Toon Saint

Crystal Palace As always, the team who achieves promotion through the play-offs are playing catch up with the other newly-promoted teams in competing for signings, and Holloway has already confessed to having difficulty securing deals with all the new TV money sloshing around among the more established Premier League sides. That said, based on current dealings it can only be classed as a poor window from the Eagles. £8.5 million spunked on Dwight Gayle seems horrifically overpriced for a player who was playing non-league football in 2012. As Saints, Norwich, and Villa have proved recently, players acquired from the lower leagues can certainly make the step up, but despite some obvious qualities, whether Gayle is ready for the Premier League based on 13 goals in the Championship, will be a crucial in Palace’s bid for survival given the injury to last season’s top-scorer Glenn Murray and the departure of Zaha. Jose Campana, a Spain U20 international midfielder, has signed this week from Sevilla, and will fit Holloway’s ethos of open, counter-attacking, football. Jerome Thomas will also provide a decent threat from out wide, but sadly for them, it is not going to be anywhere near enough for a team that is lacking any real stand-out quality. Expecting ‘Premier League, you’re having a laugh’ to be sung by more than just Saints fans this year, Olly. Easy on the eye, but you have to feel, relegation certainties. Prediction: 20th Everton Martinez is too experienced a manager to completely rip up the Moyes template in the space of a single pre-season, but I expect gradual changes to their style of play to be introduced. A switch to his favoured 5-3-2 might be a solution to their lack of pace from forward wing positions, with Baines and Coleman providing the thrust on either flanks. He’s brought in a couple of players from Wigan (Kone and Alcaraz) but I’m not convinced that they are a lot better than what they have already got. At 29 and 30, respectively, they hardly bring down the average age of a team that is one of the oldest in the Premier League. James McCarthy would be a much better addition and Deulofeu (from Barcelona) seems a bit of a coup as a loan signing. Losing Fellaini (which looks likely) would be a blow, but would also provide funds for Martinez to improve two or three positions. Keeping Mirralas fit and getting Jelavic firing again will be key for them. A top half-finish is certainly achievable, but European aspirations might take a hit in what will prove, like many clubs this season, a year of transition. Prediction: 9th Fulham One of the hardest to call with the new owner coming in – which I must say was concluded ridiculously swiftly as the press had barely caught wind of it. That will give them an advantage, but Khan’s strategy in the transfer market has yet to be demonstrated, and what this does for Martin Jol’s future (as no longer the choice of the owner,) who knows? Despite the uncertainties, Stekelenburg is a top purchase as current Dutch international keeper with fantastic pedigree having played for Ajax and Roma. Their midfield needs a total overhaul though, and was only enhanced, short-term, last season, through loan-signings and free agents nearing retirement. Whether Derek Boateng – Ghanaian journeyman, aged 30 – who was signed earlier in the window is the man to reinvigorate that area is unlikely. Berbatov to provide the guile and goals to keep them safe, but not without a few scares along the way. Prediction: 13th Hull City Steve Bruce, with his constant whinging post-match interviews that remind you of your nan, and his strange inferiority-complex regarding playing the ‘big boys’, for all his considerable faults, is actually quite an astute player in the transfer market. He will need to be as Hull must be one of the poorest teams to achieve promotion in recent years. McGregor, signed from Besiktas, should be reliable behind the posts, and in Figueroa and Elmohamady he has players that he clearly trusts in the full-back roles. Curtis Davies may well yet fulfil his long-mooted potential and make the step up as a consistent Premier League defender. But whether Danny Graham and George Boyd are the men to fire them to safety I sincerely doubt. They have done better business than Palace, but still, the dreaded drop seems inevitable. Prediction: 19th

