mrs btf and hamster's narrow boat thread

[hamster]

/\

Mouse infestation, fined and temporarily closed last year.

[Atticus Finch of Maycomb]

I live on a Narrowboat. FACT.

 

(This is actually true)

[RedAndWhite91]

/\

Mouse infestation, fined and temporarily closed last year.

 

Ahh boring... I thought there had been a murder or a fire or something interesting...

[hamster]

Thoughts please mrs b. Toilets? What is the best system in your opinion; pump out or cassette? We accept that pump out is viewed as cleaner due to not having to touch anything containing 'brown water' but we've also been told that you tend to carry said waste for longer and it can start to pong. This is worse when you are on the cut as a couple as it takes longer to fill the waste tank enough to warrant the cost of pumping out. Whereas with the cassette system, a couple can empty out every couple of days and do a final empty on the last day. Also we understand that the sani-points are fre to use as a part of your BW licence fee? Apparently the golden rule is that whenever you are either visiting a shop, pub or public building, powder your nose. thoughts?

[bridge too far]

^

 

Mr TF and I were only having this debate this afternoon, having looked at the site. We've not encountered cassettes before so can't really give an opinion. It certainly sounds a nicer system than pump out. And you're right - go too long between pump-outs and things can get a bit pongy.

 

And yes, use other people's loos whenever you can. Same goes for showers! I remember there was a place in Stratford on Avon where you could go to a public shower.

 

Having said that, the facilities look great so you shouldn't want to do that.

 

Oh and dump rubbish too whenever you can.

[hamster]

mrs b, about that PM lst night; if you are serious then you are on. Just don;t let on to our respective other halfs okay. can you make Tuesday or Wednesday though and at a different location, perhaps somewhere where we can pop a cork or two? I'll PM you as it's probably best we keep the detals qt.

[bridge too far]

mrs b, about that PM lst night; if you are serious then you are on. Just don;t let on to our respective other halfs okay. can you make Tuesday or Wednesday though and at a different location, perhaps somewhere where we can pop a cork or two? I'll PM you as it's probably best we keep the detals qt.

 

I won't tell a soul, promise :-#

[hamster]

/\ You had better be as experienced as you say you are mrs b. We'll take it slow at first until I get my confidence, then just let me take over, okay.

[St Landrew]

I live on a Narrowboat. FACT.

 

(This is actually true)

 

I think a Rule 1 is in order.

[Nineteen Canteen]

Hamster are you going to be rivalling Terry Darlington? I think I am enjoying Not so Narrow Hamster to Market Harborough more than Narrow Dog to Carcassonne. My only piece of advice is to always face up hill if you need to powder your nose outside. You don't want an welcome but impressive guest rolling back into the packaging whence it came - trust me.

 

Otherwise enjoy the journey of your tomorrows and all that good stuff.

[hamster]

Toilets.

 

I have been informed of a third option, which although I would not condone it's use, does sound very convenient* and makes scents*.

 

*see what i did there? Genius = me.

 

Anyway, option three involves the use of a carrier bag. The are extremely portable and have built in fold-away handles, one size fits all but most importantly they are very easy to dispose of.

 

Disposal methods are; find nearest bin or swing around head to gather momentum and release into farmers field.

 

 

 

Mr canteen, I am familiar with the works of Terry Darlington, his programmes are regularly repeated on the Lifestyle channel. One similarity is that he had his whippet (Jim) and we are taking Boo (our Pug). Boo has his own little life jacket (very sweet he looks in it too) mrs h has bought him a parka (Mod target on back) and we've got him a 'day cage' so as to minimise me having to go in the canal to drag him out. Actually, if he does fall in, his life-jacket has a handy grab handle thus negating the need to follow him, just grab pull him out with one of those long hooky ended pole things.

[bridge too far]

 

Mr canteen, I am familiar with the works of Terry Darlington, his programmes are regularly repeated on the Lifestyle channel. One similarity is that he had his whippet (Jim) and we are taking Boo (our Pug). Boo has his own little life jacket (very sweet he looks in it too) mrs h has bought him a parka (Mod target on back) and we've got him a 'day cage' so as to minimise me having to go in the canal to drag him out. Actually, if he does fall in, his life-jacket has a handy grab handle thus negating the need to follow him, just grab pull him out with one of those long hooky ended pole things.

