rallyboy

Sunak's campaign strategy people have had an absolute shocker from start to finish. What shall we do today, stand outside in a thunderstorm, tell veterans to fuck off, make up a meat tax, stand in front of a Titanic sign or attack Starmer for sounding like a family man? Seriously, that party needs an enquiry into who has been calling the shots.

I'm not a fan of all their music but Idles were fucking epic. It was nuts.

What's funny about soldiers and settlers bulldozing family homes and dumping kids in the street? An emoji that definitely wasn't thought through and looks horrendous in the cold light of day. But, but, I meant something else.... No you didn't.

Rishi ploughed through his normal greatest hits set tonight - nasty Labour's secret taxes, leftie open borders, Starmer murders puppies - and his new single, a promise to fly 50,000 people to Rwanda. He seems to think that plodding out the same old lies and interrupting at every opportunity is a good look. It's not, it's desperate and he'll regret it in a fortnight as it makes him look dishonest.

I had a terrible dream last night, I was forced to watch a Claude Puel backwards and sideways masterclass on a loop - it was so dull I just couldn't wake up.

No, you lost your bet and you're wrong on all three counts. Yet again. I just wanted professionals dealing with things professionally. Not quite sure why you have to be abusive, there's a lot of anger there. Have a nice day.

Even putting aside the fact that they lied and partied while loved ones were buried alone, the government's Covid response has been exposed as an absolute clusterfuck and the facts are writ large in black and white, from the death figures to the profiteering. But their real problem is that behind every personal loss, there are people who will never forgive them - and each one of them has a vote. The sky is dark with chickens coming home....

Never a pen, Stuey ran into the box to make it look like one and then backed into the poor guy who was a bit wobbly because it was hot there - it should have been a free kick to Hungary for obstruction, or for Stuey kicking the back of his leg into the guy's knee. In fact the reffing was so obviously spot-on that we didn't even have to put up with VAR checking. Had that challenge been at Old Trafford on a Man Utd player there is no way a penalty would have been given, no way at all.

BT Business - try leaving them - absolute fuckwits of the highest order. Total shambles of a company.

Not sure who had a worse night, Southgate or Sunak. At least Gareth gets another chance and will probably progress, whereas Rishi, well, every time he opens his mouth another thousand voters switch off. He still doesn't realise that every time he boasts about furlough and how he protected us all, every single freelance or self-employed worker in the UK that he abandoned, is counting down the hours to polling day when they will come together to bang a few million nails into his political coffin.

They do seem to be a pair of twats. But anyone who think Stonehenge is from the dawn of time needs to look beyond the hype. It was a pile of interesting historic rubble that we rebuilt and cemented in place during the 60s - it's nothing but a tourist con. And it's not very big.

Very sad news, my best wishes to his family and friends. I'm glad he was there to share Wembley with us all.

I haven't seen the full fixture list yet, when are the two pompey derby games?

I had the misfortune of seeing the Telegraph on Saturday and suddenly it all makes sense. It leads with marvellous news about our beloved princess of Wales with an enormous shot of her leaning against a tree, like the cover of a 70s easy listening LP. The rest of the front page leads to a heavyweight and probing piece on the fantastic MP Suella, written by one of her former university friends, telling us how great she is, how everyone in Fareham and Waterlooville loves her and what a super leader she would make, in fact, it's so glowing it's as if she wrote it herself. Down the bottom it claims nasty Labour has launched a bitter class war, alongside a cartoon suggesting Tories are great at managing the economy and Labour are reckless... Inside it gives a whole page to scaremongering and massive tax fibs direct from Tory HQ, even trying to link Starmer and Corbyn together, opposite a page where they manage to carefully weave an attack on the leftie woke BBC with a free plug for Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage. I didn't get beyond page 5, it's a shadow of a real paper, aimed squarely at easily-led pensioners - but it explains a lot if some people are still stupid enough to gulp down this lazy drivel masquerading as news.

