thefunkygibbons Posted 15 March, 2011 Posted 15 March, 2011 Can't think of anything worse than waking up next to someone & not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead
trousers Posted 15 March, 2011 Posted 15 March, 2011 I don't think its appropriate to make jokes after this tragedy. I know its hard to feel sorry or sympathy because they're foreigners, but we have to remember they lost everything in almost an instant. They've been left with nothing.... Still there's always next season for Arsenal.
Liquidshokk Posted 15 March, 2011 Posted 15 March, 2011 I don't think its appropriate to make jokes after this tragedy. I know its hard to feel sorry or sympathy because they're foreigners, but we have to remember they lost everything in almost an instant. They've been left with nothing.... Still there's always next season for Arsenal. Its disgraceful how many jokes there are about the crisis is Japan.If you ask me, making fun of the Japanese people who have died is wong!
scotty Posted 21 March, 2011 Posted 21 March, 2011 Can somebody please post some fresh jokes on here, wtf am I supposed to be texting to my sicko friends?
dronskisaint Posted 22 March, 2011 Posted 22 March, 2011 I was woken up again last night by the bulimic ***** next door....I banged on the wall and shouted 'For f***s sake keep it down!'
dronskisaint Posted 22 March, 2011 Posted 22 March, 2011 Irish scientists have discovered that birthdays are actually good for you. Apparently the more you have the longer you live...
dronskisaint Posted 22 March, 2011 Posted 22 March, 2011 Murphy rings the rape help line.............'I've got the b*tch pinned down-what do I do now?'
hamster Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 My mate poisoned himself when he inadvertently ate a daffodil bulb thinking it was an onion. He is in hospital now and the doctors don't expect him to be out until spring next year.
Julian H. Cope Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 Janet Street-Porter walks into a bar and asks 'Can I get a large aperitif?' The barman looks at her her and says, 'I seriously doubt it , love'
holepuncture Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 why did the feminist cross the road.... ...to SUCK MY COCK Whats better than being a historic pioneer of womens rights?... ...being A MAN
hamster Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 (edited) How do you get to Wales in a mini? Edited 28 March, 2011 by hamster
ohwhenthesaints Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 How do you get two whales in a mini? Drive it there?
hamster Posted 28 March, 2011 Posted 28 March, 2011 Drive it there? Read it again and have another go. And well done for ****ing up a very good time tested joke.
thefunkygibbons Posted 29 March, 2011 Posted 29 March, 2011 Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for well over an hour. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.
notnowcato Posted 29 March, 2011 Posted 29 March, 2011 Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for well over an hour. I think they were Hovis Witnesses. A new low reached on this thread. Well done.
scotty Posted 29 March, 2011 Posted 29 March, 2011 A new low reached on this thread. Well done. I liked it, but not as much as when it was posted by 20/20 on post 269, tbf
hamster Posted 29 March, 2011 Posted 29 March, 2011 A couple of boy scouts knocked my door last night, they were collecting for a new swimming pool. I gave them a bucket of water.
thefunkygibbons Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 A new low reached on this thread. Well done. Thanks you, I'm here all week try the veal
scotty Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 Thanks you, I'm here all week try the veal try the veal? Is that a euphemism?
ericofarabia Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 try the veal? Is that a euphemism? It is vealy good.
dubai_phil Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 It is vealy good. We have a winner! After 8 pages truly THE most crap joke posted on here
hamster Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 (edited) It is vealy good. ..a little dear (sp) for me though Edited 30 March, 2011 by hamster
hamster Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 8 legs of venison £100 at my local butchers, is that too dear?
