Sayings, quotes and proverbs.

[Minty]

Thanks to Pancake:

 

"Sometimes its better to say nothing and let people think you are a fool, rather than to say something and have it confirmed for them."

 

... it got me thinking

 

What are your favourites?

 

One of mine:

 

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

[RedAndWhite91]

"Men in the game are blind to what men looking on see clearly"

[ericofarabia]

Thanks to Pancake:

 

 

 

... it got me thinking

 

What are your favourites?

 

One of mine:

 

"BEING AN ADMIN ON HERE REQUIRES the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

 

Just edited your reply to be more factual .... hows life ... do you miss not being a jizz mopping mong at The Airport?

[Minty]

Just edited your reply to be more factual .... hows life ... do you miss not being a jizz mopping mong at The Airport?

 

Good job I'm not a mod anymore, or I'd ban you!

 

And jizz-mopping is SO 2005...! :cool:

[Whitey Grandad]

'When you're in deep water, keep your mouth shut'

I like Sam Goldwyn's:

http://www.rinkworks.com/said/samuelgoldwyn.shtml

especially 'Gentlemen, listen to me very slowly'

[jeff leopard]

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference

 

(my motto for posting on this place)

 

 

Discharge your pipe, then have a wipe.

 

(my motto for work)

[Pancake]

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference

 

I like this, but I can only ever think of "The Takeover" by Jay-Z when I see/hear it:

 

A wise man told me don't argue with fools

Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who

But Jeff's delivery is more ill, punk-ass-******.

[tpbury]

"Look not into the abyss, lest the abyss looks into you"

[tpbury]

Also, I read in Fearsum Endjinn by Iain Banks, not sure original source, probably Buddha:

 

"Very little matters very much, almost nothing matters greatly"

 

(Must say, his last two Iain M Banks have not grabbed me...)

[Hamilton Saint]

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church sit in own pew".

[Hamilton Saint]

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

 

That, I believe, is a Groucho Marx quote

 

 

 

Some more Groucho Marx quotes:

 

 

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

 

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

 

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

 

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

 

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

 

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

 

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

 

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others.

 

Women should be obscene and not heard.

 

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

 

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

 

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Edited 11 December, 2009 by Hamilton Saint

[View From The Top]

The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.

[Whitey Grandad]

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

 

I think the origin has to go to Kipling in his poem 'The Betrothed':

http://glenavalon.com/thebetrothed.html

 

'A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;

And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.'

 

Pedants of the world unite - you have nothing to lose but your friends

[wheels]

"Opinions are like arseholes - everyone's got one!"

[Pancake]

"Opinions are like arseholes - everyone's got one!"

 

and they are usually full of ****.

[Colinjb]

You have three types of people in life, dicks, pussies and arseholes.....

[Made in Southampton]

No one is better than me, and yet I am better than no one else.

[Whitey Grandad]

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

[Wiltshire Saint]

You have three types of people in life, dicks, pussies and arseholes.....

 

You've done well to fit into all 3 categories.

[saint lard]

Infamy,infamy,they've all got it infamy.

[bridge too far]

Some of my favourites courtesy of Oscar Wilde:

 

'Work is the curse of the drinking classes'

 

'I can resist anything but temptation'

 

'Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our intellects'

 

And two of my favourites from Dorothy Parker:

 

'You can't teach an old dogma new tricks'

 

'Women and elephants never forget'

[lettuce]

"In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king..."

 

Seems approriate with Gordon Brown in charge (yes, I know he's not the king but...!)

[Smirking_Saint]

Regret the things you have done, not the things you didn't

[sadoldgit]

Awards are like piles, eventually every ars*hole gets one.

[harvey]

"Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober"

 

I think it was Churchill.

[sadoldgit]

"Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober"

 

I think it was Churchill.

 

It was indeed.

 

 

Never eat anything bigger than your own head. Doubt if that one was Churchill though.

[RonManager]

Generally speaking, once I've eaten something, I don't want to see it again.

 

Viv Stanshall .

[sadoldgit]

Said to Jeffrey Archer by Dame Edna Everidge, "If you can't laugh at yourself you could be missing the joke of the century."

