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Our Position Or Pompey's?

Daren W

By Daren W,
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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted

Meanwhile, hot news from the US tonight.

 

Apparently, following the success of Dan Brown's latest book, he is currently in the uK doing research for his follow up

 

Apparently, it again stars Robert Langdon, and the working title is "The Lost Owner"

 

Movie rights discussions are in progress but apparently it will star little known Mark Fialka as Sultan Bin Trump, but they are having real troubles with the role of Al Faraj. According to ESPN they still do not know his actual age so Clint Eastwood, David Hasselhoff Brad Pitt are lined up to star, but it is expected to go to baby #46 born at Southampton General this month as the owners age drops faster than Merlin's

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OldNick

OldNick

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I am loving the fact that our press are trying desperately to find out about this man so they can run another load of pompeygate stories, keep it coming fookwit redtops

I can understand your frustration but non Pompey fans i talk to without fail cannot understand why billionaires keep sniffing around the club.I was talking to somebody from The City about it and he was alos incredulous why ,and thought there may be something odd about it all.You are a proper football fan who loves his club, I have no problem with that but standing back from your bias you must see that it does seem odd why.

Wigan Blackburn Burnley have just the same fan base and facilities but no billionaires are turning up at their door.

As for the hacks having a go, your club is a circus much like ours was a few seasons ago. They did not like Lowe and were out to destabilise and they obviously want to get you, there seems to be lots of WHU fans in the media and as they are in trouble they will do their best to hole any rival under the waterline. No stories seem to run on their financial problems

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Merovingian

Merovingian

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who says he is a billionaire? Gaydamak was not and neither was mandaric and whether you like it or not Portsmouth is a club with history and recent success as well as the city itself being historical. Wigan, Blackburn, Burnely - who abroad will have heard of them ? At least Portsmouth as a city has probably at least been heard of around the world and therefore maybe the initial attraction and link in to potential investors. In truth I don't know but the council are planning a major revamp of alot of portsmouth, perhaps these people think they can get in on it and there is money to be made.

 

we have never had a billionaire owner and I suspect we have not now...all I want is for the club to be run as a going concern with a stadium improvement and training ground

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OldNick

OldNick

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who says he is a billionaire? Gaydamak was not and neither was mandaric and whether you like it or not Portsmouth is a club with history and recent success as well as the city itself being historical. Wigan, Blackburn, Burnely - who abroad will have heard of them ? At least Portsmouth as a city has probably at least been heard of around the world and therefore maybe the initial attraction and link in to potential investors. In truth I don't know but the council are planning a major revamp of alot of portsmouth, perhaps these people think they can get in on it and there is money to be made.

 

we have never had a billionaire owner and I suspect we have not now...all I want is for the club to be run as a going concern with a stadium improvement and training ground

 

The teams stated are in teh PL and so have gained the profile by doing so.

Yes Portsmouth is renowned for its naval history and that would be of interest to some.Pompeys recent footballing history has been good, of which you are paying for now. You have again escaped without getting a proper penalty by buying sccess but you as fans have great memories to hold and so dont care.

Portsmouth city council have great plans, it will be interesting to see how they fund it, but i do agree they have a better business mind than the Southampton one.

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Beer_please

Beer_please

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Mush, I'm all for cheaper tickets for families, regardless of clubs.

 

My 7yo is hooked and doesn't mind the 360 mile round trips for home games and badgers me to go to every away game as well and it's all because his season ticket was free!

 

I'd sooner watch L1/CCC footy with my nipper, paying a fair price, than being relegated to the sofa to watch Saints in the EPL due to the cost.

 

I've always refused to pay more than £30 for a domestic game (excluding cups) and I've no intention of changing.

 

If more people did it, then perhaps ticket prices would come down to a fair price.

 

Personally I'm glad we've had a couple of 17k gates this season, as I'm fed up of the prices going up and us selling out. Finally (as a result of this) they are starting to bring ticket prices down to reach capacity again and I hope next years season tickets will reflect this. There really is no reason why 90 minutes of entertainment should be more than £20 for adults and a fiver for kids. If it means some of these players have to take a paycut, all the better.

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Saint 76er

Saint 76er

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You guys know me by now, always try and be analytical and never controversial. I have by chance from time to time stumbled on things that no fan should ever have heard or seen and even horrendously got dragged into the centre of the whole admin mess and far too many tales. But when I do pop up with information that has come from my knowledge or contacts I only like to make statements from facts.