Penny was shockingly bad, talking over people, nothing to say, bullying, dressed like some end-of-the-pier Thatcher tribute act, just spouting lies, more talking over, more lies. How anyone can vote for this chaotic shitshow is beyond me, seriously, please, who really believes that another five years of this insanity is a good idea? But, but RB you woke remoaner pinko, Labour will make it worse, tax, blah, blah, war, danger....Corbyn...tax...Covid....Putin, blah, blah....clear plan....no plan....tax.... It's like being bottom at Christmas with no points, having not scored since September, but saying that changing the manager now might make things worse, just give him another ten games, we're only 15 points adrift... The architects of this clusterfuck all merrily danced alongside fuckwit charlatan Boris the Eton clown down a potholed cul-de-sac of incompetence, laziness, dogshit, lies and corruption, all of the cabinet ministers happily laughing at the stupid poor people as the Tory donors were given millions of pounds in taxpayer cash - haha, look at the stupid oiks in their little levelled up food banks, vote for self-harm you fucking red wall morons! When Boris tried to protect one sex offender too many they decided the totally inept Truss was the saviour, everyone knew that was insane, literally fucking everyone! Now it's dishy Rishi the political giant trying to carry the big boy baton, with his 'unusual' business dealings and ill-fitting trousers - and the lies are still flowing like the mighty rivers of shit destroying our countryside as water company shareholders pocket millions. Surely even the thickest voter, the most easily-led must now understand that they have been shafted. There are no new hospitals, no boats have stopped, nothing has been levelled up, there are no GP appointments, the schools are crumbling and our country has been destroyed by these greedy self-serving arseholes. If you don't want change, whether it be Labour, Lib Dems or the Greens, you are either a billionaire donor up to your ears in filthy corruption, or you need sectioning, and even for that you'll have to wait in a fucking corridor. But I'm still undecided.

Any actual thoughts?

Interesting stats analysis by Ed Conway on Sky, explaining the fine detail of manifesto claims, in layman's terms. For instance, when the PM says that inflation is back to normal, which could be construed as technically true, in reality the chart looks like a car crash. Ditto for taxation. Get beyond the sound bites.

Had the sycophantic journalists who have been taking it easy on the government and attacking the opposition for the past eight years decided before now to call out the bullshit and spin, people like Rigby would have more street cred. But they let all the lies go unchallenged for too long and as such they have been part of the problem. Too little, too late.

Real world problems? This is a politician trying to influence thick people. All this talk of dangerous times is an electoral distraction from the UK's main issues and the failings of this bunch of clusterfuck charlatan crooks, many financed by Russia - we all know Rishi doesn't give a flying fuck about our armed services. Let's get back to what really matters to the average voter in this campaign, it's not can we take on Putin at nuclear war?, it's how the fuck do I feed the kids?

Personally I'd rather prioritise things like the NHS being functional again before worrying about getting tooled up for a nuclear war.

They were all terrible just over a year ago.

Would it be fair to say that RM has relied on a football philosophy that should translate into results even better with really top class players? If so he must make the next Chelsea shortlist in the autumn. That's presumably why Kompany got the massive promotion after a season of failure on the pitch - Bayern have looked beyond the 5-0 defeats, whether they are right or not is still to be decided.

Rishi spent the whole show making up shit. I think his speech writers have given up and just send him out with crap material - chuck in his crap delivery and inability to think of anything useful and he's fucked. Starmer on points for me, mainly for being less annoying.

We are very clear, unprecedented, Covid, Putin, dangerous times, safe with us, Labour unfunded with no plan, something about Wales, we're smashing the gangs, plan is on course, union paymasters, more money into NHS, waiting lists down, nasty doctors, fastest growing economy, we've never had it so good, more police and teachers, plans working, can I have a smaller lectern?... Yawn.

You did the right thing, I saw Matt Hancock on Westminster Bridge last year and my first thought was to tell him exactly what he is. I didn't as I was in behaving mode, but I regret it.