Wadge

I think we should go for Keith Andrews at Blackburn, would do a very good job for us, and only played 6 games for them last year.

Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road. The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know this face but I cant put a name to it.." The second picks it up & says, "You daft bastard it's me!" Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and see's him hanging by his feet. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," Paddy replies. "It should be round your neck," says the guard. "I tried that," says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe." Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?" "Because they're upside down," says Paddy. "You daft fool," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"

This. What a strange design for a stadium. I also didn't like the carpets.

Keith Andrews - Blackburn

I am only picking mine from the players I have actually seen perform regularly. GK Niemi RB Jeff Kenna CB Dean Richards CB Michael Svensson LB Gareth Bale LW Rod Wallace CM Jimmy Case RW Danny Wallace ST Le Tissier ST Pahars ST Lambert Manager - Chris Nicoll Chariman - Nicola Cortese Not the most defensice looking side, but hey ho. I know Lambert hasn't played a high level, but think he would work a dream with those other players, plus he has scored loads for us.

Easy, lug 24 cans, as you then have 24 cans to drink. 24 flights of stairs is thirsty work, and 3 cans wouldn't do it for you when you got there, so then you would need another journey down to get more cans.

We need Peterborough to lose tonight, and then Southampton to announce the signing of CMS, that would be good for a start. Would love it if Posh lost, Ferguson is such a nob head.

Cheers Aussie Dog, now not sure wether to play east Horton or Meon Valley, they both look good, although I'm tending to edge towards Meon Valley now. Decisions decisions

Cheers, appreciate that advice. Have had a look at those and think will give East Horton a whirl.

I am coming down for a wedding in June and having never played any golf in Southampton just wandered what course is a decent one to play. I am staying right near the Rose Bowl course but not sure if this is any good or not. Recommendations appreciated.

Lets say that the IRA/real IRA or whatever they are called, managed to kill the queen. What would be the comeback on that? What would England do to retaliate?

Laurence

So do I, who is that bell end lad from the north east? Although he did think we were nailed on for promotion, so not too bad. You boys are lucky to have Murty and Rosenior trust me.

It didn't get Tommy Cooper. But it got Timmy Mallet & Zammo from Grange Hill with hardly any questions!!!!

Anyone think we could still get top spot?

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner. "Son where were you today?" Son says "At school dad" Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!" "What DVD?" "Toy Story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" Says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mum laughs" Ha ha ha! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mum!

I shoved some grapes up my missus arse last night. She didn't say anything, just let out a little wine....

The female poster wasn't called Amy by any chance was she?

Orlando next month.

I thought it was quite catchy, "Friday, Friday gotta get down on Friday"

Dunno, should have been Gerard though.

You can actually be offside from a ball being played backwards, as long as you are in front of the ball. Was explained that on a ref's course!! So the ball is played backwards and you run from your offside position back to get the ball, from in front of the ball.

In a run-down part of the East end of London a fire destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house that had been divided into four flats. A Nigerian family of six Internet con artists and full time benefit cheats lived on the first floor... all six tragically perished in the fire. A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country,lived on the second floor... they too, all perished in the fire. Six Albanian, gang banger, ex-cons - all claiming political asylum and living off the state for free, occupied the 3rd floor....they too died. But the middle aged British white couple who lived on the top floor miraculously survived the fire. The Equal Opportunities Commission, Amnesty International, Rights activists, black community leaders and the British Islamic Council were all furious at the apparent racial inequality of the situation. Why was just the British white couple saved? It was monstrous they claimed, and showed that systemic 'racism' still existed in all areas of public service -questions were raised in the House of Commons, the popular media picked up the story and within hours it was national and indeed international news. Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, when questioned stated calmly that it would be unwise to jump to conclusions until the Police and Fire Service had completed their report. He closed by stating that he expected their initial assessment to be available within the next 36 hours - so perhaps it would be best to let the experts gather the evidence and report back before he commented any further. The baying Press pack subsequently reported the interview in such way as to intimate that the Mayor was indifferent to suffering and was out of touch with the feelings of the whole East London community! A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups, together with the Home Secretary drove to the area, having demanded a meeting with the local chief fire officer. They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans, Black Muslims and Albanians all died in the fire and only the white couple lived. One bemused chief fire officer quietly replied .... "Because they were both at work."

We will actually score in the first 5 minutes tonight, then relax and win 4-0. Bournmouth will lose, Brighton to draw. Might get on some bets on.

I think we will whoop em 4-0, got that feeling. A nice early goal and then we will punish them in the second half. The feel good factor will roll on from the 2-0 victory at Colchester, then we will take that feeling away to Bournmouth where we will win again.