P**pey Earthquake

[miserableoldgit]

Came across this in a drawer this morning. I think that I got it from the old forum. Still makes me chuckle:-

 

"A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Portsmouth in the early hours of 14th May 2003.

 

Epicentre - Fratton Park, Portsmouth. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "Mentil moosh" and other sounds that nobody could understand.

 

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. The "football" stadium is no longer standing.

 

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. The Portsmouth News has reported that hundreds of residents were "confused and bewildered", still trying to come to terms with the fact that something "interesting" had happened in the area.

 

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of five said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all - but I had only given `em a couple of Valium an hour before- so it was understandable weren`t it Moosh?"

 

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delght to the area to help the vitamin starved locals. Rescue workers were still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP??

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, the most needed includes:-

Fila or Burberry baseball caps.

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers).

Rockport polo shirts or if possible, anything by Hackett will suffice.

Shell suits (female)

White sports socks.

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

 

Those who are feeling especially generous could hopefully include any Creole earings, chains with clowns on the end and any chunkey gold rings they may have stopped wearing when they turned 15...!

 

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:-

ASDA 98p Microwave meals.

Tins of baked beans.

Cans of Colt 45.

Special Brew or bottles of Lambrini.

 

Remember, 22p buys a Biro for filling in compensation forms, £2 buys chips,crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas.

 

Thank You

 

The Red & White Army Charity Trust

 

(The Seeker of Justice and Truth)

 

Anyone on here admit to composing this??

[Baj]

You know what, this has been posted so many times before, I'm just gonna lock this and save you the abuse...