Weirdest thing you've done whilst wasted

[Kadeem Hardison]

I notice you've got nothing to add.

 

I got drunk at a family wedding and had a threesome with my auntie and uncle.

[RedAndWhite91]

News just in:

 

Why aye man one time like, me old mate Moaty was being harrassed by some rozzers reet, went down there man to see him as you do like. Took him a can of lager, some chicken, a fishing rod and some clothes but the foóking rozzers turned me away like! "I'm Gazza, Moaty won't shoot me man!" I tell 'em. But no like! Cannee believe it man! Ah'm so foóked at this point, went and booked a B an B like! Mental night man! Dunno what I'm gonna do aboot me hangover though like.

[Gigersaint]

I got wasted on a night out on the beers with some other added chemicals several years ago, upon returning to my mates flat later we discovered there was no beer left. My mate decided in the middle of the night to go out and try and find somewhere open to get some more leaving me alone at his place... which I promptly forgot about.

I don't know how long it had been but I turned on every light and opened every cupboard looking for him in the flat wondering where he had disappeared to when there was a knock at the door, some bloke who was a friend of his barged past me and sat in the lounge telling me he'd wait for him. I'd heard about this bloke and knew he was leaving the UK for a new life abroad, oddly in my state I got it into my head this guy was a professional killer and started asking him how many hits he had done, if he was any good and had he just bumped my mate off before leaving... and was I next? The bloke sat there the whole time while I was asking and never responded once, eventually I escaped pretending I needed a glass of water.

 

The next day my mate called me and asked where I had gone last night? why every door and cupboard in his flat was open, why every was light on as well why I asked his other mate about being a hitman and why he was fleeing the UK! It was only then I had a very vivid recollection of the events the night before... just glad his other mate left the country very soon after so I didn't have to face him again!

[thesaint sfc]

I had a very messy one the other week which involved me telling a bouncer that he was a bald headed c*nt. He then proceeded to chase me for about 800 meters. I locked myself in my car and fell asleep aparently whilst he was stood outside my car swearing everything under the sun at me. My cars got a couple of dents which I suspect weren't there before, could have been though tbf. My friends then spent 2 hours trying to get me out of the car. At some stage they did, I went into my friends house and threw up everywhere including over his girlfriends clothes. He put me to bed. Woke up the next day at 2PM surrounded by sick, in my friends room with no one else in there. I'd forced everyone else to sleep in the lounge because they couldn't stop me throwing up. I had no recollection of what had happened the night before, then I found my phone and it was full of voicemails of people phoning me whilst in the car trying to get me to wake up with some bloke in the background (the bouncer) shouting YEAH AND YOU'RE A ****ING C*NT MATE. *shudder*

[The Majestic Channon]

I went on the **** in brixton and stayed at a mates flat, drawing the short straw and getting an armchair to sleep in i must have been desperate for a bed because i was woken by a couple of arabs in the flat downstairs after sleepwalking into their flat, getting undressed to my boxers ,and getting in an empty bed, my mate ( ex london saint jim holland R.I.P. ) said i only escaped a kicking because they were stunned.Teach them not to lock the door really.

[Kadeem Hardison]

Me and my friend tasted each other's cum. To be fair, I wasn't really that drunk.

[buctootim]

I sense this thread isnt really to your taste Kadeem.

[for_heaven's_Saint]

A mate and I had been drinking in a Brazilian bar in Covent Garden, to the point where we got really ****ed. We left at closing time and were wondering down the street, singing 'show me the way to go home', when a Philippino man by the name of DJ struck up a conversation with us. After a few minutes chatting, he asked us if we wanted to go back to his, to which we drunkenly agreed to. We jumped on a bus towards his house, which was just off New Kent Road. On the way back to his house he stopped in an off license to buy some beers. We considered doing a runner whilst he was in there but decided to stick it out. When we got to his flat it was literally the nicest flat I have ever seen in my life- it made some of the places you see on MTV Cribs look like 1950s council flats. He took us up on to the roof terrace and it had an amazing view over all of London, and we even bumped in to some 'it' bloke who is mates with Amy Winehouse. It was surreal enough as it was but he then put on a Jack Johnson on the flat's amazing sound system and started clicking his fingers to the rhythm. When he gave us a tour of the rest of the flat, he showed us the shower and said 'you can use this if you like' and did the same with the king-sized spare bed. It was at this point it became a little too surreal and we made our excuses and left. But it still remains one of the weirdest nights of my life.

