Mao Cap

Sometimes even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

Nothing like shoving all the stuff in the pot before you go to work, then coming back in the evening to find it all ready for you

Good Christ. With RBS' gift for PR, it wouldn't surprise me if they actually got a guy in a top hat and monocle to twirl his moustachios as he threw the elderly residents out on the pavement.

I've been to Worcester quite a few times, as I've got a mate who moved there with his girlfriend for work. Nice enough area but I've never taken to the locals on my visits TBH, kind of an unfriendly bunch ("almost Welsh" as my cheerfully racist Mum calls them). Still, it's probably different when you live there.

26 (which means I've been posting on this website and its previous incarnations for eight years - now that's sad). I still look 12 when I've had a shave, but on the plus side at least I'm not fat and/or bald like many former friends and enemies from school, uni etc. Just got a lot of grey hairs, lol.

Ha, the silly season has landed. So glad I don't have to bother with reading through this made-up non-news crap anymore

Klitchko to win by KO in the 7th. If it's half as good as Macklin v. Sturm last night I'll be well pleased, brilliant fight!

Sweet!

Been going to boxing classes since February. Still pretty crap (whenever I think I'm getting good there's a sparring session and one of the proper fighters who box competitively effortlessly bursts my bubble, ha) and likely to remain so as I can only afford once a week at present. If only I could have a bloody punchbag, but I live in a flat and am terrified of the roof caving in! Love it though - learned a lot, enjoy it, and am immeasurably fitter (not just because of the classes themselves but also got me into exercising more and eating better etc. in general).

Excellent work by our socialist brothers in the Tory Party. And the Liberal Elite goes marching ON ON ON

Well probably not the best in terms of erudite opinions and suchlike, but he produced the most LOLs for me during the last year or two.

Damn. Best poster on here

The new boss says "touch base" quite a lot. That's actually fairly benign as corporate-speak goes, but it still makes me shudder when I hear it.

... ... I've got nothing. The other shoppers in Asda were as obese and ill-looking as ever, but that was more depressing really. Even this thread doesn't irritate me like most of their kind do; in fact, I feel like quite the Herculean muscleman after learning that carrying a crate of cider up three flights of stairs is an epic feat of strength good times.

...the remarkable resemblance between Morrissey and Serbian war criminal Radko Mladic? Being busy with a bit of genocide could well explain Mozza's uninspired output during the early 90s, certainly.

Everyone who proclaims to their mates or on an internet forum how much they dislike these programmes is, in their own small way, helping more of them to be made by adding to the "buzz" around Geordie Shore, Made in Chelsea etc. etc. Brand awareness equals bigger ratings; doesn't matter if half the people watching it don't like it at all and are just watching to wind themselves up (seems to me that a lot of viewers enjoy getting angry at sh*t like this that doesn't matter...and if it's occurred to me then it's certainly occurred to the marketing people). If you truly don't want rubbish like this being made and want to force TV executives into making something half-decent, then opt out completely and choose to remain oblivious to it.

Apologies for repetition of "hit it" by the way - much as I love that phrase, I am a journalist and have no excuse for a lack of imagination.

It's a recognised medical condition, long as she gets the time for her fap-breaks deducted from her pay it seems pretty sensible. Also, I'd hit it - plain but with an OK figure is fine, just hit it from the back FFS.

Ta mate, I will just finished my last night, actually a bit emotional because the people there are cracking. But nevertheless - feeling comparatively good all the time after 7-8 hours night-sleep, having a whole hour for lunch (on Whitstable beach lol!), not having to bugger off from parties just as they start getting good, not having to perform an agonised coitus interruptus to go off to work, being able to watch Saints play in the Championship on more than two hours' kip in the morning...f*cking ecstatic, can't wait!

Sadly I'm hanging out of my rear with sleep deprivation instead of a hangover. But in addition to yesterday's awesomeness it was my penultimate night shift and the last time I'll ever have to read the Sunday Times. So whilst half my face is covered by the bags under my eyes, the other half is covered with a big sh*t-eating Cheshire cat grin. What a bloody month, magnificent

Nah, it doesn't work like that...the bad luck will be passed on to next season and we won't win a game for the whole of August!

History aside, they're both Lancashire teams trying to carve out a fanbase in an area extremely heavily populated with League clubs, who left their rough old-school grounds to play in new, comfortable, but ultimately bland half-empty stadiums. Whilst it's unfair that their resources come mainly from a single man rather than gate money, it's the laissez-fair structure of football that should be challenged, not individual clubs. Don't hate the playa hate the game, yo'...

West Ham - would like to go to Upton Park one more time. The Wigan hate I've never really understood, after all they're only like Bolton and no-one seems to have a problem with them. But whatevs, would like to have them down so I can cross another ground off the list.

That "do what we want" Man U thing is indeed terrible, however. Especially when a load of massive coppers turn up in front of the pitch and we, erm, quietly do what we're told instead...

This. Every time we've played them they've had a huge amount of gobby little sh*tbags who seem to have a beef with us for no reason whatsoever and took great joy in our reduced circumstances. And now we're supposed to play nice and not hurt their ickle feelings, now we're on the up and they're in trouble? Hell no. You reap what you sow.