Weirdest thing you've done whilst wasted

[buctootim]

All true stories here, whether thery happened to you or not. First off Ryan O'Neal trying to score with his daughter Tatum at his girlfriend's (Farrah Fawcett) funeral.

 

"It’s not difficult to bring dignity to a funeral. All you need to do is keep quiet, look sad and, for the love of god, don’t fail to recognise your estranged daughter to the extent that you start chatting her up when she tries to reintroduce herself into your life. Not if she once won an Oscar for a film she starred in with you. Not at your own girlfriend’s funeral.

 

It’s a creepy story, yes, but remember that it took place during a funeral, so emotions were obviously running high at the time, and that may have clouded Ryan O’Neal’s judgement slightly. And it’s also sort of sweet – maybe Ryan O’Neal was just demonstrating a residual fondness for his estranged daughter in a way that momentarily made sense to his grief-stricken mind.

 

Oh what the hell, we’ll go with that. Yes, this is definitely the sweetest story we’ve ever heard about a man who once fired a gun at his own son trying to have sex with his crack addict daughter at the funeral of his girlfriend who’d just died of bum cancer."

 

http://www.hecklerspray.com/ryan-oneal-hits-on-daughter-at-girlfriends-funeral-the-cad/200938072.php

[saint_stevo]

woken up with my phone down my boxers

[sperm_john]

One of my mates got so drunk that he dissappeared half way through the night, the next morning he woke up right in the centre of one of those big bushes by Que Pasa (was slug and lettuce I believe) where he had people walking up and down the high street shopping, apparantly he'd got tired and had concealed himself really well ... I can tell you that was one lonely walk home and one hell of a hangover for him!

[Hatch]

gate crashed a party in Windsor castle.

 

After about 3 hours there, was eventually escorted from the premises by blokes with guns.

[saint_stevo]

bought a guitar on e-bay when i got home.

 

Surprised when that f*cker arrived

[Smirking_Saint]

Tried to 'walk' home in a foreign country on a lads holiday first night, clearly i didn't have a f*cking clue where i was. Climbed a fence as i thought it was a 'short cut' and fell down a steepish hill, once at the bottom i found a locked gate, behind the locked gate there was a 4 x 4 that i convinced myself the driver would come out, notice me and take me home, it took about half an hour i think to get over this stupid idea, at which point i walked back up the hill and fell over the fence. For some reason one of the lads was going home in a taxi and luckily noticed me so i jumped in with him.

 

That was a weird night.

 

On another night aswell i remember being drunk and befriended a local drug dealer, he had bags of coke stashed in the bushes (it was weird), i went into a bar with all the lads and he came in and ended up playing pool with me and another one of my mates all night and buying us a few drinks, good night that was, he seemed a decent bloke TBF. Then gave us a freebie, good times.

Edited 8 July, 2010 by Smirking_Saint

[St Landrew]

Got wasted while sailing, about 10 year's back, or so. Coming into the Solent during an ebbed tide, and crossing the chalk boundary between The Needles and Old Harry Rocks. I was hanging out over the pulpit mumbling something about being able to see the bottom, when I went over the top. If I hadn't been so pickled I'd have probably hurt myself. I was quite happy to bob about until I heard someone ask where I'd gone, and I said... over here..!

[Hatch]

Also done the falling asleep on train thing.

 

Worst was leaving Paddington wanting to go to Slough. Woke up at Oxford, Got train back, fell asleep, back to Paddington, got another train (the last one ) , fell asleep again, got off at Didcot.

Then had to get a £70 taxi.

 

Could have got a taxi in the first place for £30 and saved myself about 6 hours arsing around.

[thesaint sfc]

I woke up with no recollection of where I'd been the night before or how I got home.

 

Took me about 3 days to find my car. May possibly have been drugged. Fortunately my bum didn't hurt so I think it's unlikely.

[hamster]

Only last week I went out straight from work for someone's leaving do. Only intended to have a couple but having had only had a snickers for lunch I was soon 'mery'. Agter deciding to leave the car and pick it up the next day and proceded to work my way along the hand-pumps and ordered a bowl of cheesy chips for sustainance (sp). Some bright spark suggested we head for town and all that I can recall from that point on is being bundled into a taxi, arguing with a Big Issue seller at Tesco Lodge Road and singing 'Livin' On A Prayer' in the Hobbit. No recollection of getting home but apparently I had a blast.

