Redbul

Jacket

Cornered

Crack

Crow flies

Musket Sorry, 'musket repellent'; part of an old Bill Hicks sketch....

Undefined

Pot

Burns

Delta Spirit - History from Below

Air

Jose....

Horrocks

LOL!!! I remember that!!! And the game at the Dell when persons unknown threw a variety of balls from outside onto the pitch at the Archers/East Stand corner.

Crows

A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot, every time he does a trick the parrot shouts "It's in his pocket", "4 of clubs", "It's got a false bottom!" etc etc. The magician hates it. That night the ship sinks and him and the parrott cling to a piece of drift wood. For four days the parrott says f*** all, just stares at him. On the fifth day the parrott says "Ok, I give up, where's the ship?!"

It was a hat-trick of home wins against the Mancs in 3 consecutive seasons; 3-1, 6-3 and 1-0!!!! Happy days.... And let's not forget Tim Flowers penalty save at Old Trafford in the 4th round of the FA Cup in '92 to earn us a replay back at the Dell. Which we won if memory serves....

To be serious for a minute, DC is arguably our very best striker with fantastic footballing nous. However, he is prone to injury and he may well be back in the the treatment room forthwith. You heard it here first....

Wife goes to the docs with her hubby for a check up. Afterwards the doc calls the wife in alone. "Your husband is suffering from severe stress, do as I say and he may live; each morning give him oral sex, cook him a good meal every night, be pleasant at all times, don't nag him and give him full sex 3 times a week. In a few years he will be fully fit again." On the way home the hubby asks, "What did the doc say?" Wife replies, "You're gonna die!"

I've never understood the need to leave a match 5 minutes before the end.... But it was a woeful match, but almost worth the ticket price for the last 5 minutes.

Pimp

Mogwai - Happy Songs For Happy People

A woman has just looked through the window while I was having a w**k.... She slowly walked up to the window and mouthed the words "GET THE F*** OUT OF MY GARDEN!"

Spider (as in the rest for a snooker cue)

My wife's sister sat on my glasses and broke them earlier. I was really ****ed off, though to be fair I should have taken them off first.

Sabbatical