lettuce

A psychic dwarf escaped from prison yesterday... the police said there is a small medium at large.

At first glance, I thought you were selling a personalised car registration plate! :-k :smt075

Why not just have a video ref like they do in rugby... If an offisde decision was marginal, the linesman would keep his flag down and allow play to continue... if this resulted in something significant like a goal or penalty, the ref would then request the video ref to rule on the offside decision and after a few seconds, the big screen would show "OFFSIDE" or "NOT OFFSIDE". It's been suggested many times before and seems to be successfully used in other sports.

Car makers generally calibrate speedos to show 5%-10% above the actual road speed. This is for 2 reasons, firstly to make the customer think they drive a faster car than they really do (wow, I'm doing 80 and I'm hardly pressing the throttle!) and secondly as part of the tolerance stack, so that as the car gets older and parts start to become worn, the speedo will always display equal to or above the actual speed. The last thing a car maker wants is for someone to have an accident in a 20 year old car and find out that the speedo was showing 10% less than the actual speed.

My brother was having problems with his new laptop and phoned me up for help. I asked him what version of windows he had and he replied "double-glazed uPVC"!

Saw a clapped out boy-racer Nova years ago with the plate "G60ALL" which looked cool - G-GOAL-L!!! I've also seen a Porsche Boxter with "MY 51 BOX". I wanted a personalised reg but couldn't afford one so I changed my name to "T322 PMD"

A man went into the baker's and asked "Could I have a steak and kiddley pie please?" The Baker said "Don't you mean a steak and kidney pie?" The man replied "That's what I said diddle I?"

Maybe some people can remember what happened before... those people not working, getting massive debts, taking risks etc, for instance.

Callum Davenport was featuring for West Ham until his recent off-the-field issues... not sure how bad his injuries were, whether he'll be back in action anytime soon.

Scott MacDonald at Celtic. Paul Tisdale at Exeter City.

A lovely bit of "Al Stewart"... smashing stuff!

"Failure Is Not An Option" the memoirs of Gene Kranz- NASA flight director, most noted for his work during the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions. Pretty good read, if you are interested in space flight and aren't too bothered about the nitty-gritty technical details... although not as good as "Carrying The Fire" by Michael Collins - best book written by an astronaut IMHO.

Is that a ghost behind the guy in the rip-off Saints shirt? :smt103

You're not one of those blokes who wanders around carrying a "Golf Sale ->" sign are you?

I was surprised to read that as "PFC" surely requires at least 3 teeth!

Daniel Amokachi? Yes, I thought that too!

Whether that story is true or not, how is asking for a "non-white coffee" any less offensive than asking for a "black coffee"!? Surely the manager should have advised you to ask for "a coffee with no milk"... or might that have offended cows!? Better still, maybe the manager should have asked the girl behind the counter exactly how she was offended by the term "black coffee"... Anyway, many years ago, a friend and I went to Majorca for a summer holiday. We're both very pale-skinned lads and one day on the beach, a Spanish woman pointed at us and said "Hahaha, skin like milk!"... to which my friend responded by pointing at her and saying "Hahaha, face like cow!" Don't know what the moral is to that story but it still makes me laugh when I think back to the incident!

I had problems with Time Computers back around 1998/99, they sold me a PC which failed exactly 1 week after taking delivery of it, took about 3 months to get it sorted - lots of phone calls, having to get the faulty PC collected by a courier, having to go to a courier depot to collect replacement - went on and on and sent them several letters. Always mentioned in the letters that a copy of each letter was also being sent to BBC Watchdog and my local Trading Standards office. After a couple of letters were sent I got a phonecall from my local Trading Standards office (Birmingham) and the guy very helpfully offered to call Time Computers to "remind them of their legal obligations and the consequences of not fullfilling these obligations"... as if by magic I got a call an hour later from Time saying "Sorry for all the trouble you've been having, we'll beef up the spec of your replacement PC as compensation"... an hour later I got another phonecall from someone else at Time saying "Sorry for all the trouble you've been having, we'll throw in a ton of free software as compensation"!!! Obviously the right hand wasn't talking to the left hand at Time! Thankfully, Time Computers went out of business soon after, but my advice from that episode is get Trading Standards involved, because a call from a Trading Standards officer is taken far more seriously than a call from an irate customer!

Maybe he just had that feeling that it was going to be his week!? I'd have been more impressed if DB had shouted out each number literally a second before it rolled out of the machine. The bloke who calls out the numbers as the balls drop into the shute on the regular lottery draw is freaky... sometimes he seems to say the number before the ball has even settled in the hole! :smt119

Just to add a few minor details which don't seem to have been mentioned already... The ALSEP (Apollo Lunar Surface Experiments Pack) (i.e. the bundle of scientific instruments left on the surface) used on Apollo 14 was mounted on a kind of "sledge" which was dragged along behind the astonauts, which could explain why the the "path" between lunar module and ALSEP is quite so pronounced in that recent orbital photo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_Lunar_Surface_Experiments_Package The reason the path is not perfectly straight could be due to a number of reasons: 1. It might be quite difficult to walk in a straight line when "hopping" in 1/6th gravity - A lot of people would probably have trouble walking in a perfectly straight line on the earth with no clear visual "cues"! 2. The astronauts didn't have a specific "target" to aim for - it's not like there was a big sign 200m away from the LM saying "Please bring the ALSEP over here!". It's more likely they started "walking" away from the LM and were looking for a suitable area of flat ground to locate the science pack. Both very reasonable explanations IMHO! It's correctly been pointed out that the descent stage was left behind on the lunar surface when the astronauts returned to lunar orbit. A slightly lesser known point is that on some missions, once the astronauts had transferred from the Lunar Module back into the Command Module in lunar orbit, the "ascent stage" of the LM was then jettisoned from the command module before they headed back towards the earth. The jettisoned ascent stage eventually impacted on the lunar surface and the shockwaves from the impact were detected by instruments left on the lunar surface to provide geologists with extra data to help determine the internal structure of the moon - kind of like a "choregraphed" meteor strike. Fascinating stuff! Personally, I'm in no doubt that the Apollo missions genuinely landed on the moon. I've been interested in Apollo (and manned space exploration in general) for years and have read a LOT of material on the subject (books, internet, scientific/engineering articles, documentaries) Nothing I've read has left me in any doubt that man really did set foot on the moon between '69-'72... and a fantastic achievement it was too.

I'd imagine the starting line-up can't be decided until all the Papa-work has come through? :toimonster: That's not my coat.

Inigo Idiakez... :smt055 \\:D/ :smt041 :-k :smt104 :smt120 #-o :smt039

Thought it was Ian "Beefy" Botham at first! :-k Good interview though.

Beat me to it!

Woo hoo! I'm going to get "http://www.saintsweb.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=13902" tattooed across my forehead! :smt107