 

Re The Hobbit, it was my first ever visit and I intenfd to return as soon as. I have also seen pics of green and blue pints of liquid on f/b since that confirm that people who use the place are most probably students who do not know what or how to drink sensibly.

 

btw

Bon Jovi was not the act playing at the time of my impromptu performance apparently and I apologise wholeheartedly to anyone who's evening/morning I spoiled.

[bungle]

Fell asleep on train before, luckily train terminated at Bristol. No trains back to Bath, but was a bus 45 minutes later which was fortunate to say the least!

 

Best one was getting on a train and needed a poo. Fell asleep on crapper. Only toilet on 2 carriage train. Eventually woken up by guard opening door, as other passenger complaining that toilet door must be broken!

[hamster]

Just remembered my scariest with drink, on a city break in Paris for our 7th anniversary 13 years ago.

 

Romantic meal on the Seine with free wine (just hold your carrafe in the air for refills thingy) and with the hot August air it was not long before we were both in the mood to party through the night. Got chatting to the waiter about places we could go on a budget in Paris after hours and he invited us to a party at his flat on the other side of town. He lived with one of the waitresses and before we knew it we were both riding pillion on their little scooters buzzing though the streets of the city. They were riding like maniacs and we nearly got knocked off by a Merc who we had a race with, waiter-boy somehow managed to lose him in one of the tunnels thankfully. When we got to their apartment we made our exccuses and hopped onto the first Metro home thanking the Lord that we had survived the experience

 

Boy! Were we glad to on the plane home the following afternoon.

[RedAndWhite91]

Shouted 'come on then' to a Spanish riot police officer, which isn't weird, just fxcking stupid.

[buctootim]

My worst /best. After a night out in Brighton came back to my car, an old Alfa with dodgy locks. When I got there this girl, pretty attractive, had the passenger door open and was rifling through the glovebox. I caught her, checked the car and discovered the tax disc was missing. Got it back from her and told her I was going to call the police. She got really upset and started crying, begging me not to call them. I felt sorry for her and, bizzarely, we ended up at the pub next door with me buying her a drink to calm her down. It was pretty clear she was on something /a junkie but really pretty in a slightly scanky way and was good company. We ended up spending a couple of hours in the pub, she had a few drinks and asked me for a lift home. When we got there she asked me in but I didnt fancy staying at a junkies pad on an estate on the outskirts of Brighton. So we did the only decent thing possible and ****ged in the car. Afterwards spent weeks worrying about what Id done and got tested for everything going. All clear fortunately.

[SuperMikey]

I decided to make a toasted sandwich, so I put a whole pack of butter (including foil wrapping) in the microwave, promptly blowing it up. Used some of the runny butter from the microwave to butter a couple of pieces of bread, and put them in the cupboard, then wondered why they weren't toasting. Not a patch on some of your stories though guys...

[Hatch]

Just remembered another one..

 

While wandering around the back streets of London near The Strand somewhere, was asked by 3 Albanians , 2 blokes one girl, to give them all my money , wallet, phone etc.

 

I did the decent thing and told them to F*8K off. So they promptly stabbed me in the bollllox. I was so drunk that I didn't even realise, so just got a taxi home.

 

In taxi on way home, still didnt even notice that I was bleeding all over the place, but did realise that I was wet. I thought that I had wet myself in the taxi, so didn't say anything and got him to drop me off about 100 yards from my house, paid and got out without saying anything hoping he wouldnt notice.

 

It wasn't until i got home and took my shoes off and thought, thats a bit weird, my shoes are full of blood that I realised what had happened. Wifey then promptly whisked me off to hospital where I stayed for a few days.

[thesaint sfc]

My worst /best. After a night out in Brighton came back to my car, an old Alfa with dodgy locks. When I got there this girl, pretty attractive, had the passenger door open and was rifling through the glovebox. I caught her, checked the car and discovered the tax disc was missing. Got it back from her and told her I was going to call the police. She got really upset and started crying, begging me not to call them. I felt sorry for her and, bizzarely, we ended up at the pub next door with me buying her a drink to calm her down. It was pretty clear she was on something /a junkie but really pretty in a slightly scanky way and was good company. We ended up spending a couple of hours in the pub, she had a few drinks and asked me for a lift home. When we got there she asked me in but I didnt fancy staying at a junkies pad on an estate on the outskirts of Brighton. So we did the only decent thing possible and ****ged in the car. Afterwards spent weeks worrying about what Id done and got tested for everything going. All clear fortunately.