 

There ain't no facts about Al Faraj. It is not uncommon, so I cannot comment. What I CAN tell you and have tried, is that there is interest in the Magic Kingdom in acquiring English Football Clubs. I know of at least 5 proposals that have gone that way not including Liverpool and no doubt so have others, so who knows who may pick up a business plan from what office.... ;)

 

But as I only comment on factual stuff, here's a great one

 

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=683841&sec=england&cc=4716

 

.......The head of the Saudi Arabia league, Dr Hafez Al Medlej, has said that he has never heard of Portsmouth's new owner, Ali Al Faraj, and claims that takeovers at Manchester City and Pompey could lead to middle-eastern investors targeting another ten English teams.........

 

It is an interesting article. Can I laugh yet? No.................

 

Phil, secrecy may not be uncommon, but the simple fact is that apparently nobody either in or out of Saudi has ever heard of this guy, including the head of the Saudi football league!

 

Trousers (as usual) did some searching and produced a link for somebody with the same name who appeared to be some sort of a Saudi Arabian bank manager.

 

Could this actually be our man do you think, as such a position might facilitate the transfer of funds from other more financial consortium "sources"?

 

Also, for interest sake, I notice that our old adversary Lord Mawthingy says today that he is now demanding to know true ownership of all FL clubs and that beneficial investors must be disclosed and proven or (and these are just about his exact words) he won't let them play in his league!

 

Might be a problem there for the skates if (sorry when) they are relegated. :)

 

You may laugh now Phil...

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

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Phil, secrecy may not be uncommon, but the simple fact is that apparently nobody either in or out of Saudi has ever heard of this guy, including the head of the Saudi football league!

 

Trousers (as usual) did some searching and produced a link for somebody with the same name who appeared to be some sort of a Saudi Arabian bank manager.

 

Could this actually be our man do you think, as such a position might facilitate the transfer of funds from other more financial consortium "sources"?

 

Also, for interest sake, I notice that our old adversary Lord Mawthingy says today that he is now demanding to know true ownership of all FL clubs and that beneficial investors must be disclosed and proven or (and these are just about his exact words) he won't let them play in his league!

 

Might be a problem there for the skates if (sorry when) they are relegated. :)

 

You may laugh now Phil...

 

 

Hey. Look I have a track record at the moment - 100% on Al Fahim all the way through.

 

Ain't gonna mess that up by making a call on Faraj. Remember with Sultan Bin Trump we had the advantage of having done some Due Dilligence previously - (Which IS funny that DP & Jacko seemed able to work the bloke out but Storrie didn't with all his resources and money)

 

My position is the same, they gotta answer questions then I will be on here saying well done or lol'ing

 

In the meantime, my smirking stays in the local pub.

 

This one COULD be true, bloody unlikely, but possibly true, so it has to get the benefit of the doubt

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PES

PES

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I can understand your frustration but non Pompey fans i talk to without fail cannot understand why billionaires keep sniffing around the club.I was talking to somebody from The City about it and he was alos incredulous why ,and thought there may be something odd about it all.You are a proper football fan who loves his club, I have no problem with that but standing back from your bias you must see that it does seem odd why.

Wigan Blackburn Burnley have just the same fan base and facilities but no billionaires are turning up at their door.

As for the hacks having a go, your club is a circus much like ours was a few seasons ago. They did not like Lowe and were out to destabilise and they obviously want to get you, there seems to be lots of WHU fans in the media and as they are in trouble they will do their best to hole any rival under the waterline. No stories seem to run on their financial problems

 

Very fair comment Nick. Don't know where were going with this, but if it keeps us out of Administration I'm all for it. I can only believe they are after the Leigh Park Oilfield Basin? :)

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

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Back to the original thread title.

 

Can somebody send a GPS system to our sk8te mates.

 

With luck it will tell them what position they are actually in, 'cos there sure as hell don't seem to be any clarity or real progress in any direction at the moment.

 

Especially with MoG's great links from the Mail today

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Saint 76er

Saint 76er

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Posted

 

That's an interesting article.

 

Must say I remain unconvinced that the money is coming from Saudi. The new fake sheik has all the hallmarks of a front man, but for whom?