 

Oh do be careful with the dog, H! I remember one year we were sharing a lock with another boat. There was a little terrier on the front of the other boat and he fell into the lock as it was filling up. Poor thing didn't survive

 

19C - I've canalled to Carcasonne. Very nice it was too The Canal du Midi boats have the ideal 'toilet' situation. There's a hole in the bottom of the loo and waste simply drops into the canal. It's probably best not to fall in!

[Nineteen Canteen]

Oh do be careful with the dog, H! I remember one year we were sharing a lock with another boat. There was a little terrier on the front of the other boat and he fell into the lock as it was filling up. Poor thing didn't survive

 

19C - I've canalled to Carcasonne. Very nice it was too The Canal du Midi boats have the ideal 'toilet' situation. There's a hole in the bottom of the loo and waste simply drops into the canal. It's probably best not to fall in!

 

Did you cross the English Channel as Mr Darlington though? Personally I only cross the channel by going under it and over it and never on it.

 

Hamster you have the wrong boat for an amusing story of boat travel with your dog. Pug on a Tug has a certain charm.

 

Carrier bags are fine but like all dog owners will say it does depend on the size of the dog - nonetheless a useful hand warmer on a cold day until you chance upon a human waste bin.

[hamster]

Saints flag purchased. Look out for the flotilla of bots headed by a 63 footer with 'Saints - Wembley - JPT Final 2009/10.

 

Not allowed to take laptop but will be posting pictures.

 

Mr C, how about "Wembley - the long way around"?

[John Boy Saint]

Oops sorry did not spot that this thread had gone onto page 2 ................. Ooops!

[hamster]

Right I'm just about to 'pull the pins' as us boaty folk like to say.

 

See y'all laters.

[BadgerBadger]

Hamster, keep posting you're Rosie and Jim adventures as I'm hooked already, it's a cross between an Alan Bennet play and Wake up with Wogan

[hamster]

Ahoy there me hearties. 'tis I 'greybeard' returned from me travels, what be occuring?

[hamster]

Hamster, keep posting you're Rosie and Jim adventures as I'm hooked already, it's a cross between an Alan Bennet play and Wake up with Wogan

 

 

You may well jest BB but by a strange twist of fate we found ourselves moored up just 2 boats along from 'Ragdoll' on the Thursday night awaiting our course to begin the following morning. They weren't in before anyone asks and I will rule 1 it at a lter date.

 

Suffice to say i have many a takle to tell from distant shores which will be told when I gets me land legs back. Weirdest sensation yesterday, stood in a public house ordering some food and found myself swaying from side to side - legs like jelly, never expected that at all.

[landford.saint]

Really odd feeling that... Swaying with jelly legs in a pub. How long were you there before your knees went wobbly?

[hamster]

/\

Very funny ls, very funny indeed.

 

I can assure you that my body naturally counters the effects of alcohol through decades of practice. The land-lags were genuine, mrs h also experienced the sensation which she likenend to....well protecting her modesty prevents me from repeating what she compared it to, suffice to say she was smiling when she said it.

 

We had quite a few unexpected happenings along the way, you wouldn't beleive what happened to us at Stoke Bruerne and as for Three Locks a Soulbury, well I honestly thought that I was going to die, seriously. Note to self (note to mrs h actually) - always check that their is plenty of water in 'pound' prior to opening top lock paddles, ALWAYS. I was sat like a fool as the water beneath me disappeared andf our boat listed dangerously to starboard, thankfully when these canals were built they had the foresight to make them saucer shaped and the bottom was a safe resting place. On the plus side the only souls about were staff from the adjacent Nameless pub who assisted mrs h in refilling the canl from further up.

 

You'd like the canals l.s, very peaceful and not much happens to spoil the idyll. ;-)

Edited 7 March, 2010 by hamster

[bridge too far]

Glad you're back safely H. Sorry we didn't make it.

 

I've had 'the legs' too - but alcohol balances one, I've always found

[hamster]

/\

mrs b, mrs b, i was so disappointed that we didn;t get to share knotting tips.

 

It was an amazing holiday, they should have it on prescription they really should. Evrything we expected and more, much much more.

