Halo Stickman

Never too soon to start buying some appropriate outfits for the impending arrival.

It was a dark stormy night when the future Mrs Stickman broke the rather horrifying news that she was carrying Baby Stickman. I did what any self-respecting bloke would do faced with that situation – headed straight for the pub. As fate would have it, cutting a forlorn picture up at the bar was a chap called Clive – he was the only one of my mates who actually had experience of parenthood. Being careful not to give too much away, I waited for an opportune moment before casually asking him whether being a father had changed his life. He looked up from his beer with the countenance of a madman and replied: ‘Change it? It hasn’t changed it – it’s f*cking well ended it!’

Totally Tokes has got a nice ring to it – although probably best to wait for the results of the paternity tests.

Based solely on what you have told us, Bear, it is my understanding that: 1) the New Nippon Nipper will be part Jap and part Jock (allegedly). 2) certain important parts of the alleged father’s anatomy are very tiny. 3) there is some ambiguity as regards to the alleged father’s sex. Therefore, my name suggestion is Wee Jimmy Bonsai Krankie. My guess is that the bairn will weigh about the same as a baby hamster.

Actually, Bletch, I think the above diagram may be an MRI scan of Dr Werner's brain.

I thought this was supposed to be the Katharina Liebherr Apreciation thread, but FWIW: Ramsay Keegan Mcmenemy (U21) Peter Reid (U21)

Katharina Liebherr has been great for our club.

Quite. I believe that the Saints’ best starting eleven are every bit as good, if not better, than the Arsenal team that won the FA Cup and qualified for the CL last season. We just need to avoid too many injuries and suspensions. However, if I had to choose between winning the FA Cup and finishing fourth – I never thought I’d ever say this – I’d pick the latter (but I reserve the right to change my opinion again next season).

Wow, that’s excellent, if somewhat surprising, news! I was only thinking what a shame it was to see it all boarded up when I walked by it on the way to the Everton game. I guess it must be looking to cash in on all the new Moresby Tower residents!

I'm dribbling, Deirds.

Dear Deirds Go on, you love it when things get messy, you know you do. Halo x

Dear Deidre Over the last few days I’ve been fantasizing about leprechauns controlling me from the end of a rainbow. Please help me; I don’t want to end up like Bletch. Love Halo. P.S. It would be helpful if you could include a photo of a topless lady eating lunch in bed in your answer.

It's happening. it's only ****ing happening!!!!

Love works in mysterious ways

Coxford_Lou is a funny woman

Can't possibly answer that without knowing their bank details

Peep Show is about the only one I'd make a point of watching – although, having said that, I’ve missed the last couple of series! Don’t watch much TV these days.

Caroline Ahern (Mrs Merton & Royle Family) is a very talented comedy writer, imo. "So, Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

No problem, SOG, but thanks anyway for the acknowledgement. BTW, as regards one of your previous posts: I wasn’t a fan of Palin’s Ripping Yarns, although, in fairness, I can’t recall watching much of it. But, talking of that era, I was a great admirer of Tommy Cooper, Eric Morecambe and Larry Grayson.

Lenry Henry toured with the Black and White Minstrel Show in his early days – don’t know if that made him edgy race comic or not.

All this smutty innuendo is making me queasy

Yes, I really enjoyed ‘An Audience With Joan Rivers (2005)’ on TV over Christmas. On her day, no other female comedian comes near, imo. Great shame she's passed on.

I like the stuff that Paul Merton does on Have I Got News For You. As an added bonus, for some reason, he always reminds me of Mick Channon.