Ronaldo's a pansy

Oops ! GAYDAMARK not Abramovich.

You are guilty of blinkered vision. Portsmouth FC has a history of over a hundred years,which I am sure he will have had researched for him,up to and including last years FA Cup. The stadium has had planning permission granted,but Abramovich did not proceed (presumably due to the recent credit crunch),however to say that there is no room to expand is not correct,(that also includes plans for a new supermarket etc,etc ) and there is always the land outside the Portsea Island area,such as Cosham,Farlington,etc,etc. Whether it is "an awful city", is just your view, but many hundreds of coaches take holidaymakers to Southsea every year, and many more go to see all the other attractions, and I would suggest that an Arab billionaire could easily see the advantages of Portsmouth. BUT,BUT,BUT in the end he doesn't give a flying fig. All he sees is a team in the Premier League as opposed to one on another planet somewhere.

Are you the bloke who always knocks on my door with his bible when I'm just getting ready to watch something ?

Not wishing to knock anyone's religious beliefs, BUT......if praying could solve the cursed ground problem, maybe finding a new owner might also be on the list for god. I imagine that any self repecting priest/minister/whatever who really managed to get praying to work would probably put world peace,end to poverty etc,etc just a slightly teeny weeny bit in front of the cursed football ground. I'll just pop out to the shed for my tin hat.................. incoming.........

.......or one of the players...............

I can only presume that you were not around to have seen the 1968 version.Especiallyafter watching their efforts today. Not fit to lace up their boots.

I imagine that if this secret theory becomes available to the world of football it could revolutionise the whole game. Did you think this up by yourself, or were some other playground friends involved ?

Good evening ! As I assume you are from the planet Zorkoff I will help you with your enquiry. The gentleman you mentioned is extremely wealthy, and carries buckets full of cash around with him giving it to the peasants he meets along the way,as he finds it amusing to be laden down with so much money. Southampton on the other hand are totally boracic;which in planet Zorkoff terminology means that there is no money fairy, and the club is therefore about to go under. Please try not to make too much noise as you launch yourself into the atmosphere for your journey home.

Steel....sounds as if it could be a car...........but then again it could be Dusty Bin............Hubbard.....sounds like cupboard.........could that mean someone is hiding in a cupboard....could be Lowe.....but NO ! ! you were absolutely right to reject them IT'S Dusty Bin (loud applause)

There was obviously a second smoke bomb thrower up on the grassy knoll.

Health and safety officials have just announced that if a bucket were to drop on somebody and break their foot, then the collector could be in serious trouble. They suggest that all buckets are firmly attached to a firm anchorage point such as a lampost or similar, and are only removed under supervision of a qualified bucket inspector.