[Dave Benson Phillips]

I bought a speedboat when I was drunk, after a discussion in the pub about kayaks.

 

True story.

[fish fingers]

Got ****ed when i was 16 up the local on xmas eve, on the way home decided i'd treat the family to sky tv as a present and promptly stole someones Sky dish. Parents found me and a mate with the ladder out trying to attach it to the wall.

[Alejam]

About 7 years ago, I arranged to meet an Estate Agent rep in Spain as i was looking to buy property there.

 

Another bloke from the UK was also meeting the same rep, also to buy property. After about 2 days i signed on the dotted line to buy a (cheap) apartment and this other fella also bought something, fukin big house if i remember rightly

 

Well, with a couple of days now free to "holiday" Me, this other fella, the rep and his mate decided it was time for a p**s up. We started about lunch time and carried on till early next morning.

This is when I thought, back to the hotel and bed for me, as i was absoloutley wrecked, hadn't eaten all day.

 

I was staggering back, past a canal, when all of a suddeen i fell in. At first i thought it funny but as i swam to the edge and tried to get out, realised that i couldnt reach the top to pull myself up. Thats when a young English couple walked passed and heard my cries for help.

 

The bloke grabbed my hand to try and pull me out but somehow we lost grip. Then the last thing i remembered was passing out face down in the canal. Next thing I new I woke up on the tow path with a crowd gathered round me with the blue light flashing from an amulance and the medics wanting to take me to the hospital, which i refused. Then the English guy said "Ive just pulled you out of the canal mate and had to give you mouth to mouth resusitation".

 

I spent the next 30 odd hours in my hotel room throwing up canal water desperate to get back home. Doctor put me on a course of antibiotics when i got back. Fuk knows how much i must have swallowed. (canal water!)

 

Needless to say I have a few regrets from that night. The biggest is not getting the names of the couple who saved my life, to p***ed and shocked to think about it at the time.

 

I didn't buy the apartment in the end, didn't seem right some how, bad karma and all that stuff.

[Secret Site Agent]

In Paris, about 8am, been up all night drinking.

 

Found one of those orange juice selling kiosk things, shaped like an orange.

It had just opened for the morning.

Slammed the lid down on the poor sod inside, rocked the kiosk off it's base and then tried to roll it down the street, while young frenchman was still locked inside.

 

Had to run away from a very angry crowd of Parisians.

 

Hahahahahahahhaha

[LGTL]

In Ayia Napa a few years ago, me and a mate were doing sambuca after sambuca until collapse. After said collapse, I was chucked out of the club and so sat on a step for the next 5 hours unable to talk, see or generally remain concious. I ended up being paraded around the strip on some random guys shoulder, and I still can't remember to this day how I made it back to my room.

 

The following year in Kavos I was ill outside of a happy bar with a "pay 5 euro and drink unlimited acid/100% ethanol", and proceeded to fall in it, roll around in it, get back up and into the bar ready to party on. I ended up sleeping in a horse field that evening. It was one of my proudest moments of which i'm sure my parents would be proud.

[saintscottofthenortham]

I had a fire, whilst naked, in the middle of Woodmill Lane when I was about 17. We were rather off our heads on alcohol and other substances. The fire wasn't much of a fire, so I ragged down a 'To Let' sign and stuck that on the fire. The melted plastic is still in the same spot on Woodmill Lane to this day, 7 years later.

 

Unsuprisingly, someone spotted a group of naked & half naked drugged up lads having a fire in the middle of the road in the early hours of the morning, and disturbed us. So the sensible thing to do was run the 5/10 minutes it would take to get to my mums and go jumping on the trampoline. I will never forget the sound of my mum opening her bedroom window in the dead of night, looking out at a group of lads with very few clothes between them, and shouting "Scott, is that you!!!!???"

