Valerie Wheeler Rest in peace..

[Daren W]

Daren has written a very fitting tribute to his mum in The Pink where he also said he would like to raise £1m for cancer research, having lost a two members of my family to both cancer and a cancer related illness I would be pleased to offer both my help and support to Daren in any way I could. I am sure that many of the people that post on TSW would be only to willing to support any event they could as well.

 

 

Thanks for that. Here's the article in full. I'm starting with a Parachute jump, eight of us, in tuxes, jumping out of a plane for Cancer Research.... God help us!

 

 

"Goodnight And God Bless...." Beautiful South Article September 18th

by Daren Wheeler on Sunday, 19 September 2010

 

Dear Reader,

 

 

I had planned to write about Nigel Adkins and his arrival at Southampton this week but on Sunday my mother passed away after a long, long battle against cancer so excuse me if this week I’m totally self indulgent and write about her.

 

 

Everyone’s mother is special, even those who appear on Jeremy Kyle; at one stage or another they make a conscious effort to bring life into this world and, even if somewhere along the line it goes wrong, for at least one moment in their life they had one moment of inspirational love.... something that men sometimes cannot claim to have done. All mothers are special. My mother wasn’t just special, she was exceptional.

 

 

It was about seven years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I say about seven years ago as time seemed to blur over the years but I can remember as clear as day the moment she matter of factly told us she had cancer. “Right, let’s get on with it...” she said and she did.

 

 

Breast cancer was a revelation, life changing even. Any arrogance or selfishness there was in me was beaten out by the extraordinary courage shown by a 70 year old woman. There was one occasion where apparently there was a build up of fluid on the breast that meant a nurse had to physically kneel on her to force it out. She came home physically and mentally shattered, most of us would feel at least some sense of self pity but my mother shrugged off a day that most us would mark as “the worst day of life” and moved on.

 

 

 

She enjoyed a respite and beat breast cancer, her hair grew back and life was good again. But three years later the pain in her neck became more and more noticeable and a visit to the doctors told her the cancer had come back and had spread to her bones.

 

 

The cancer this time seemed to take more out of her, the chemo seemed harder and more sapping and, despite her assurances to the contrary, my brother and I felt a sense of foreboding about it, as if this time there was no happy ending.

 

 

Chemotherapy took a huge toll on her, the hair loss, the use of a wheelchair for the first time, the sheer fragility of it all lead me to believe that this was one battle too far. Her doctor told us to enjoy what time we had with her, which hardly endured him to us, and we braced ourselves for the worst.

 

 

Three years later she was still with us, defying the odds and displaying a sense of fun and bravery that could only be described as awe inspiring. We all find the smallest things frustrating or annoying, rain when there’s no umbrella, queues, work, money but when you’re in pain and you don’t want your son to worry or you smile when you want to cry, then those small things mean nothing; Less than nothing, amoebas on fleas on rats and Frenchie said in Grease.

 

 

When the doctors stopped her chemotherapy in June the writing was on the wall. In the end her health deteriorated rapidly and within two months she was bed ridden and so weak she could barely talk. During the last few days of her life she drifted in and out of consciousness, one of the last things she said to me was how I rated Nigel Adkins. I told her he'd be the man to take us up. She smiled. She passed away in her sleep two days later...

 

 

I mention all of this as two and a half years ago I wrote in these very pages of my desire to raise a million pounds for cancer research. I had contacted the club to ask for their help to raise that money. I never asked for money, not even time but help in regards to collecting money on club property. I’d written a letter and several emails and phone calls but never received so much as a photocopied “thanks, but no thanks” letter from the club and when I did receive a letter from them it was a season ticket renewal form.

 

 

It destroyed any faith I had in the club. It took the arrival of Nicola Cortese and Markus Leibherr at the club to restore that faith and bring me back to St Marys. The joy they brought to my mother when she attended her last game at St Marys, the pre season game against Ajax, was immeasurable and for that I will always be grateful.

 

 

To Nicola Cortese I issue a challenge; more than ever I want to raise a million pounds for cancer research. More than ever I want to deny some family the same pain and utter desolation that I feel right now. More than ever I am prepared to dedicate my time to do that. I ask Nicola Cortese, could you be too? Could you help me to help someone else? My email address is darenwheeler@yahoo.com and my phone number can be obtained via the Echo. Help me to make some sense of the unutterable pain I feel right now.

 

 

Cancer robbed my mum of her who she was, it took her identity, at times it took her dignity and in the end it took her life. But it never took her soul, it never took her sense of humour, her sense of life and above all it never took that light from her eye. I pray to god, dear reader, that it never takes yours...

 

 

Goodnight Mum, and god bless....

[Greedyfly]

Ahhh chap I am very sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and any other family members

[The Sholing Shadow]

Best wishes Darren. You were obviously a great comfort to your mum. As others have said many things are more important than our beloved football team.

[MattressTester]

So sorry to hear about your mum, Daren. I'm sure she'd be proud of you right now, and taking comfort from all the wishes being sent her way from Saints fans. Take care.

[Saints Warrior]

It was always nice to meet your Mum at the games. Valerie will still be with us in spirt at the games, you can enjoy the new times as saints turn the corner and know your Mum will be watching.

 

Condolences from Manny and Wendy. No win on the Colchester game...but then I thought about your Mum and it was an entertaining game which is what we want to see.

[Freemantle Saint]

Daren,

My mum died of lung cancer in 2009 so i know what you are going though. If you have fund raising plans let me know im keen to get involved. Its hard to watch someone you love go though that and i think perhaps it would help to get involved.

God bless.

[Big John]

Daren, are you planning to raise the money under the MacMillan or CancerResearchUK banner or have you set up something more specific? Pro's of the former are that your cause already has the public eye and promotional materials would be freely available. Setting up your own local, Saints linked one would perhaps give you the opportunity to divert the funds to a local hospice or cancer related organisation.

 

Great idea and good luck.

 

May I offer a little advice Daren? Get a well-known local patron, this will almost guarantee media coverage, if you get the right one. Sad though it may be, we have to accept in the current climate that many charitable causes are having a tough time right now.

 

I have a little experience of working with charitable groups and my personal advice is to go local and get some set-up grant funding, you just need to know where to look and get advice on the wording of your application, this is very important. You could use the funds from the parachute jump to open a bank account, LloydsTSB are very good in my experience. You will need a 'committee' made up of a Chair, Treasurer and Secretary minimum and from the inaugural meeting you need to form and agree your 'constitution', this need only outline the 'aims' of the group, who will benefit from your work and some basic 'rules of membership' which can be copied and adjusted to your group's own particular needs.

 

Go for it Daren.

NB

Whether you link to a national charity is a very important decision as if you do you will find that funders will turn down your application based on the fact that the big charities have plenty resources at their disposal already. Linking your group to a company (ie Saints) could also lessen your chances of outside funding for those same reasons.

 

Not a personal comment by me on the rights and wrongs of your previous dealing with the club, but they may have inadvertently done you a favour in that YOU can now call the tune and YOU can now make the rules, and maybe a year down the line you may well be in a better position as a group to approach them, whatever our own personal views on the club's decision to ignore and/or dismiss your previous approaches, they do have to keep to their own guidelines and procedures, let them do their thing their way and get back to enjoying (lol) the football for what it is (just football) again.

Edited 26 September, 2010 by Big John