Cr@pping Away From Home

[Liquidshokk]

Happily take a cr@p away from home?

 

Quick wipe of seat or ring of bogroll before sitting?

 

Bogroll down first to prevent the splash or the louder the better?

 

Personally, I give it a good wipe and create a landing mat.

 

I always end up being in a cubicle next to someone sharting though or the noise of their load hitting the water booms around the room....

[Dog]

I go to the ladies, they normally are a lot cleaner, and smell of the sea.

[Liquidshokk]

I go to the ladies, they normally are a lot cleaner, and smell of the sea.

 

Any sharting in there???

[Turkish]

always put a landing pad, wipe the seat and have a little ring of toliet paper on the seat my arse is not where anothers mans has been. Service stations seem to be partcularly vile at the moment despite claims to clean them every hour. I think it was Leigh Delamare, which was a shame as it's a personal favourite of mine, made me go into three cubilcles before a i could find a clean one.

[Guest Dark Sotonic Mills]

always put a landing pad, wipe the seat and have a little ring of toliet paper on the seat my arse is not where anothers mans has been. Service stations seem to be partcularly vile at the moment despite claims to clean them every hour. I think it was Leigh Delamare, which was a shame as it's a personal favourite of mine, made me go into three cubilcles before a i could find a clean one.

 

The other two had the gloryholes filled in then?

[SuperMikey]

Interesting fact; I once weighed myself before and after a big sh!t, and my dump had weighed approximately 1 stone. Beat that, daddyo.

[Saintandy666]

Always try to wait till in safer territories. If I have to go though, I generally just go for it and if it particularly bad, I just try to hover above the size by a little bit.

[Redbul]

Interesting fact; I once weighed myself before and after a big sh!t, and my dump had weighed approximately 1 stone. Beat that, daddyo.

 

That's a load of crap.

[saintscottofthenortham]

I used to be uber funny about leaving my deposits anywhere other than home... but after 7 years of building sites and portaloo's, my standards have somewhat dropped. The thing is with the portaloo's, they are THAT bad that I just dont even feel giving the seat a wipe actually makes it any cleaner. You soon get used to that though, and learn to appreciate them.

[1976_Child]

Interesting fact; I once weighed myself before and after a big sh!t, and my dump had weighed approximately 1 stone. Beat that, daddyo.

 

but usually one also urinates at the same time as taking a crap so some of the weight will be attributed to ****.

[1976_Child]

When I worked for a large company in London I adapted my crapping time to fit in with the cleaning routine. As soon as the cleaner came out of the gents I would dash in. Interestingly, I also calculated that by taking a crap at work at least 4 times per week one would save about £43 in bog roll costs over a year. Every little helps.

Edited 24 August, 2010 by 1976_Child

[SuperMikey]

but usually one also urinates at the same time as taking a crap so some of the weight will be attributed to ****.

 

This is true, but it was a really big sh!t. There was a good 5" sticking out of the water. It was like a side of beef.

[ohwhenthesaints]

This is true, but it was a really big sh!t. There was a good 5" sticking out of the water. It was like a side of beef.

 

Rule 1.

[JustMike]

i hate it but if needs must then a good old wipe of the seat followed by half a bog roll in the pan followed by a wash in bleach with steelwool.

[Barry the Badger]

Is this serious? Didn't realise this was a big problem for people. I will pretty much go anywhere if needs be.

 

I always need a poo when I'm about to play football (I get nervous), so can't be too fussy as most changing room toilets are pretty awful.

[trousers]

This is true, but it was a really big sh!t. There was a good 5" sticking out of the water. It was like a side of beef.

 

5 inches my arse

[Saint137]

For the love of god, is this country of Nelson, Wellington, and Churchill? Rules are always **** on company time and always **** on the Welsh side of the bridge.

[SuperMikey]

I wish I had taken a picture now, that was something to show the grandkids fo' sho'. Trousers, you can doubt it all you want, but I swear to god, it was literally that big. The result of a few big meals and two and a half days of constipation.

[saint_stevo]

i will sh"t anywhere.

 

Give it a once over with some bog roll and jobs a good'un

[sadoldgit]

Try to hold on till you get home.....

[Liquidshokk]

Try to hold on till you get home.....

 

Just let the turtle head dry out so it acts like a bung??

[Truesaint]

I always go at work during work time. If you take your time and spend at least 9/10 mins about the whole process every day, over the course of the year that works as an extra weeks leave! Admittedly it has been sat on the loo, but at least you got paid for it. Which makes it at the special rate of time and a turd!

[NorthamSteve]

5 inches my arse

 

Nearly, I'd say about 7.

[tartanowl]

I'll have a crap anywhere except outdoor public toilets. Work/pubs/mates houses no problem. Definitely need a landing mat in a pub though!

[mack rill]

Just drop yer kacks and squat, Word of advice, Pull the back of your kacks to the front or you might need to wear bicycle clips. Oh and watch for stingers,

[RonManager]

Oh and watch for stingers,

 

A couple of dock leaves will soothe you should the above occur. Strangely, they grow in the same places as nettles.

 

Isn't nature wonderful.

 

Unlike Pompey, who aren't wonderful,

 

 

At all.

[Dog]

The worst place in the world to have a sh¡t is on a plane, and the best place to turn one out is in the sea or on a beach.

[Julian H. Cope]

I once did a reverse kanga in the exec toilets at work. It was nasty.

[Redbul]

From the Profanisaurus:

 

Lower Decking

n. The act of deliberately not flushing away a dreadnaught in one's works toilets, then hiding in the next cubicle to savour the next occupants reaction.

[hamster]

A couple of points:

What possesses people (men generally) to break toilet seats and cubicle locks? Not only annoying but also a strange habit.

 

A few weeks ago I came home from work to find mrs h in bed feeling poorly with an upset tummy. I was dispatched dutifully up the shop to purchase an over-the counter remedy, which I took up to her with a glass of Oj and left her in peace taking her the odd cup of tea. Next morning I woke her before leaving for work with another cuppa and enquired as to her poorliness. "I'm still constipated" she whimpered. "Ah!" say's I, "constipated, you say?" I'm guessing that Imodium I gave you last night hasn't helped too much then" I sheepishly confessed. "IMODIUM! You ******* ****". "Right, best shoot, I'll be late for work" and off i shot. True story.

[Golden Balls]

I go anywhere, including festivals. Quick wipe of the seat and it's fine.

 

I tend to go at about 2.30pm at work every week day. Cleaner than home if anything, plus I'm getting paid to have a dump. And the money you save on bog roll is fantastic.

[Dr Who?]

I **** at music festivals and sometimes if it has been raining a lot and the cleaning/sucking vans cannot make it up the hill, you have to take some pole with you to push the poo below the seat level so you can sit down.... all in the name of music.

[pilsburydoughboy]

If you have to go just go.

I once drove non stop for eight hours without stopping.The next day i laid a Pirelli cable and had to hit it with a stick to contain the beast in the loo.

I did **** at a freinds house once and had to get my mates dad to rod the drains as it would not flush at all.

Only slightly amusing for a 13 year old.