 

LOL

 

You sir, are a legend.

[thesaint sfc]

Just remembered another one..

 

While wandering around the back streets of London near The Strand somewhere, was asked by 3 Albanians , 2 blokes one girl, to give them all my money , wallet, phone etc.

 

I did the decent thing and told them to F*8K off. So they promptly stabbed me in the bollllox. I was so drunk that I didn't even realise, so just got a taxi home.

 

In taxi on way home, still didnt even notice that I was bleeding all over the place, but did realise that I was wet. I thought that I had wet myself in the taxi, so didn't say anything and got him to drop me off about 100 yards from my house, paid and got out without saying anything hoping he wouldnt notice.

 

It wasn't until i got home and took my shoes off and thought, thats a bit weird, my shoes are full of blood that I realised what had happened. Wifey then promptly whisked me off to hospital where I stayed for a few days.

 

They stabbed you....in the bolllocks? That's a bit below the belt.

[buctootim]

LOL

 

You sir, are a legend.

 

lol. Passes for a pretty normal night around Norfolk Square

[RedAndWhite91]

I remember one time, got absolutely plastered in Winchester and caught a taxi home. I can't remember the taxi ride, but it dropped me off exactly half a mile from my house. I walked home and got proper close to my house, it was only just round the corner but for some reason I thought I couldn't make it. I sat up on a wall outside a MOT place and thought that I'd sleep there. When I realised I couldn't sleep behind a wall just metres from my house I jumped off the wall but did one of those comedy running face dives in the middle of the road. Blood started pouring from my hands and went all over my favourite Fred Perry polo. I stood up and did exactly the same thing, absolutely stacking it again. I awoke the next morning in a daze, on top of my bed covers, fully clothed, covered in blood. Idiot.

[dune]

Got wasted on mushrooms and somehow ended up in a goth club. Was like being in Dracula's castle. That was sureal.

[dune]

And for comedy value fell through the bar not once but twice ala dell boy in the Frog and frigate.

[Atticus Finch of Maycomb]

When I broke up from my second girlfriend I got really drunk and took the car we had bought together and drove it high-speed around the streets near where I live and country lanes and stuff. In the end I left it in a field and walked back to my falt. Turns out my gf's little girl (from a previous relationship) was in the back seat the whole time. Oops! She still now hasn't forgiven me.

[buctootim]

And for comedy value fell through the bar not once but twice ala dell boy in the Frog and frigate.

 

Do people still dance on the tables on a Friday night in the Frog and Frigate?

[buctootim]

When I broke up from my second girlfriend I got really drunk and took the car we had bought together and drove it high-speed around the streets near where I live and country lanes and stuff. In the end I left it in a field and walked back to my falt. Turns out my gf's little girl (from a previous relationship) was in the back seat the whole time. Oops! She still now hasn't forgiven me.

 

I think I read about that in the Mail. Parole is a wonderful thing.

[Hatch]

Do people still dance on the tables on a Friday night in the Frog and Frigate?

 

i think i read on here that it isn't even there any more

[dune]

Do people still dance on the tables on a Friday night in the Frog and Frigate?

 

Dunno if it's even there any more, and when I did go can't say I ever saw anyone dancing on tables, but then again the F&F was like you say a Friday night pub so i'd have been well gone and not noticed anyway.

[Junction 9]

I once got ****ed on white lightning with a mate and we decided to sell his cat. We shaved it with some clippers as we thought we'd get more money if it looked like a Siamese.

It all went horribly wrong, I remember that much.

[Chin Strain]

Just remembered my scariest with drink, on a city break in Paris for our 7th anniversary 13 years ago.

 

Romantic meal on the Seine with free wine (just hold your carrafe in the air for refills thingy) and with the hot August air it was not long before we were both in the mood to party through the night. Got chatting to the waiter about places we could go on a budget in Paris after hours and he invited us to a party at his flat on the other side of town. He lived with one of the waitresses and before we knew it we were both riding pillion on their little scooters buzzing though the streets of the city. They were riding like maniacs and we nearly got knocked off by a Merc who we had a race with, waiter-boy somehow managed to lose him in one of the tunnels thankfully. When we got to their apartment we made our exccuses and hopped onto the first Metro home thanking the Lord that we had survived the experience

 

Boy! Were we glad to on the plane home the following afternoon.