 

Article says no one in the Arab world would lend Fahim money due to his dodgy property investments. Then Storrie produces an "Arab" with a company registered in the Virgin Islands (clearly with that name it is not referring to any of the islands around skatesmouth haha!). By their very nature companies registered in tax havens on obscure islands are often of the dubious kind.

 

So what is going on here? Both this new bloke and his company seem veiled in secrecy and subterfuge giving the impression that we are not being told the whole story by a long way.

 

Israeli money? Now that would be a twist to the tale. Is Storrie getting back into bed with the Gaydamaks again..... :confused:

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

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WOW

 

After following the shenanigans down the road for a while as we all have, then this article must strike a few chords as well.

 

Invisible businessman. Nobody knows where he made his money. Previous issues with the authorities amongst members of his team and even legal action against the principle........

 

No not Al Fahim but BIRMINGHAM FFS

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/news/6294728/How-did-a-Hong-Kong-barber-take-over-Birmingham-City-FC.html

 

I was in Macau 3 weeks ago on vacation, anyone who has been there recently will see the amazing numbers of casinos that have been built and if you went into them the astonishing number of Chinese playing the tables.

 

All very odd in deed.

 

My opinion....

 

Dear Premier League

 

Think you better sort your rules out PDQ, this may be fine, the Skates deal maybe fine but soomer or later you guys are going to have SUCH a problem it ain't real.

 

You don't sort your sh*t out you may derail the whole gravy train.

 

Greed without wisdom is a very dangerous thing

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Merovingian

Merovingian

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So what is going on here? Both this new bloke and his company seem veiled in secrecy and subterfuge giving the impression that we are not being told the whole story by a long way.

 

 

 

exactly - does not mean he is dodgy just because no one knows him - yet to be proved either way

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Saint 76er

Saint 76er

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as far as we were concerned it was always a consortium

 

Then you'd better pray the rest of them stack up okay. Buying a PL club is hardly an exercise in secrecy and you'd be mad to do so if your only desire was to remain incognito.

 

The authorities are buying themselves trouble if they don't sort out this beneficial owner/convoluted company trail, that is starting to pass as "owners" of PL clubs.

 

If people owning football clubs (who would normally be screaming it from the rooftops) insist on remaining unknown and refuse to divulge any details of themselves, then you have to make the general assumption they may possibly be up to no good, such as money laundering for example.

 

You would presume that honest businessmen could prove their bone fides and all would be well. Any that don't come forward to do so must inevitably leave themselves open to serious doubts.

 

This business with the skates should really be the test case for the Premier League to enact tough new measures and insist on knowing everything about everybody behind the deal and if it doesn't all stack up, then throw the book at them. Why on earth not?

 

It would be as well to sort it out now, as if (when) relegation happens... a certain Lord of the realm will be waiting and his FL will not be anywhere near as benevolent as his PL counterparts. :)

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Wes Tender

Wes Tender

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Interesting article in the Guardian (not that I'm a reader) just come up, that says that Al Faraj doesn't know the first thing about football, was only in it for a short term investment, is not a billionaire, is looking for additional partners and had to borrow the £5 million to pay the wage bill. Oh dear, oh dear. ;) :smt046

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2009/oct/22/ali-al-faraj-portsmouth

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Merovingian

Merovingian

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PFC Statement

 

 

Portsmouth FC owner Ali Al Faraj would like to assure fans that quotes attributed to him in a Saudi Arabian newspaper and subsequently published in some of today's tabloid press, are completely false and untrue.

 

Mr Al Faraj has not given any interviews to any form of the media and legal proceedings will now begin against the publications that published the alleged quotes and interview.

 

The club believes this is the work of a third party who will also face legal action.

 

The same Saudi Arabian newspaper last week published a story on Portsmouth FC quoting Sulaiman al Fahim and the content was subsequently retracted.

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Smirking_Saint

Smirking_Saint

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PFC Statement

 

 

Portsmouth FC owner Ali Al Faraj would like to assure fans that quotes attributed to him in a Saudi Arabian newspaper and subsequently published in some of today's tabloid press, are completely false and untrue.

 

Mr Al Faraj has not given any interviews to any form of the media and legal proceedings will now begin against the publications that published the alleged quotes and interview.

 

The club believes this is the work of a third party who will also face legal action.

 

The same Saudi Arabian newspaper last week published a story on Portsmouth FC quoting Sulaiman al Fahim and the content was subsequently retracted.

