The Queens English..... Well Almost

[Gemmel]

We've all heard someone in our offices or workplaces use some of these....... I'm actually guilty of using "By close of play" (Not any more), but there are some real pearlers.

 

For each phrase you can almost imagine the type of person who would use it.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7457287.stm

[benjii]

Some of those are perfectly descriptive and clear metaphors and aphorisms and people who complain about them vociferously are probably insufferable bores.

 

By contrast, some of them are ubertarded.

[Whitey Grandad]

There are a lot that are missing. (is a lot?)

 

proactive - what's wrong with 'active'? What's the verb? I'm going to proact? 'What we need is proaction'? 'If only I had proacted earlier'?

ballpark

knee-jerk

ticks all the right boxes

out of left field

literally

like

run up the flag and see who salutes

evolution not revolution

hero to zero

I mean

 

The problem is, I find myself saying them sometimes and then I cringe.

[Guest Dark Sotonic Mills]

She's not English, she's German.

[Gemmel]

She's not English, she's German.

 

No she is definately English.... she has an English Passport

[Patrick Bateman]

Nothing wrong with close of play - close of business is better. I use it when demanding deliverables, i.e. "I'd like that back by COB Tues xxth". It works for me.

 

Equally, nothing wrong with proactive. It just means doing/anticipating something before it happens really. I don't want people who are reactive, i.e. sit on their backsides waiting for whatever it is to happen and then be told.

Those are 2 very useful words.

 

DSM - you're boring.

[Patrick Bateman]

While I'm on the subject, ones that do irritate me and that are used frequently are:

- Aim for the low hanging fruit

- The biggest bang for the buck

- Triage it (!!)

- It isn't rocket science (no, clearly it's f**king not, dinlo)

 

That's a few, I'm sure I'll think of more to annoy myself.

[Pancake]

No she is definately English.... she has an English Passport

 

An ENGLISH Passport you say? Not seen one of those before.

[Gemmel]

- Triage it (!!)

 

Ha ha pure quality......... all my account managers are getting that one next week.

[Gemmel]

An ENGLISH Passport you say? Not seen one of those before.

 

Really???, same as a British one, but comes with a free castle / council house.

[Pancake]

Nothing wrong with close of play - close of business is better. I use it when demanding deliverables, i.e. "I'd like that back by COB Tues xxth". It works for me.

 

Equally, nothing wrong with proactive. It just means doing/anticipating something before it happens really. I don't want people who are reactive, i.e. sit on their backsides waiting for whatever it is to happen and then be told.

Those are 2 very useful words.

 

This. COB and proactive are excellent terms.

 

Ones that annoy me are: "Meeting Facilitator" - no, you are the minute taker; "Solutioneering" - Just **** off; "Energize the meeting" - Stick a battery up your own arse.

[Dimond Geezer]

Really???, same as a British one, but comes with a free castle / council house.

 

Genuine question:

Does Her Maj have/need a passport?

[Gemmel]

Genuine question:

Does Her Maj have/need a passport?

 

Apprently not.....

 

http://www.royal.gov.uk/OutPut/Page4871.asp

[EastleighSoulBoy]

We've all heard someone in our offices or workplaces use some of these....... I'm actually guilty of using "By close of play" (Not any more), but there are some real pearlers.

 

For each phrase you can almost imagine the type of person who would use it.

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7457287.stm

 

We had a 'Maintenance Co-ordinator' at Ford who talked in such terms of 'Queen's English'. He rather disliked it when I described his post breakdown 'de-briefs' as Blame-storming.

[Whitey Grandad]

Apprently not.....

 

http://www.royal.gov.uk/OutPut/Page4871.asp

 

She just writes herself a note and shows that to immigration.

[CB Saint]

Blue Sky Conference - which basically means the CEO hasn't got a clue what to do next and it desperately casting around for ideas

[SuperMikey]

*The Queen's English... well, almost.

[Mao Cap]

Numbers 2 and 33 in particular are crackers!

 

Luckily business-speak is more of a joke than a genuine annoyance to me, because I only hear it a couple of times a year (when the corporate types come in to tell us unsuited nightshift proles how the company's doing with loads of charts and stuff). Living like a badger does have its advantages sometimes

[dune]

I have a manager that calls employees his "guys" and his "troops". He's a pr1ck.

[LGTL]

These are just a few of the reasons why I could never work in some poxy office environment.