Redbul

Mamil (Look it up!!!! On second thoughts don't, it's not pretty)

Years ago I used to work in the operating departments at SGH and PAH and used to see all sorts of blood and guts and, unfortunately, people in all sorts of states of disrepair and never used to bat an eyelid. Used to scrub up and assist in ops ranging from removing ingrowing toe nails, major cardio thoracic stuff, ruptured aortic aneurysms and trying to put people back together again who'd been is horrific car smashes etc along with the usual run of the mill routine operating lists.... But can I watch that sort of thing on the telly now? Can I f***!!!! I couldn't do it now.

Top top film. Haven't seen that for donkeys. It must be 30 years old now? David Bowie makes a cameo appearance in it.

Excavator

Took my missus to Oxford to see one of Cable's last ever gigs (1998?). It. Was. Awesome. Criminally underrated band. First saw them at a festival in Brighton in Stanmer Park and they fookin' rocked.

Head

There were a whole host great little bands around at that time; bands like Crass and Flux of Pink Indians had real political agendas which struck a chord with post cold war disaffected yoof. But there were others that bubbled under like The Pop Group, AK47, Jump Squad, 23 Skidoo. Well, actually 23 Skidoo didn't bubble under, they got quite big. I once saw King Kurt and that was good for all the wrong reasons!!!! I was also into the newish Industrial type stuff like SPK and another Oz band, Severed Heads and continental industrial stuff like and DAF and of course the fabulous Caberet Voltaire. But my real faves were the likes of Clash, Ruts, Killing Joke, Joy Division, Undertones, Jam, Buzz****s and The Stranglers up until and including The Raven. Used to love gigging in those days 'cos it was so cheap, not just for tickets but we could get up to London to places like the Town and Country Club on wages from weekend working at Tescos....I could go on for hours about the bands and gigs back then, happy days!!!!

Inch (Nails)

The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" they asked me. Shocked, I replied "Yes." They said "I'm afraid it looks like your wife has been in a car accident". I said "I know, but she has a lovely personality...."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11419212 "France's ex-justice minister Rachida Dati mixed up the words "fellatio" and "inflation" - which sound similar in French - during a TV interview. She told Canal Plus: "I see some [foreign investment funds] looking for returns of 20 or 25% at a time when fellatio is close to zero."" Just a slip of the tongue....

Lice

Builder on a 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him. He shouts down to his mate but his mate can't hear him. So he does sign language. He points to his eye (i), his knee (need) & moves his hand back and forth in a saw motion. His mate nods, pulls down his pants and starts w*nking. Furious, the builder runs downstairs, 'What the hell are you doin', I said I need my saw!' 'I know,' says his oppo 'Just letting you know I was cummin....!

Surplus

Camel

Jack

Veteran

Fart

Recidivist

South west

American

Wheelspin

Dubstep

Just finished The Book, The Film, The Tee Shirt by Matt Beaumont. Written in a similar style to e (an hilarious book of the mayhem at an ad agency brought to us through the medium of the emails sent between the characters) comes The Book, the Film, The Tee shirt which tells the story of the production of a tyre ad using the diary entries of the main protagonists. Written in an almost Tom Sharpe style, the book charts the decline and fall of many of the characters from a-list Hollywood celebrities and their off screen tiffs, the ad agency boss, his mistress, his pregant wife, a Hollywood director and an absolute tw*t of a tyre company exec!!!! It's amazing and hilariously funny how spectacularly everything falls apart.... ISBN 9780007127689 http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/matt+beaumont/the+book2c+the+film2c+the+t-shirt/4718006/

Filth

Usual