 

Something about smoke and fire ???

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Kingsland Nick

Kingsland Nick

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Portsmouth admit controversial Ali al-Faraj interview was not a fake• Portsmouth withdraw denial over interview with Saudi paper

• Paper did not hear from club following controversial interview

 

Portsmouth have admitted Ali al-Faraj did give a controversial interview to a Saudi Arabian paper. Photograph: Portsmouth FC via Getty Images

 

Portsmouth last night admitted that the club's new owner, Ali al-Faraj, did talk to a respected Saudi newspaper – 24 hours after claiming the interview had been faked.

 

In the interview, given by Faraj and his brother Ahmed to the newspaper Asharq Al-Awsat last week, the businessman admitted to being "no billionaire", said that he had bought Portsmouth for profit and knew nothing about sport.

 

"Our plan is to stay for a period of not less than six months, until the club stands again," he said. "This is based on the fact that purchasing the club was purely an investment ... It's not a secret to hide: we are investors and we have no relation to sports."

 

Portsmouth subsequently denied the interview had taken place, threatening legal action against any media outlets that published details from the article, and issued the following statement on their website on Friday morning:

 

"Portsmouth FC owner Ali al-Faraj would like to assure fans that quotes attributed to him in a Saudi Arabian newspaper and subsequently published in some of today's tabloid press, are completely false and untrue. The club believes this is the work of a third party who will also face legal action."

 

But Portsmouth have since removed that statement from their site, and told Observer Sport they now accept Ali al‑Faraj spoke to the newspaper, though they did not comment on the content of the interview and claimed he believed the conversation was not for publication.

 

However, that suggestion was denied by the newspaper, a spokesman issuing the following firm response: "The statement of Portsmouth football club alleging the interview was a fake ... is a very serious matter and a very serious allegation.

 

"We stand by our story. We have the documents and the tapes to support it. No third party was involved. We spoke with Ali and Ahmed al-Faraj. We also spoke with officials at Portsmouth. We have Mr Ali al-Faraj on tape saying to our reporter that his brother Ahmed was authorised to speak [for him]. The story was published on Tuesday, and Ahmed al‑Faraj later contacted our reporter to say they were happy with the interview."

 

Despite Portsmouth's initial threat of legal action, Asharq Al-Awsat has still not heard from the club, and it is not clear whether Portsmouth accept that Faraj made all the comments attributed to him. "No one else from Portsmouth contacted us since the publication," the newspaper's spokesman added.

 

The latest developments will do little to convince supporters that Faraj can finally bring stability to the club, following a chaotic few months. The level of finance available to the manager, Paul Hart, in the next transfer window remains unknown after the Faraj brothers admitted they had borrowed £5m to pay players' salaries earlier this month from financial institutions.

 

Sulaiman al-Fahim, the Portsmouth chairman who sold his controlling interest to Faraj, told Observer Sport he had called on the club's board to hold a meeting as soon as possible to bring "unity" to the various parties. The board have not met since Fahim sold to Faraj.

 

"Now is the time for us to be all together, to be united, so that we can move forward," he said. "I asked for a meeting and they told me to give them some dates."

 

Fahim also said he was content with his 43-day ownership of the club. "It's a profitable investment for me with the result I got after selling 90% of the club." He added that he still has the right to buy land around Fratton Park that may be pivotal in any proposed redevelopment of the stadium for the city's 2018 World Cup bid.

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S-Clarke

S-Clarke

Posted
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Their situation has me completely confused if im honest.

 

This article appears with all these quotes from Faraj.....then pompey release a statement saying ''it's fake - we will be taking legal advise''

 

now they're saying ''ok, it was true''

 

wtf?

 

their club is hanging by a thread, and if im honest - i'd hate to see them go off the map completely, but if they get relegated (which is looking more likley by the day) then they will probably never ever recover.

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

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Portsmouth admit controversial Ali al-Faraj interview was not a fake• Portsmouth withdraw denial over interview with Saudi paper

• Paper did not hear from club following controversial interview

 

Portsmouth have admitted Ali al-Faraj did give a controversial interview to a Saudi Arabian paper. Photograph: Portsmouth FC via Getty Images

 

Portsmouth last night admitted that the club's new owner, Ali al-Faraj, did talk to a respected Saudi newspaper – 24 hours after claiming the interview had been faked.