[sambosa75]

After my 21st birthday party at Jesters in Beavois Valley (my mates decided it would be fitting to buy me 21 double vodka red bulls), put them on a table and not let me leave until I had drunk them all. My mate was driving home and getting on the motorway at Rownhams towards Eastleigh and there was a group of girls in a car next to us. I pulled down my window and proceeded to have a conversation with one of the girls in the back who I'm told was quite fit. As my mate must have been doing about 60mph it was understandably quite noisy and I couldn't hear what she was saying so I opened the car door and attempted to get out the car and walk over to their car so I could hear her better. Apparently I was about an inch away from putting my foot on the road which is likely to have dragged me out the car. We then got back to a house party where this lad insisted on getting his cock out constantly (it was pierced about 10 times). The same bloke kept walking around asking for charlie so I went to the garage and found a bag of grout. I made 3 wraps and sold them to him for £150. He disappeared for about 10 mins and came down with the bloodiest nose I had ever seen but told me the gear was "spot on". It turns out he was the son of Spandeau Ballet singer Tony Hadley. I then went outside for air and fell asleep in the middle of the road. When we finally left I suggested we paid a visit to Hiltingbury Rec "to get some $luts". This tactic proved unsuccessful. As my mate had driven me around all night doing whatever I told him to do (he wasn't drinking) I was still very conscious of doing right by him so just around the corner from my house I could feel the vom coming on I hoyed up the total contents of my stomach in my brand new Ralph Lauren polo top to stop it from going everywhere. I then passed out and didn't have any keys on me so my mate dumped my in my garden and I apparently slept for a good 10 hours until my Mum came home and woke me up sleeping on her prized bed of Dalias. Good night that was.

[Atticus Finch of Maycomb]

I bought a speedboat when I was drunk, after a discussion in the pub about kayaks.

 

True story.

 

I bet you sunk it as well you fat f*ck.

[The Majestic Channon]

Stayed at a mates flat in Brixton after a pub crawl in Clapham, i fell asleep in an armchair and sleep walked out of the flat and ( somehow) into the flat downstairs, still don't know to this day how i got in, i took my clothes off and got into an empty bed . The first i knew of it was an arab looking bloke standing over me looking shocked asking me what i was doing, i made my apologies got dressed and left. My mate Jim ( R.I.P ) later told me i would have probably got a good pasting had his neighbour not been so stunned.

[Seaford Saint]

bought a guitar on e-bay when i got home.

 

Surprised when that f*cker arrived

 

Bought an outboard engine whilst ****ed....I don't recall buying it, apparently I paid for it there and then. Also I bid for a classic car after this year's company Xmas party.

[Jonnyboy]

Stayed at a mates flat in Brixton after a pub crawl in Clapham, i fell asleep in an armchair and sleep walked out of the flat and ( somehow) into the flat downstairs, still don't know to this day how i got in, i took my clothes off and got into an empty bed . The first i knew of it was an arab looking bloke standing over me looking shocked asking me what i was doing, i made my apologies got dressed and left. My mate Jim ( R.I.P ) later told me i would have probably got a good pasting had his neighbour not been so stunned.

 

I went on the **** in brixton and stayed at a mates flat, drawing the short straw and getting an armchair to sleep in i must have been desperate for a bed because i was woken by a couple of arabs in the flat downstairs after sleepwalking into their flat, getting undressed to my boxers ,and getting in an empty bed, my mate ( ex london saint jim holland R.I.P. ) said i only escaped a kicking because they were stunned.Teach them not to lock the door really.

 

Got any more stories?

[The Majestic Channon]

Got any more stories?

 

Jesus how long ago did i post that story the 1st time ??

[Jonnyboy]

Jesus how long ago did i post that story the 1st time ??

 

lol, a year and two weeks ago

[Made in Southampton]

Singing "who the f@#k is Alan Shearer" in the middle of Newcastle on my stag do on a saints away day apparently is not the done thing. Upsets the locals it does.

[Calvin]

This is what I was told after an extremely drunken night.. It starts off with me and my mate walking down derby road getting home to Bitterne.. was f*ked out my head.

I tripped over a bin and then pushed a bin over, then a policeman approaches me asking what are you doing around here at this time, then I reply,' Im gunna die, drive me home! lol he was like to my mate, you better look after him. I would give him a lift if I had my police car with me for his safety..

 

Bad times.. Not a proud moment at all

[Golden Balls]

Few years ago got very pis$ed in Hot Shots then Jumping Jaks on xmas eve. Decided at the end of the night to grab a burger. Then as walking past the De Vere Hotel we tried to get a room. They locked us out. From there the next thing I knew I was on the IOW. Met a milkman who gave us a free pint of milk each. Ran around looking for more beer before heading back to get the boat home. Forgetting it was xmas day and there were hardly any running. The look on my housemates face when I walked in at 1pm was a picture.