 

13 years ago....August.....Merc....scooters.....tunnels.....now, what happened in August 1997 involving a Merc, scooters and tunnels....?

[rocknrollman no2]

I got really smashed in a pub once and then got invited to a party by a few women i knew.Being without any drink to take to the party,i got the barman to sell me a load of dusty cans of beer.

Once there,it turned out to be the type of party where all the family were there,grannies,aunties etc,i thought it was a bit boring so i started drinking the beer,but because they were dusty,unknown to me i had given myself a black nose and cheeks because of the dust.

I had sat down crosslegged and hadnt noticed the feeling had gone in my legs,so when i tried to get up,i fell over smashing some vase and table.

After that i was asked to leave.

Not one of my best days.

[LGTL]

Kavos last year, after just polishing off an awesome currey I proceeded to get off my face, as is the way in those types of places. 5 hours later I was rolling around in my own sick, rice and all, thinking it was the funniest thing ever.

 

Brits abroad, you can't beat them.

[Smirking_Saint]

Kavos last year, after just polishing off an awesome currey I proceeded to get off my face, as is the way in those types of places. 5 hours later I was rolling around in my own sick, rice and all, thinking it was the funniest thing ever.

 

Brits abroad, you can't beat them.

 

Threw up drunk in bed the other day, but i was too drunk and tired to do anything about it, i threw up over my own face and it dribbled all over me, next morning i had the pleasure of peeling the pillow off of my face.

 

Classic.

 

I am pretty sure thats what my fiance see's in me

[RedAndWhite91]

I always somehow manage to find Saints fans and then sing Saints songs really loud whilst drunk. Even in Magaluf I accomplished this.

[Jonnyboy]

Threw up drunk in bed the other day, but i was too drunk and tired to do anything about it, i threw up over my own face and it dribbled all over me, next morning i had the pleasure of peeling the pillow off of my face.

 

Classic.

 

I am pretty sure thats what my fiance see's in me

 

careful, youll end up like Bon Scott, or even Steven Gately

 

One that springs to mind is plain and simply eating my mates leg scab - thats pretty weird.

[thesaint sfc]

I remember when I was about 16 being called a juvenile c*nt by an OAP, so naturally one of my mates chucked a beer can at him. He got in his Citroen Picasso (naturally) and drove after us up a country lane at about 80mph. I jumped over a barbed wire fence and have a number of scars still left to prove it. Missed my manhood by about 1cm. Not sure how no one died that day. Was well funny though. We went back an hour later and my friend peed in his empty milk bottles.

 

TBF his juvenile c*nt comment was very harsh - we were just walking up the road talking - even trying to keep the noise down because it was a residential area.

[thesaint sfc]

Oh, and my first Christmas doo with work. Was told that the boss literally paid for everything that evening. So I set out to drink as much as I possibly could. The plan was to go to a really posh restraunt for a meal, then go to the bars and clubs. Think I drank about 8 pints of stella in an hour. I was 16. Got up, threw up all over the table and food of the people next to us. Toilets were upstairs - started to make my way there. Threw up all the way to the doors leading upstairs. Threw up going up the stairs. Fell over in the loos. Threw up all over the floor in the loos. Then threw up all over myself. Locked myself in a cubicle. Was so drunk and embarrased that I proceeded to dab the sick off of me using toilet paper and water from the toilet. I think a lot about how many poos people have probably flushed down that toilet, and how my face had water splashed on in from the same toilet. Lovely. I'm so proud to be British.

 

Shortly followed by:

 

Me: Mum, please come and collect me.

Mum: But it's only half past 10?

[Dog]

/\ Gay bar?

Edited 9 July, 2010 by Dog

[norwaysaint]

 

I am pretty sure thats what my fiance see's in me

 

You're getting married to a man?

 

Not that there's anything wrong in it, just surprised.

[Dog]

I always somehow manage to find Saints fans and then sing Saints songs really loud whilst drunk. Even in Magaluf I accomplished this.

