I'm Costa Rica on business at the moment and have been told by the locals that the Chinese Government built them a 35,000 seat national stadium, as a reward for breaking off diplomatic relations with Taiwan.
This could be a good model for a Skate Escape.
Declare Portsmuff independant of the UK, break diplomatic relations with Taiwan, get a new stadium, then re-instate relations with Taiwan and break relations with China, get Taiwan to fund a new team.
Other than that, I can't see a way through this for our fishy friends.