SoccerMom Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 We've reached our first real footballing crisis in our household. The nipper is suffering badly from a loss of confidence this season, and it's affecting his play so much that he's admitted he's 'not enjoying football' at the moment - he looks as if he's close to tears most of the time he's on the pitch. A new kid has come into the team and is scoring goals (nipper was top scorer last year) - and is slightly lording it over the nipper, as ten-year-olds do (not nasty, just proud of himself). Nipper hasn't scored since the first day of the season. It's no consolation to him that he's actually set up all but one of the new kid's goals. I'm nearly at my wit's end with this. His manager is being really supportive and tells him how well he plays, I've shown him loads of videos of himself last year, we've talked loads about how football is a team game, about how he needs to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about the match etc. etc. but he seems to get worse not better. *I* know that this is just one of those 'growing-up' things and that, with a bit of luck, he will get over it, but to him it feels like the end of the world. He says to me, with tears in his eyes, "Mum, I don't just want to score, I really, really need to, now." it's a downward spiral - the more he worries about it, the less likely he is to be able to do it. So, all you coaching types out there - how do *you* deal with a catastrophic loss of confidence in one of your players? All suggestions (apart from shouting, he'll just dissolve) considered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crab Lungs Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Er, what else is there to do? It's a team game and he's making a massive contribution to the team by assisting. You need to ensure that he keeps his focus on the team and not himself. That said, he's just 10 - but surely he realises the importance of playing as a team and not for himself? Personally, I'd reassure him of the importance of his role at the moment and refer to other partnerships in football which are very much the same - unselfish players whose contributions make the team infinitely better. Refer and make a point of players being complimented on TV for assisting teams goals and at least emphasise that the game isn't entirely about personal achievement and goals. I'm sure he will grow out of it and the sooner he realises the difference he is making in other ways he will be the rounded, better player for doing so. Failing any of the above, does he take any of the set pieces for the team? You could always get him to start shooting from corners etc like I used to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia Sllim Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Very hard one. If he is setting up the goals and the team is winning then that is where you should be coming from. Tell him as a provider he is just as valuable as the goalscorer. It was mentioned I think on another thread on here how much Macdougall (sp) was realiant on Boyer providing him with the chances. Probably hard for a ten year old to weigh up I know. Other less easy choices and probably a bit selfish are to get the Manager to play him in another position to take him out of the firing line. Rest the new lad against a lesser team and hopefully your son will fill his boots and get him back on track. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clapham Saint Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 I would trawl through some stats and see if you can find a good example of a pro with bucket loads of assists but far fewer goals as an example of his role in the team. I would suggest not using Heskey but you get the idea... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiltshire Saint Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Maybe he needs a transfer to kick start his career? I'd have a word with the manager, get him on the tranfser list and ask his agent to start putting his name about, maybe with some of those videos you got of the days when he used to score. Form may be temporary, but class is permanent and even though he's not scoring now, he will score soon and it's probably a new environment that he needs. If you're not keen on the idea of a transfer then it's a bit trickier. It sounds like he's been encouraged by everyone and it's not helping. You say shouting won't help, so I guess you're against hitting as well? What about a spell training with the reserves? Maybe it'll be the shock he needs to pull his finger out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedAndWhite91 Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 It is important to tell him how important his input to the team is with his assists, and about how it is a team game. No 'I' in 'team' and all that... I remember when I was 10 we got a new player in our team, and he was brilliant. He could hit a ball further than any 10 year old in the league, and scored some impressive goals. He scored a lot that season and we won the League and came runners-up in the cup. I only managed 6 goals that season as a right midfielder but the fact of the matter is at the end of the day we won the league and I remember that season so fondly because of that. In football if my confidence was ever low I'd just get a ball and hit it into the goal, cos I used to get a feel of the ball hitting the net and it helped, psychologically. Sounds rather silly I know. Confidence is a tricky one but as long as his manager isn't telling him he should be scoring more and as long as he is praising him for his all round effort then hopefully he should get over it as the season progresses. I know it's not about football but I also play cricket. In football I am really quite confident. With cricket I suffer loss of confidence easily, but with a good knock with the bat or a few wickets I get my confidence back. I'm definitely a confidence player and my confidence levels go up and down like a yo-yo. When it is low I don't enjoy it, which sounds similar to what your son feels I guess. Transferring that to football, I reckon that as soon as your nipper bangs in a goal he will gain a bit of confidence again, and so on and so on. Sorry if that's no help at all, but that's what I feel anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctoroncall Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Just give him some examples of those players who contribute to the team are worth more than those that can only stick it in