With big respect to SuperMikey's super post on the HCDAJFU thread, I've had a go myself. It's quite lengthy - written to distract myself from my current thesis hell - but read the clubs you are interested in, engage, ignore, debate, tear-apart, or whatever you like! Obviously based on current moves in the transfer window, and some teams are covered in a bit more detail than others, so predictions could well change by end of August. Arsenal Like United, almost impossible to judge at the moment as they've made no major moves in the transfer window. Yaya Sanogo bought in, but very much one for the future and has spent most of the summer with the victorious French U20 World Cup team. Given the well-documented sponsorship re-negotiations and Ivan Gazidis' public insistence on being able to afford players such Rooney, (this won't happen,) the fans are restless for a marquee signing and players like Sanogo aren't going to satiate that need. Rumours of £70-odd million to spend, and the signings of either Suarez or Higuain would give them a bit of 'star-dust' up front that's been missing since RVP was sold. As always with Arsenal it’s whether they actually address their priority areas. They need a midfield enforcer to marry some artisanship with the artistry of Cazorla, Wilshere, Arteta, etc. Extra cover in central defence is essential with Vermaelan injured and the future of Sagna needs resolving. If he is to leave, then another RB to compete with Jenkinson would be needed. A ninth year without a trophy would really see the pressure ratchet up on Wenger and he no longer has the (in my opinion, justifiable) excuses of financial constraints. The consistency towards the end of last season bodes well and they have one of the more gifted midfields in the league. Theo looks to be finally maturing into a reliable goal-scorer at long last, and Giroud is having an excellent pre-season. All in all, I think it’s another frustrating fourth for the Gunners but tipping them to end the trophy drought with a cup win. Prediction: 4th Aston Villa Tough season for them last year, but I really rate Paul Lambert as a manager and the way in which he handled the pressure of their relegation battle. He has an eye for a bargain and seems to excel at acquiring young, hungry players with potential from the lower leagues and (relatively) untapped foreign markets. They've signed Okore, a Danish international, who should strengthen them in defense, and Aleksander Tonev, an attacking midfielder from CSKA Sofia with Europa League experience, but the big plus for them is securing the future of Benteke. Given the interest in him, it would be naïve to think he will see out his new contract there. Regardless, he is an exceptional talent and seemed to drag Villa single handed out of the mire. They are still a bit callow in midfield for me and I can see them taking the occasional hammering without further reinforcements. I'm predicting another season of skirmishing with relegation but for them to eventually finish safe. Prediction: 14th Cardiff A couple of weeks ago, having signed Cornelius, and being strongly linked with Wanyama and Tom Ince it looked like it was shaping up to be a very good transfer window for Cardiff indeed. Alas, things didn't pan out as such: Cardiff couldn't match our bid offered to Celtic for Wanyama, and poor Tom Ince, browbeaten by his father, claimed new fatherhood as his 'reason' for staying at Blackpool (time will tell whether he keeps to this story). Cardiff shared the goals around a lot last season so they will hope that Cornelius can replicate his goal scoring feats in the Danish League. Bellamy will provide Premier League experience and nous, but like us last season, they will need to strengthen all areas to stand a chance. Luckily they also have got the money to spend. Home form should be decent with the racket their fans drum up, and McKay is a decent manager so I think they will scrape to safety by the skin of their teeth. Prediction: 17th Chelsea Stability is the key for a sustained Premier League challenge. They have a tremendous squad with some really gifted technical players capable of playing the style that Abramovich has craved since he bought the club ten years ago, with the exciting Schurrle now added to that roster. Will the return of Jose allow this dream to be realized or will his reign be plagued by the pyrotechnics of yesteryear? Early signs suggest that as the newly-styled ‘happy one’ he is adopting a more conciliatory approach to man-management, and is willing to blood youngsters and work with what he has got this time. The signing of Rooney would add another dimension to their attack play, and the thought of him playing ahead of three of Hazard, Oscar, Mata, Schurrle, De Bruyne, and Moses, as a front four is a truly terrifying prospect. If this transfer does transpire then Mourinho would have to probably have to move on one of Torres, Ba, or Lukaku on, with the former two the most obvious casualties. But Chelsea's squad has no obvious weaknesses, and like others, I am tipping them for the title. Despite turning down the histrionics, Mourinho’s unrivalled ability to unsettle opposing managers and teams (see recent ‘second-choice player’ speech) will prove invaluable. Prediction: 1st