[Golden Balls]

And I generally end up chanting with Saints fans too. Most recently in Berlin (Last weekend) and impressively in Ayia Napa in June

[sambosa75]

On the subject of saints fans abroad, went on a stag do to benidorm last month and one of the dealers on the strip sits behind my best mate at the northam. Saw us walking past him and starting sing "he plays on the left, he plays on the riiiight..." at my mate. Very funny.

[Albert Tatlock]

I always end up ****ing in the wardrobe for some reason!

[Raging Bull]

Back in 96 4 of us went drinking one afternoon in Romsey, we got back to a mates house cause his folks were on holiday & we wanted a smoke. One poor chap thought he could handle vodka & beer at 5 in the afternoon, which he did till the funky green sh1t took hold of him shortly after we got back. Anyway after we noticed he'd dissapered for 45 minutes and we'd all eaten and were back off down the pub he finally remerged smelling of poo, turns out he went upstairs to blow chunks and as he was heaving farted and followed through, fell asleep for 20 minutes and forgot the bottom burp!! He went home after that!!

[mightysaints]

Got wasted on a works night out in Newbury, got back to the hotel , key in the door but could not push to get it open, promptly fell asleep by the door only to find out when i woke up in the mornning it was a pull not a push door.

[mightysaints]

Got wasted whilst working in Penzance,Cornwall, we had been staying at the same digs for weeks but went home weekends. On this particular weekend we decided to stay in Penzance same digs. Unfortunitly we had to move rooms as our old room had been booked up by an OAP coach trip from Plymouth. Got up in the middle of the night,went for a leak, walked back to the room, got undressed as it was very hot Summers eve and propmtly went to get into bed.............Suddenly i sobered up as a very large woman appox 70 odd screamed and shouted out rape as i had walked into my old room. Took a while to explain to the landlady and the old woman but they decided not to call the old bill

[Raging Bull]

Got wasted whilst working in Penzance,Cornwall, we had been staying at the same digs for weeks but went home weekends. On this particular weekend we decided to stay in Penzance same digs. Unfortunitly we had to move rooms as our old room had been booked up by an OAP coach trip from Plymouth. Got up in the middle of the night,went for a leak, walked back to the room, got undressed as it was very hot Summers eve and propmtly went to get into bed.............Suddenly i sobered up as a very large woman appox 70 odd screamed and shouted out rape as i had walked into my old room. Took a while to explain to the landlady and the old woman but they decided not to call the old bill

 

Yeah yeah thats what they all say, just admit it, you hadn't pulled and fancied yer chances with the fat bird as they're easy targets and always grateful ;-)

[jjsaint]

I human centipede-d myself to my dog and a homeless man.

[holepuncture]

just been reminising on days gone by... ah, innocent times

 

I awoke after a heavy night with moist and greasy lips, as I rollled to one side i felt a bump under the sheets, had a look down and pulled out a bowl of perfectly peeled, but unboiled (let alone cooked) potatos sliced into wedges... then looked up a little and between the two pillows to find a full tub of margarine with two or three of my raw wedges dunked in it, all with bite marks... a tasty treat indeed!

 

Another time, at about 6-7am after a night on it, we were drinking 85%(volume!) absinthe with a twist. The twist being we did a shot in each eye... I thought I was blind at first, but after about 15 minutes of tears and pain the sight started to return. We knew then we would have to drink it traditionally for the rest of the session. Shortly after getting some sight back, I cut my mate Reeces hair with a jigsaw, although he already had a crew cut - that was a little hairy after all that absinthe!... By then the neighbours were out in the street in theyre dressing gowns screaming 'what the **** is going on etc', to which I got my friend ASBO to lean out the window (he took a lot of acid, and looked very, VERY disturbing) to lean out of the window with the jigsaw and introduce himself as their new nieghbour! Shortly afterwards I attempted to surf across the roof of my dilapedated shed, which promptly collapsed with me falling badly on one leg and tearing a few ligaments... fortunately the world cup/euros were on and I had some sympathetic lesbian house mates who were happy to pick up some beers and make me food... I ****ing loved that year of my life!

 

Woke up in Germany once without a return ticket and no money - took three and a half days to get home!

 

Time for a beer.