the back of the net (cantona v owen type scenario). Performance isn't everything at that level, it's getting to understand the game and having a good technique. This will be a good test for him but probably one that he needs to make alone rather than have you by his side. All IMO of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jawillwill Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Trying getting him to play lacrosse instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Perhaps try and get him to understand that this is the nature of sport. It's about competition and it will always be this way throughout his sporting life. He can either be upset, or he can choose to do something about it and fight back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hypochondriac Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 On sky last night david ginola said he was more proud of his assists than his goals. Show him that cantona film where eric says his best bit on a football pitch is a pass for a goal. If it's good enough for cantona it's good enough for him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sambosa75 Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 I would trawl through some stats and see if you can find a good example of a pro with bucket loads of assists but far fewer goals as an example of his role in the team. I would suggest not using Heskey but you get the idea... Peter Beardsley, Teddy Sheringham, Wayne Rooney... Just tell him there is a lot more to football than scoring all the goals. Technically it is easier to put a chance away that is put on a plate for you than to set them up. Get him to hit a ball in an open goal from 6 yards out and then get him to dribble the ball through a few cones and then cross the ball for you to tap it in from a couple of yards out and ask him which one requires the most skill. Before you know it, he'll be the star of the show again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 It doesnt sound like your lad is pulling his weight on the pitch, and presumably in training. Ask yourself, what is it that he is bringing to the side? Seriously? It isn't exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of the opposition to see your lad crying his eyes out on the pitch, is it? Ask yourself how expendable he is, because the manager and, more importantly, the fans on the terraces will be asking themsleves these questions already. You may think that his own crisis of confidence is hurting, but what will happen when hundreds of fans giving him grief because he isn't banging them in like he used to? Unfortunately, as has been said, form is temporary, class is pemanent. It is at least possible that he struck a purple patch last year with scoring that has passed now, possible never to return, at least in the way that you are speaking. This new lad sounds like a right corker, and no one man, including your own flesh and blood, is bigger than the team as a whole. If it more beneficial for the club as a whole if your nipper moved on or retired from the game, then so be it. That, unfortunately is the bigger picture. Players turn professional younger and younger these days. It is too late for him now. Whatever he had, he has lost. Sad but true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Give it to Ron Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Ignore the tosser above #12 who clearly cant tell The Lounge from Muppet Forum!!! How is he doing in training - has he scored any? Has he put in extra practise? Set up some cones and practise hitting them rather than a larger target. Do you have a small goal in the garden? My guess this is nothing to do with not scoring but the comments as kids are quite cruel and only see goals and who scored them as important not who set them up. Does he play for the school team? How is he doing then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crab Lungs Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 It doesnt sound like your lad is pulling his weight on the pitch, and presumably in training. Ask yourself, what is it that he is bringing to the side? Seriously? It isn't exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of the opposition to see your lad crying his eyes out on the pitch, is it? Ask yourself how expendable he is, because the manager and, more importantly, the fans on the terraces will be asking themsleves these questions already. You may think that his own crisis of confidence is hurting, but what will happen when hundreds of fans giving him grief because he isn't banging them in like he used to? Unfortunately, as has been said, form is temporary, class is pemanent. It is at least possible that he struck a purple patch last year with scoring that has passed now, possible never to return, at least in the way that you are speaking. This new lad sounds like a right corker, and no one man, including your own flesh and blood, is bigger than the team as a whole. If it more beneficial for the club as a whole if your nipper moved on or retired from the game, then so be it. That, unfortunately is the bigger picture. Players turn professional younger and younger these days. It is too late for him now. Whatever he had, he has lost. Sad but true. lmfao, quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tac-tics Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 To be honest its something we had to work on at work with confidence. If the lad takes his football seriously then tell him, some players have the off season, it tends to be the season they learn the most, its beneficial in the long run. If he is creating goals then thats something worth praising and working on. He needs to realise football is'nt just about scoring goals and this season may be the season he gains skill and technique in a different are e.g creativity, tackling. He will have one good game and that will be the turning point, I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Tell him all about Frank Worthington, who only scored 4 goals for us, but thanks to his many assists, got us to an FA Cup Semi-Final and runners-up in the league. Also, if he can pull the same type of stunning blonde, in leather trousers, then he might thank you in later life. Just off for a cold shower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alanh Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Work it out in training. Arrange for him to do some shooting practice without the pressure of the match situation so that he can regain the feeling of shooting and scoring. Hopefully