How about a secret cousin with no football experience? Still not sure what the point is from the OP here. Time will tell whether he is a good player or not and whether he is worth the transfer fee, but that is a truism regarding any transfer. Why don't we actually watch him play a few games for us before remarking on whether Cortese has been 'conned' or not? I don't think the Cardiff bid had much to do with us raising the price if that is what you are stating. It was rejected after ours was initially accepted. Our bid was then only increased to satisfy the demands of the agent, independent of the fee previously agreed with Celtic. I think Celtic handled themselves really well in this transfer and any critism of Lennon - who was was pretty damn graceful about the whole thing and us a club - is actually quite unfair.

I would rather stick with what we have than go for a transfer as risky as Bendtner. Rickie might be getting on a bit, but I think he is capable of at least another couple of solid seasons in the Premier League. If a deal does not materialize - in the mould of a Damiao or Osvaldo - then why not just wait til January or even the following summer to see what is available? The strategy of signing players such as Lovren and Wanyama, both young with vast potential and CL experience, seems considered and well thought-out. I think diverting from that and bringing in players such as Bendtner (who didn't exactly fare well at Sunderland) would be a bit of a folly and a waste of Cortese's hard-earned cash.

There is a quite valid point in here that Banega, being hideously ugly, may well find it hard to fit in with our stable of preening, toned, Adonises. Gaston's struggles last year were directly related to dressing-room banter over his new hair cut. Fact.

It makes me laugh when men take their masculinity (read: heterosexuality) so seriously that they can be embarrassed about something as far removed from them as an internet forum. Lighten up and get on board the metrosexual bus. Next topic: Gaston's new haircut. Better long or short?

Like you say, didn't actually see too much wrong with his comments. He's not suggesting the player wants to move or that there is any concrete interest, only that he would have to evaluate if a big enough offer came in. If Inter were interested last year and couldn't stump up the cash then they are even more unlikely to be in a position to do so now, as I can't see Cortese selling him for just what we originally paid. Bit of a non-story this.

Ah, the potential jewel in the crown. The rogue heart-throb with the sculpted cheek-bones and flowing mane. His name also lends rather well to the Gary Neville goalgasm: Osvald-oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6RG6yxgeFE

Being 100% secure in your heterosexuality allows you to make such statements, and I concur; our team is aesthetically blessed. You forgot Lallana and Fox (in a cheeky scouser sort of way,) but Lloyd Isgrove (Prince Charming, no less) and Jordan Turnbull (excellent beard) will also be causing many a young girl's heart to flutter in the near future. Even Poch, despite his dodgy teeth, scores points for his perfectly coiffed hair, which begs the question: was he signed because of his looks?

Excellent skills. I doff my proverbial hat to you, Sir. On the last point, I bleeding hope so.

Got a mate who does a bit of seasonal work in the Fulham media department. He was offered the chance to be the Fulham mascot (Billy the Badger or something), for one of the games last season. Obviously, he took it. He had to do oversee one of these competitions at half-time where two fans have to try score from the half-way line with the winner getting a car. Problem was that he was horribly unprepared for the heat and could hardly see a thing out of the costume, so in a bit of delirious state, he ended up awarding the prize to the wrong person. The guy who actually won the competition (but not the car) was understandably fuming and lodged an official complaint with the club demanding his rightful prize. Suffice to say, he hasn't been asked to mascot again.

