December & Christmas 09 Crap Joke Thread

[Thedelldays]

In the bank queue an Asian lady was trying to exchange Yen for US Dollars. She was clearly irritated. ''Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty - why it change?'' The teller shrugged his shoulders....''Fluctuations'' Asian ladies response -> ''Fluc you white people ...too''

[INFLUENCED.COM]

Fat girl served me at McDonalds earlier, she said "sorry about the wait" I said "don't worry you can lose it if you really try""

[Thedelldays]

How did the blonde burn her nose !!,

Bobbing for chips

[Thedelldays]

A Woman goes round to her daughter-in-law and finds her lying naked on the sofa.

"What on earth are you doing!" she says , shocked ,

"This is my love suit," says the daughter-in-law.

"When your son gets home he'll see me in my love suit and have wild passionate sex with me"

The mum-in-law thinks this is a great idea , so goes home and does the same,

When her husband gets home he says: "What are you doing woman!"

She tells him: "it's my love suit."

He replies: " Well, it needs ironing , and whats for dinner!"

[Thedelldays]

An American, a Russian, and an Estonian are riding in the same compartment in a train. The American takes out a pack of cigarettes, offers one to the others, and then throws the rest of the pack out the window.

“What did you do that for?” exclaim both the Russian and the Estonian.

“Ah, in America we have so many cigarettes…,” replies the American.

After a while the Russian takes out a bottle of vodka, offers it all around, and then throws the rest of the vodka out the window.

“What did you do that for?” ask the American and the Estonian.

“Oh, in Russia, we have so much vodka…,” replies the Russian.

Time goes by, and the Estonian sits in deep thought.

Finally he throws the Russian out the window.

[INFLUENCED.COM]

Avram Grant goes into a brothel and says "I want your ugliest woman and a jam sandwich", the madam says "but sir, here we only have the finest looking women and the finest cuisine, come let me find you a beautiful lady".... "No, No, No", says Avram, "you don't understand, I'm not horny I'm homesick"

[dubai_phil]

Just heard that the Kids from Alderhey Childrens Hospital are going to visit the Liverpool players to cheer them up this Christmas.

[Redbul]

I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I got her pregnant I'd never be able to forgive myself.

[Dog]

Just as the porn video finishes loading a message appears at the corner of my screen:

 

"Battery low - 5 mins remaining"

 

Game on.