[Hamilton Saint]

I think the origin has to go to Kipling in his poem 'The Betrothed':

http://glenavalon.com/thebetrothed.html

 

'A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;

And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.'

 

Pedants of the world unite - you have nothing to lose but your friends

 

 

I wasn't familiar with that Kipling poem. Thanks!

[Whitey Grandad]

I wasn't familiar with that Kipling poem. Thanks!

There are some other good ones of Groucho's:

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. but this wasn't it.

[Whitey Grandad]

It may be a bit cheesy but 'Desiderata' by Max Ehrman may make you think for a few moments. It ought to be the signature poem for this forum.

 

http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/max-ehrman.html

 

 

...Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story...

[Hamilton Saint]

It may be a bit cheesy but 'Desiderata' by Max Ehrman may make you think for a few moments. It ought to be the signature poem for this forum.

 

http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/max-ehrman.html

 

 

...Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story...

 

 

This brings to mind the great parody of Desiderata written by Christopher Guest which appears on the National Lampoon LP Radio Dinner from 1972.

 

 

Here's the original poem Desiderata:

 

 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender,

Be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others -

Even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons - they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,

For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career -

However humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.

Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love.

For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

It is as perenial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,

Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,

But do not distress yourself with imaginings -

Many fears are borne of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

 

You are a child of the universe.

No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

 

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

Keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

 

 

Here's the Christopher Guest parody, called Deteriorata

 

 

 

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,

And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.

Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,

And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss, and when.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,

and despite the changing fortunes of time,

There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

 

Remember The Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.

Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs,

Especially with those persons closest to you -

That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls

Would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.

And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.

Take heart in the deepening gloom

That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,

It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

 

You are a fluke of the universe.

You have no right to be here.

And whether you can hear it or not,

The universe is laughing behind your back.

 

Therefore, make peace with your god,

Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,

The world continues to deteriorate.

Give up!

[Whitey Grandad]

I'm not sure which I prefer. When I was younger it was the latter. Now I'm not so sure....

[ericofarabia]

Please leave this world as clean as when when you came...... Roy Harper.

 

Ideally both. :cool:

 

Roy Harper from 'Grown Ups are Just Silly Children" from The Album HQ in the 70's.

[Colinjb]

You've done well to fit into all 3 categories.

 

Love you too darling.

[Verbal]

'If I gave customers what they wanted, I'd have given them faster horses.'

 

Henry Ford.

[EastleighSoulBoy]

'If I gave customers what they wanted, I'd have given them faster horses.'

 

Henry Ford.

 

You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be led.

 

Stan Laurel

[BadgerBadger]

Please leave this world as clean as when when you came...... Roy Harper.

 

Ideally both. :cool:

 

Roy Harper from 'Grown Ups are Just Silly Children" from The Album HQ in the 70's.

 

Roy Harper Legend - nuff said

 

It was the salmon mousse

Edited 12 December, 2009 by BadgerBadger

[Kingsland Codger]

An abstainer is a weak person who has yielded to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure - Ambrose Pearce

[Hamilton Saint]

An abstainer is a weak person who has yielded to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure - Ambrose Pearce

 

 

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."

 

(William Blake)

[bridge too far]

An abstainer is a weak person who has yielded to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure - Ambrose Pearce

 

This I like

[Johnny Bognor]

"No more boom and bust" - Circa 2005, 2006, 2007 by our great leader

Edited 12 December, 2009 by Johnny Bognor

[tpbury]

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

[Hamilton Saint]

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

[Barney Trubble]

Treat life's little problems like your dog would ... If you can't eat or **** it, **** on it and walk away!!!

[Hamilton Saint]

Your karma just ran over my dogma.

[RonManager]

Wherever you go,

 

 

There you are.

[EastleighSoulBoy]

If the man designing the drawing board failed, what would he go back to?

[Mao Cap]

"80% of people are caused by accidents"

 

"Never been an old boot without a foot to fit it"

[Big John]

"That's not a real gun"

 

John Lennon - 1980