PLAN A; Find a nut-job billionaire who will invest £60m in the next 7 days. (Does not even have to be an Arab and funds needed now, an email saying 'I'm very interested' may not cut it this time.) FAIL.
PLAN B; Persuade the EPL to hand over £11m of parachute money in the next 4 days. FAIL.
PLAN C; Sell players outside the transfer window. O RLY? Most likely a FAIL.
Heres to PLAN D; if they have time.......