 

Mirror in the bathroom?

[RedAndWhite91]

Mirror in the bathroom?

 

I did think at the time they looked exactly like me but thought nothing of it.

[SNSUN]

gate crashed a party in Windsor castle.

 

After about 3 hours there, was eventually escorted from the premises by blokes with guns.

 

Being a Windsor drinker of 11 years now, I have on more than one occassion run around on the grass next to the benches on the high street challenging "her maj" to a fight.

 

Perhaps the worst incident when drunk occured one night in Windsor about 7 years ago now. Kicked out of Liquid for being unable to stand up straight, I stumbled down the road and headbuted a traffic light on Victoria Street. I then found a hidden place next to the Bank of Scotland building and slept there for about 7 hours. Waking up in bright sunshine, I walked home to Old Windsor, and down the Albert Road I crept behind the long bush to avoid a Police car and fell into the farm's drainage ditch. I got home stinking to high heaven and with nettle stings all over my hands from pulling myself out of the ditch.

 

I also once decided to drop kick my best mate when drunk in the chest, around a month after he'd had a pacemaker inserted. Why I haven't quit drink I'll never know.

[Appy]

I always somehow manage to find Saints fans and then sing Saints songs really loud whilst drunk. Even in Magaluf I accomplished this.

 

 

This.

 

Also singing 10 german bombers in the middle of west end in Ibiza apparently is fairly provocative.

[SNSUN]

This thread is reminding me of so many drunken hazes! I don't usually black out when drunk but I was drinking in London one time with some colleagues, and I did black out for a few hours. When I came to my senses and realised where I was, I was in Hammersmith bus station approximately four hours after I left the pub I was in last, and I was dancing to classical music and had puke all down my shirt. To this day I can't remember what happened to me - I vaguely remember being in Yates's in Leicester Square, unless my mind concocted that one up itself.

 

Getting on the first N9 that arrived, I'm stumbled on to the top deck to see two of my colleagues who were more suprised to see me than I was to see them. RIP to George - he died of alcoholism about a year after that London excursion.

[dune]

Just thought of another funny moment. I was off my head one time and went for a hair cut and for some reason felt a whitey coming on - was thinking hurry up you ****, i can't hold out much longer. In the end just told the hairdresser yeah that's fine, here's your money, and ****ed off with half a haircut. Never went back to that hairdressers after that.

[RedAndWhite91]

This.

 

Also singing 10 german bombers in the middle of west end in Ibiza apparently is fairly provocative.

 

Singing 10 German bombers in the middle of Magaluf strip with about 60 other people is apparently very provocative, resulting in deployment of riot police, a German Shepherd jumping on you and a truncheon across your leg.

[Hatch]

In Paris, about 8am, been up all night drinking.

 

Found one of those orange juice selling kiosk things, shaped like an orange.

It had just opened for the morning.

Slammed the lid down on the poor sod inside, rocked the kiosk off it's base and then tried to roll it down the street, while young frenchman was still locked inside.

 

Had to run away from a very angry crowd of Parisians.

[Kadeem Hardison]

Just thought of another funny moment. I was off my head one time and went for a hair cut and for some reason felt a whitey coming on - was thinking hurry up you ****, i can't hold out much longer. In the end just told the hairdresser yeah that's fine, here's your money, and ****ed off with half a haircut. Never went back to that hairdressers after that.

 

Lol! What a great story! Keep them coming! I didn't think it could get better than the brilliant 'goth club' one, but you are one crazy man!

[dune]

Lol! What a great story! Keep them coming! I didn't think it could get better than the brilliant 'goth club' one, but you are one crazy man!

 

I notice you've got nothing to add.

[rocknrollman no2]

In Paris, about 8am, been up all night drinking.

 

Found one of those orange juice selling kiosk things, shaped like an orange.

It had just opened for the morning.

Slammed the lid down on the poor sod inside, rocked the kiosk off it's base and then tried to roll it down the street, while young frenchman was still locked inside.

 

Had to run away from a very angry crowd of Parisians.

 

Ha ha.

That made me laugh out loud!!!

[Andy_Porter]

I always somehow manage to find Saints fans and then sing Saints songs really loud whilst drunk. Even in Magaluf I accomplished this.

 

I have this problem as well, never managed it that far away, furthest I've managed in Dublin.