 

In the interview, given by Faraj and his brother Ahmed to the newspaper Asharq Al-Awsat last week, the businessman admitted to being "no billionaire", said that he had bought Portsmouth for profit and knew nothing about sport.

 

"Our plan is to stay for a period of not less than six months, until the club stands again," he said. "This is based on the fact that purchasing the club was purely an investment ... It's not a secret to hide: we are investors and we have no relation to sports."

 

Portsmouth subsequently denied the interview had taken place, threatening legal action against any media outlets that published details from the article, and issued the following statement on their website on Friday morning:

 

"Portsmouth FC owner Ali al-Faraj would like to assure fans that quotes attributed to him in a Saudi Arabian newspaper and subsequently published in some of today's tabloid press, are completely false and untrue. The club believes this is the work of a third party who will also face legal action."

 

But Portsmouth have since removed that statement from their site, and told Observer Sport they now accept Ali al‑Faraj spoke to the newspaper, though they did not comment on the content of the interview and claimed he believed the conversation was not for publication.

 

However, that suggestion was denied by the newspaper, a spokesman issuing the following firm response: "The statement of Portsmouth football club alleging the interview was a fake ... is a very serious matter and a very serious allegation.

 

"We stand by our story. We have the documents and the tapes to support it. No third party was involved. We spoke with Ali and Ahmed al-Faraj. We also spoke with officials at Portsmouth. We have Mr Ali al-Faraj on tape saying to our reporter that his brother Ahmed was authorised to speak [for him]. The story was published on Tuesday, and Ahmed al‑Faraj later contacted our reporter to say they were happy with the interview."

 

Despite Portsmouth's initial threat of legal action, Asharq Al-Awsat has still not heard from the club, and it is not clear whether Portsmouth accept that Faraj made all the comments attributed to him. "No one else from Portsmouth contacted us since the publication," the newspaper's spokesman added.

 

The latest developments will do little to convince supporters that Faraj can finally bring stability to the club, following a chaotic few months. The level of finance available to the manager, Paul Hart, in the next transfer window remains unknown after the Faraj brothers admitted they had borrowed £5m to pay players' salaries earlier this month from financial institutions.

 

Sulaiman al-Fahim, the Portsmouth chairman who sold his controlling interest to Faraj, told Observer Sport he had called on the club's board to hold a meeting as soon as possible to bring "unity" to the various parties. The board have not met since Fahim sold to Faraj.

 

"Now is the time for us to be all together, to be united, so that we can move forward," he said. "I asked for a meeting and they told me to give them some dates."

 

Fahim also said he was content with his 43-day ownership of the club. "It's a profitable investment for me with the result I got after selling 90% of the club." He added that he still has the right to buy land around Fratton Park that may be pivotal in any proposed redevelopment of the stadium for the city's 2018 World Cup bid.

 

Carlsberg don't do Press Statements about Football Club owners giving interviews, but if they did

 

Goodbyee, don't cryee, wipe a tear baby dear from your eyee.

 

May this finally cause the PL to do something and SORT THEIR SH*T out. OK it is the Sk8tes but honestly, no human (apart from Westwood) deserves all this

 

OK sorry too strong, no football supporter ever needs this crap again.

 

But THEY do

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NickG

NickG

Posted
Posted
They are in the PL, we would love to be in that position.

 

 

 

They are not in admin yet. They need some investment but anyone who would realistically not want to swap positions is a bit mental.

 

They possibly will even stay up with just a couple of additions, in the fact wolves, burnley, hull, wigan and maybe even stoke are also pretty crap

 

I must still be mental?

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NickG

NickG

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I take it from the time of the above post that the last phrase was beer induced.

 

Even with all the uncertainty and worn out setup at FP, I'd much rather be in the Premiership than the third division. If you're in the prem, there's always a chance to stay in it, even if it's a long, dour struggle to survive.

 

If you're in the third tier, you have a long, long way to go to get back to the bright lights. If you spend a decent amount of money on carefully selected players, you've got a chance. If you don't, and lets face it you aren't, you've got very little chance of even making the playoff's.

 

Don't be surprised if we're in the same divisions this time next year....

 

wonder what odds you would get for this now, them still being in prem us in league1?