Quickfire Double Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 ®oe deer, this thread ain't calf going downhill...
dronskisaint Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs sha8gging another deer? Still no F*ck*ng idea Really oh dear and I will get my very old coat!
tpbury Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 Oh god, I feel compelled to do this: Chinese Restaurant - waiter asks "How was your Duck?" - punter says "Rubbery",waiter says "Wonderful!"
scotty Posted 30 March, 2011 Posted 30 March, 2011 my sexy chinese neighbour told me she was desperate to get a rodgering. I had my trousers down and my cock out before I realised she meant her spare room was being let.
dubai_phil Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 (edited) Peter Storrie goes on a holiday to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack. The undertaker finds a business card in his pocket and calls PCFC and tells them: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100." Chinny & Lampitt go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Storrie flown home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?" Lampitt replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died there, was buried there, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take that risk." Edited 31 March, 2011 by dubai_phil
scotty Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 Labours spin doctors cornered Ed Miliband at millbank and told him "Look Ed, we think its high time you took your girlfriend up the aisle". Ed blinks and says "are you thuggethting I should thodomithe her?"
dronskisaint Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 A guy goes to the doctor and says 'The wife and I have been ****ging together for about ten years now and...well, let's just say she's not as tight as she used to be - is there anything you can do?' Doc says 'Well, it's a bit of a taboo subject and she'll need to agree but have you thought about using the other hole?' Guy looks shocked 'Whaaaat -and end up with a house full of kids?!'
ericofarabia Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 the undertaker is puzzled and asks: "why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?" lampitt replied: "more than 2000 years ago a man died there, was buried there, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take that risk." hth
notnowcato Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 Labours spin doctors cornered Ed Miliband at millbank and told him "Look Ed, we think its high time you took your girlfriend up the aisle". Ed blinks and says "are you thuggethting I should thodomithe her?" that is the oddest speech impediment..
notnowcato Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 I came home yesterday to find my son sitting on the couch, grinning ear to ear. "What are you so happy about?" I asked. "I just f**ked the girl next door." He said proudly. "Well done son. I hope you were wearing something?" "Yep." He replied. "A balaclava."
ericofarabia Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 A bit of a row developing out here in The UAE over TV rights for The Flintstones. It seems viewers in Dubai won't be able to watch it as the TV company think we would not get the humour in it, but good news further south, the citizens of the capital city will be able to watch it as they think ABU DHABI DOO
dubai_phil Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 A bit of a row developing out here in The UAE over TV rights for The Flintstones. It seems viewers in Dubai won't be able to watch it as the TV company think we would not get the humour in it, but good news further south, the citizens of the capital city will be able to watch it as they think ABU DHABI DOO
hamster Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 my sexy chinese neighbour told me she was desperate to get a rodgering. I had my trousers down and my cock out before I realised she meant her spare room was being let. I don't think your stereotypical Chinese person would substitute their L's with W's though. You are getting confused with her R's I think my fwend
hamster Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 that is the oddest speech impediment.. I work with a woman who can't pronounce her F's and Th's. Had elocution lessons, hypnotherapy and countless other procedures, the doctors have tried everything to help her. She can't say fairer than that.
Wadge Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 I shoved some grapes up my missus arse last night. She didn't say anything, just let out a little wine....
Wadge Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner. "Son where were you today?" Son says "At school dad" Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!" "What DVD?" "Toy Story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" Says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mum laughs" Ha ha ha! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mum!
thefunkygibbons Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 Me and the wife were having a row at the bus stop. When the bus came the driver opened the door and asked if we were getting on. I said "no, she's a b*tch ".
dronskisaint Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 Man with no arms and legs was waiting at the bus stop. Bus pulls up, doors slide open and the driver says 'Hello mate, how are you getting on?'
knellster Posted 31 March, 2011 Posted 31 March, 2011 Proudly showing off his newly leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a guy led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friend's asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" he replied. "A talking clock - seriously?" "Yup." "How's it work?" the second friend asked, squinting at it. "Just watch" he said, and he picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear shattering bash, and stepped back. His mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence. Then a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For f**k's sake keep the noise down you pr1ck. It's ten past three in the f**king morning"
Redbul Posted 31 March, 2011 Author Posted 31 March, 2011 Man with no arms and legs was waiting at the bus stop. Bus pulls up, doors slide open and the driver says 'Hello mate, how are you getting on?' I met that bloke once when I'd gone out without my watch on so I asked him "Got the time on yuh cock?"
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