 

What is it about the canals that makes everyone so nice, friendly and helpful? Some brilliant pubs and some excellent ales. Already excited about our next excursion, might try to squeeze a couple of long weekends in if I can fit it around all our other commitments, not least renewing my kinship with my beloved Saints. btw, did I miss much?

[dubai_phil]

/\

mrs b, mrs b, i was so disappointed that we didn;t get to share knotting tips.

 

It was an amazing holiday, they should have it on prescription they really should. Evrything we expected and more, much much more.

 

What is it about the canals that makes everyone so nice, friendly and helpful? Some brilliant pubs and some excellent ales. Already excited about our next excursion, might try to squeeze a couple of long weekends in if I can fit it around all our other commitments, not least renewing my kinship with my beloved Saints. btw, did I miss much?

 

Nope

 

But I'm very very jealous of you. Always wanted to do that. Won't happen these days as being stuck over here without Real Ale would mean I'd never be able to cast off from a pub.

[landford.saint]

Hamster, only you... At a time when the canals are overflowing with water, and the sluices are working overtime could you maroon a boat on the bottom of a 'dry' lock.

As for Stoke Bruerne I bet I could believe what happened.

[hamster]

phil, you may be surprised to hear that due to pub breaks and a small encounter with the hooligan elemnt of canal life, in the first 48 hours we had trasvelled a grand distance of about 4 miles.

 

First night we just lit the fire cracked open a bottle of sainsbury's 'finest' red and battened down the hatches. Wasn't 'til late saturday aftrenoon that we pulled the pins and headed around the corner to Blisworth where we found a dog friendly pub with the most amazing jukebox you have ever seen (more of that later). We stayed and we drank and we drank and we sang (well, one of us did). I spotted a poster for some live music the following Friday and a plan was made to return for our last night aboard.

 

 

Next morning (11:30 IS still morning) we went through the 3rd longest tunnel in Britain - Blisworth to Stome Bruerne - and got drenched. On entering I panicked having spotted another boat heading straigh towards us. I hit reverse and pushed the tiller so hard to post that it was bending until the almighty whack as she hit the side, and another as she bounced across to the other side. mrs h screamed and Boo (the ever-fatithful Pug) yapped and farted simultaneously, which was a blessing really as the stench helped to mask my own evacuation of the bowel area. Anyway, as the boat steadied herself I realised that this headlight heading in our direction was in fact not a headlight, it was the light at the other end of the tunnel!

 

At Stoke Bruerne (immediately the other end of the tunnel) I had to stop I was soaked and shaken and their was no way in this World that we were going to tackle our first locks without a break to consider our options; one being to turn around and give it up as a bad job.

 

Of all the places you don;t expect to see 'disabled parking' it must surely be on a canal. Wrong. the only two free moorings were both painted bright bloody orange and had little wheelchair emblems on them! Anyone who knows me will testify that I have no beef with people with disabilities, in fact some of my best friends are disabled ;-) My beef is with British Waterways actually and I am reliably informed that until one has a beef with BW, one is not considered part of the canal community, BW OUT!

 

Anyway, **** em said mrs h, "who's gonna tell?". I tied up temporarily to assess the locks and as I stodd there scratching my beard along comes our saviours, another boatful of fools suffering from March madness (evenm if it was still February). We descended two locks together and deciding that it was as ood a place as any to take a *** (canal people will know exactly what this means and why it must be done), we moored up and hastily retreated to THe Boat Inn. It would have been rude to just use their WC's and go so I ordered a pint of Frog Island which went down as quickly and smoothly as a lady of a certain profession in a certain village near Southampton on a certain Premier league managers todger - allegedly.

 

Boo liked the company and we stayed a while.

[Dog]

phil, you may be surprised to hear that due to pub breaks and a small encounter with the hooligan elemnt of canal life, in the first 48 hours we had trasvelled a grand distance of about 4 miles.

 

First night we just lit the fire cracked open a bottle of sainsbury's 'finest' red and battened down the hatches. Wasn't 'til late saturday aftrenoon that we pulled the pins and headed around the corner to Blisworth where we found a dog friendly pub with the most amazing jukebox you have ever seen (more of that later). We stayed and we drank and we drank and we sang (well, one of us did). I spotted a poster for some live music the following Friday and a plan was made to return for our last night aboard.