Ladies and gents, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but just pulled this interview from a Spanish website. Banega appears to be happy at Valencia and relishing the start of the new season. And something about raisins. http://deportes.terra.com.mx/futbol/banega-me-dieron-muchas-oportunidades-aqui-y-es-el-momento-de-devolverlo,b71de7c8562ff310VgnCLD2000000dc6eb0aRCRD.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter Banega: "I was given many opportunities here and it's time to return" Ever Banega, Valencia's Argentine midfielder, said today that it is time to return to the court all the love and the opportunities it has given the Mestalla club since joining the organization. "I am very grateful that I have been given much love, many opportunities and it was time to return it in style on the court", said in a television interview the club, in which he was proud to be part of Valencia . "We are proud to be part of Valencia. Wear many here, I know him well and really mark you. Marks a style, you mark in life. Raisins to be one of them," admitted the player who is next to rest of the team focused on the town of Speyer germany. The midfielder said he faces this new season "with the same enthusiasm and the same illusion." He also recalled that one of the longest serving players in the template "and is proud to be one of the oldest at 25 years." Banega also analyzed the bench arrival Miroslav Djukic team and said that after seeing "how to play a team like Valladolid, now in Valencia, where he has great players with great quality, you will not have any problem that's grab the way we want to play. " The Argentine player acknowledged that is a disappointment not to play the Champions League but stressed that "we will bet all because with the players we have been, who are and the quarry was a nice group." "With the squad we have, we deserve a title" Banega said he hopes to display as a group "united and special" and expressed his desire that his fellow Fede Cartabia, with which the interview, take the leap definitely the reserves to the first team as it has done this preseason. "He's doing very well and have to make the most.'s Young and has to fight hard to stay with us," Banega, who explained that he sees "like a brother" and gives many tips. "I try to support him at all times because I happened to live that too when I was young and one would like to be tucked in the greatest," he recalled. Cartabia, meanwhile, acknowledged that Banega help much. "He always tells me to do this and not do the other," he said and said he hoped to learn "in their quality and their style of play." In addition, he was very grateful to the treatment that has given Djukic. "From the first day he said he was quiet, it's one more. In sports I am very happy because I have been given the opportunity and I try to make the most," he said. Cartabia, 20-year-old from Santa Fe, said that the company reached "very small, with 13 years, and I got much love, I was treated very well," and now want to return this deal from the first team. "Hopefully I can return it playing in the first team, with many years in the Valencia and giving titles," he said.

Looks like someone else has tried and got a similar answer. Hardly conclusive that he is signing, but bodes well.

Strange this, as the guy (@tcumner1986) has obviously taken to paint to edit his surname out of the picture despite his surname appearing on his twitter handle. If legit then wonderful news, but I'm hoping no foul play is at work here...If the deal is pretty much sewn up then the decision to play Banega last night in the friendly was a strange one, especially as captain - a farewell gesture perhaps?

Bergessio or Halfredsson? No thanks, would rather us bide our time or stick with what we have than fritter away the kitty on two ageing journeymen. Would be a bit of a comedown after the names we have been linked with, and doesn't really fit the type of player we have gone for in last couple of transfer windows.

Adam Ant chant needed for Isgrove me thinks. Would be a terrace stonker.

Corrected.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/07/soccer-player-straight-out-of-a-fairy-tale.html Swit swoo!

A dog went into a post office to send a telegram. The man at the counter asked the dog to write down what they wanted to send. Taking a blank form, the dog wrote “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The man at the counter examined the form and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that wouldn't make any sense at all!”

Admittedly, that is quite obvious.

He has already had extended leave before meeting up with the Valencia squad in Germany, so no obvious reason unless carrying an injury... Unless...it's happening?

What years are you talking about? We added 2 midfielders to the team last year (Davis, Ramirez), two attackers (J-Rod, Mayuka), three defenders (Maya, Clyne, Forren), and two goalkeepers (Boruc, Gaz). Arguably J-Rod or Ramirez could be classed as either midfielder or a forward, depending on where utilized, but I don't see that as disproportionate. We signed De Ridder and Cork in the Championship year (having lost Chamberlain) but pretty much same midfield remained from L1 - Morgan, Adam, Chappers, Hammond. Again, not really sign of an 'obsession'.

Ah, fair enough. Is that definitely the case in the Brazilian league? Depends then on whether Internacional want an adequate replacement or not before their window 'slams shut' (oops pressed CTRL+SSN key) as they will need to time to do their own business as well.

Am I right in thinking that the Brazilian transfer window closes on Saturday? Should mean we get a speedy resolution at least and allows us to move onto other targets if all falls through (as is looking likely)...