[Redbul]

After a night on the sauce stayed round an ex-girlfriend's. Got up in the middle of the night stark b0ll0ck naked for a p155 and instead of going back to our room crawled in next to my girlfriend's Mum and Dad. Her Mum politely advised me that I was in the wrong bed and advised me to go back to the proper one. Apparently. I don't remember a thing about it but they were all laughing about it the next morning at breakfast.

 

At least I think they were laughing about the incident and not something else....

[Mattio]

I couldn't say the weirdest stuff as it's far too embarressing! But I've done a lot of other things including riding a bed through the streets of Plymouth, I'll try and think of some more but drawn a blank!

[Thedelldays]

was in crete with work...in Chania to be exact... was on the pop first night in around the harbour area..loads of bars etc...and at the end of the night was very drunk and there were no taxis..so i (never knew at the time) under this bit or tarpolling and got some sleep...woke up miles at sea to the fright of some greek fishermen....

 

 

was eventful to say the least

 

got a tattoo of my own name on my arm....god knows why

 

wondered around naked in a 5* hotel during a posh buffet..the sort of buffet that had VVIPs with armed body guards...walking around naked and filling my wet shoe with food and trying to have a civilised conversation

 

threw my mate through a shop window

 

tried to steal a police car in singapore

 

got a shout out from the DJ in a night club (who cut the music for it).. a big shout to my mate and the birth of his still born......

 

there are loads.....

[Jonnyboy]

I let delldays suck me off once, and he paid to do it too!

[saintscottofthenortham]

just been reminising on days gone by... ah, innocent times

 

I awoke after a heavy night with moist and greasy lips, as I rollled to one side i felt a bump under the sheets, had a look down and pulled out a bowl of perfectly peeled, but unboiled (let alone cooked) potatos sliced into wedges... then looked up a little and between the two pillows to find a full tub of margarine with two or three of my raw wedges dunked in it, all with bite marks... a tasty treat indeed!

 

Another time, at about 6-7am after a night on it, we were drinking 85%(volume!) absinthe with a twist. The twist being we did a shot in each eye... I thought I was blind at first, but after about 15 minutes of tears and pain the sight started to return. We knew then we would have to drink it traditionally for the rest of the session. Shortly after getting some sight back, I cut my mate Reeces hair with a jigsaw, although he already had a crew cut - that was a little hairy after all that absinthe!... By then the neighbours were out in the street in theyre dressing gowns screaming 'what the **** is going on etc', to which I got my friend ASBO to lean out the window (he took a lot of acid, and looked very, VERY disturbing) to lean out of the window with the jigsaw and introduce himself as their new nieghbour! Shortly afterwards I attempted to surf across the roof of my dilapedated shed, which promptly collapsed with me falling badly on one leg and tearing a few ligaments... fortunately the world cup/euros were on and I had some sympathetic lesbian house mates who were happy to pick up some beers and make me food... I ****ing loved that year of my life!

 

Woke up in Germany once without a return ticket and no money - took three and a half days to get home!

 

Time for a beer.

 

I never thought I would come across anyone else this f*****g stupid.

 

On a lads holiday in Sh*galuf, mine & my mates room had patio doors leading out to the pool so all the other lads are sat round our table playing silly drinking games. The forfeit was one of a selection of spirits done in the eye. I lost 3 on the bounce and after doing JD, some cheap Vodka and and doing a Tequila F*ck Up (down the tequila, snort the salt and squeeze the lemon in your eye) I spat my dummy good and proper. I picked up the bottle of Absinthe that was sat under the table and brought the bottle top over my eye. As I done so the hotel manager Miguel was doing his usual stroll around the pool (making sure us c*nts were keeping clear after hours) and he must have clocked the bright green bottle and realised what I was about to let myself in for because as I started to tip the bottle up I hear (in his brilliant spanish accent) "No, No, No, No, No......! You f*cking English Idiot! No, No, No, Nooooooo! Idiot! You F*cking English Idiot!" If I said the feeling was what you would imagine acid being poured into your eye socket would feel like, I would be lying. For it is far, far worse. My eye was Red. Not bloodshot.... but Red. It was f*cked for around 2 or 3 weeks and I cannot stress enough...

 

Never be so god damn bloody stupid. Leave the absinthe where it should be, in the bottle or in some f*cked up artist blood who fancies chopping his ear off.