that will give him the confidence when it comes to a match when the next scoring opportunity comes along. Not many players at any level are both high scoring and also prolific providers so it might be difficult for him to combine both. You need to have an eye for goal and a degree of selfishness to be a high scorer so perhaps encourage him to be a bit more selfish in his next match. If it results in him scoring then everyone is happy. If it doesn't come off hopefully he will learn that the contributions that he was making with his assists were more valuable than he thought at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 Ok, i only really coached players under the ages of about 8 back in the day, so luckily i never really had the problem of coaching confidence. It is a thing that comes and goes and depends not only on the pitch but everything else going on as well. Playing as a striker EVERYTHING comes down to confidence IMO, i would know as at times playing myself i had confidence problems. Some times the goals flowed and others not. It is extremely hard to get back into the swing of things and it is really something that just happens after a few good games. At least the manager has kept faith, i remember playing for the college, being top scorer and 'still' not starting matches which hurts your confidence. As for the nipper being 10 i would think he could get over it quick enough. Remind him of the likes of rooney (every young player loves rooney). A player that does not score hatfulls but gives his all in matches and is probably a player coveted by most if not all managers in the premiership. TBH though, my honest opinion is that at that age football shouldn't be made out to be uber-competetive. It should be a time when players fall in love with the game and a time for learning. I would have a word in his ear, don't tell the manager, but tell him to be a bit more greedy, after all he is a striker and goals breed confidence. Tell him if he is in a position to have a go, not to pass so much. Without seeing him play i can't say much more. The most important thing is to keep his love for the game up, i don't know, give him a few quid a goal or something, after a few goals he will love it again. Hope some of this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70's Mike Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 at 10 presumably he is either still 7 a side or first year 11 a side. If he is still mini soccer is his lack of goals due to a change in position because most sides play 2-3-1 and your son may have dropped into a deeper role. If it it is 11 a side it is their first year and again it is a different game from the one he played in last season when he scored a lot. It is difficult to get the message over but as they get older the no"i" in team message becomes more relevant. ultimately it becomes a case of does he want to play football or does he want glory, point out to him that the goalkeeper, arguably, is as important as a striker and he NEVER scores. Is the club he is playing foe well established? because if it is there should be people within the club able to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoccerMom Posted 9 November, 2009 Author Share Posted 9 November, 2009 (edited) Thanks heaps, fellas - this is all good stuff! Well, all of you that have responded in good faith, that is! Took him out this evening and bought him a new football; got rid of the useless rebounder thing he had when he was seven and we're going to mark up two or three different sized 'goals' on the back wall so he can practise his first touch. Give it to Ron, he's doing great in training, still banging them in, and even scored in his first game for his school team this season (only as a sub, as still in Yr 5...). But the school team isn't the league, and that's what matters to him. Doctoroncall, you're so right that this is a journey he has to make on his own. I really don't want to over-engineer things, and despite my moniker I try to let him play football for himself, not me. Sambosa, brilliant idea - can't wait to try it out! He loves new challenges - will take this one down to the Common Sat afternoon, jumpers and all that. Smirking_Saint, you talk a lot of sense and I love your post, but I think Worthington might be a better bet than Rooney. Nipper is Saints through and through, can't stand glory-hunters and particularly Manure fans. Doesn't help that the new kid is, guess what.....? 70s Mike, yep, it's U10s, and a new formation. His manager has pointed out the differences to him, to reassure him, but yes, he's going to have a new adjustment again next year. So he might as well get used to the fact that things change, all the time! He won't ever play professionally (btw Atticus, I know all about what it takes to even get close to being pro, my older one having grown up with one of our current Academy stars, and my nipper is nothing close to what he was at this age) but he doesn't want to, he just wants to play and he wants it to be fun. Seriously, I'm really, really grateful for all this. So glad I asked!! You guys are the best. But then again, you're Saints fans, aren't you? Cheers, all. Edited 9 November, 2009 by SoccerMom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus Finch of Maycomb Posted 9 November, 2009 Share Posted 9 November, 2009 He won't ever play professionally (btw Atticus, I know all about what it takes to even get close to being pro, my older one having grown up with one of our current Academy stars, and my nipper is nothing close to what he was at this age) but he doesn't want to, he just wants to play and he wants it to be fun. this information is very useful and had i had it, would have changed my reply, if only slightly. i am disappointed as, for some unknown reason, i was infracted for my above post on this thread. I spent quite a lot of time writing it and it was (IMHO) well-reasoned and detailed, and written with integrity, I would appreciate it if you would email the mod in question (Pancak) and ask him to kindly reverse the decision. I can see that you are a decent guy, a concientious man and you are a good father to your son. I do too. I can also see that you only want what is best for your son, and you understand genuine, constructive feedback when you read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoccerMom Posted 14 December, 2009 Author Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Small update for any of you that are interested: nipper had his first competitive match for five weeks yesterday (pitches have been unplayable because of the rain), and scored twice. The break was of real benefit - all this time we've been working hard on fitness and first touch, and he's much the stronger player. Watched him stay upright through four hefty tackles yesterday and get right to the byline to cross it in. And - curiously - he seemed prouder of that than of the two goals. Plus, he scored both from midfield; the manager has quietly taken him out of the firing line for parts of the match, dropping him back and getting him to concentrate on other skills. With no pressure to score he's been throwing himself into the little ball skills challenges and fitness exercises the coach has been teaching him, and getting real pleasure out of those. It was terrific to see him looking so determined yesterday, and actually enjoying himself. Thanks again for all your messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Good to hear, as long as he plays with a smile on his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctoroncall Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Good to hear, as long as he plays with a smile on his face. Plus one. I would say, even at 10 you can never say that a career as a player is not to be. There are many years to grow and learn about the game. Attitude plays an important part and it sounds like your lad has got a positive one and is willing to persue things that will help him. Good luck to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Good luck, I'm pleased to hear that. the important thing to remember is to enjoy every minute of your playing career. I just wish I could be out there hitting a ball with the rest of them. There's too much emphasis on the goalscorer these days but as long as the manager is happy with his contribution then he should be too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint_clark Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 As many have said, just tell him that if he weren't playing then the other kid wouldn't have scored as many goals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedAndWhite91 Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Nice one. Next stop, hat trick. That puts confidence in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ottery st mary Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 As above...ENJOYMENT AND WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE... Keep up the good work...The support he gets from his parents at all times is vital and he sounds as if he has got that and turned the corner...The team and particularly the striker you mentioned needs him.... Good luck to the team, your lad and Merry Xmas to one and all. Tell him to think he is Adam Lallana everytime he goes on that pitch.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Nice one. Next stop, hat trick. That puts confidence in you. Specially if you're a goalkeeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 December, 2009 Share Posted 14 December, 2009 Specially if you're a goalkeeper. That's the great thing about football. Even if you're a crap team you still get to see a lot of the ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david in sweden Posted 16 December, 2009 Share Posted 16 December, 2009 (edited) most people have said the same. Not everyone score goals. Saints have had some outstanding midfielders and defenders who rarely scored but were still invaluable in the team. It's team game. Remind him that even the top players don't score every game. What would his team do if he wasn't there ...and they had to play with 10 men ? Try to develop his other skills. I bet the "new boy " you mentioned doesn't score ALL his goals running solo from the half way line, (he gets assists, I'm sure.) Does your lad throw well?. OK 10 year olds don't have long throws but ..maybe . Perhaps he's good in dead-ball situations; free-kicks, corners, penalties.? Is he left-footed? ..could he develop the skill?. Good left-sided players are very rare and can walk into many good sides. Players who give assists are very popular in a team, let him see he helps the team by helping others.At least at the beginning of his career David Beckham was next to useless in passing in midfield ..but could he take a free-kick !!!!!!!!! Alan Shearer was released by ...NEWCASTLE ....aged 12. He was a reserve goalkeeper and they didn't need him. He came to Saints as a junior and started playing as a forward... the rest as they say is ..history. Francis Benali got about a dozen caps for England Schoolboys ..as a goal-scoring left winger, yet he played over 300 games for Saints at left back and scored only 1 goal. If your son is promising at one of these skills, get him to practise on his own (every day 15 mins.) but EVERY DAY. Sooner or later he'll learn technique and be able to impress others in the team. It's easy for youngsters to get discouraged but if he maintains his interest (and he has SOME talent) Edited 16 December, 2009 by david in sweden Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 16 December, 2009 Share Posted 16 December, 2009 Just give him some examples of those players who contribute to the team are worth more than those that can only stick it in the back of the net (cantona v owen type scenario). Performance isn't everything at that level, it's getting to understand the game and having a good technique. This will be a good test for him but probably one that he needs to make alone rather than have you by his side. All IMO of course. Fabregas ought to do it - a comtemporary footballer who your nipper will know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nineteen Canteen Posted 16 December, 2009 Share Posted 16 December, 2009 Good to hear, as long as he plays with a smile on his face. Absolutely the post important factor because if he is not enjoying it that may simply be the answer. He may not want to play football but is worried about telling his parents who he will recognise (even at 10 ) have spent a lot of time and money supporting him playing football and at that age they still want to please their parents. (Don't worry give it 4 years and the opposite will be true) I appreciate what you are going through but I do think sometimes less is more and if your son is good at football he is probably good enough to try other sports such as athletics that will at this stage of his development compliment what he does on the football pitch and improve his confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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