waggy Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Portsmouth in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Paulsgrove. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Skate FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Paulsgrove. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Lambrini to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals Tins of baked beans Ice cream Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. **Breaking news** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Paulsgrove" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you? Please don't forward this to anyone living in Pompey - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junction 9 Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 I have some friends in Portsmouth who I have not been able to contact all afternoon. I know it's too early to worry but some more info about this on the news or internet would be helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baj Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Im getting so tired of this joke im starting to consider adding to the infractionable offences... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 But this one is funnier because it's a hurricane and an earthquake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saints11 Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Im getting so tired of this joke im starting to consider adding to the infractionable offences... Please do it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jawillwill Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 I have some friends in Portsmouth who I have not been able to contact all afternoon. I know it's too early to worry but some more info about this on the news or internet would be helpful. Sh!t mate I hope you get hold of them soon and that they're ok. Stuff like this really puts our silly rivalry into perspective. It's during tradgedies like this that we all need to pull together and pray for our fellow man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 5.8 on the Richter scale is like taking a p¡ss before you go to bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junction 9 Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Sh!t mate I hope you get hold of them soon and that they're ok. Stuff like this really puts our silly rivalry into perspective. It's during tradgedies like this that we all need to pull together and pray for our fellow man. Thank you. It turns out this was a joke, very good.:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arizona Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Chelsea sign Henry, Chris Crocker, Miss Teen America, Rudi Skacel, O RLY and Numa Numa Guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mao Cap Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 So old I feel nostalgic reading it. Ahh, them's were the days...this must be what the old blokes feel like reading that "Soul Cellar" thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastleighSoulBoy Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 So old I feel nostalgic reading it. Ahh, them's were the days...this must be what the old blokes feel like reading that "Soul Cellar" thread. Methinks that there was a tad more reality in the Soul Cellar thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saintandy666 Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Im getting so tired of this joke im starting to consider adding to the infractionable offences... I lol'd more at this than the actual original post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 I have a friend who has a Filipino wife. Her brother was washed out to sea during the Tsunami in Samoa where he was working in a hotel. Fortunately, a Hurricane hit her family's village and caused several hundreds of thousand of dollars worth of improvement as compensation. Which is another way of saying the core of the joke is funny but not these days straight after the South Pacific problems. Which our TV station hope to have solved by the time they rescreen the movie tomorrow night. But seriously, it's as politically incorrect as Bruno at the moment chaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deppo Posted 11 October, 2009 Share Posted 11 October, 2009 Methinks that there was a tad more reality in the Soul Cellar thread. Shut up you old git. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deppo Posted 12 October, 2009 Share Posted 12 October, 2009 Sorry, ESB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70's Mike Posted 12 October, 2009 Share Posted 12 October, 2009 Methinks that there was a tad more reality in the Soul Cellar thread. Nineteen or Sundance, take your pick, will be on soon complaining that the word Soul Cellar has been used, still he will probably bring Crouch or Lawrie into his reply. i have just filled up a charity bag for the homeless following the Hurricane in Paulsgrove Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlehead Posted 14 November, 2009 Share Posted 14 November, 2009 Im getting so tired of this joke im starting to consider adding to the infractionable offences... He's not f*cking joking either. Bump btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 14 November, 2009 Share Posted 14 November, 2009 hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 14 November, 2009 Share Posted 14 November, 2009 ****! Does anyone know if the aftershocks reached Soton? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now