I'd like to confirm that neither my cat, the postman nor my neighbours gran will be joining Newcastle this window. Despite a steely midfield general temperament, and undoubted skill with cat toy balls, my cat considers them to be sportswashing clowns.
No doubt the rest of you will be getting desperate pleas from that most special of clubs to join them before the window slams shut in their faces. "Please join us...anyone...even if you've only played table football."