do i not like fizzy pop

When Alexei Sayle was funny

Don't really do 'big' gigs much anymore, but Muse in 2010 were epic. First gig when 15 was Floyd which set the bar very high. Nitzer Ebb, Meat Beat Manifesto, Depeche Mode all great gigs. Gene were brilliant live and terribly underated. Most recently Public Service Broadcasting. Will be big news soon.

Don't really do 'big' gigs much anymore, but Muse in 2010 were epic. First gig when 15 was Floyd which set the bar very high. Nitzer Ebb, Meat Beat Manifesto, Depeche Mode all great gigs. Gene were brilliant live and terrible underated. Most recently Public Service Broadcasting. Will be big news soon.

At least it shows there is meat in them

U2 at Earls Court in 2001 was such an underwhelming performance it really put me off them. I expected so much more than what appeared to be Bono & co going through the motions and watching the money roll in. Got dragged to a Beautiful South gig by an ex. Not only was the music sh!te it was like being at a large scale middle class dinner party. No passion from the band or crowd.

Meh...retain respectability today. Sneak something if we can, show no fear and save it for the league game

Oh well at least taters on beeb can resume their Chelsea love in

Rape is such a strong word. I prefer the term 'Snuggle Struggle'

Exactly....

Bloodzeed keeps asking for iLivid plug in

Thanks for that CB, coffee all over my desk!

FWIW not long after St Mary's was built I was chatting to a commercial director of Mowlem who told me that they had come 2nd in the tender with a bid around £50m, with other bids between the £50-£65m mark. He commented Barr were so desperate to build an EPL club stadium that put in a ridiculous below cost bid to win the work. On that basis we probably got great value for money.

Told the wife "I've got a new job having sex, live on stage." She said "are you having me on?" I replied "I'll ask my boss, but so far they've all been thin and pretty."

I once fancied a doctor so I went to her surgery and complained of bowel pains. She told me to bend over and started a rectal examination. "There's something obstructing the anus" she said, "It looks like a bundle of stems, i'm going to try and extract it." She started pulling and exclaimed, "Oh my god, it's a bunch of flowers!" "Read the card! Read the Card!!" I shouted...

I love animals - They're delicious

Saw the trailer before Prometheus last week. Not seen a hole cinema laugh at a trailer before.

Paddy bumps into his old mate Mick on the street, "Mick me old pal, I haven't seen you in ages, where have you been?" "I've been to college to better myself," Mick replied, "I've been studying logic." "Logic? says Paddy. "What's Logic?" "Well", says Mick, "It's a little complicated so I'll give you an example. You have a fish, right?" "I do" says Paddy, "I have a fish". "OK" says Mick, "so that means you probably have a pond?" "That's right!" Says Paddy, "I keep my fish in the pond." "Which means you probably have a garden?" says Mick "I do! I do have a garden where i keep my pond!" replies Paddy "So if you have a fish in a pond in the garden that means you probably own a house?" Continues Mick "I do!" says Paddy, "I have my own little house!" "And if if you own your own little house, that means you're probably married and have a no need to w@nk anymore as your wife sorts you out!" Continued Mick "Bejeezus!" exclaims Paddy, "You're dead right right! I've been married five years and not had to w@nk once!" "You see Paddy, that's Logic." They both go on their way and later that day Paddy bumps into Murphy at the local. Murphy asks "Have you seen anything of Mick recently?" Paddy replies "I have, i saw him just earlier this very day. He has been away at college learning logic" "Logic?" asks Murphy, "What's Logic?" "Well Mick explained it all to me." Paddy says proudly, "I'll explain it to you. Say you have a fish, right?" "Nope" says Murphy. "Then you're a w@nker" says Paddy.

Damn swear filter, that should read K U N T Z

Somewhere, in the US part of our company, there is a Randy ****z

A big worry is why the Red cable is connected to the Neutral - it is the 'older' cable colour for the live phase feed! Are your other lights wired in the same way? http://electrical.theiet.org/wiring-regulations/cable-colours/index.cfm

JBS, if you get no joy with Wickes try ringing a local Benchmarx Joinery. They are both part of he Travis Perkins Group and although Benchmarx is their trade only division for kitchens if you explain the issue they may be able to help (the Benchmarx range is identical to Wickes') As a supplier to contractors I would expect them to be able to source/keep spares for trade customers and when I used them in the past they were pretty helpful. Good luck!

Because I was known to have a way with the ladies, my mates all nicknamed me "Mr Lover Lover". Until one night I ****ged a Downs Syndrome girl up the @rse. Now I am "Mr Bum Spastic"

bow locks

F~ck me, how many times before that c'nt Allan gets a red?

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