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pfc123

pfc123

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Dunno, but your timing is impeccable- we beat Liverpool 2-0, you lose 1-0 to Leeds. I've kept this thread as a bookmark ever since my earlier prediction, and I'm still quietly confident that I'll be posting something positive come the end of the season.......

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Smirking_Saint

Smirking_Saint

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Dunno, but your timing is impeccable- we beat Liverpool 2-0, you lose 1-0 to Leeds. I've kept this thread as a bookmark ever since my earlier prediction, and I'm still quietly confident that I'll be posting something positive come the end of the season.......

 

Being as un biased as i can, i serious think you will be relegated, reading will survive and we will make playoffs.

 

PFC, will either fall into Admin, or struggle with African nations absentees/bottom at Crimbo fallacy.

 

Reading will make it clear, just.....

 

Saints will strengthen in january and will make the playoff places, whether we make it through is a lottery.

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Daren W

Daren W

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I take it from the time of the above post that the last phrase was beer induced.

 

Even with all the uncertainty and worn out setup at FP, I'd much rather be in the Premiership than the third division. If you're in the prem, there's always a chance to stay in it, even if it's a long, dour struggle to survive.

 

If you're in the third tier, you have a long, long way to go to get back to the bright lights. If you spend a decent amount of money on carefully selected players, you've got a chance. If you don't, and lets face it you aren't, you've got very little chance of even making the playoff's.

 

Don't be surprised if we're in the same divisions this time next year.....

 

Just thought this was worthy of repeating as it shows a remarkable insight...

You think we won't get promoted, very little chance of making the playoffs but you wouldn't be surprised if we were playing each other next season...

You must have known you're heading straight to League One...

Still rather be in your shoes than ours? I think not...

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Nineteen Canteen

Nineteen Canteen

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Posted
Just thought this was worthy of repeating as it shows a remarkable insight...

You think we won't get promoted, very little chance of making the playoffs but you wouldn't be surprised if we were playing each other next season...

You must have known you're heading straight to League One...

Still rather be in your shoes than ours? I think not...

 

Daren I think you have just made an error of judgement or were you trying to be funny with a play on words?

 

Hindsight or classic after timing on your part and yet you still miss the original point - amusing play on words excepted.

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Daren W

Daren W

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Daren I think you have just made an error of judgement or were you trying to be funny with a play on words?

 

Hindsight or classic after timing on your part and yet you still miss the original point - amusing play on words excepted.

 

Someone has been messing with your forum profile Numpteen, I would talk to the mods as I have been taken off your ignore list without your authorisation.

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pfc123

pfc123

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Posted
Just thought this was worthy of repeating as it shows a remarkable insight...

You think we won't get promoted, very little chance of making the playoffs but you wouldn't be surprised if we were playing each other next season...

You must have known you're heading straight to League One...

Still rather be in your shoes than ours? I think not...

 

Going into Blackadder 2 mode: "*sigh* Allright, sit down Baldrick, let me explain- what happens is that a daddy bird and a mummy bird who love each other very much get certain urges....."

 

Basically, don't be surprised if we're still TWO divisions apart, i.e. the same divisions were in now....geddit?

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GenevaSaint

GenevaSaint

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Posted
Going into Blackadder 2 mode: "*sigh* Allright, sit down Baldrick, let me explain- what happens is that a daddy bird and a mummy bird who love each other very much get certain urges....."

 

Basically, don't be surprised if we're still TWO divisions apart, i.e. the same divisions were in now....geddit?

 

Way things are going you'll be non-league then **** wit, two leagues apart indeed.

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OldNick

OldNick

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Posted
Going into Blackadder 2 mode: "*sigh* Allright, sit down Baldrick, let me explain- what happens is that a daddy bird and a mummy bird who love each other very much get certain urges....."

 

Basically, don't be surprised if we're still TWO divisions apart, i.e. the same divisions were in now....geddit?

Blue Square is 2 leagues apart and so you may be right.
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Torrent Of Abuse

Torrent Of Abuse

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Posted
Going into Blackadder 2 mode: "*sigh* Allright, sit down Baldrick, let me explain- what happens is that a daddy bird and a mummy bird who love each other very much get certain urges....."

 

Basically, don't be surprised if we're still TWO divisions apart, i.e. the same divisions were in now....geddit?

 

I think you're going to need one of Baldrick's cunning plans to get out of this one. Perhaps you can stick some pencils up your nostrils, wear your underpants on your head and pretend it's not happening?

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