 

 

Next morning (11:30 IS still morning) we went through the 3rd longest tunnel in Britain - Blisworth to Stome Bruerne - and got drenched. On entering I panicked having spotted another boat heading straigh towards us. I hit reverse and pushed the tiller so hard to post that it was bending until the almighty whack as she hit the side, and another as she bounced across to the other side. mrs h screamed and Boo (the ever-fatithful Pug) yapped and farted simultaneously, which was a blessing really as the stench helped to mask my own evacuation of the bowel area. Anyway, as the boat steadied herself I realised that this headlight heading in our direction was in fact not a headlight, it was the light at the other end of the tunnel!

 

At Stoke Bruerne (immediately the other end of the tunnel) I had to stop I was soaked and shaken and their was no way in this World that we were going to tackle our first locks without a break to consider our options; one being to turn around and give it up as a bad job.

 

Of all the places you don;t expect to see 'disabled parking' it must surely be on a canal. Wrong. the only two free moorings were both painted bright bloody orange and had little wheelchair emblems on them! Anyone who knows me will testify that I have no beef with people with disabilities, in fact some of my best friends are disabled ;-) My beef is with British Waterways actually and I am reliably informed that until one has a beef with BW, one is not considered part of the canal community, BW OUT!

 

Anyway, **** em said mrs h, "who's gonna tell?". I tied up temporarily to assess the locks and as I stodd there scratching my beard along comes our saviours, another boatful of fools suffering from March madness (evenm if it was still February). We descended two locks together and deciding that it was as ood a place as any to take a *** (canal people will know exactly what this means and why it must be done), we moored up and hastily retreated to THe Boat Inn. It would have been rude to just use their WC's and go so I ordered a pint of Frog Island which went down as quickly and smoothly as a lady of a certain profession in a certain village near Southampton on a certain Premier league managers todger - allegedly.

 

Boo liked the company and we stayed a while.

 

 

 

Go on.

[landford.saint]

The Boat Inn, a local pub for local people. Right on the lock, been there, very dog friendly. They like there animals in there as well. :-)

[hamster]

Go on.

 

Sory, I do a bit dont I.

[hamster]

Should mention that Saints - JPT - Wemberkley was flying proud the whole way around.

 

Rule 1's lanother time.

[bridge too far]

Whilst you were away, we won two matches, scoring 5 in each................

 

When do you next go away?

[hamster]

The Boat Inn, a local pub for local people. Right on the lock, been there, very dog friendly. They like there animals in there as well. :-)

 

They play this mental game called 'Northampton Skittles' involvong standing some hal;f size pins on a table and throwing a lump of wood at them. A sign above states "Underhand ONLY" !!

[St Landrew]

/\

mrs b, mrs b, i was so disappointed that we didn;t get to share knotting tips.

 

It was an amazing holiday, they should have it on prescription they really should. Evrything we expected and more, much much more.

 

What is it about the canals that makes everyone so nice, friendly and helpful? Some brilliant pubs and some excellent ales. Already excited about our next excursion, might try to squeeze a couple of long weekends in if I can fit it around all our other commitments, not least renewing my kinship with my beloved Saints. btw, did I miss much?

 

Glad to read you enjoyed yourself, hamster. In truth, getting into ANY type of proper boat, on any appropriate water, is sensational. It is a totally different feeling to most people's experience. Obviously, I have a preference for sailing, but one day, I'll do a canal again too. This time in a proper narrowboat. Maybe I'll be a complete convert, and never go on the salty blue again.

[hamster]

Whilst you were away, we won two matches, scoring 5 in each................

 

When do you next go away?

 

 

Yeah Right!1 You seriously expect me to believe that do you?

 

Anyway night all, work tomororw. Boo.

[dubai_phil]

They play this mental game called 'Northampton Skittles' involvong standing some hal;f size pins on a table and throwing a lump of wood at them. A sign above states "Underhand ONLY" !!

 

Let me guess, a current Director(or former Owner) of PCFC is the current World Champion?

 

Great stories Hammy. Just STFU, you're making me even more jealous

[spyinthesky]

As you know spend time on friends boat.

