1976_Child

is that because you are incontinent?

So what if a very, very massive object (say a black hole) hovered just above the playing surface resulting in a warp in the space-time continuum such that the forward-most player appeared to be behind the ball but in reality was not? Off side? And how would the ref proof it? And would the TV cameras be able to pick up the picture or would the light be sucked ever-deeper into the black hole? I really think that FIFA should make it clear what happens in the event that a black hole opens up at SMS.

throw ins are never off side.

Well maybe attitudes have changed since February. And anyway, I am being original; I am attempting to find a correlation between bachelor-hood and length of time sheets go unchanged versus couples.

posh git.

What happens if a worm hole opens up just behind the attacker with the ball with the other end just in front of the forward-most attacker. If the ball is then passed backwards into the worm hole and re-appears just in front of the second attacker is it still off side?

quite right. The wee bairn won't have a feking clue who you are for many months anyway and there is nothing you can do to help the missus eject said bairn so it is pointless getting in the way. Just let them get on with it and pop in when you have a chance.

I guess the rate at which the sheets approach the 'ming horizon' depends upon whether or not one wears PJs in bed or slumber in the buff. I used to sleep in the nude, but the onset of a very scratchy crack meant skid marks on the duvet cover. Even I thought that was a regression too far away from civility so the jim-jams came back.

exactly, otherwise they itch like fek! But I must admit that back in 2005 my then house mate and I decided to have a deep-clean of the kitchen. So we got going and soon came to the microwave. It was utterly minging. Fek that, thought we. It ended up in the skip two doors down and we bought a new one. Every few months we did the same until the cheap-as-chips microwaves from Comet dramatically rose in price from £19.99 to over £40. Then we went back to cleaning it after each use.

I haven't changed the bed linen now for over three months and, to be honest, they are starting to ming a tad. Think I might pop them in the wash tomorrow so they are nice and fresh for Christmas. How often do you change them? And are you single or not? My hypothesis is that single blokes change the sheets less often than bints who prefer a nice clean nest.

what if two attackers break out with no defenders between them and the keeper. The ball is with the attacker furthest away from keeper who then passes it forwards to the second attacker. Off side?

or throw ins.

My point is that if the bloke who cuts your hair also owns the shop why tip him? If the price he want is written on the price list then just give him that. And anyway, isn't the checkout girl at the co-op also providing me with a service? I'm not going to chuck her a quid when I leave am I? And the worst thing is being made to feel guilty when not tipping cabbies. When I come back from the shops laden with bags and he helps me to the door with them then I tip for going above-and-beyond. If he just sits there then he gets whats on the meter. And i will wait until he digs out the 20p change back too.

ROFL! Yup!

I reckon the width of the goal should be the width of the pitch. It would result in many more goals.

Does Fox park his sub in the Hamble or down at the docks?

I never tip the barber. It is his shop so why should I tip him? Be like walking into a corner shop for a bag of crisps - price 60p - and giving him £1 and telling him to keep the change.

When I was in primary school I remember that the keeper (usually me) was only allowed to take a maximum of 3 paces whilst holding the ball. I guess that was just 'school rules'.

I meant 19th above 5th place, of course! Wasn't it obvious?

Normally I would but to have it Boxing Day morning would mean taking it home Christmas Eve and returning it on 27th. Plus petrol and you are talking nearly £200 and wouldn't even be able to have a pint. Too much cash at this time of year, rather spend it on away days.

on a slightly different note, can anyone remember the year in which the 'pass back' rule (to the keeper) was introduced?

How does it make it worse? The rules are the rules!

Nada. Not a one. Not a solitary lickle chew-chew puff-puffing along the south coast. And I don't got no wheels init so I is goin' to be listenin' on the web, man. init. Whateverrrrr.

And conventry

Not fat but he could do with seeing to that man-rug on his chest.