Miltonaggro

There is a rumour circulating that Wilde has become embroiled in an amusement arcade turf war with the St Brelades Massive - it's a war zone on the mean streets of Jersey. He has many enemies outside of football! Back on the mainland Hampshire police have taken the death treat very seriously and within 48 hours have narrowed potential authors down to 32,104 suspects...

Golac v WBA, from the Milton Terrace. Breathtaking...

Dear Michael, Happy New Year. Many of us understand that your reasons for extended residence in Jersey are both economic and beneficial to SFC (absolutely nothing to do with chronic bed-wetting or confronting disenfranchised football fans), in that you are scouting for talent on the Island. Given that it took over a century to produce a Le Saux, we can probably hope for promotion to the top prior to the next Ice Age. Please, have the gumption to admit that you were wrong to back the serial spiv Lowe, and act, before it is too late...

With his popularity fading fast, Rupert Lowe adds a new dimension to his existing Boardroom ventriloquist act with the addition of a mail order 'Mrs Wilde' dummy.* *Ebay: HKD$9.99