Birmingham's Gas St. basin great place to tie up. Surrounded by pubs and places to eat, and in city centre. Mind you, did pick up tyre round prop. which took nearly all day to cut off. Then found large extending aluminium ladder in canal when dragging remains of trye off. Strange what Brummies throw in canal.

 

Also did the 'loop' around Brum from Gas Street Basin.

 

Rained all week but had a number of adventures we still look back on fondly (but were 'challenges' at the time). The 16 or so locks in/out of Brum made us realise how hard the canal boat operators had to work in the 18th century.

 

In our experience canal tow paths seem to attract more than their fair share of the 'intellectually challenged'!!

[landford.saint]

Got cast adrift one night in brim by drunken persons. Luckily mates boat has bowthruster so quickly got sorted and tied up again.

[hamster]

I have seen the future and it's name is 'bow-thruster'

 

In fact a bow thruster would have saved our friends' back; on the Sunday afternoon we were busy showing them around the boat and how the Satellite TV system worked etc. They'd polished off almost a whole packet of MY Hobnobs and were just about to leave but discovered that someone or something had lifted my super-tight knots off of the bollard, we were quite literally broadside across the canal.

 

In the darkness he clambered along the gunwales like a man half his age and heaved and ho'ed us back to the side. We were so relieved that a bowl of chips and a drink was the least that I could offer as a way of thanks. Though to be honest i was surprised that he wasn't full after the Hobnob feasting. Obviously it would have been rude to let them drink alone so we duly downed a few more glasses of Northampton's finest and some Chateua Neuf Du Cheapoplonko.

 

Due to the trauma I decided to do the night-watch and lay in bed armed with a windlass, I drifted off listening to the water gently rushing from the lock just upstream and dreaming of the next day's cruise down to Milton Keynes (of all places) and wandering what mrs hamster had bought me for my birthday.

 

I was not to be disappointed, as the next morning I was woken by the smell wafting from the galley, through the lounge, bunk-bed room and bathroom of venison sausages, eggs and bacon being cooked to perfection by my lifelong galley-slave. Before I tucked in to breakfast I unwrapped my brand new Garmin Nuvu SatNav (as recommended by SWF members) and put it on charge. mrs h is a fantastic ship-mate and I would gladly sail the seven seas with her and her alone. What a great start to the day.

 

 

Oh yeas, and the sun was shining too. B L I S S

Edited 8 March, 2010 by hamster

[landford.saint]

This friend sounds like a real hero type. He is propably sauve, sophisticated, hansome, and intelligent as well. :-)

[bridge too far]

This friend sounds like a real hero type. He is propably sauve, sophisticated, hansome, and intelligent as well. :-)

 

Damn! I knew I should have met up with H and his wife - I could have left Mr TF behind

[hamster]

This friend sounds like a real hero type. He is propably sauve, sophisticated, hansome, and intelligent as well. :-)

 

He is, but he cannot smell to save his life.

 

Damn! I knew I should have met up with H and his wife - I could have left Mr TF behind

 

mrs btf, I have been back here for less than 1 day and you are at it again!!

 

Why don't we just get it out of the way and you buy me a pint on saturday at the match? I am sure that once you have met me in the flesh your flirtatious fantasies will stop and I can stop looking over my shoulder.

 

And for the last time WE are not like that. well I'm not anyway.

[bridge too far]

He is, but he cannot smell to save his life.

 

 

 

mrs btf, I have been back here for less than 1 day and you are at it again!!

 

Why don't we just get it out of the way and you buy me a pint on saturday at the match? I am sure that once you have met me in the flesh your flirtatious fantasies will stop and I can stop looking over my shoulder.

 

And for the last time WE are not like that. well I'm not anyway.

 

It was your friend I was a flutter over sweetie

[hamster]

It was your friend I was a flutter over sweetie

 

I like to think that if my 'friend' was reading that mrs b he would have a wry smile on his face.

 

And fyi our boat has a no sex policy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No sex, you no come aboard.

[St Landrew]

...Obviously it would have been rude to let them drink alone so we duly downed a few more glasses of Northampton's finest and some Chateua Neuf Du Cheapoplonko...

 

What is Northampton's finest..?

[Ponty]

I assume he doesn't actually mean Carlsberg.

