]

/\

As you are being open here, there is one very very important question that I think you should ask yourself; do you love this girl?

 

Special people don't come around that often Colin and far be it for me to give you advice, professional or relationship-wise, you are at one of life's crossroads and it sounds to me as though you need to do a bit of soul searching.

 

btw, it's an old overused adage, but you won;t find a gravestone that reads "I wish I'd spent more time on my career".

 

We met many moons ago and I always remeber you as a really decent bloke, far more mature than your years, even back then I could tell that you had your head screwed on. Good luck.

 

Who will you be rooting for tomorrow, The Gills or The Whites?

[St Chalet]

I had a career opportunity that I turned down in New York, various reasons why I did so, literally has cost me a million+ quid. Don't regret in the slightest, gives me something to moan back at the missus about ;-)

 

The advice you have received here is pretty sound. The right choice will to be to go with the gut feel you had when you had the second you heard about the role.

[hamster]

Have to sk Col, did you apply for the position in the first place?

[saint_stevo]

Im 25, single (happily so currently i might add, after a 4yr stormy relationship) and in a dead end public sector job.

 

 

Quite the dilemma you have there.........

 

Oh, and i also had you down as a 40-50yr old!

[Colinjb]

Have to sk Col, did you apply for the position in the first place?

 

It was offered.

 

Thankyou for the prior post too mate.. Incidentally. Come on you Gills.

 

I have to lighten up a bit if people have me down as 50 odd!!!!

Edited 5 November, 2010 by Colinjb

[doubleonothing]

If its any conselation I thought you were in your 20's. I remember listening to your radio show one afternoon (least I think that was you)

[Colinjb]

If its any conselation I thought you were in your 20's. I remember listening to your radio show one afternoon (least I think that was you)

 

Wow, someone remembers that! haha. Havn't done radio for at least 4 years now!

[doubleonothing]

Wow, someone remembers that! haha.

 

My housemate when I was at Uni was (and still is) from Cov. I remember listening to it when he was in the house.

[hamster]

SWF killed the radio star.

 

Col, do you love her?

[Colinjb]

SWF killed the radio star.

 

Col, do you love her?

 

Yes, I do.

 

Probably a good thing SWF killed the radio star. I wasn't that good! haha.

[hamster]

/\

...

and what star sign are you both?

Dont worry mate, I'll sort this out for you, I'm on the case.

 

btw, want to know a secret?

[Colinjb]

/\

...

and what star sign are you both?

Dont worry mate, I'll sort this out for you, I'm on the case.

 

btw, want to know a secret?

 

Erm, Taurus and early Feb..... whatever that is....

 

And sure, by all means.

[hamster]

/\

on trust.

[Colinjb]

.

[Special K]

Go and see how it works out.

[LVSaint]

The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option; it was that or one of there B&Bs. I figured it’d be safer on the streets. For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren’t pretty. I’d seen them huddling in stations before, being loud but… this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take ‘em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back… not never.

 

.....stay.

[eurosaint]

Learn to spell the word DILEMMA and the GO, if the bint has any feelings for you she go too, otherwise ditch her !

Cruel to be kind, only one life, no regrets........

[Wes Tender]

Toss a coin. Whilst it's still spinning in the air, you will decide which way you want it to land. Stick with what that decision was.

[dune]

Toss a coin. Whilst it's still spinning in the air, you will decide which way you want it to land. Stick with what that decision was.

 

And if it doesn't fall how you want it to fall go best of 3, then best of 5 etc.

 

Colin you clearly know what you want to do. If you love your missus you'll stay, if you don't you'll go.

[CB Saint]

Thing to consider is will your girlfriend ever move away from hereford and if not (and assuming you see this as a long term relationship) do you want to spend the rest of your life there.

 

Personally I would say go. If you relationship is strong enough it will survive. I have seen to many people make sacrifices in the name of love and live to regret them. For example one friend was pressured into leaving the forces ( a job he loved) for his girlfriend, two years later they split up and he is still bitter about it to this day

[Whitey Grandad]

Sleep on it, but I have usually found that the first instinct is usually the best answer. I suspect that it will be a case of either accepting the promotion or joining another organisation.

[Jillyanne]

Ask an 8 Ball. Oh and what part of Jockland is it in?

[georgeweahscousin]

Tough one mate. I've been in a similar position myself before and stuck where I was. I don't regret it as I am marrying my gf at the time in January.

 

What part of Scotland is it? If it is Edinburgh then would be a nice place to live.

[Colinjb]

In terms of location it's not too fixed. I would be field based and working from home office. The main thing really is that I am 'on territory.

 

Purely going on viewing a map and with no knowledge of the place somewhere like Dunblane or Perth would seem best. (countryside but not totally out of it.)

[dune]

If you're going to live in Scotland i'd recomend Dumfriesshire. It's only civilised area north of the border.

[Gorgiesaint]

The fact that you live in Coventry (which is a hole) and your girlfriend lives in Herefordshire says much.

 

I had a similar decision to make a few years back (although I wasn't seeing anyone at the time), it did mean leaving family and friends to move to Edinburgh. I eventually went for it, and have never looked back.

 

Don't go North of the Glasgow / Edinburgh line if you want to commute back regularly at the weekends. I live in Edinburgh and used to drive back regularly to Southampton on a Friday night, leave at 6pm (after the main rush hour around Edinburgh) and I could make the Coventry turn on the M40 by about 10.30. Perth is a dump btw, Dunblane is nice but will add loads extra to your commuting time at the weekend, don't know Dumfriesshire as Dune suggested but would seem to be a good compromise.

[dune]

don't know Dumfriesshire as Dune suggested but would seem to be a good compromise.

 

Dumfries is a nice town, and it's the only conservative seat in Scotland so that tells you it's not a hole.

[benjii]

Really!? Are you kidding me?

 

Colin.

[Redondo Saint]

Go to Scotland and check out the area where you would be living.

If your g/f doesn't want to move then it's probably not going to work out between you.

If you are only going because you don't want to refuse a promotion it is a mistake. Better to not go now than want to come back in 6 months.

You will get other chances of promotion if you're good enough.

[Jonnyboy]

Colin.

 

yeah, not a young mans name

[Hatch]

depends on how much extra cash they are offering

 

more than 25% ...go

 

less. stay

[georgeweahscousin]

.....stay.

 

That is absolute classic comedy.

[georgeweahscousin]

.....stay.

 

That is absolute classic comedy.