BarberSaint

Both have better beaches, so you might be right. Maybe cart a few thousand tons of Sand down to Weston and put up a screen to hide Fawley?

Privately passionate about football, but really doesn't know one goal from the other and wonders if they can charge extra for half time ads if they're in French. What's the league below Division 3?

Far friendlier face. Better at tactics, too.

Happy to keep Fernandes; assume we'll get a decent fee for him but shame he'll probably go along to Amorin's lot.

I'd play this formation: Goalie: Jo Tessem Defence. Defence? Naaah! Midfield. Bring your deckchairs and your Rizlas: ABK Forwards, 3 fans, 4 under 17s and 2 of Capn Jack, Wood, Mannig, Taylor and Bednarek as long as they can take turns and each of them gets at least 30 mins (including breaks) Players must kick with their weaker feet, not head the ball and can only run in odd-numbered minutes. Football management at its finest hipster trash.

Keep the score down. No, not play all our forwards, crash the bus and have to forfeit. Then we can use the same excuse for the rest of the games and Derby's record won't count because we were 'special'. Will keep our goal difference down, too.

Nope. And he's a goalie. Look how long it took for Arsenal to offload him to us.

Well he was by the bloke in yellow. He was also further out and had less distance to run than the others including the bloke in yellow who actually overtook him by a margin and then slowed down to back heel it before JWP threw himself at him. By your phrasing, everyone else in the stadium would have to be included but patently the competition was between the two who ultimately went for the ball, not the others on the pitch so yes, he was 'bested'.

But regardless, we know JWP's weaknesses and a number of them were highlighted in that clip which showed him being bested by a player whose job is to save things.

I look at it slightly differently, but agree with the premise: he's not a goalkeeper.

I like the fact that his team are sponsored by Circus.

We lose again. We don't breed success, we buy failures. Buy high, can't give away. Southampton - Pride of the unashamedly incompetent. The Goldmine Effect or Go to Yosemite and spend the rest of your life looking for something that isn't there. Yo! Yo! No suchi luck.

When we first bought him and I saw him I thought it was £5m wasted. I still do. He's passable in the league below, but he really is a very poor defender. Please sell him.

Bloody good player. Glad we got him. Really should have tried to develop him more. Nothing like Jack Stephens: he can play.

Which helped them get 3 points. It was the match-winning goal so in one game he's effectively got them 1/3 of our total points for the season.

Er... no ...

Don't care. Sell, get some money in for the summer.

No. And he's slow. Sell him at the end of the season and buy in someone decent or work with the many youth players we've signed.

Lallana? His sprinting days are over so I'd say walking was his pace. I imagine that Danish bloke will be close to our first team but I don't see anyone of a good enough standard for the PL to join us. Bit surprised we haven't moved anyone on yet.

Why would he change his name?

He'll never get what he can't and pace is that. It's obvious and as I said back at the start of the season, he and Downes aren't likely to be good enough.

I've re-watched it. It was a powderpuff attempt at a shot.

2 1/2 years left. Unless Norwich comes up, he'll drag it out. He might then wait for him. As for his level; it's nowhere. His 'style' is wholly dependent on the strength of his playing squad: he never achieves more so he's probably on a hiding to nothing.

They'll be too busy nodding along. (to something, something, something).

He'll be terrible. Apparently he doesn't like to allow the opposition near our box. #notrussball. He likes to defend man to man. #not russball. He likes his team to take lots of shots. #notrussball. I don't like him. #notrussball.