 

http://www.carlsberggroup.com/company/markets/pages/unitedkingdom.aspx

[hamster]

/\

Frog Island Best.

 

A bit burnt and bitter and the aftertaste is quite long-lasting. Not a beer for simply gettting bladdered at only 3.8%.

 

I found that the old standard Greene King IPA was prevalent along the canals, in one case a pub (the Royal Oak at Blisworth) professed to have 6 ales on the pumps yet only had GK on offer. We were told by a local (70 years in the village) that thebpub had almost closed recently so perhaps GK did a deal with the promise of sole rights? Still, GK IPA isn;t that bad a brew if you are only offering the one beer. That was the pub that also had the live music booked for Friday and when we arrived back for it, found that they'd (the landlord) cancelled. People drifted off let down but some of us stayed and pumped about 30 odd quid into the jukebox in an eclectic music tastes' fest. Mine includede Motorhead - Motorhead and AC/DC - The Jack, mrs hamster plumped for Puppy Love - Donny O and some ****e by Peggy Lee.

 

At one pub, I think the Red Lion, at Fenny Stratford the landlord puts on one barrel of guest ale each wekend and he reckons they never last more past closing time on the Sunday night! Incidentally that is where we met a great couple who invited us back to theiur boat and proceeded to try to convert me to being a royalist. I was not that ****ed fortunately and lolled when the husband stod up at midnight to sing 'God Save the Queen' for us. I said i join in if he reciprocated with my rendition of 'The Red Flag' but as it was his boat I suppose he makes the rules. Strange also that his missus was cookng roast potatoes and sprouts as a midnight feast on their boatman's range stove.

Edited 8 March, 2010 by hamster

[landford.saint]

I have seen the future and it's name is 'bow-thruster'

 

In fact a bow thruster would have saved our friends' back; on the Sunday afternoon we were busy showing them around the boat and how the Satellite TV system worked etc. They'd polished off almost a whole packet of MY Hobnobs and were just about to leave but discovered that someone or something had lifted my super-tight knots off of the bollard, we were quite literally broadside across the canal.

 

In the darkness he clambered along the gunwales like a man half his age and heaved and ho'ed us back to the side. We were so relieved that a bowl of chips and a drink was the least that I could offer as a way of thanks. Though to be honest i was surprised that he wasn't full after the Hobnob feasting. Obviously it would have been rude to let them drink alone so we duly downed a few more glasses of Northampton's finest and some Chateua Neuf Du Cheapoplonko.

 

Due to the trauma I decided to do the night-watch and lay in bed armed with a windlass, I drifted off listening to the water gently rushing from the lock just upstream and dreaming of the next day's cruise down to Milton Keynes (of all places) and wandering what mrs hamster had bought me for my birthday.

 

I was not to be disappointed, as the next morning I was woken by the smell wafting from the galley, through the lounge, bunk-bed room and bathroom of venison sausages, eggs and bacon being cooked to perfection by my lifelong galley-slave. Before I tucked in to breakfast I unwrapped my brand new Garmin Nuvu SatNav (as recommended by SWF members) and put it on charge. mrs h is a fantastic ship-mate and I would gladly sail the seven seas with her and her alone. What a great start to the day.

 

 

Oh yeas, and the sun was shining too. B L I S S

 

Its confirmed then Hero's dont need MILK TRAY ... All they need is Hob Nobs.. (am i showing age?) :-)

[hamster]

mrs b,

 

When I woke properly the next morning I made asteaming cup of tea for myslef and gave mrs h one. returning to the lounge I fired up the boatman's stove and started to leaf through my Nicholson's Guide and ployyed the days course. It warmed up pretty quickly so I opened the side hatch to thow a crust to the quacking ducks outside.

 

I was greeted by this:

 

 

Now that was one of the best moments of the whole week, gorgeous isn't it..

Edited 11 March, 2010 by hamster

[Dog]

 

I was greeted by this:

 

 

Now that was one of the best moments of the whole week, gorgeous isn't it..

 

A hedge? :confused:

[hamster]

A hedge? :confused:

 

Yes a hedge, and some wet stuff and a big yellow shiny thing in the sky. Crap really eh?

 

PS

Could you have made that any bigger I can't quite make it out?